


The Main Course

by Adam2810



Series: Animorphs: After the Yeerks [1]
Category: Animorphs - Katherine A. Applegate
Genre: 2006, Addiction, Andalites, Animorphs - Freeform, Body Horror, British Humour, Canon, Comedy, Crime, Criminal gangs, Detective, Earth, Food, Gang, New York, Parody, Post-War, Thriller, after the war, andalite, criminal, criminal gang, food addiction, mafia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-27
Updated: 2017-03-03
Packaged: 2018-09-20 06:00:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 29
Words: 121,674
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9478649
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Adam2810/pseuds/Adam2810
Summary: Nicalor-Garroon-Charod is an Andalite detective, sent the Earth to investigate Andalite crime. At first, it's an excuse to indulge in the most marvelous Human creations - food - but when an Andalite criminal gang starts causing havoc across the city, it's up to him and his bumbling assistant, Ayattil, to save the Andalites' reputation among the Humans!A rather experimental fic, remaining canon but having a comedy/detective genre focus, and delves into Andalite-Human relations after the Yeerk War.Enjoy!





	1. Chapter 1

**Preview**

   Footsteps arrived at the wreckage, and through a shard of a broken mirror I spotted the reflective bald head of the larger thug and the short brown hair of the other. They were muttering to each other in deep, grimy voices, pacing around the car and seemingly pulling at random bits of broken metal or plastic.

   They knew we were alive, and it didn’t take them long to call for back-up and pull our damaged Human bodies from the corpse of the car. Two more Humans had arrived in another black vehicle, suited up with black ties and sunglasses, and together they all looked meaner and more brutal than any Human I had ever stumbled across before. It was intimidation, and there was little point to it. We had been captured. I told Ayattil to keep quiet and allow me to do the talking for us, and even then I remained as quiet as possible.

   Then the Humans demorphed, and their true Andalite forms were no less frightening. The four of them were inescapably large, their bodies ravaged from petty scraps they no doubt found themselves in on a regular basis. Once demorphed, their tails were all raised, pointed at us to indicate that any wrong move would result in immediate decapitation.

   ((Demorph,)) was our unmistakable order.

 

**Chapter 1**

   ((And so my journey begins. I have ridden myself of the old calendar, and will now have to adjust to the strange and nonsensical dating methods utilised by the Earth populations. Today is the 27th of August, in the year 2006, according to my sources. In approximately 3 Earth hours, it will be the 28th. Then in a few days, it will be the 1st of a month called September. It may take me a while to adjust to this unusual and frustrating calendar, but that won’t be the biggest concern I will face. This will be my first visit to the planet Earth, and there will be a lot more to learn than simply the time. I have gone through plenty of lectures on this strange blue planet, and though there are a few cultural similarities, the dominant race – Humans – are different to us in too many ways to count. I have heard stories from friends who have travelled to Earth before, and they talk of great metal structures that touch the clouds, huge swarms of humans invading streets made of dull grey concrete, a media that twists and turns to misguide its gullible followers, corruption on a vast political landscape... From what I have heard, Humans are a very unusual species, and one that is greatly and worryingly varied. Violent, corrupt, hateful, and yet they are also the opposite of those things, all at once. They create masterpieces of art and music, great cultural revolutions, and yet at the same time they would create art or music of the most deprived, most uncouth and uninspired kinds; start brutal, unnecessary wars; murder and deceive for some of life’s most trivial pursuits. I hope that the Humans I will meet will be of the more well-intentioned and respectful kind, but I understand that this may not be the case. We Andalites have developed a reputation among these creatures, and not an entirely positive one. Human perception of us is largely shaped by the Yeerk war that ended just years ago, one that we played a major and not always a helpful part in. I should avoid talking about the war with the humans, if I am to avoid confrontation. I am not here to confront these baffling creatures. I am here to protect them. I am-))

   ((Nicalor. Sir!))

   I sighed inwardly, my main eyes closing in anger at the unwarranted disruption from behind me. ((Ayattil, what have I told you about interrupting my journal entries?! Only in emergencies!))

   ((But, sir,)) The lowly assistant squirmed. ((This _is_ an emergency!))

   I turned to fully face him, crossing my arms loosely over my chest. Ayattil was quite short and stocky in build, his meek body constantly shuddering like it were in eternal distress. His eyes were bland and dopey, void of much more than a few mindless thought processes. This rather pathetic example of our brilliant racewas none other than my own personal assistant.

   ((And what, may I ask, is this emergency?)) I demanded of him.

   ((We forgot to pack the camera, sir.))

   I shook my head and flicked my tail in annoyance, unfurling my arms. ((Must you interrupt me for the sake of a missing camera? They will have cameras on Earth, Ayattil!))

   Ayattil adjusted his weight from his left to his right hooves, scratching lightly behind his ear. ((Are you sure, sir?))

   ((I am sure, Ayattil, and if you are to remain as my assistant, I highly advise you not to interrupt me any further with such trivial issues. Only disturb me if there is a _real_ emergency.))

   ((Like what, sir?))

   ((I don’t know, Ayattil,)) I huffed. ((There aren’t many situations dire enough to warrant your tedious presence. Haven’t you finished sorting through the food and water supplies, yet?))

   ((Not yet, sir.)) He reported blankly.

   ((Well why don’t you make yourself useful and attend to such matters?)) I grunted, turning all four eyes away from him and back to the hologramatic journal before me. My ears picked up on Ayattil’s hurried departure, but by now I had lost my previous trail of thought and decided to forget the rest of the journal entry.

   ((End journal entry. Mark Earth date 27th August, 2006. Entry number 1.)) The computer bleeped as the information was stored within its complicated software, small lights blinking in response to my thought-spoken orders. ((Close file “Earth Journal: Nicalor-Garroon-Charod”. Now, show travel information for the home-world-to-Earth voyage.))

   With a buzz, the hologram of my journal vanished, instantly replaced by a large 3D collection of graphs, numbers and maps. A small cylindrical bar flashed at the top of this puzzling collection of military-standard data, displaying the amount of the long voyage we had completed. We were almost at our destination, and another section of information indicated to me that it would take only another three days before we landed.

   The ship would land on the outskirts of a city called New York. According to my Earth sources, this was one of the larger Human settlements present in the nation named The United States of America. There would be lots of Humans there, something which unnerved me to no end. We were to land the ship in the early evening at a territorial Andalite base that had been built the previous year and leave with all of our equipment before the vessel was taken into repairs. After landing, we would be escorted into the city, where we would spend the next few years camped up in some horrible Human building known as a hotel that had been manipulated to impersonate an Andalite dwelling.

   That is what they told us. I wasn’t quite sure how well the Human hotel staff knew Andalite dwellings, though, and my head told me that the room would be less than satisfactory. I’d always been pessimistic.

   All ten of us aboard the small transport vessel were to be taken to a hotel on the southern side of the city. Two of us were scientists to be placed in Human laboratories. Their job on Earth was to work on Andalite taste development, something which our Government was desperate to invest in after our people began visiting Earth on a regular basis.

   I wasn’t a scientist, so that didn’t include me. I was to perform a completely separate mission. I was a detective, and I had been sent to Earth with my assistant, the less-than-competent Ayattil-Redthun-Askill, to investigate crimes committed against the Humans by my own people. That was something else that our Government had great interest in. Our alliance with the Humans came with some great benefits that they would dearly miss, were our ties to end.

   The rest of our group were heading to Earth to do odd-jobs here and there, mostly working with and around Human governments to deal with issues regarding Andalite tourism.

   We were heading to a hotel that we would all be sharing for the next two Earth years. It was a trip that I had long been looking forward to, and one that I also dreaded for several reasons. I didn’t really know enough about the Humans to be able to openly converse with them. I had worries of confrontation and persecution without the adequate permissions that would allow me to defend myself. I had worries of further damaging our people’s reputation in a population of creatures whose ideals are so easily swayed and generalised.

   I had to push aside the fears I had about this job placement. As well as the usual detective work I would be undertaking, this trip would give me plenty of opportunity to explore a world that wasn’t my own. Earth was a large and diverse planet, and I would be spoilt for choice when it came to Human art and culture. I could take trips to local galleries to sample the primitive Human artwork. I could go to the museums and tell the staff there how they were wrong about their histories.

   I could go to a restaurant. That was what I was looking forward to most of all. However, such would require that I take up a Human morph. They had the amazing power to taste their food, something which our own evolution had fatally left behind.

   The ability to taste is what had intrigued our people so much to the comparatively primitive Human race. It is not the culture that brings Andalites in droves to Earth, nor is it the art or the music or the scenery. It is the food.

   It was something that I had never experienced. That issue, however, would be resolved very soon.

   ((Computer,)) I spoke to the microphone that picked up my thought-speech from the other side of the room. ((Bring up the file “Human Information”.))

   The hologramatic monitor flickered and beeped, bringing up a small file and opening it up wide. The 3D images that were birthed filled the far side of the room in a lush white-blue glow. They were great images of Earth people and places. A Human named King Henry VIII, a view of a man-made structure called Mount Rushmore, a bustling street from the city known as Tokyo.

   ((Computer, access sub-folder.)) I instructed the machine. ((Sub-folder title: Human Food.))

   Again the computer buzzed into life and emptied a folder, its contents expanding and filling the room as three-dimensional holograms.

   Buns. Bagels. Beefburgers. So many kinds. So many flavours that would soon be revealing themselves to me through a middle-man Human tongue. They decorated the room and slowly rolled over the walls, each looking ever more appealing than the last.

   So many stories had touched my ears, detailing every little aspect of every little delicacy. Not only do Human foods have single defining tastes, but the Humans had cunningly combined foods into masterpieces of multiple flavours, numerous layers of sense temptation that would often drive our people to the very edges of sobriety.

   The computer rotated the foods around the room in a slow, hypnotic dance and something breezed in front of me, just below my eye line. A small, cardboard container with a large yellow ‘M’ on the front. Within that container and popping out of the top like the hair on the head of an unkempt juvenile sat a collection of slender yellow cuboids. Fries, apparently French.

   I tried to imagine the smell, the taste and the texture, but for now those were still out of reach.

   My body shuddered in an uncontrollable urge, but I pressed the bladed tip of my tail to my arm to calm it down. I had strict orders on this trip to the planet Earth, orders that required me not to get distracted indulging in Human activities like eating with a tasting mouth. My job, and hence my quality of life, depended on performing my duty in a dignified and responsible manner. Perhaps I would indulge in such delights once or twice a day, but I could not let it get the better of me. Part of the reason Ayattil was coming along was to ensure that I got my job done professionally. He may have been a comparative simpleton, a bumbling fool, but he was loyal to his duty, and was told to alert me if I ever got lost in the high-induced sea that Human taste would surely bring.

   I shouldn’t have been getting so distracted. ((Computer, close sub-folder. Close folder.))

   The machine obeyed, closing both of the huge 3D mosaics and returning to its visually quiet, unused state. The whirring sounds ceased, and the room was once again empty, void of the wonderful hologramatic images. I stared up at the familiar grey ship walls, without décor or a window that gazed out to the stars. Control panels lined the sides of the room, flickering and bleeping in a mechanic drone.

   How I longed to finally be rid of the monotonous room and the cramped, stuffy ship. I wished to roam a field of grass and sit out under the single Earth sun, but our trip would take us straight from the ship to a huge Human city. There weren’t many fields from what I had been told. Streets were their fields, buildings their trees. For most of the two years I would be hopelessly lost in the strange Human habitat. I was grateful for the fact that I wouldn’t be alone, however.

   My need for the computer was over, and now I was free to wander the small ship as I pleased. I left the room and swaggered nonchalantly down the narrow illuminated hallways, destined for the sleeping quarters that sat at the back of the transport vessel. The corridor led into another, slightly wider one, with ten doors separated into five on either side. My own quarters lay behind the third on the right, but I instead made my way to the fifth on the left.

   After I had taken a brief moment to correct my posture and groom the fur on my chest, my hand raised and gently knocked on the door. There was some rustling from within, before the narrow door finally opened to reveal a familiar feminine face.

   It was the face of one of the ship’s scientists. Her name was Ardina-Eskallon-Taryal, a graduate of one of the most prestigious education centres on our home world, who specialised in extra-terrestrial life. Over the years, she had travelled to many distant solar systems to perform research on sentient beings that were deemed less intelligent than our own. Her work on Earth was to be a little different than what she was used to, and would consist of working alongside other Andalite scientists to uncover the secrets of taste.

   My nose caught her delicate and delightful aroma, and my eyes trailed down over her perfectly groomed purple fur. She was an image just as tempting and wonderful as the Human foods that I had observed from the ship computers, if not more so. She was a work of art.

   I had been chasing her for this entire trip, and it wasn’t like she hadn’t noticed. Ardina was a very clever and insightful person. She smiled with her eyes. ((Nicalor. Hello again.))

   I steadied myself on my hooves. Ardina had always told me to stop with the ridiculous need to make myself seem so formal whenever we met, but it came so instinctively that I couldn’t help myself. My legs lifted me up tall, and my arms fell confidently to my side. ((It’s lovely to see you again, Ardina.))

   She shook her head from side to side and chuckled gleefully. ((We see each other every day.)) Then, she backed into her room, allowing me to pass. ((Please, come in.))

   I strolled in as casually as I could and politely commented on the living quarters that she inhabited. She put up with my obvious attempts at flattery and shushed me soon enough, guiding me around the small room that closely resembled the grassy open land of our planet.

   ((Only three days until we arrive.)) I said after having leant myself against a fake tree that closely imitated one from our home world. ((I’m really beginning to look forward to it now.))

   ((As am I.)) She responded, standing a few feet before me, her perfectly slender and well-groomed body illuminated by the ceiling lights. ((I thought I would spend the first few days adjusting to the Earth climate and atmosphere. I should get myself properly introduced to my room and the Human staff.))

   ((It should be easier to do if you are around people you trust.)) I suggested with such an obvious implication.

   ((Of course. I’m sure Ayattil will make great company.))

   I flustered, twisting all four eyes to her. ((But… I… You…))

   She smiled again and moved her body in such a subtle yet incredibly suggestive manner. ((That was a form of Human humour, I believe. That is something else we must get used to.))

   ((Yes, of course…)) I choked with a hint of embarrassment. I stiffened up, and continued, ((I was planning to explore a place called Central Park. I understand the Humans in New York are very proud of it. Perhaps you could visit it with me shortly after we have landed and unpacked?))

   Her face shone, sending my hind legs into a noticeable quiver. I tried my best to hide them behind the fake tree.

   ((I would love to visit this _Central Park_ place with you,)) She said. ((But I would like to make a few more visits before then.))

   ((Ah. Well, maybe we could go to a Human museum, or an art gallery. We could-))

   She raised her hand to hush me, putting an end to my rambling. ((Not _that_ kind of visit.))

    Her delicate right hand swirled towards me and gently rubbed at my chest, her fingers teasingly caressing their way up to and around my neck. My front perked up under the attention, but my hind legs shook even more violently. My middle was somewhere suspiciously and dangerously in between.

   ((Oh.)) I stammered. ((Wonderful.))


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

   ((The Earth date is 30th August, 2006, and we have finally reached our destination. Our vessel has just landed at the New York Andalite space port, and the crew are busy packing up to leave. I have not yet ventured outside, but I have been told that the weather is pleasant. However, there is still a deep fear that all Andalite reports have been incorrect, and that the Earth atmosphere is toxic to our species, or that the gravity will leave me plastered to the ground or floating aimlessly through the air. No turning back now, though. May the stars grant me the luck I need to reach the Human hotel in one piece. End journal entry. Mark Earth date 30th August. Entry number 2.))

   The holographic monitor bleeped and faded, leaving the grey room once again empty. I picked up the small computer device and stored it carefully in the open box on the floor. I took the container lid and secured it tightly on the rim. Everything was now packed, and I was ready to make my first steps onto the foreign planet.

   Ayattil approached my side, hooves clomping heavily on the room’s horribly cold metal floor. ((Are you packed, sir?))

   I turned one stalk eye to him, my other eyes scanning the room for the last time. ((Yes. This is the last box.)) I kicked at it lightly with a hoof, and then took in a deep, steadying breath. ((Let’s go, Ayattil.))

   My assistant rolled in a small cargo transporter and I helped him lift the box onto its sturdy frame. ((Be careful with this box, Ayattil.)) I warned him, recalling previous incidents he had been involved in. ((This box contains all my files and computers. They are irreplaceable.))

   I looked down at his blank face with my main eyes, and at the way he took the transporter loosely in his clumsy hands.

   ((You can trust me with your box full of valuable and irreplaceable things, sir!)) He chimed with his usual ill-deserved conviction.

   I changed my mind, and pushed him away from the handles. (( _I_ shall take this, Ayattil. You go on ahead and test the Earth atmosphere for me. If you start writhing in agony, I will know to return to my quarters.))

   He saluted obediently. ((Yes, sir! Right away, sir!))

   So I followed my loyal assistant down the narrow corridors towards the entry port, careful not to bump the heavy box against any outstanding objects or any passing crew members. Ayattil cleared the path to the exit, and soon I was feeling cool breezes brush over my short blue hair. Neither I nor Ayattil began to buckle and squirm around on the floor, which was a soothing relief to just one of my fears for the trip.

   We came to the boarding ramp, and below us stood the great metal plates that belonged to the terrestrial landing zone. Beams that burst from the small Earth sun reflected mercilessly up from the platform and caused me to reel and cover my eyes with my hand. I stopped moving forward, and rested the transporter against the edge of the slowly descending ramp.

   ((It’s very bright, sir!)) Ayattil announced, similarly struggling under the reflection.

   ((Yes, I can see that, Ayattil.)) I snorted back to him. ((Go out in front and help me lower the transporter.))

   Ayattil nodded and waddled down onto the metal ramp in front of me, standing before the small transporter and readying himself to make sure it didn’t fall.

   Suddenly, there was a delicate tap on my shoulder. All four of my eyes turned to the source of the disturbance, and they fell upon the beautiful face of Ardina. She stood by my side with her enduring smile.

   ((Hello again, Nicalor.)) She cooed.

   There was a loud squeak from the ramp, followed by panicked hoofsteps and an abrupt smash. Returning my attention to the transporter, it became clear that my hands had let go of the handles in the shock of Ardina’s appearance. It rolled down the ramp, swerved and tumbled over the edge onto the hard platform below. Ayattil was stood halfway down, scratching his head.

   ((Ayattil!)) I boomed accusingly. ((I told you to hold onto the transporter, you buffoon!))

   ((But, sir!)) He whined. ((You let go of-))

   ((Shut up and make sure nothing is broken.)) I hissed down at him, stomping forward loudly on the ramp and gazing down at the scattered remains on the ground below. Ayattil rushed off in a skittish panic to recover the equipment, leaving me to seethe in anger at myself for being so easily distracted.

   My emotions took a dizzying swing as Ardina swooped over to me, giggling lightly. Her hoofsteps sounded like the sweet chimes of some soft musical instrument on the cold steel ramp.

   ((I’m sorry, Nicalor.)) She said to me, nudging up to my side. ((Did I scare you?))

   I stuttered nervously to her, now embarrassed by the incident. ((Of course not! Scare me? No. I was, uh… simply testing the Earth gravity. I believe it is safe for us.))

   The female rolled her stalk eyes, and then let them search the scenery around us. We were still halfway down the ramp, and our view consisted mostly of the underside of our vessel. ((Shall we continue onwards?)) She offered.

   My body regained its composure, tail arching up high behind me. ((After you.)) I returned in my most gentlemanly tone.

   Ardina nodded, and with a swift flick of her shoulders she marched on ahead with poise. I followed closely behind, but instead of directing my eyesight to the scenery slowly emerging around us, I found all four of my eyes drawn to the anatomy that swaggered just in front of me.

   ((Wow,)) I barely noticed Ardina saying. ((It’s actually rather pleasant. Wonderful, even.))

   ((Oh yes,)) I replied quietly. ((Quite delectable…))

   My ears picked up a huffing noise, and one of my stalk eyes caught onto Ardina’s, who had noticed the direction of my focus. Embarrassed, I coughed up a desperate diversion.

   ((This platform. It’s delightful! Very nice metal plates...))

   Ardina chuckled cutely once again, and with her slender tail pressed against my face so that it was no longer descended in the direction of her supple frame. She guided my vision to the world around us, and I was pleasantly surprised to see a place that was… adequate.

   Adequate. Perhaps the right word for it. The air was cool and not too humid, but it was also thick and polluted. The view wasn’t offensive, but nor was it outstanding. It wasn’t as wonderful as Ardina first mentioned, but I felt that she was purposeful trying to draw my focus away from her own backside when she said that.

   We stood on the warm metal platform and continued to observe the surroundings. In our local vicinity, small motor vehicles buzzed across our line of vision, attending to the newly landed ship, and other Andalites busy at work rushed around hurriedly to see to whatever duties called for them. Far off in the distance sat what I assumed to be New York City. There were great metal buildings stretching up into the deep blue evening sky, the last of the Earth sun’s rays reflecting viciously off of their shiny surfaces. The collection of buildings spread over a large portion of the horizon, and already I felt my hooves shake at the daunting task ahead of me.

   The sounds of the ship engines were soon extinguished and replaced by the eerie sounds of Human motor vehicles somewhere in the distance. Hooting horns and the screeching of tires was something I had heard from video footage, but it sounded so different when it was coming from the true source.

   Ardina turned around so that we stood face to face and smiled. ((It seems bearable, don’t you agree?))

   ((Yes, though it is making me a little nervous)) I paused and breathed weightily through my nose. ((Not too nervous, obviously.))

   ((I see you shaking.)) Ardina informed, one stalk eye swivelling to glance at my wobbly hind legs. ((Don’t worry Nicalor, I am here to look after you.)) She offered teasingly.

   ((Ha!)) I snorted, a little defensively. ((I am in no need of protection. There isn’t much on this little planet that scares _me_.))

   I yelped in shock as Ayattil suddenly appeared in my eye line. ((Sir!))

   Ardina laughed, and I excused myself by indignantly pushing Ayattil to the side.

   ((Are you determined to make me look like a fool, Ayattil?!)) I growled in private thought-speech. ((Why must you ruin the atmosphere with your idiocy?))

   ((But sir!)) He squeaked. ((I thought Ardina was madly in love with you, sir! Surely making you look a fool would be superfluous!))

   ((Superfluous. Such a long word… I’m surprised, Ayattil.)) I smirked down to him. ((Anyway, what do you mean she’s _madly in love_ with me?))

   A devious smile appeared over his dopey eyes. ((Don’t think that I didn’t hear you through the walls the other night, sir!))

   I blushed and averted my gaze. ((I… You… How dare you suggest that we…))

   Ayattil chuckled in an annoyingly graceless manner. ((Oh, but it was great, sir! It was like a series of small explosions going off, sir. My floor was bouncing and everything!))

   ((Ayattil!)) I practically screamed at the irritating runt.

   ((It was a pity when it ended after only three minutes, sir.))

   I stamped my left fore-hoof on the platform. ((Ayattil! Would you please be quiet and continue to clean up the mess you made?!))

   ((But sir!)) He began. ((From what I heard through the walls, it was _you_ who was making the-))

   ((Please… just go pick up the cargo and return it to me in one piece.)) I hissed, hands shaking into fists. ((Or it will be _you_ who is broken!))

   What a relief that my threat worked. Ayattil finally stopped his pestering and ran off to finish his job. I glanced over to Ardina, who was stood behind us, still snickering softly to herself.

   ((I’m sorry, he’s just so eager to get to the hotel.)) I told her, far too embarrassed and prideful to reveal our actual conversation to her.

   ((I must admit that I am also looking forward to getting to the Human building.)) She said, glancing around the base for our transport.

   We stood in waiting for a while, muttering polite conversation to each other and occasionally to other members of the crew who joined us with their packed luggage at the side of the platform. Much to my frustration, my left stalk eye picked up Ayattil who once more approached me with a pleased look on his face. ((Sir!))

   ((You again?)) I grumbled, already fed up with his presence on the new planet. ((Have you cleaned away the equipment that you dropped?))

   ((Yes, sir!)) He replied in his typically exaggerated drone.

   ((And is anything damaged?))

   ((All of it, sir!))

   My hands clenched into fists again, and I glared angrily at the oblivious assistant. ((Everything?!))

   ((Well, there is one thing that we didn’t break, sir!)) He chirped.

   I closed my eyes in unenthusiastic anticipation. ((And what, may I ask, is that?))

   ((The box, sir.)) He lifted the large container so that I could observe it.

   I shook my head and turned away from him, no longer feeling the need to talk to such an incompetent.

   Ardina and I spent the next few minutes admiring the scenery of our new home and waiting for our ride into the city. The hotel that would be hosting us for the next two years was kind enough to provide us with a bus that would move us to and from the city whenever we needed, and a while after we had finished unloading the ship, it arrived. It was quite a large vehicle and its innards had been manipulated to be better suited to Andalite passengers. The Human seats had all been removed, leaving the inside to look like a large, open, windowed room. Bars lined the edges that could be used to steady ourselves on rougher journeys, and the floor was covered in a light layer of faux grass. It was reasonably comfortable, but as soon as the ten members of our crew were loaded up and the vehicle’s engine started, I wanted to get straight back off.

   The bus took us over a large stretching runway made of black gravel material, decorated with mysterious white markings. It was what the Humans called a highway, as one of my colleagues alleged. It brought us into the great Human jungle of New York City, and I quickly came to realise the scope of the place.

   It was bigger than I could imagine in more ways than one. The buildings were huge complexes of steel and glass that stretched up with an uncountable number of floors, their summits invisible past the bus window frames. The roads were vast and filled by walls of multi-coloured, noisy motor vehicles that came to sudden starts and stops all around us. For the most part, our bus remained stationary for unnecessary amounts of time as the cars formed impassable barriers before us, indulging in hideous battles of horns and shouting.

   There were a lot of humans, and that is perhaps the biggest understatement that I could give. They buzzed around the concrete jungle like a swarm of insects, crowding the designating walking areas and bounding between the stationary vehicles around us. They wore an enormous variety of artificial skins over their bodies, creating one long piece of abstract art in an infinite banner, stretching as far as the eye could see.

   I could barely keep up with what I was observing, and after a while it became one big indecipherable blur of movement. My colleagues appeared just as dizzied by the intake. No one aboard but our driver had ever witnessed real Humans before, and now we were surrounded by more than could possibly be counted. It was terribly unnerving.

   Ardina remained closely by my side, and as we reached the busier areas of the city I felt her hand take mine. She seemed just as nervous as I was, and that in itself was a small consolation for me. Apart from Ayattil, she was the only other life form on the planet that I really knew, and I was certainly not going to spend much of my time mingling with Ayattil.

   Once we had passed through the clogged arteries of the city, our bus finally came to a halt in front of our hotel, the driver announcing our arrival. The building and the surrounding area appeared to be one of the nicer areas of town, which calmed yet another fear of mine. Ayattil took my equipment from the bus and to the entrance hall while I helped with Ardina’s things, much to her satisfaction.

   I stepped out from the bus with a large sack over my shoulder into the cool New York air. Now there was nothing separating me from the Humans, and as soon as my hooves touched down on hard concrete, a small Human male charged by in front of me, briefcase in hand. He shouted an apology over his shoulder, but I was too in awe of my situation to reply.

   They bustled all around us, some of them showing pleasure in our appearance by taking photographs or trying to talk to us, but none of my crew was in the right mood for such confrontation. We were all lost in a deep exhaustion, brought on from the long journey and the frightening intake of our new surroundings. I put up with one Human beside a big stone pillar who wanted a photograph with a “real space alien” and hustled my way to the extravagant hotel entrance.

   If the outside was a little on the fancy side, the inside of this particular building was stunning. The walkways were lined with lush red velvet that ran up to the reception desks and the primitive Human transporters on the far side. The walls seemed expensively decorated in mixes of deep purple, gold and red, and dotted with golden lamps and exaggerated Earth flora that stretched right up to the ceiling. Quaint little water features were cunningly placed around the main desk, disappearing and reappearing behind the occasional Human wandering past. The place was garish and perhaps a little self-indulgent, but overall I was quite pleased with what I saw. It wasn’t as hideous as some Human establishments that I had seen from the ship’s sources.

   Our escort brought us to the large reception desk at the end of the first floor, where several Human staff greeted us with polite smiles. This involved the curling of the mouth, something that could express a great and bewildering variety of emotions, but these particular smiles seemed gracious and inviting enough.

   One of the staff members, whose nametag indicated the Human as “Claire”, was the first to greet our party. “Hello, and welcome to The Grand Central Hotel!”

   The blond, ponytailed Human female rambled on with what was obviously a scripted welcome, and we all did our best to pay attention. My fingers began to twitch, eager to set down the equipment and get some rest on whatever bed I would be granted in my room. To my surprise, however, after the Human Claire had finished her epic welcome, a flock of Human servants engulfed our group and started offering to take our luggage to our rooms. Pleasantly taken aback by the offer, I ordered Ayattil to aid the Human servants in moving our equipment, and handed him Ardina’s sack to be taken to her room.

   I was handed a small slab of plastic by one of the desk staff, who informed me that it was the key to my room.

   ((Thank you… Sophia.)) I said, having to squint to see the staff member’s nametag.

   “Your room is on the eighth floor, sir.” She gleamed. “We trust you’ll enjoy your stay at The Grand Central Hotel, and hope that you can attend our meet-and-greet session tomorrow evening at eight.”

   ((Will you be there, Miss?)) Ayattil spoke to the Human, popping into view with a misguided smile on his face. ((You’re very pretty.))

   I grimaced at his awkward and disturbing sentiment and gave him a swift slap to the back of the head. I turned my main eyes to the Human. ((Please don’t mind this one. He is not quite correct in the head, if you understand me.))

   Sophia nodded, still expressing that scripted welcoming grin. I pulled Ayattil away and gave him a private word.

   ((Ayattil, if you wish to embarrass yourself in front of the Humans, please make sure to do it when I’m not present to be associated with you.))

   ((Okay, sir.)) He responded emotionlessly.

   ((And what were you doing, anyway?)) I asked of him, still grimacing. ((Were you courting that Human female?))

   He paused, then, ((I might have been, sir.))

   ((Well don’t,)) I huffed. ((It’s revolting.))

   ((But sir! I’ve never been with a female before!)) He argued like a lustful halfwit.

   ((Yes, and for good reason, Ayattil.)) I reasoned, patting him on the shoulder. ((But even you, young imbecile, are too proud an Andalite to court a Human. Humans are hideous. Any sane Andalite would sooner court a Taxxon.))

   Our escort and the Human servants carrying our luggage soon led us over to the other side of the main hall, where three primitive Human transporters sat within the lusciously coloured wall. Ardina, Ayattil and I followed our two Human servants as they pressed an arrowed button by the transporter’s side. The machine was horribly slow to work, and minutes after pressing the activation button, the doors finally agreed to part, allowing us to squeeze into the cramped space inside.

   ((So these are Human transporters?)) I mused privately to Ardina, gazing into a mirror that occupied the far end of the compartment.

   ((Terribly inefficient…)) She sneered, voicing my own opinion. ((So primitive and-))

   The small metal box we were standing in jerked violently, throwing us slightly off balance. It rumbled into life, and I could feel it ascending.

   I groaned at the sickening motions. ((Perhaps we could lend the Humans transporters that aren’t so jerky… This is just abysmal! I’m surprised they can stay upright on their two legs.))

   I held onto the bars of the transporter as it rumbled further up the building like a ship going through take-off. Our short journey ended with another sudden bump, and the large doors opened up into a great corridor, granting me welcomed relief from the beginnings of claustrophobia. We spilled out into the corridor behind our new escorts and observed the bright surroundings. The walls were an appealing white, and they stood over a layer of smooth, red artificial grass that expanded outwards to our left, right, and straight ahead of us.

   The Human servants moved along again, the three of us tagging along behind, intently focused on the confusing layout and décor of our new home. One escort soon slowed, and dropped the bags he was carrying to the floor. ((Miss Ardina-Eskallon-Taryal, this is your room.))

   Ardina inspected the door and the number on its front: 822.

   ((I suppose I shall see you soon.)) Ardina shrugged to me. ((You can come by later tonight if you wish. Room eight-two-two.))

   I nodded and smiled to her. ((See you later tonight, then. I hope your room is as delightful as you are.)) I could have slapped myself at that moment.

   She blushed and rolled her stalk eyes. ((Oh you…))

   Ayattil and I continued down the unending hallways after our escort, who eventually stopped us beside our own rooms. I was in 834, Ayattil was in 835. The escort showed Ayattil how to use the key he had been given, and once he had entered his own room, the Human moved onto me.

   ((I assume I do exactly as my assistant did…)) I mused, inspecting both sides of the little coloured card in my fingers.

   “Yes, sir,” The Human male concurred. “But you must always slot the key into the lock with the purple end facing the door. Otherwise, it won’t let you in.”

   ((Ah. I see.)) I agreed, slotting the card key into the slot above the door handle. ((What a quaint locking system your Human hotels have.))

   The escort said nothing, his hands clasped formally behind his back. I turned a stalk eye and politely dismissed him after handing him a small tip.

   A green signal flashed beneath the key slot, and I could just about hear the locks shift and turn. I pressed down on the door handle, and entered my new home.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

   ((-this working? I don’t understand why… Ah! There we go! Okay, so this is my third journal entry. I thought that I would no longer be able to report my time spent on Earth after today’s incident with the transporting of my equipment. Most of the equipment was damaged from the fall, but thankfully the majority of it is still operational, including this portable computer I am using to record. I shall therefore continue to mark my progress over these next two years, and I indeed hope that there will be much to record. I have spent the last two or three Earth hours acclimatising to my new home and it is much as I suspected it would be. Due to my prolonged stay here, the Humans have provided me with a suitably large room with en suite hygiene facilities. I did not expect much in the way of comfort, as Humans cannot be trusted to understand the specific needs of our race, but the staff at my hotel have afforded me with sufficient furnishes and an appropriate bed. They would be considered below-standard on our home planet, but that is understandable on a foreign world inhabited by a species that only found out about our presence a few years ago. The room is subtlety coloured, mostly white, and has a large window to let in as much light as is needed. Extra lighting is provided, and I assume that this is for seeking out lost food items, if they were to be dropped under the desk or down the sink. The flooring has been made to look like grass, but it is nothing more than a cheap aesthetic. It is some form of polymer, and so it is inedible. However, among several files left on the desk by the staff was a pamphlet informing me of the layout of the hotel. On the first floor is a-))

   A loud bang on the wall to my right. I ignored it.

   ((On the first floor is an Andalite feeding centre, where it is advised that we socialise. It assures me that the grass is fresh, but, again, I am not convinced that these Humans are fully able to cater to our high standards. When I am not feeding, socialising or busy attending to my primary occupation, it is suggested that I travel around the city to search out cultural or physical activity. The pamphlet offers locations that it considers suitable, and I fully intend to visit places such as Bronx Zoo, Brooklyn Botanical Gardens and the Guggenheim Museum, among other such landmarks. Before I partake of said activities, however, I must first acquire a Human morph. I have been given an appointment at one o’clock tomorrow, where I shall be allowed to acquire that very form, and then be free to explore the city without fear of harassment by Humans eager to meet or sneer at me. Once I-))

   Another couple of bangs from next door. It was probably Ayattil still moving his television.

   ((Be quiet, Ayattil!)) I shouted, irritated by the noise pollution. I cleared my head and continued. ((Once I have had a week to explore my new surroundings, I will be required to visit my work station and begin my placement. From what I understand, crimes committed against the Humans by my people are rare, so I look forward to quiet and forgiving shifts. I shall enjoy-))

   More bangs, and that was the final straw. I left the portable computer on the desk and stormed over to the wall that separated my room from Ayattil’s.

   ((Ayattil! If you do not cease your infernal banging, I will ram that damned television so far up your-))

   Then came a knock on the door that interrupted my shouting. I finished my verbal rampage by banging against the wall hard enough for Ayattil to hear, and then tended to my visitor.

   I opened the door to find a black-haired Human female staring back at me, this one also carrying the pleasant twist of the lips and showing off the mysteriously white bones that protruded from the gums.

   ((Hello?)) I greeted without the same fervour that she presented, wondering to myself why she was intruding on my time.

   “Hello!” The female chirped ecstatically. “I’ve come to ask if you are satisfied with your room, or if there is anything I could possibly help you with.”

   ((I am fine.)) I replied a little harshly, looking around and behind her for anything that made her visit worthwhile. ((And my room is satisfactory.))

   Her smile didn’t falter even slightly. “That’s good! We hope that you enjoy your stay at The Grand Central Hotel!”

   ((Yes. Thank you.)) I mumbled, ending the concise conversation. I shook my head in bafflement as the Human female swooped on down the hallway to the next room. I returned to my own room, closing the door behind me.

   I was indeed satisfied with my room. As satisfied as I could have been with a room furnished and decorated by Humans in a naïve attempt to grant me comfort, anyway. I rubbed my left forehoof forcefully against the prickly faux grass that lined my floor and allowed my eyes to once again roam my surroundings. My nose picked up the smell of lavender fragrance that poured from several air fresheners placed craftily around the room, a smell that neither invited nor offended. A large screened communication device sat against the wall opposite my bed, something that the humans called a television. Beside the Andalite-suited bed was my desk, on which I had laid out most of my smaller pieces of equipment, including my portable computer. It was still recording.

   I stepped over to it, sighing to myself. ((Computer. End journal entry. Mark Earth date 30th August. Entry number 3.)) It flashed its compliance and turned off, leaving nothing behind but the small silver object from which the holograms were emitted, sat in the centre of the desk.

   Already bored with exploring the room and packing my things away, I contemplated wasting the rest of the day watching the television, hoping that I may be able to learn something useful about this perplexing species from one of its primitive broadcasts. Instead, though, I took up Ardina’s invitation and visited her at room 822, and ended up spending a long and pleasurable night in her company. It was better than sitting alone, and when we weren’t too busy flirting we discussed the activities for the following day.

   That day soon came, and I woke atop an unfamiliar bed with Ardina’s arm wrapped cosily around my waist. When I finally regained some energy, I detached her arm and removed myself without waking her, and got up to stretch off my sleep. The bed I had slept on was small and uncomfortable, so there were a few knots and cramps to rid myself off before I could make my way back to my own room.

   I nudged Ardina’s shoulder after I had taken a quick drink and told her that I was going to get ready for my appointment. She grunted a sleepy reply, and with that I left for my own quarters. As I reached my door and pulled down on the handle, I realised a minor mistake that I had made. My card key was still on my desk. Banging on the door and pushing heavily against it didn’t help, and so I had to call on a staff member to open it for me. My embarrassment was clear to the Human male who helpfully opened my door with a master key.

   Back inside my room, I made a clear point of attaching my utility belt to my waist and putting my card key in one of the more secure pockets. My portable computer and radio device also found a snug place on the belt, and from then on I was determined not to leave the hotel or even my room unprepared.

   After another stretch to wane off the last of my sleep, my stomachs rumbled up to me, disapproving of my lack of eating over the past couple of days. I double-checked my belt to make sure that I had everything I needed, and headed for the door. However, as my stalk eyes gave my home one last check, I caught sight of the clock. It was a small circular device that loomed over my desk, steadily and inoffensively ticking away. Humans use these creations to tell the time, but it is a strange and unnecessary system, inferior to the time devices present on my portable computer. There were three hands on the clock, all of different size and speed. At first, it took me a while to gather from their positions what the time was.

   Then I finally wrapped my brain around it. It was approximately 11:58AM, two minutes until midday, and sixty-two minutes until my appointment. There was no longer time to feed in the designated hotel feeding area. I had to find the building where my interview was going to be held.

   I found the letter on my desk which gave me the information I needed. The appointment was indeed at 1PM, and was to be initiated at a new building that was essentially an alien information and currency translation centre. The letter was helpful enough to provide a map, but advised that I arrange vehicular transport via the hotel reception desk. Judging by the apparent distance of the building from this hotel, that option was preferable, and I picked up the crude communication device that had been left on my desk and made contact with the staff at reception. They were kind enough to arrange a taxi, which would hopefully be ready by the time I made the short journey to the first floor.

   My taxi arrived just as I began to grow frustrated with waiting around by the reception desk. A stocky Human male with a close-shaven head greeted me with a deft handshake.

   “Good afternoon!” The male hummed. “Nicalor-Garroon-Charod?”

   I smiled as jauntily as I could to the Human. ((Yes, that is me. You are to provide me with transport, I believe.))

   He seemed amused by my formal tone. “Come with me. The taxi’s outside.”

   So I followed the male towards the hotel entrance, and once outside he proceeded to lead me down the busy street to my vehicle. He helpfully aided in dissuading Humans that appeared eager to approach me, but I still caught the distinctive snap of cameras on occasion during that short journey, as well as the expected cries of amazement.

   Perhaps I should have been flattered by the Human interest in me, but I couldn’t help but feel like it was some subtle persecution.

   The taxi was not a regular New York City taxi, as the Human informed me. We Andalites would have great difficulty finding comfort in the usual Human vehicles, our bodies not adapted to the cramped spaces and awkward seating, so our taxis were in the form of modified vans painted yellow and with the typical taxi features added. My escort opened up the rear doors and guided me up and into the claustrophobic vehicle. Windows had been built into the sides to allow light in, and the floor had been layered with the same faux grass that was present in my hotel room, completely inedible and just a little itchy. Overall, this vehicle wasn’t bad, but I really disliked the confined space that seemed a common theme in the city.

   The Human male pulled himself into the front seat and lifted his elbow to look back at me. “You comfortable?”

   ((This is a very small space…)) I commented bluntly.

   “Well, there ain’t much I can do about that.” He chuckled, turning back around to start the motor engine. “So how long have you been in NYC?”

   I was a little surprised that the Human was attempting a conversation. Since arriving, I had conversed minimally with the Humans, if at all. They gave me the impression that they deliberately avoided conversation with me, and I wondered why. ((Today will be my first full day on your planet.))

   “Ah, a newcomer!” He chuffed. “You a little nervous?”

   I sat clumsily down on the plastic flooring, unable to stand comfortably while the vehicle was in motion. ((Yes. The “cities” on our home world are not so extravagant, and are far less daunting.))

   “They all say that.” He remarked. “I’ve been taxiing Andalites for years now, and they all start off a little nervy. You’ll love New York, though.”

   ((I sincerely hope that I do. Are there any activities that you could recommend, having spoken to a number of my people before?))

   He huffed a knowing laugh. “You got a Human form yet?”

   ((Not yet,)) I said. ((But you are taking me to the place where I will acquire my Human morph.))

   “Well,” He continued to answer my initial question. “You can’t go wrong with the restaurants. You Andalites go _nuts_ over food! Once you’ve tucked in to a steak dinner, you’ll feel right at home.”

   I began to feel comfortable around this Human. Perhaps his experience with taxiing my people had accustomed him enough to us not to be intimidated by our appearance, like other Humans seemed to be. ((I do not wish to call you simply “Human male”,)) I said. ((May I ask what your name is?))

   “You can call me Larry, and you may have to remember that name, because I’m the guy who does most of the alien taxiing for the Grand Central.”

   ((Ah. That is good to know.))

   The taxi came to a standstill. Looking out of the window, I noticed that we were lost in a sea of cars. Plenty of other taxis clogged up the road around us, and the sound of honking car horns polluted the air like a haunting symphony.

   ((Are the streets always so congested? Surely that makes this mode of transport redundant.)) I mused.

   “Always.” He stated. “But would you rather walk out there as an Andalite?” He stared at me through a mirror hung above the vehicles frontal window.

   ((Of course not.)) I grumbled.

   He nodded. “Sometimes you see Andalites walking the streets, and most of the time they’re fine. But sometimes they get mobbed by tourists, you know. Then they get lost; end up in the bad parts of town… It ain’t pretty. I probably don’t need to tell you that there are people out there who ain’t too fond of you Andalites.”

   ((I understand that, and I hope to avoid such people for as long as possible.))

   The car began rolling again, and we turned sharply around a corner. Larry’s eyes were concentrating on the road again, but he still indulged me in discussion. “As long as you stay in this part of the city, you’ll be fine. You’ll still get a few people who are a little sore about the Yeerk thing and whatever, but they ain’t violent.”

   ((I cannot deny that we may not have been the Human’s best ally in the war…)) I mumbled to him, feeling a touch of shame towards my own people’s military.

   “Hey, we’re all friends here.” Larry reassured, and I saw his small eyes in the vehicle mirrors. “No hard feelings.”

   I smiled to the friendly Human, pleased with his company, but now was a good time to change the topic of our discussion. ((You mentioned restaurants. Is there a specific one that you would recommend?))

   He exhaled through his mouth, causing his lips to flap and make a most peculiar noise. “There are so many in New York. It’s hard to pick one out. If I had to pick any though, if would be the Green Hill restaurant by Washington Square. The last guy I taxied went there. Said he enjoyed it.”

   ((Thank you, Larry. I shall research this _Green Hill_ restaurant when I return to my hotel.))

   He chuckled, glancing back to me in the mirror as we hit another block of traffic. “You gotta be careful, though. I’ve seen plenty of Andalites trying food for the first time, and it always ends the exact same way. If I were you, I wouldn’t eat out for your first time. Get used to eating in your hotel room first.”

   I took heed of his advice. Stories that I had previously been told often ended with my people morphing Human and going ballistic over the presence of even the smallest foodstuffs. Going straight to a public Human diner for my first experience at eating would be a disastrous decision.

   We reached our destination approximately 15 Earth minutes before my appointment would begin. Larry parked the taxi up outside of the large three-storey building and unlocked the doors for me to exit. I stared up at the Human construction which was forwarded by a large concrete archway. A plaque sat beside the entrance, reading _New York City Alien Community and Information Center, Est. 2002._

   I stared past the extravagant archway and with my main eyes inspected the stonewalled structure. It seemed welcoming enough, and as I admired the luscious soft grass that lay beside its wide walkways, I noticed a small group of my people chatting casually amongst themselves. It was a comforting sight for me.

   “How long is the appointment?” Larry asked, folding his arms over his chest and standing by my side.

   ((No longer than an hour. Must I call a taxi back to the hotel?))

   “I wouldn’t recommend walking.” He suggested. “You have money for a cab back to the hotel?”

   “Not yet,” I looked at him with one stalk eye, my main eyes still observing the building. “But our government is giving me funding for my placement, and it shall be translated into your Human currency. I shall receive it from the officials here in this building, so I will have money by the time I am done.”

   Larry gave an approving nod. “Well, if you run into any trouble, just give me a call.” He reached into his lower artificial skin and pulled out a stack of cards, wrapped together with a small piece of elastic rubber. He pulled out a single card and handed it over to me. It was his business card, displaying his taxi service information and a number to dial on one of the primitive Human communication devices.

   ((Thank you, Larry.)) I said, storing the small piece of card in my utility belt. ((I shall hope to see you again soon.))

   Larry drove off in his taxi, leaving me to myself in front of the vast building, which was comparatively miniature to the buildings that surrounded it. I wandered through the archway, and before I entered the building I fed on the beautiful green Earth grass to nourish my body. More Andalites had appeared in the small opening, but I had little time to mingle, and I pushed my way through the large wooden doors of the complex with five minutes to spare.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

   I entered the building with a growing sense of scepticism as to its comfort. The Human race seemed inherently adoring of confined, enclosed spaces, spending a great deal of their time in the tiny boxes they called homes and their unnervingly claustrophobic vehicles. However, my fears were misleading, and as I strolled into the main entrance, I found that the ceilings were high, the walls wide apart, and the floor pleasantly layered with soft carpet. The lighting was neither too dark, nor was it too bright, perfectly suited to our species’ sight, and the natural beams of light from the sun outside shone beautifully through the large entrance windows, sharply illuminating the areas around me. The air was fragranced with a suspiciously familiar scent, and I quickly came to the conclusion that it came from special scent dispersers that originated from our own planet.

   It was plainly obvious that my people had a large say in how this building was designed, and they had done a marvellous job at making something that should be dull and uninviting into something that was actually bearable to be in.

   With a newfound spring in my step, I trotted to a hole in the left wall that I correctly assumed was the reception desk. I hoped that the staff member present would be just as welcoming as the hallway, and, as it turned out, she was. She was an older Human female with tightly bunched silver hair, and her face shone up at me, lacking in the visible nerves that was displayed on most other Human faces at any Andalite’s appearance.

   ((Hello.)) I greeted warmly to the female. ((My name is Nicalor-Garroon-Charod, and I am expected here for an appointment at exactly 1 o’clock PM today.))

   The calm Human nodded and messed around with a large boxy computer to her left, tutting lightly as she perused some information that even with my stalk eyes I could not take a peek at.

   “Ah, yes!” She chirped in the oft-grating high-pitch Human voice, once again smiling up at me. “Nicalor-G-C. Your meeting is taking place in conference room C-2. That’s on the third floor. Just take the elevator and it’s on your first left once you’re on the correct floor. You can’t miss it, it’s straight on ahead. You may have to wait outside for a few minutes, but you should be invited in shortly.”

   ((Thank you very much…)) I glanced with one stalk eye to her nametag. ((…Shirley.))

   I left with a grateful bow to the Human, cantering contently to the elevator that sat beside a Human stairwell. The Elevator was confined and a little too warm, but I could not expect everything about this building to be of such a high standard.

   Nevertheless, this elevator was considerably less urgent than the ones I had used in the hotel, and the fragrance of our own planet was enough of a comfort to hold off any bad mood that could have taken over. It opened up onto the third floor, and though the ceiling was a little lower than on the ground floor, the location I found myself in was still surprisingly welcoming. The walls were a very light shade of yellow, and held rows of framed photographs at perfect eye height. I heard the distant movement of hooves from the corridor to my right, and saw an Andalite tail moving from around a corner at the far end of the hall.

   My meeting area was to my left, a longer corridor that came to an abrupt end, and from here I could read a sign: _Conference Room C-2_. Just as simply as the receptionist had made out!

   So I made my way in that direction, passing by branching corridors and the occasional Andalite or Human staff as they busily trudged on by. Having taken note of the time earlier in the day and securely storing it in my head, I was now able to accurately keep track of time, even without the aid of my portable computer or the crude Human clocks. My inner clock therefore informed me that I had only a minute before my meeting was to begin, not allowing for staff lateness.

   I should have already been able to enter. My people, due to our superior ability to keep track of time, were rarely late. Then again, they were working with Humans here, too…

   Even when 1 o’clock came, no one exited the room’s doors to find me, and I assumed that the Humans were holding back the schedule for whatever reason. This gave me some time to explore my surroundings, and I took pleasure in observing the collection of framed photographs on the walls. Most of them were taken from Human staff exhibitions or celebrations.

   There were a couple of pictures of the building being opened or renovated, the first that I saw including the Mayor of New York City shaking hands with the lead designers and architects. There were images of Humans from major organisations, which primarily dealt with Andalite or other alien issues, posing with the new building owners and staff.

   There was an artistic collection of photographs taken by a group of Andalite tourists sponsored by the centre, who explored major landmarks all over the country and around the world, the most noticeable of which, in my humble opinion, being of a group standing proudly before Mount Rushmore, a monument that I found particularly intriguing. Another small framed collection showed the Human staff of the building on an expedition to Yellowstone National Park, where they posed with groups of curious but cheerful Hork-Bajir. One image showed a Human female grinning toothily, sat beside a Hork-Bajir mother who was cradling a new-born.

   There were yearly staff photographs, Humans and Andalites unsegregated and smiling graciously for the unseen cameraman. Images of my people working dutifully alongside the Humans on computers or in meetings were present, as were photographs of charity events held by the building that raised money for worthy causes within and outside of the city. I could gather from the photographs that they had raised money for homeless Human youths, wounded soldiers from both the Yeerk war and other wars that were currently being fought, and for the upkeep of the Hork-Bajir habitat in Yellowstone.

   It was a nice little collection, and it kept me mildly entertained for the next four minutes before the double-doors of the conference room finally opened. An Andalite emerged, one of a considerably greater age than mine, evident from his slightly crusty hooves and the noticeable discolouration of his fur. He was almost a clear foot taller than I, though, and he would have towered over most other Andalites in much the same way. He daintily trotted over to me.

   ((Admiring our collection, I see.)) He spoke proudly. ((We have been collecting these images since 2002.))

   ((They are very nice.)) I replied politely, indicating with a stalk eye to a picture of a particularly ravishing female holding the floor of a conference.

   The older male smiled and bowed formally. ((My name is Drehun-Tegganah-Harruth. You are Nicalor-Garroon-Charod, correct?))

   ((Yes.)) I returned the formalities. ((It is good to meet you, Drehun.))

   ((A pleasure, Nicalor.))

   I nodded, finishing my bow. Drehun was the superior who had sent for me, the one who needed more staff to continue policing our people in the Human city of New York. He was my employer, and this was the first time I had met him in person, so I felt a great need to make a good first impression.

   ((This is an impressive building, much more habitable than the hotel I have been forced to reside in.)) I said with a derisive laugh.

   ((I picked out that hotel specifically for you and your crew.))

   I flustered, hopefully not too noticeably. ((And what a marvellous hotel it is! A good choice, popular among the crew!))

   Drehun gave a subtle huff and turned. ((Shall we get down to business?))

   He led me into the conference room, which brought us from the bright and fragranced corridor into a blue tinted, air-conditioned box, complete with a meeting table that sat below a number of large windows looking out over the city street. A disproportionately vast rotating seat occupied one end of the rectangular table, dominating over a dozen or so other chairs that sat on either side.

   The room, apart from the two of us, was empty, at least for now. Drehun swaggered over to the head seat designed for a Human and pushed it to the side. There was no need, nor was there accommodation for us to sit. I stood at one side of the table and watched him intently.

   ((I trust that you had a pleasant voyage.)) He started casually.

   ((As pleasant as the ship would allow.)) I replied, resting a hand on the nearest seat. ((I am just happy to be on solid ground yet again.))

   ((Solid, yet foreign ground.)) He suggested. ((Have you begun to adjust to life among the Humans?))

   ((I have only been here a day. I am a little overwhelmed by the city, what with it being so… populous.))

   He chuckled lightly. ((Yes, the city can be a daunting place, as can the Humans as a species.))

   ((I have been fortunate enough when it comes to meeting Humans.)) I said. ((Those that I have met have been most accommodating.))

   ((That is good!)) Drehun replied. ((And it is those well-intentioned Humans that you are here to protect. If we are to maintain a friendly relationship with this species, we must show that we care for their safety from some of the more ill-minded of our own. That is why I have brought you to this planet.))

   ((Is there much crime committed by our people in this city?)) I asked curiously.

   ((Not really.)) He sighed, I assume not for the lack of crime but for the boredom that his job must have therefore entailed. ((Most of our people here are tourists, or doctors, or, like us, those working to prevent the near-non-existent criminal activity. They are rare, and even when they do occur, they are mostly minor. Yet we still have to keep the appearance of vigilance. We have to show our Human friends that we will do our best to prevent anything unfortunate occurring.))

   I felt a little relief, knowing that if what Drehun had said was true, this would be quite an easy placement. Then, I told myself inwardly that I should know better than to get complacent.

   ((And is there much crime committed against _our_ people?)) I continued.

   ((There is more, but it is still rare. Not many Humans are stupid enough to attack an able-bodied Andalite.)) He muttered, swishing his tail so that the blade sliced deftly through the air. ((And anyway, that is something that the Human forces tend to. You are only here to investigate Andalite crime.))

   He reached down under the conference table and revealed a Human briefcase, dropping it heavily on the table and opening the locks. From it, he pulled a small stack of paper held together by a single staple, and with a delicate finger he flicked through a couple of pages before he found what he was looking for. ((You begin work next week, correct?))

   I nodded. ((In eight Earth days.))

   ((And you are to be stationed at… the New York City Police Department building, East 67th Street.))

   Again, I nodded to indicate my agreement.

   ((Good!)) He exclaimed, dropping the papers beside the open briefcase. ((I trust that you have done the appropriate research for the job, and I look forward to seeing you in action!))

   ((Thank you, Drehun, sir.))

   ((Of course, we must return to the primary matter of this meeting. As you know, if you are to work among the Humans, it is necessary that you are able to take a Human form so that you can move more freely around the city.))

   ((Yes, sir.)) I concurred stately.

   ((As with other Andalites requiring Human morphs, we have arranged for a group of Human volunteers to provide their DNA so that you may mix them and acquire a unique identity.))

   I raised an eyebrow. ((How many Humans are required for each morph?))

   ((Usually between four and six. I have managed to arrange six for you, Nicalor, and they should be arriving any minute now.))

   ((Late, are they?)) I hummed in a sigh.

   ((Of course.)) Drehun chuckled, sharing my bitter humour at the frustrating Human habit. ((Have you already acquired the morphing ability?))

   I hesitated, suddenly paranoid that I had missed some important meeting. ((No, sir. I haven’t.))

   He smiled. ((Not a problem.))

   Reaching back into the small leather briefcase, he retrieved a small blue cube that glowed hauntingly in his elderly hand. It was small, about the size of the coffee mugs that had been left in my hotel room by ignorant staff. It was a rarity, only to be carried by those of high rank or importance. The _Escafil_ Device.

   Drehun approached and held the cube out in front of me, and I couldn’t help but gaze curiously at its simplicity. A simplicity deceitfully hiding the great technological breakthrough, one of our people’s greatest successes.

   Of course, before coming to Earth I had done prior research, knowing that I would eventually have to go through this procedure, so I knew how the cube was operated. I lifted my hand and placed it daintily on the top surface of the tiny cube, its quiet energy vibrating noticeably beneath my fingertips. It was quite pleasurable.

   Drehun hummed in much the same way as the cube buzzed, eyes drooping in some trance, but then he became seemingly distracted.

   ((Hold on…)) He grunted, turning the cube upside down. ((Ah, yes. Sorry, it’s on massage mode.)) He flicked a small plastic switch on the underside, and then turned it right-side up again. ((It is ready now.))

   I placed my hand delicately back on its surface, and after a brief moment, the slightly less vigorously vibrating cube sent a small jolt of charge up my arm that buzzed and sizzled through the rest of my body. The acquisition of the morphing power was complete.

   Drehun shivered a little and grunted, obviously feeling the jolt himself. ((It is done. Now, we must wait for the Humans who have volunteered their genetic information.)) He took the cube, readjusted its settings, and placed it back in his briefcase along with my detail papers.

   I looked at my palm and the back of my hand, still feeling it rumble from the unusual jolt of the _Escafil_ device. I now had the power to morph, to acquire the DNA of any creature I could touch and become it…

   Now, I would be able to taste. Well, after I acquired the Humans, that is.

   It didn’t take too much longer for them to arrive, and they apologised for their tardiness when Drehun allowed them into the conference room. I was stood on one side of the wide conference table, and the six Humans, all wearing matching white artificial skin over their torsos and cheerful smiles on their faces, sat down in the seats on the opposite side. Drehun closed the conference room doors and strolled over to stand beside me, and we both stared at the strange Human males before us.

   There was a long, awkward silence. Drehun was as unfamiliar with the Humans as I was, and they insisted on just gazing up at us, smiling irritably, five-fingered hands clasped simultaneously on the desk in front of them.

   My stalk eyes flicked around, looking up and down the creatures whose DNA would soon be a part of me, combined into a new individual that would have its own identity on the strange little planet Earth. Each of the males was white, ranging from the ages of twenty-five to forty-five, at best estimate. Unlike me, they showed no nerves, no twiddling of fingers or faltering of their smiles, and I found it terribly nerve-wracking.

   ((So…)) I started, raising my arms in a half-hearted shrug.

   They continued to smile, unperturbed by the rather disturbing scenario.

   I scratched nervously at my flank. ((What is it that you do?)) I asked them.

   They looked to each other, smiles not dispersing. The Human second from the left, decidedly the spokesperson, spoke up. “We’re Christians!”

   ((Oh…))

   The spokesperson continued. “We thought it was so important to spread the message of our Lord to our extra-terrestrial friends that we have volunteered to share our genes with them!”

   ((I don’t quite understand…)) I mumbled to him. I hadn’t heard much about Christians other than the title itself. There was a lot that I still had to learn about this species.

   The lead Human giggled to himself. “We want you to feel welcome on our beautiful planet. What better way to welcome you than by letting you experience life as we do?”

   ((Ah. Well, thank you.)) I said graciously. ((I admit that it is something I have been eager to experience.))

   “And what better way to experience humanity,” He continued with a suspicious flair, “Than to join us in praise of the Lord?”

   ((The Lord?)) I looked with one stalk eye to Drehun, who had turned away. He seemed to know what the Human meant, but kept his opinion hidden. ((Who is this “The Lord”?))

   “The Lord Jesus Christ, of course!” A second Human said, as if it was something plainly obvious.

   Jesus Christ? I remembered that name from one of my more flippant Human research sessions whilst travelling to Earth. He was famous for something. Wasn’t he a Spanish soccer player?

   “The Creator.” The first Human continued to inform. “Creator of the heavens and the earth!”

   Suddenly, I began to realise what they meant, and I noticed Drehun was struggling to hide his amusement, trying to look busy by rummaging through his briefcase.

   ((Ah. You are of a particular Human denomination.)) I summarised. ((Religious, I assume. I’m afraid, however, that I know little about your Human beliefs.))

   The Humans seemed to shrug off my words, and continued on some pre-scripted lecture. “He created us all, including our friends from worlds far off into space. He created the Andalites and the world you inhabit.”

   I narrowed my eyes, annoyed at the Human’s brisk statement. ((So you say that this “Lord” created everything?))

   “Everything!” A third Human chirped.

   ((He created the Taxxons?)) I asked, still bewildered.

   “Yes. He created the Taxxons.”

   ((He created the Yeerks?)) I sneered.

   “Yes. He created the Yeerks, too.” The spokesperson said without even a flinch.

   ((And he created Ayattil, my infuriating assistant?))

   “Yes.”

   ((This “Lord” of yours sounds distinctively cruel…)) I muttered.

   “It is not the Lord who brings cruelty and evil to the universe,” The first Human informed in response to my scepticism. “It was Man’s sin that brought evil into existence. Man’s sin that brought death and suffering to the universe.”

   ((Well, thank you very much…)) I grumbled.

   “Our God is a loving God,” He proceeded. “He loves his creations. Humans, Andalites, Hork-Bajir. Even the Yeerks. “

   ((Even Ayattil?))

   “Even Ayattil.” He assured. “We want to spread the Lord’s message among our alien friends, so when you take our DNA, we also wish for you to take this.”

   The Human reached into a small backpack that he had brought with him, and pulled up a small red book, placing it gently in the centre of the table between us.

   ((What is this?)) I asked, intrigued, taking the book he offered and inspecting it.

   “The Lord’s word.” He smiled again. “The Bible.”

   ((Ah, so he’s an author as well!)) I mumbled to myself, courteously placing the small book in my utility belt.

   ((Let us move this appointment along.)) Drehun interrupted. Then, turning his attention to the Humans, ((Does Nicalor have your permission to acquire the DNA of each one of you?))

   They all signalled their approval, and I proceeded to collect their genetic make-up, starting with the furthest Human to the left. He held his hand over the table as if he was gesturing for a handshake, and I gently took it in mine. He fell silent as I focused on acquiring him, and I once again felt that tingling sensation as he became a part of me.

   The others kept us from falling into silence, forging on with their scripted discussion. I politely indulged them, though I was far from convinced, no matter how sternly they were pressing their message.

   “We have over a hundred volunteers giving Andalite visitors our DNA.” One said as I began to acquire the third in line, storing and mixing the Human DNA with the others. “We hope that the Lord’s message spreads all the way back to the Andalite homeworld!”

   I could have laughed derisively, but my manners deterred it. These Humans were friendly and pleasant company, and I had no intention of upsetting them or starting an oral fight.

   Another spoke up, “We’ve even applied for permission to send volunteers to Yellowstone to spread the good word there.”

   I nodded, holding my civil courtesy and moving onto the next Human. ((Have you had much success with my people?))

   For the first time in the meeting, the Humans seemed just a little hesitant, and that gave me enough of the answer I required.

   I felt a little sorry for them. My people weren’t the kind to accept the speculative beliefs of those that were generally considered inferior. I doubted a single Andalite had been convinced. I was not, but nevertheless, I would indulge them enough to accept their offerings and their words, something that I expect a lot of my people would have already gotten frustrated with and dismissed.

   I finished the DNA acquiring process, and our meeting was over. I thanked the Humans individually with formal handshakes, and bid them all a pleasant afternoon. They left shortly afterwards, leaving me behind with Drehun, who still seemed amused.

   ((You will receive a lot of that kind of attention.)) He informed. ((But the salesmen around this city press their offerings with even greater fervour.))

   ((I am sure that I can handle the Humans.)) I said with outwardly portrayed confidence. ((Even the more assertive ones.))

   He rolled his main eyes dismissively and locked up his briefcase. ((We shall see.))


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

   ((I have spent my first full day on the planet Earth. I arrived home yesterday after my meeting and spent the rest of the day exploring the hotel and personalising my room. It’s a little bit more comfortable now, especially since I put up holographic pictures of my family and friends from back home. I was already homesick, and my cramped environment didn’t help. The Andalite feeding area was like everything else: adequate. But it gave me a good chance to meet up again with the rest of my people, who mostly seemed equally overwhelmed by the first day here. I met new people as well, several of whom were staying on the same floor, and they were good company. Most of them, anyway, but there are always one or two who are so stuck-up that they would hardly notice me from over their hoisted noses. I returned to my room in the late afternoon and indulged in my own solitary company to summarise the day’s events. I now have a Human morph, a combination of six males. When I have acclimatised to the Human instincts and morphed a number of times, I will be required to return to the Community and Information Centre to file for a Human ID card. Not only had I acquired a Human morph, but once yesterday’s meeting had concluded, I was able to retrieve my first monthly allowance, granted by the organisation back on the homeworld. I assumed it would be plenty enough, but Drehun had warned me that the money would quickly vanish, like liquid slowly leaking down an open drain. I assured him that I would remain in complete control of my funding, but I secretly felt a little unsure of myself. Finally, reflecting back, I think of myself as rather fortunate when it has come to meeting Humans. Those that I have met have been peculiarly good company. I hope that this trend continues. End journal entry. Mark date 31st August, 2006. Entry number four.))

   ((So how much money did they give you, sir?)) Ayattil asked from across the room. He, Ardina and I were all stood in my quarters. It was for a very specific reason.

   I deactivated my portable computer and dropped it carefully into a desk drawer. ((It’s none of your business, Ayattil. Just be assured that it is enough.))

   Ardina was stood to the left beside my room’s television, patiently dragging her hooves against the floor and watching me with one stalk eye. Ayattil was close to her side, looking as bland and uninteresting as usual.

   ((So,)) I began after altering my posture, ((We each have acquired our Human morphs?))

   ((I have.)) Ardina concurred.

   ((So have I, sir.)) Ayattil added, swinging his tail eagerly.

   I smiled and began playing with my utility belt. ((You must be wondering why I have gathered us here.))

   ((I _had_ a good idea…)) Ardina muttered in a strangely unsatisfied tone, one stalk eye indicating to Ayattil. Her implication was clear, and I was already cursing myself for bringing Ayattil along when I could instead have been spending another private evening with her. I shook it off, and told myself that that could be achieved later.

   I continued, ((I have been advised to get used to my Human morph before going out into the city, and I thought that it was advice worth adhering to.))

   ((That sounds like a sensible idea.)) Ardina chimed in, now with her main eyes focused on me. ((You wanted us here to make sure your morph is successful?))

   ((To an extent,)) I explained. ((But I thought that maybe we should all try it together, because…))

   Playing with my utility belt was not simply a pointless fidgeting exercise. From the larger pocket on the front, I pulled up a small object the size of my fist, wrapped in cellophane and crinkling as I moved it around in my hand. I held it up in front of me for the whole room to admire.

   My compatriots narrowed their eyes in suspicion. ((What is that, Nicalor?)) Ardina asked.

   ((According to a dear friend of mine who is now back on the homeworld, this is one of the Human race’s greatest treasures. A delicacy of such splendour that no one creature in the universe could ever resist.))

   ((Well?)) Ardina pressed. ((Tell us!))

   I stepped forward, placing the object carefully down on a small coffee table that sat between the three of us.

   ((A triple choc-chip muffin.))

   ((Is it dangerous, sir?)) Ayattil choked, breaking a short silence.

   ((I do not know, Ayattil,)) I responded. ((But I thought that I would bring us all together, just in case it is.))

   Each one of us exchanged glances, between curious stares at the Human foodstuff that lay in our midst. We were finally about to do it. We were going to taste for the first time.

   ((Are we all ready?)) I asked, looking to the two other faces in the room.  They both nodded slowly, half attentive to me, half attentive to the muffin as if it were some priceless gem.

   ((Excellent…)) I muttered, but I lacked any conviction that I showed, twiddling my fingers and tapping my hooves.

   After a while, Ardina rolled her eyes. ((You two fear a Human morph?)) Then, she smiled and stood proudly. ((You males are such cowards. I’ll start us off.))

   I could have objected and attempted to rekindle my desired image to her, but before I could even raise a hand to stop her, she began the transformation.

   I had seen the morphing process before on our homeworld, where a number of military personnel and scientists in specific fields would use the ability for training and research, respectively. It was quite frankly a gruesome process, and depending on the morph it could be downright sickening. Fortunately, Human beings weren’t _that_ ugly, nor did the upper body differ too much from our own. Still, it was going to be a nauseating experience.

   Ardina’s stalk eyes were the first things to go. The eyelids shut and compressed as the balls within shrivelled and vanished. The vestigial stalks retreated into the head, and she grunted in discomfort, but also in frustration at no longer being able to see in all directions at once.

   As the last of the stalks were sucked away, her two front hooves softened, the solid keratin melting audibly, flattening and expanding into the long, heeled Human feet. Five ugly toes sprouted, at first dangling pointlessly without bones within to hold them in place.

   I sighed and rubbed my head, beginning to feel both left out and a little guilty letting her do it by herself. I closed all four of my eyes, and, as my previous research had suggested, pictured a Human in my head. I reminded myself of the image of one of my DNA volunteers; saw the irritating toothy grin; the thick, strong arms; the chunky hands with fewer digits. I also pictured the clothing, something that would be a little harder to integrate into the morph.

   The changes began slowly at first, pace lightened by my wandering brain. My skin began to tingle all over, and a horrible prickly feeling then came over me. My body hair was the first change, retracting into their follicles and leaving just the very lightest layers of thin, barely noticeable fluff. Some hair remained, and I could feel it itching my brow and my skull. It remained elsewhere, too, in places that Humans seemed determined to hide away under artificial skin.

   In the midst of hair loss, I also went through a rather severe case of tail loss which came so abruptly that I had no time to brace myself. The bones clicked disturbingly, then disappeared, and the now-limp limb took the long journey back into the remaining spine of my back. The blade remained briefly, but equally dissolved into thin air.

   Nothing was really painful. Everything was simply a cringe-worthy tingling or twisting sensation. The movement of bones and organs within was probably the most disgusting aspect. I looked up and around me, still in control of four operational eyes, and caught sight of the other two. Ardina was understandably further along the morphing process, her body now also naked, and the lower half somehow shrivelling and melding to her Human rear end. I looked away in disgust, only to catch a glance of Ayattil. His morph wasn’t much more appealing, a foul fat tongue sticking out of his face.

   Thankfully, my stalk eyes soon went the way of my tail and my hair, and I kept my two main eyes closed, averse to the wonderful yet horrifying processes that we were undergoing. Suddenly, the two last eyes began to decrease in size again, but before I could panic, they settled on their slightly smaller diameter. That wasn’t the only change of my facial features though, as my ears and nose simultaneously began to mutate. My nose jutted out to a point, and two larger nostrils formed on the underside. My ears shortened and flattened, becoming the ugly wrinkled bowls of Human ears.

   Finally, a mouth erupted just above my chin. An empty crater at first, but soon it became a whirlwind of activity as teeth jutted loudly from the gums and a tongue formed from the throat like a replicating bacterium, pinching at the base and eventually splitting. The throat continued to open down my neck and into my chest. Then, I could pull air in through it. I could choose between breathing through my nostrils or through my mouth. What an unusual choice to be able to make!

   My hind legs, somewhere within the mix of adjusting facial features and broadening upper torso muscles, began to shrink to non-existence, and I nearly toppled backwards, only saved by the strong Human legs that had taken the place of my own spindly forelimbs.

   I reopened my eyes. My ever-so-slightly duller Human eyes. The process was complete.

   “I belif I ave finust…” I said, forming near-incoherent words with my Human mouth. “Finist. Is. Ish. Finish-tuh.”

   ((You’ve finished?)) I heard Ardina’s thought-speech, then, “So av I. Wow…”

   “Vis is vurree wee-uhd, zurh!” Ayattil whined.

   Ardina’s long blonde-haired Human morph frowned, then pursed and relaxed her lips. “Puh. Buh. Bah. Kuh-kuh.” ((What a peculiar feature.)) “Ssssss…”

   ((Very.)) I agreed, pressing my thick Human fingers to the lips, testing their elasticity and touch. “Pehcoolee-uh.”

   I found my eyes glued to Ardina’s form, even more so than usual. There was something about her that my Human body found too alluring to ignore, but I couldn’t quite put my finger on it…

   Wait, someone else in the room! To my right, a rather runty looking Human, short, ugly. Somehow, Ayattil had found his perfect Human equivalent.

   Was it Ayattil? I don’t know, but he was within touching distance of the female. I couldn’t allow that. I moved forward clumsily and punched him hard in the face, and bellowed down at his fallen body.

   “Dis femayl is mine!” I yelled.

   The smaller male looked up and me and rubbed his cheekbone. He knew better than to retaliate. I was bigger than he was. I was the alpha.

   I wrapped an arm around Ardina’s shoulder and uttered a guffaw at Ayattil, when I realised what had happened.

   “Sir?” Ayattil questioned, rising to his feet, still looking completely blank, even as a Human.

   I shook my punching hand and rubbed the knuckles with the other. ((Not too hard to control,)) I muttered, ((But these creatures are aggressive!))

   Ardina pulled my arm from her shoulder. ((This brain is active. So… unstable.))

   I nodded in agreement, continuing to play with my tongue. ((A little overpowering. I want to hurt Ayattil again for the funny look he just gave me.))

   ((Funny look, sir?)) He asked.

   ((I don’t know, just… your look. I want to punch it.)) Then, for clarity, “Unch. Punch.”

   Ardina inspected her hands, back and front, and then began to feel the contours of her face. ((It isn’t that bad. There are a few unusual instincts, though. Suddenly, I have the urge to spend all day eating _chocolate_ and watching reality television.))

   ((I feel the same urge, among others. I also want to find a mythical being. Then I want to worship it and discriminate against anyone who disagrees with me.))

   ((I want to have sex with anything and everything that moves, sir!)) Ayattil added.

   ((You struggle in _your own_ body, Ayattil.)) I mentioned. ((I can’t see how you would fare much better when you’re a shaved primate.))

   I seemed to be over the worst of the Human instincts. The Human brain was a maze of emotion. Everything required my opinion, stirred an emotion within me. And, my God, was it sexually active…

   I avoided looking at Ardina for fear of any embarrassing consequences. My attempt at morphing clothes didn’t quite go to plan, nor was anyone else successful in that regard.

   We needed clothes, something that we had neglected to consider before we made the transformation. My Human brain felt a little uneasy, and when the Human brain was uneasy, it was even more unstable. I needed to distract it, focus it.

   Then I remembered the muffin. I tried to turn my stalk eyes to see it, but the inferior Human body did not possess such necessary features. I had to turn my whole body to look behind me, which in turn meant that what I _was_ looking at was now not visible. I cursed the Human form, but was quickly distracted when I saw the muffin sat on the coffee desk. I picked it up with my new hands, the cellophane crinkling under the heavy touch I unintentionally gave it.

   Something slammed into my side. I yelled out and turned my head to see Ardina leaning against me, hands clasped against my shoulders.

   ((Sorry, Nicalor,)) She said, her face a little red. ((I lost balance.)) Using her arms, she pushed herself back up onto her own two legs.

   Her stumble made me self-conscious, and I suddenly felt dizzy on just my two legs. To steady myself, I clumsily sat down on the coffee table, a Human method whereby legs are bent and the main part of the body is rested on the rump. I was more stable this way, and I again concentrated on the Human foodstuff that I held. The others were soon following my gaze.

   ((Shall we?)) Ardina offered, steadying herself beside me.

   I nodded and tried to pull open the muffin wrapper. Utilising my increased upper arm strength, I ripped the cellophane with such force that I once again caught Ayattil in the face, and the muffin shot across the room, landing beside the bed.

   ((Why must the Humans insist on creating such inefficient casings for their food?)) I grumbled, and then ordered Ayattil to stop moaning about his face and fetch the muffin. He brought it back, and I held the bread-based product in my hand.

   There was still a small piece of wrapping around the base. I pulled it off and dropped it with the cellophane, leaving the muffin naked in my hands. Already I smelt it, and to my Human senses it was something utterly wonderful, inviting me in mercilessly to take a bite.

   ((Let’s be fair about this,)) I said democratically. I used my hands to pull the muffin into three separate pieces. I handed the largest piece to Ardina, and the smallest to Ayattil, keeping a medium-sized piece for myself. ((Are we ready?))

   ((I’m past ready.)) Ardina said eagerly. ((My mouth is dripping with liquid. I believe that means I’m hungry.))

   Ayattil nodded his approval, while simultaneously holding a black eye.

   ((On the count of two?)) I suggested, again to unanimous approval.

   I lifted the sweet-scented bun to my face, just below my nostrils. My senses were bursting, urging me to devour the chocolate delicacy.

   ((Okay. Two.)) I started, my mouth remaining open after the words left, my tongue tingling pleadingly.

   ((One.)) I bared my blunt Human teeth.

   ((Zero.))

 

   Room service had come and gone. The room was now littered with messy dishes and empty glasses, strewn haphazardly across each and every surface. The staff member who had brought us our order was suspiciously calm when we opened the door naked, and with chocolate muffin smeared all over our faces. Obviously, such a situation was not unusual in this hotel. He simply shook his head knowingly and left us our food while avoiding awkward stares at our naked bodies. “I suggest that you purchase some clothes for next time, especially if you are going to go out in public.” He advised.

   Without my own accurate ability to tell the time, I had to rely on my room’s clock to make sure we didn’t go too close to the two hour limit. However, after the quite frankly brutal muffin experience, wherein Ayattil received another punch to the face, I found it hard to control the excited Human instincts. It wanted to find more to eat (hence the room service), mate with Ardina and relieve its otherwise bored mind. It needed constant entertainment.

   ((We have half an hour left.)) I thought-spoke to my companions. We were all sat on the ground in a pile of food, gazing up motionlessly at the television screen. ((Should we change back?))

   No one answered. Ardina was busying herself with an apple pie, and Ayattil was zoned out, eyes fixated on the television.

   I nudged Ardina. ((Hello? Shouldn’t we change back now?))

   She stared up at me for a few seconds, and then raised a hand to her head. ((You’re right. Sorry.))

   ((Sir,)) Came Ayattil’s whiny voice. ((My stomach hurts…))

   ((How much did you spend on food?)) Ardina asked, followed by a grumble of her own at an aching gut.

   ((I don’t know.)) I admitted. ((I was too distracted to really take note. I couldn’t control this shameful Human body…)) I looked up again at the television screen and narrowed my eyes. ((What are we watching, anyway?))

   ((Two and a Half Men, sir.)) Ayattil informed.

   I sighed. ((We _really_ need to get in control of these morphs…))

   We morphed back with approximately twenty-six minutes to spare. A little shaken by the experience, we were glad to be back in our own bodies. We cleaned up the room, and all the while we discussed our new and frankly dangerous ability.

   We had tasted food for the first time, and it had, to be perfectly honest, driven us to near-insanity. Any sense of dignity or pride went out of the window, and we realised that if we were to walk the city streets in our new morphs, we would need to do a little more practise before we ended up causing havoc.

   But oh how I wanted to eat that muffin again.

   Once we had cleaned up (or Ayattil had cleaned everything away and I had changed the television channel) I discussed plans with Ardina. With a week before our respective jobs began, we had plenty of time to explore the huge Human hive that was New York City, and we wanted to do it together. Places such as Central Park and the art museum were on our rather improvised agenda, but there was one thing that we were desperate to do together, something that now seemed infinitely more daunting and risky. Tomorrow, we were going to a Human feeding establishment. We were going to a restaurant.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

   ((The last couple of days have been interesting, to say the least. The three of us have morphed to Human on no less than four occasions, and though we tell ourselves that it is strictly for training purposes, food always seems to get involved. Thankfully, we are now better able to control our need for taste, and additionally, we have also improved when it comes to balancing on two legs and using our mouths to speak. I doubt that we could walk the streets and seem entirely Human, but with a little more practise, I reckon we will be able to fit in without being blatant tourists. Tonight will be the biggest test of our progress yet. So far, we have only experimented with our Human forms within the confines of the hotel, but in a few minutes, both I and Ardina will be heading to the Green Hill restaurant by Washington Square Park to indulge in Human foods deemed finer and more sophisticated than chocolate muffins and meat feast pizzas. We are worried that this means that the food will be even more delicious than that which we have tried so far, yet we are certain that we can overcome any urges that may arise. We are to behave like normal, civilised Humans, and we are determined not to embarrass ourselves. May the stars bring us luck. End journal entry. Mark entry date 1st September 2006. Entry number five.))

   ((Are you done yet?)) Ardina asked. She was stood cross-armed behind me, looking a little impatient. ((The taxi should be here by now.))

   ((You have too much faith in these Humans, Ardina. They can never keep track of their own time. We have no need to rush.))

   She huffed a laugh and uncrossed her arms. ((Suddenly you’re an expert, huh?))

   I put away my portable computer back into my utility belt. It was growing heavier each day. ((It does not take long to find patterns in such simple creatures.))

   Ardina hummed. ((Come on, let’s get going! I am becoming hungry, and no doubt my Human morph will be equally desperate for nourishment.))

   ((Okay then. Let’s morph.))

   Five minutes later, we were stood waiting in the hotel main hall in our respective Human morphs. We had since ordered ourselves artificial skin – clothes – because the Humans deemed it indecent to explore their world without them. We thought it wise to research Human clothing beforehand, and came to the conclusion that the correct clothing for a visit to a restaurant was formalwear.

   I had spent an absurd amount of money on a black suit that was most restricting around the shoulder area. Not only that, but the lower half of the artificial skin – the trousers – only went down as far as my ankles. I was certain that they were a size too small, but it was no wonder with the ridiculous measuring system that the Humans employed. The suit came with additional, rather pointless features, including a pair of near-invisible cufflinks. I had specifically asked for the Andalite-shaped cufflinks, but I had instead been given ones in the shape of light bulbs. It also came with a deep red tie that I had no idea how to attach. Looking in reflections on the way to reception, it didn’t quite look like those in promotional pictures.

   Ardina had ordered something formal as well. However, it seemed extremely impractical with a large amount of white fabric dragging along on the ground behind her. Despite the lack of practically, it was a rather pleasant piece: White all over; sleeveless; and with a thin, translucent fabric draping down behind her head. She received a lot of attention from the Humans who passed us, who felt the need to congratulate her for reasons unknown.

   “Your clothing is bringing you a lot of attention…” I muttered to her as we waited for our taxi. “Shun. Tention.”

   “Could you stop that? How are we supposed to pose as Humans when you keep repeating syllables? Bulls. Sillah bulls.”

   “You’re doing it as well.” I huffed irritably.

   “I was making a point, Nicalor.” She said, reaching up and playing with her lower lip. “Perhaps we should continue using thought speech while in the restaurant. Otherwise you’ll be spitting food over me the entire night.” ((And this was a really expensive piece of clothing.))

   ((It looks nice on you, though.))

   ((Thank you.)) She smiled with her Human mouth, then, using it, “Yours is quite nice, too.”

   We were fortunate to have Larry taxiing us to the restaurant. He strolled in through the hotel entrance and approached me for a handshake. I accepted it with a sincere Human smile. “Hello again, Larry.”

   “I see you got a Human body.” He observed, looking over my suit and then over Ardina. “And… a wife?”

   “A wife? Oh, no! No, this is Ardina-Eskallon-Taryal.” I informed, turning so that the two could come face to face. “Ardina, this is Larry. He escorted me to the Information Centre the other day.”

   “Nice to meet you, Larry. Meechu.” Ardina greeted.

   Larry held a look of bemusement on his face, encapsulated by Ardina’s white gown. “You, uh... going for a special occasion tonight?”

   “No.” She replied. “We are just going for a meal to get a better insight of the Human lifestyle.”

   “Uh huh…” He nodded. “Green Hill, yeah?” He asked, eyes turning to me.

   “Yes, just as you recommended.” I smiled.

   Larry shook his head and tutted, though with an amused grin, before reaching up and pointing to my tie, which was loosely fastened around my neck. “You want some help with that?”

   “No, thank you.” I replied, a little too proud to be shown how to tie a simple knot by a Human.

   The stumpy Human shrugged. “Well, we better get moving. You booked for eight-thirty, right?”

   “Correct.” Ardina uttered, pulling up her excess gown so that she wouldn’t trip over it.

   The taxi journey was short in distance, long on time, but Larry was good enough company to keep us from losing our tempers. He pointed out various landmarks to us while we were stuck in the walls of traffic, advising us about places where we could take our next visit and places that we should avoid. Ardina was quick to warm to his pleasant company, though he still tutted and shook his head whenever he looked over at her gown through the windscreen mirror. Somehow, we got the strange feeling that Ardina had chosen the wrong type of clothing to wear on this occasion.

   “We’re here!” He called as we came to an abrupt stop on the sidewalk. From the window, using my single pair of eyes, I could see up and down the busy evening streets. A few feet from where our cab had pulled up sat a doorway, engulfed by a wall and a few descending steps. To the right of the doorway were some bright golden letters reading “Green Hill”, illuminated by a single lamp and accompanied below by some decorative flora. It was pleasing to the eye, but not too exaggerated like other dining areas that we had passed.

   Larry stepped out from the cab and walked around to open our doors. We may have been in Human morph, but we still had to sit in the space adapted for Andalites. We unstrapped ourselves from the two belted seats that had been lowered for us, and Larry gently helped Ardina out, chuckling to himself.

   “You look beautiful, Ardina.” He muttered in one of those complicated, ambiguous Human tones that could have been anything between sincerity and mocking.

   “Thank you, Larry.” She replied, stepping down daintily from the taxi.

   “How much is the fare?” I asked him, pulling a small fabric container from a pocket in my trousers.

   “Eight dollars, thirty cents.”

   I handed him ten dollars from the fabric container. The extra was something that the Human’s called a tip. It involves giving the recipient more money than is required. It made no sense whatsoever, but I did it anyway. I was here to experience being a Human, so I may as well act like one, no matter how peculiar the culture.

   We thanked Larry for the transportation and made our way clumsily over to the doorway. To the left, encased in a black metal frame, were a couple sheets of paper covered in barely readable writing. At the top, it read “Menu”.

   “Ah! So this must be where we order our food. Ood.” I concluded, narrowing my eyes and putting my face closer to the board.

   Ardina joined me. “Starters? Entrees? Desserts? They don’t like keeping things simple, do they? Which one is for us?”

   “This is our first time,” I groaned at her lack of observation. “So we have to go for starters. The Humans have obviously predicted that Andalites would be dining in Human form for the first time in here. They must be meals that go easy on the Human tongue.”

   She nodded, and then turned to me. “Do we wait out here to be tended to?”

   “I don’t know…” I finished reading the menu and descended the steps to the door. The door itself consisted of a thick frame, but the entire centre was made of glass. Peeking inside, I saw tables and chairs, some of which were taken up by formally dressed, chattering Humans. “There is a large numbers of Humans inside. Side. Seyyyyd… They do not look like staff.”

   Ardina followed me down, still holding up her troublesome gown. “Then we should go in.” Without hesitation, she pushed on the door and casually made her way inside. A few heads turned in the dining area, but they remained only briefly. Even in her outlandish costume, the people in this restaurant seemed more content with their conversations and their food. I moved inside after Ardina, letting the door close itself behind me.

   There was a Human stood by a small counter on the way into the main dining area, wearing a suit much like mine, but lacking the tie. The male Human with short, neat black hair gave a slight bow and smiled to us courteously. We passed by a few potted plants and stood before him.

   “Good evening,” The male greeted, politely avoiding awkward glances at Ardina’s conclusively out-of-place gown. “Welcome to Green Hill.”

   “Thank you.” I returned. We attempted to make our way past, but with a subtle wave the Human called us back.

   He smiled warmly. “Excuse me, sir, ma’am. Is it a table for two?”

   “Table for…” I started, unused to the restaurant etiquette. “Oh, yes! Yes, a table for the two of us, please.”

   “Right this way, please.” He picked up two thin books from the small horizontal counter before him and walked ahead into the dining area, gesturing for us to follow.

   The Human staff member led us through the small restaurant and to the far end. Our designated table was suited for two, and sat against the far wall, slightly further away from the busier areas of the establishment. I got the distinct feeling that our Human forms alone were not enough to hide our true identities as Andalites. He pulled up our seats for us, and once we were sat comfortably (Ardina had to do a lot of shuffling of her excessive dress) he handed us both one of the tall red booklets. Inside, we discovered almost exact copies of the menus held within the board outside the entrance.

   “These again…” Ardina muttered as the Human staff member dismissed himself. “So was there really much point to the menus outside?”

   I shrugged it off and gazed at the appetizers section of the menu. It all looked so foreign, not a single blade of grass listed. Nor were there muffins or pizzas, but we expected that. I placed a chunky Human finger to the menu to help me read further down the page without getting lost whenever my brain would be all-too-easily distracted.

   “This is all so overwhelming.” Ardina commented. “Elming. Ming. Guh…” She added quietly, playing with the mouth sounds. “How do we know what to pick?”

   I raised my eyebrows and pursed my lips, a Human expression that came instinctively. “Well, I suppose we go for something that is mid-price and doesn’t sound utterly revolting.”

   Before we could begin to even suggest preferred dishes, the staff member returned with another booklet. “Would you care to look at the wine list?” He asked with a grin.

   “Wine?” I asked, ignorant on what precisely wine was. However, I wasn’t ready for a lecture in the middle of the cramped restaurant. “Yes, of course.” And with that, he handed it to me. “Thank you.”

   I expected him to move on again, but he remained in place, looking down at me expectantly. He wanted an answer.

   The “wine list”, as it was titled, was not as long as the food menu, but it was a whole lot more complicated. Nothing really actually meant anything. It was all gibberish, so instead of looking for names or flavours, I turned to the pricings on the right-hand side. In the end, I ordered something mid-lower range.

   The Human left briefly, but once again returned, much to my infuriation. However, he had brought with him the wine that I had ordered, and poured a small amount in a strangely tree-shaped glass, encouraging me to taste it. I did.

   Wine, as I discovered, is a fascinating concoction, full of flavour to the point where it made me wince on the first few sips. After finishing the tasting process, I ordered more and he poured out full glasses for the two of us, leaving the bottle on the table, flashing another smile and leaving us once more. We were left with our wine, and from the first sips, I could tell that Ardina was also caught by surprise.

   ((Well!)) Ardina chimed, resorting to thought-speech as she took another gulp. ((This is new, and not at all unpleasant!))

   I nodded my agreement, taking another mouthful myself, engrossed by the intense flavour. By the time a new staff member had arrived to take our food orders, the bottle was nearly emptied.

   Admittedly, I felt a little funny.

   “Oh, food?! Okay then…” I opened up my food menu which I had since abandoned and scoured through the starters section. “Um… Did you want to order first, Ardina?”

   She shook her head, zooming through her own menu. “No, you go ahead.”

   “Okay.” I muttered. “I’ll have the… Pate! The pate, please.”

   “Then I shall have the pate, too.” Ardina said, taking the easy option by simply parroting my choice.

   The smartly dressed staff member nodded and wrote the appropriate information down on a tiny notepad. “And for your main course?”

   I narrowed my eyes at the Human, sensing an expectancy for us to order more than just our appetizers. “Main course?”

   “Yes, sir,” The female Human said. “Your main course.”

   I stared down at the main course section of the menu, one I had neglected to inspect previously. The list was even greater, and unfortunately, even pricier.

   Thankfully, the Human seemed to notice our struggling, and helped us out a little. “May I recommend the lobster? It is Chef’s specialty.”

   “Yes!” I chirped, appreciative of the assistance and now looking up the dish on the menu. “I shall have the boiled lobster, please.”

   “The same for me, thank you.” Ardina copied.

   I took an inward breath, adding up the prices in our head. Realising that our night was becoming rather pricey, I ordered the Human to cancel our pate order.

   “And would you like some more wine?” The Human then asked, noticing the ravished bottle in the centre of the table.

   I smiled brightly, pulling up the sides of my lips. “Oh, yes, please.”

   The female took the bottle and soon returned with a new one, this time leaving us for a considerably longer period of time while our food was being prepared. Sitting over our delicious fruity beverages, Ardina and I cheerfully discussed our first days on the extraordinary planet, the agreeable ambience of the restaurant for the while conquering the slight hint of claustrophobia that the cramped space brought. The wine seemed to help as well.

   ((Is there much crime in this city?)) Ardina asked with another sip of wine. We had since resorted to thought-speech, finding it easier to handle than our clumsy Human tongues.

   ((Plenty of Human crime, yes.)) I murmured. ((My superior tells me that Andalite crimes are few and far between. I’m basically here to uphold an appearance of vigilance, since our tourists here aren’t really under the Human’s jurisdiction and can only be _truly_ prosecuted by us.))

   She huffed laughter from her Human mouth. ((So you expect a pretty cosy job. I envy you.))

   ((Have you met with your superiors?)) I asked her, poising the wine glass over my bottom lip.

   ((Yes,)) She said. ((I met with my colleagues this morning. I am very excited about the research I’ll be undergoing.))

   ((Oh? What kind of research is it?))

   Ardina put her wine glass on the table and leaned back into her seat with a smile just noticeable on her cheeks. ((My colleagues have spent the last two years studying the Human tongue. They have borrowed a huge number of articles from Human science journals relating to its functions, like how it uses specific features on its surface to register the chemicals and particles of food. They’ve been trying to uncover the mysteries of taste. I’m just here to help with the extra research and experiments. You see, there’s something…)) She hesitated, that smile on her face now a full grin. ((Oh, never mind. I don’t want to raise anyone’s hopes just yet.))

   I laughed, but not so loud as to disturb the new customers as the restaurant grew busier. ((You can’t leave me guessing like that. Come, tell me what it is.)) I urged.

   ((I will be helping with research that will lead to a whole new technological breakthrough. My colleagues plan to take the ability to taste, and implant it into our own people.))

   I looked back with wide-eyed, intrigued shock. ((And how close are they to achieving their goal?))

   ((It’s pretty much done.)) She said. ((But we need to make sure that it works, and that it is safe. That’s where I come in. I simply put the technology through a number of tests to make sure it isn’t in any way damaging.))

   I huffed in a satisfactory way. ((So someday soon, we may be able to taste _without_ having to morph into these frustrating Human bodies?))

   Ardina nodded, ((That is the case.))

   ((Will you promise to allow me try out the technology as soon as it is ready?))

   ((Of course, Nicalor, but I shall use it first.)) She replied with a wink.

   I raised my wine glass into the air. ((Wonderful.))  Ardina giggled and raised her own glass so that they came into contact with a resonating clink, and we both took a celebratory gulp of the fine crimson liquid.

   ((Speaking of food…))

   Another member of staff approached us, balancing two large plates in either hand. He stood beside the table and lowered the dishes down so that they sat between the stainless steel cutleries that lay before us. On the plates sat our dinner, two huge Earth invertebrates, motionless and bright red in colour. They were a fascinating shape, with long compartmented bodies, ending in a tiny head with big black eyes on a pair of flimsy stalks. Perhaps most notable were the two bulbous pincers, appearing deadly, though their formidability was questionable, considering that the creatures had been neutralised by a species as pathetic as the Humans. They were impressive, nonetheless. My lobster was accompanied by a garnishing of some type of salad, not quite like the ones I had eaten in the hotel.

   “Wow!” I gasped, reverting to my Human mouth to speak for the benefit of our host. “This looks…”

   “Delicious.” Ardina interrupted with a subtle glare, stopping me from saying something that may have been interpreted as offensive.

   “Yes, delicious.” I concurred, admiring the subdued beast before me.

   The staff member, satisfied, said, “Enjoy your meal!” and left us to dine on our rather difficult dish.

   I looked down at the lobster curiously, rubbing my fingers against the unnervingly Taxxon-like legs, then over the gruesome pincers. This process would take a lot of precise manoeuvring. ((I am beginning to think that we should have asked what the meal consisted of before we ordered.))

   Ardina rolled her Human eyes and picked up the deceased creature with both hands, turning it, inspecting for a place to start. I watched with a look of ambivalence as she wrapped her bony teeth around the lobster tail and bit down with a brutal crunch. The look on her face explained both a relief of taste and an aching pain.

   “Ugh…” She choked, dropping the lobster back down on the plate, a few loose bits of tail dripping down her chin. ((Crunchy.))

   ((How does it taste?)) I questioned eagerly.

   ((It tastes… fantastic!)) She hummed, lifting up the lobster again and continuing to devour the tail.

   I rustled my fingers with my own lobster and hoisted the heavy thing into the air. I was particularly interested in the Taxxon-esque legs, and though the Taxxons were a particularly disgusting race, this lobster was more appetising than it was disturbing.

   My teeth bit down on one of the spindly limbs with a satisfying cacophony of snaps and cracks. I yanked it clean away from the lobster body, setting it down and focusing my efforts on the single leg, holding with one hand to aid in chewing. The taste was enormous and overwhelming, my eyes fluttering a bit with the oncoming sensation. This was like nothing I had tasted before, and unlike the pizzas and muffins that I had previously experimented in, this was richer, somehow more satisfying.

   I finished the leg and decided to delve into the rest of the monster. I retrieved it and bit into the tail, much as Ardina had done. However, the tail was a much greater challenge, and instead of biting clean through the shell I had to tug and pull with an inefficient amount of energy. The body part eventually came loose with a beautiful flood of taste, but I still had to attempt to chew the rough shell.

   ((Is this meal _meant_ to hurt?)) Ardina asked, rubbing at her gums once she had explored the tastes of various other parts of her meal. ((My gums are really rather sore.))

   ((I’m not sure, but it is worth it for the taste!)) I compromised, picking off the stalk eyes and nibbling on them as if they were cocktail sticks.

   The meal took longer than initially expected, with us having to put extraordinary effort into devouring our dish. Ardina’s issues with pain quickly became apparent to me, but the Human urge for taste and my inability to control it once it took hold meant that I would stop for nothing. Not even the tough shell of the pincers was a match for my determined Human brain. I would break bits open with hands, and stab at the hardest bits with the otherwise useless cutlery to get to the chewy innards.

  By the end, barely anything was left other than a few stray pieces of shell and some of the less appealing garnish. The two of us were very full, very pleased Humans, hunger now satiated.

   ((What a wonderful meal…)) I uttered with a grin of my Human mouth.

   ((And the wine, too.)) Ardina chuckled childishly, indicated to our second emptied bottle. ((I don’t know about you, but I felt just a little bit dizzy.))

   I shook my head and laughed, my hands lazily playing with the cufflinks on my suit. ((Just a little! I’m not sure if it’s the wine or the lobster.))

   ((I don’t care. I just feel so… happy. This is the first time my Human mind has actually stopped worrying. It’s finally content. I’m no longer so paranoid about the other Humans here constantly staring at my gown.))

   We both uttered a genuine Human laugh, but my attention was cruelly distracted when I glanced down to my hands that were casually laid out on the table beside my dish. I noticed the glistening of my cufflinks. Light bulbs, how very-

   Light bulbs? Light? Andalite!

   ((Ardina, what time is it?))

   ((I, oh…)) She stammered, pausing. ((Damn these Humans and their inability to keep track of time.))

   I sat up in my seat, feeling a little more sober now, and gazed around the busy room for one of the primitive Earth clocks. One stood proudly on the wall to our far left, and when I saw the time I took a sigh of desperate relief.

   ((Twelve minutes to spare.)) I mentioned to Ardina. ((That is, if that clock isn’t wrong.))

   ((A good time to visit the lavatories?)) She suggested, full well knowing the answer.

   We had made plans for just such a situation. If we needed to morph and remorph, we would simply find a restroom stall and do it there, where we wouldn’t put other customers off of their meals. The restrooms were at the other end of the restaurant, so we would have to pass through the other customers to get there.

   This was especially difficult for Ardina.

   We rose from our seats and brushed off any bits of loose food that had migrated to our clothing. Then, with me leading the way, we walked back towards the entrance end of the restaurant.

   Suddenly, there was a great audible tear, and a squeak from Ardina. I looked passed her to see a great chunk of her white dress lying torn on the carpeted floor. Ardina turned back to see it, and I got an all-too-revealing look of her undergarments.

   A customer who was sat at the table next to us had shifted their seat, leaving one chair leg on the dress, pinning it to the ground. The entire gown had been torn at Ardina’s waist line.

   Needless to say, we rushed to the restrooms faster than we ever would under the threat of some pesky two hour time limit. Afterwards, once we had demorphed and remorphed, we hurriedly paid the bill for our food and left behind a handsome tip. Larry laughed heartily when he arrived to escort us back home.

   Nevertheless, despite the incredible embarrassment, Ardina was still in a good enough mood to stay in my hotel room that night for more than just dessert.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

   ((The last week has been wonderful! It has really put me in high spirits before my work placement begins later today. Both I and Ardina, and sometimes Ayattil, have been busy exploring the vast and colourful Human city of New York, and there is far too much to report in just this little journal entry. However, there have been some highlights that I wish to make notes of, places that I wish to store in my memory. In particular, some of the more famous landmarks, like the Statue of Liberty and the Guggenheim Museum have been rather impressive, at least by Human standards, and we even got to learn a little history behind them. However, by far my favourite location was Central Park. There was plenty of open space to explore, and we weren’t hindered by walls or the busy roads, and even though most of the time was spent in our irritating Human morphs, that wasn’t going to distract us enough to stop enjoying ourselves. And it meant that we could eat with mouths again. We had burgers, fries, salads, and cotton candy. The cotton candy was messy, and though the taste was superb, it sent me slightly mad, and I still haven’t been able to remove the wretched stuff from my _casual_ clothes. About halfway through our trip in Central Park, we stumbled across what appeared to be a statue of a lean Human male, with clothes, hat and skin all the same shade of gold. We _assumed_ it was a sculpture of incredible detail, and even inspected it up close for a while. At one point, I moved my face close to its own, and to my utter shock it awoke and smiled down at me. I was so startled that I tumbled back on my clumsy two legs and onto my backside. It was terribly embarrassing, but it became apparent that this mute Human was some kind of entertainer, and a decent one at that. We tried to exchange pleasantries, but this Human appeared completely unable to speak. That was yesterday, a fine climax to a remarkable week. Now I must prepare for my placement, and I shall travel to the New York City Police Department building, East 67 th Street, to perform my duties. Drehun will be there for my first day to introduce me to my fellow staff and get me acquainted to my room and equipment, and then I assume that I will spend the day bored stiff, waiting for some desperate Andalite to steal a bagel. Somehow, I don’t feel like I will be particularly busy. End journal entry. Mark entry date 6th September 2006. Entry number six.))

 

   When I had packed my utility belt with my small essentials and spent a few minutes eating in the Andalite feeding hall, I called upon Ayattil in his room.  There we morphed and put on clothes suggested to us by our higher-ups, enjoyed a small ham sandwich and a hot drink that the Humans called coffee, before we made our way out onto the city streets at about ten o’clock in the morning.

   Since our first ventures out into the great Human landscape in our morphs, we had learned a few lessons about Human mannerisms and demeanour. We were better able to converse with real Human beings, walk steadily and comfortably on our two flat feet, and control our hunger so that the mere sight of food did not send us into hysterics. We even learned how best to dress in certain situations (though I still could not properly knot a tie), and today, for my work clothes, I wore a grey suit with a white shirt and deep red tie. I carried my utility belt under the shirt which left an ugly square bulge just above the tight-fitting strap that held my trousers up, but another thing we had learnt to do was shop like the Humans, and I would soon invest in something a little more suitable for carrying around my equipment while in Human morph.

   Ayattil was equally smartly dressed, though compared to my more upright and proud physique, he stumbled along behind like a nervous rodent scurrying for scraps, slightly hunched and with messier, unkempt hair. His suit was similar, but he wore a dark blue tie, which was even more loosely fastened than mine.

   The streets were busy, and we had to wind our way through dense crowds and static traffic. We passed great skyscrapers that leapt up sturdily from the ground, passed loud street performers on corners and beggars who pleaded for loose change. The city was vibrant at this time of day with those heading to work, to start a new day in the place I was quickly beginning to call home.

   I barged my way past a particularly slow couple as we approached the street where my building would be found. “Excuse me,” I snapped with my Human mouth, “Some of us have places to get to, so would you mind stepping to one side or at least growing some pace in those chunky legs of yours?”

   “Hey!” the male of the couple shouted as I and Ayattil pushed our way in front. He followed that with a trail of Human expletives, but we were too far gone before he could finish.

   “You see, Ayattil,” I murmured to him as he stumbled to my side. “These Humans aren’t as difficult as they may first appear. You just have to be assertive.”

   “Yes, sir.” He agreed. “You’ve really mastered being Human, sir.”

   I laughed to myself and glanced down to him. “Of course, Ayattil.” I barged another pedestrian out of our way with a hefty shoulder. “To borrow a rather adroit Human expression, it is as easy as pie!”

   “I could sure do with some pie right now, sir!”

   My Human stomach rumbled its agreement, despite only recently having eaten. Fortunately, the Humans were clever when it came to quick and easy nourishment, and street corners were often graced by food stands where one could purchase delicacies such as burgers or ice cream without having to wait half an hour for the privilege.

   While in search of one of these wonderful food stands, we passed by yet another Human playing a guitar on the street, a hat laid before his crossed legs that contained a small amount of loose change. He was playing something upbeat and quite complicated.

   “Look, sir, another one!” Ayattil announced to the entire street, pointing down to the performer.

   I rolled my eyes, and in the process of doing so spotted what I had been looking for. A burger stand was placed conveniently on the street corner, the strong aroma of grease and meat soon following and pulling on my nostrils.

   “Come, Ayattil,” I said to him. “We have located food.”

   “But sir! Could I stay and listen to this Human make music?” He begged stubbornly.

   I groaned. “Fine. I shall order our food. Meet me by the stand when you finally grow bored.”

   Leaving Ayattil to fulfil whatever pleasure he needed fulfilling, I headed to the burger stand, decorated with a selection of American flags, the front of the stand draped with red and white striped cloth. The man in the burger stand, pudgy and bald but with a grand smile, wore matching clothing and held cooking equipment in one hand.

   “Good morning, sir!” He chirped as I approached, silently announcing my intent to purchase some of his goods. “Care for a hotdog?”

   “A _hot dog_?” I flummoxed. “I thought you were selling food.”

   The man laughed heartily. “Good one, sir.”

   I paused, doing my best to analyse the scenario. Eventually, I gave up. Looking over the stand, I noticed that instead of burgers or fries, the man was prepping long thin pieces of meat. Sausages.

   “Ah! So you are selling sausages!” I concluded.

   The vendor tended to the foodstuffs while he spoke, “Only the finest Hotdogs in NYC, sir!”

   “The finest, huh.” I uttered. I had since come to the realisation that Humans tended to over-exaggerate their products in order to sell it, and that their claims were often incorrect. Nevertheless, I was hungry, and I would have eaten a salad from a trash can if it came down to that.

   “I shall have two of your large _hot dogs_.” I said to the fat man in the apron.

   “Certainly, sir. Any sauce on those?”

   Sauce was a wonderful Human invention. Food was delicious enough on its own, but the species decided that it wasn’t good enough, and they created various liquid substances that could be added to further increase the taste sensation. Ketchup, mayonnaise, mustard, all wonderful ingredients for pretty much any meal. “All of them, please.” I replied eagerly, twiddling my thick Human fingers.

   The Human pulled up two separate, long buns from a plastic bag, took some cooking utensils and placed a large sausage in each. With expert craftsmanship, he coated the sausages and buns with all the different variations of sauce, being as generous as I would have pleased. The food was more sauce than main content, and that was just how I liked it.

   “There you go, sir!” The vendor chirped, handing me the buns that were snuggled in pieces of white tissue. I handed him the correct amount of currency from the wallet hidden in my utility belt and walked over to the nearest wall to consume my delicious meal.

   As ever, the food was scrumptious, mouth-watering, and a little messy. A few stray dabs of sauce had migrated to my tie, and no matter how much I rubbed at it with some Human saliva on my fingertips, most of it remained in ugly dark patches. I should have taken more caution, especially considering that I had to make a good impression on my first day.

   All the while, as I finished the remnants of my second breakfast (or brunch, as the Humans sometimes call it) I listened to the distant music that Ayattil had stayed behind to admire. My attention to it was minimal, but just enough to notice that it had ceased quite abruptly. Moments later, Ayattil returned, scurrying past wandering Humans and clutching for the remaining hotdog that I had acquired for him.

   “About time,” I grumbled, handing him his hot dog. “There, I got you food.”

   He inspected the bread and sausage product curiously. “Something is wrong with my burger, sir.”

   “It is not a burger. It is sausage meat from an Earth canine. They call them hot dogs.”

   “Hot dogs…” He uttered, lifting one end to his mouth and chomping down heavily upon it.

   I tried to hurry him, crossing my arms and tapping my right foot impatiently on the ground. I sighed with my mouth repeatedly, making my eagerness heard. Ayattil, ever the clumsy oaf, had to remain still while eating so that he wouldn’t trip and finding himself with a mustard-and-ketchup face mask, but thankfully he ate speedily, and politely used the tissue to remove stains from around his lips. It didn’t help the lake that flowed down his clothing, however.

   “That hotdog was four dollars.” I informed him. “Do you wish to pass on the currency now or when we get to the office?”

   Ayattil turned his ugly Human head up to me. “I can’t, sir.”

   I stammered out a syllable, then hesitated and glared at him. “And may I ask why not?”

   “I haven’t got any money, sir.” He droned.

   “You have plenty of money!” I boomed. “You pretty much announced it to the entire hotel in the main hall before we left!”

   “I don’t have it anymore, sir.” He informed, barely shifting from his monotonous, dim-witted tone.

   I closed my eyes and clutched my fists, infuriated at his insolence. “Why?”

   “I gave it to the man playing the music, sir!”

   “How much?”

   “All of it, sir!”

   “All of it?! What about the rest of the money that the agency sent to you?”

   “I took it all out with me, sir.”

   My index finger and thumb found their way to the bridge of my nose, and I rubbed it in disappointment, and soon a lack of interest. “So now you have absolutely no money for a whole Earth month.” I summarised.

   “No, sir. Not a dime.”

   My body loosened, not even the Human brain I currently inhabited caring much for his plight. “Well that serves you right. For the love of God, Ayattil, why couldn’t you just give him a quarter like everyone else and save the rest for more important things? Brain cells, perhaps.”

   “He asked me for money, sir.” He explained as if it were a plausible reason.

   I could reply with nothing more than a groan.

   “Should we go to the office now, sir?”

   “Yes.” I said with relief.

 

   The NYPD building was a large, ugly slab of architecture that loomed over the street like some gargantuan dead tree. It seemed fitting, considering that the innards as we entered were just as grim and unattractive. Then again, the Humans weren’t too fussy when it came to buildings that weren’t necessarily built for comfort, so I didn’t really expect anything better. There was a help desk as we pushed our way through the first floor, but no staff were present. Fortunately, Drehun had supplied me with enough details to aid me in finding our floor, which was somewhere near the top of the building. It had recently been renovated for the very purpose of dealing with Andalite crimes, and though it only occupied one floor, the ratio of Human to Andalite crimes in the city probably justified it.

   Ayattil and I secured one of the primitive Human transporters, and we quickly found ourselves looking out from our metal cube onto the 12th floor of the building. Perhaps to our surprise, we suddenly felt greatly out of place in our mustard-stained Human uniforms when we were confronted by two of our people who wished to use the transporter once we had vacated it. We shuffled passed them and allowed them on.

   “Do we need these Human morphs, sir?” Ayattil asked. “No one else seems to be in their Human morphs.”

   “I believe the need for the Human morphs was more for our security on the city streets, Ayattil. However, Drehun has advised us to bring the uniforms, so for now we will remain as we are.”

   “Where is he, sir?”

   “He said he would meet us on this floor.”

   We made our way along the corridors that were slightly more adjusted to Andalite needs, passing more of our people and several Humans along the way. We couldn’t tell whether they were real Humans or Andalites in morph like ourselves, but there was one obvious instance when we noticed a Human struggling to walk in the regular fashion, instead stumbling dangerously from side to side. That was probably how we appeared during our first few attempts in Human morph.

   Eventually, we came to a stop outside of a small office, the door open enough for us to peek inside.

   “Sir!” Ayattil alerted. “Your name is on the door!”

   “Of course, Ayattil. This is my office.”

   On the glass pane of the door were small black letters. They read out my name, followed by the title _Criminal Investigator_. The rest of door was a hideously bland shade of green. Obviously, a Human had designed it.

  A voice called out from behind, abrupt enough to spook me back to alertness. ((Nicalor!))

   I turned in the direction of Drehun, who came trotting down the hallway as daintily as an Andalite his age could, tail lowered and curved around so as to avoid slicing Humans that passed by. “Ah! Good to see you, Drehun, sir.”

   He chuckled as he came to a halt before us. ((I was beginning to wonder whether you would decide to turn up at all today, Nicalor.))

   I shuddered and almost turned away in embarrassment. “Am I late?! Damn these Human bodies, so unable to keep track of time, and-“

   Drehun raised a hand to interrupt my excuse. ((You are not late. If you were, I would not be greeting you as I am now. I would simply get one of my Human assistants to fire you.))

   I laughed, assuming it was a joke. The suggestive look on his face, however, corrected me.

   ((You are on time. Barely. There is no need for you to apologise.)) He assured. Then he turned his main eyes to Ayattil, keeping one on me and the other surveying our surroundings. ((This must be your assistant.))

   “Yes, he is.” I replied, almost grievingly. “Ayattil, this is Drehun-Tegganah-Harruth. He is in charge of New York’s Andalite Policing and Criminal investigation agency. Drehun, this is my assistant, Ayattil-Redthun-Askill.”

   They bowed together in greeting, but they exchanged few words. Drehun seemed uninterested, while Ayattil just appeared lost, as usual.

   The formalities were over. ((Shall we?)) Drehun said, indicating to my office door.

   I nodded. “Please.”

   Drehun pushed the door open and led the way into the office, which was just a little more spacious than I expected. A desk sat to our right, a light mahogany look to it, and apart from the computer screen and a few desk ornaments, it was empty. There was no seat behind it, for obvious reasons, but one was stood away in a corner in case I was to work in my Human morph. Apart from the desk, the room was lacking in furnishings, bar a small bookcase at the opposite end of the room and some decorative flora beside it.

   I wandered in past Drehun to admire the place I would be spending a considerable amount of time over the next couple of years. The flooring was much like that in our hotel: A sort of prosthetic grass-imitating substance that tasted of nothing but plastic, though its comfort was superior to the flooring back in my room. I had ample space to move around, swish my tail aimlessly if I saw it fit to do so.

   The standout feature of the room, however, was the view from the double-pane window. As I looked out with my two Human eyes, I watched from a dizzying height at the steady traffic below, packs of Humans bustling on the sidewalks. I saw the hotdog stand off in the distance, though it was too far away to spot the portly man who had served me. I looked upwards at the buildings on the opposite side of the street, gazing at a wall of windows and feeling terribly intrusive when I noticed a Human male, undressed to his undergarments, cooking something in a pan.

   I felt Drehun walk up behind me. ((I made sure to give you one of our more pristine offices.))

   “This should do just fine.” I said. “There is plenty of space.”

   Drehun smiled and bowed his head. ((Excellent. I’m glad you approve.)) Then he turned and moved over to the desk. ((I have supplied you with all the necessary files. You may be glad to know that things are comparatively quiet at the moment.))

   I followed him over and stood behind the Human computer screen. It was on, displaying a luscious green collection of hills under a blanket blue sky. Small squares at the side of the screen indicated specific files.

   ((I trust you can operate these Human computers.)) Drehun said expectantly.

   “Of course.” I replied. “Like most of the crimes I’ve investigated, I’ll have it solved in minutes.”

   Drehun rubbed his hands together. ((Good. Now, if you open up the file “Ongoing”,)) He pointed to the file on the screen. ((You will find the cases that are currently in need of your investigation skills.))

   I placed a chunky finger on the screen, tapping lightly on the file that he had indicated. Nothing happened.

   Drehun huffed through his nose, and with a hand nudged a small rounded contraption in front of me.

   “Yes…” I flustered. “I was just removing some dirt from the screen.”

   I proceeded to use the small contraption to move a small arrow over the screen, and opened up the “Ongoing” file. What occurred from it was a completely blank screen.

   Drehun shuffled beside me. ((As I said, things are comparatively quiet at this moment in time.))

   “Indeed.” I uttered, not sure whether to feel uninspired or relieved. “So… is there nothing for me to do?”

   ((Well, there is something you could spend some time on. Go to the file “Sus3”.))

   I followed the order, closing the “Ongoing” file and clicking the file title “Sus3”. After a short loading period, the file opened up in a programme that I was unfamiliar with. Within it was a list of folders, each with coded names and places.

   “What is this?” I asked.

   ((This is a list that I and a few companions have drawn up. Each folder contains vast amounts of information on certain individuals we feel compelled to keep our eyes on.))

   “Suspects?”

   ((Yes. Those who we believe may have committed a crime, those who we believe _may_ commit a crime, and those who we simply don’t like.))

   I nodded slowly and turned back towards the screen. Using the computer device, I opened up the first file on the list. What appeared then was a large picture on the right-hand side of the screen. An Andalite mug-shot.

   Drehun seemed to shake at the appearance of the picture. ((Hamtirk-Farrol-Getchin. Convicted three times back on the homeworld for armed robbery, somehow granted a pass to Earth. We believe has been using his time here to smuggle stolen goods. A nasty individual.))

   “So you want me to gather information on these suspects?” I asked him.

   Drehun had one stalk eye facing me. ((Precisely. You will find the relevant information for each suspect in those data files. And, Nicalor?))

   “Yes, sir?”

   ((Don’t get caught spying on anyone. The Humans get so fussy about that.)) He huffed with a flick of his hand.

   “Yes, sir, I have read about it.”

   Drehun seemed satisfied, and remembering that Ayattil was also present, turned his attention.

   ((You, assistant.)) He called to Ayattil, who was gazing from the office window. He jumped to attention. ((Tell me, how long have you been with Nicalor, here?))

   “Five years, sir!” He responded with a smile.

   ((Good,)) Drehun mused. ((You must be a marvellous assistant to have been hired for so long.))

   I quietly disagreed behind him.

   Drehun continued, ((Some may say that being an assistant is an unimportant job. Nothing more than the runt who fetches the drinks and sorts the files. But an assistant is much more than that. An assistant is a loyal companion, resolute and dignified. Someone willing and able to carry the flag of our people, demand the respect that we deserve as a race. The base of the great pyramid that we call the Andalite race. Without you, Ayattil, it would all crumble to dust.))

   An ill-deserved smug look spread over Ayattil’s Human face.

   ((Now,)) Drehun continued. ((Go and make us some coffee.))

   Ayattil drifted back in from his stupor, “Yes, sir!” And with his usual clumsy gait he buzzed from the room.

   I laughed, finally grasping the point of the small speech. “You must have experience with assistants.”

   He swivelled his head to me. ((An assistant is much more efficient with high morale. You can’t slap them around the head _all_ of the time, lest they become rebellious,)) He moved for the office door, but looked back to me before he exited. ((I shall return briefly in my Human form for coffee. Then I shall leave you to your work.))

   “Thank you, sir.” I said with a nod.

   ((And then I wish for you to demorph. Your clothes are filthy.))

   “Will do, sir.”


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

   In all my years of service to Andalite Criminal Investigation, in all those hours spent sorting through office files, researching incidents on computers and dusting down crimes scenes, in all those painful seconds fighting off the cruel torture of inactivity, I had never been as bored as I was during that first day of work on Earth. My shifts were a total length of ten Earth hours per day, and by four I found myself looking for absolutely anything that could possibly delay the boredom that I suffered, even if just for a few seconds at a time.

   The first hour was spent drinking coffee with Drehun and meeting my Andalite and Human peers who worked on my office floor. The second hour or so was intended to be used to do some investigative work on recent criminal activities, but with essentially nothing going on, that was a wasted effort. So the time since then was spent waiting for any crimes to come through, while pacing my office like a canine waiting for its master to return. I felt the need to decorate my office in a way that would make it seem more homely, but that only occupied half an hour of my time.

   It was approaching five o’clock in the afternoon, and having drunk a little too much coffee on my all-too-regular breaks, I was buzzing with energy, which didn’t leave even when I returned to my own Andalite body. My Human clothing was perched on a hanger just beside my office door, and it was refreshing to finally be out of them. Even with my considerably larger body, the office was spacious enough for me to stand at my desk and freely move the extremities of my body.

   I was not too impressed with the Human computer that I had been given. It was bulky and slow, primitive in every single way. I asked Drehun why we couldn’t use Andalite computer systems, but apparently our computers are in no way compatible with the Humans’, and compatibility was essential when it came to sharing data files.

   So I was stuck with it. The ugly, lumpy screen gazed up at me, begging to be conveniently lost and replaced. I made it somewhat more bearable by personalising colour schemes and the desktop background, but even the pixelated sight of a meadow on our homeworld couldn’t save the wretched contraption.

   When I first arrived on the planet, I knew that my job would be somewhat tedious, but after a week in New York City I had some hope that maybe I would have jobs with which I could keep myself busy, what with the amount of crime I had heard was committed on a daily basis. But that crime is Human crime, not Andalite crime. The last crime committed by an Andalite in New York City was three weeks ago, which, in a city this size, is an extraordinarily small crime rate. It makes sense, considering that the New York Human population stretches over an unbelievable eight million in number, whereas the Andalite population covers a measly ten thousand at most. That, and Humans are a rather aggressive and unstable species, so it’s no wonder the crime ratio was much higher.

   There was still one small hope, however. Andalites committing crimes on Earth have one great advantage: A lot would have the ability to morph. That meant that an individual could obtain a random Human morph with incredible ease, and commit any crime within that morph. In the first few years after the Yeerk war, when Andalites were starting to visit Earth on a more regular basis, this became a great problem. Innocent Humans were getting thrown in penitentiaries for crimes that they didn’t commit. It didn’t take long for the Human officials to notice this, and they requested that our people enabled certain technologies that could rid them of the issue.

   That’s where I came in. My investigative prowess allowed me to solve crimes committed when the suspect was in morph. They would still leave small clues as to their real identity, and it was my job to find those small clues.

   That was why I didn’t feel like I had been demoted, having been moved from my office on the homeworld and now being located on a planet with such a minute crime rate. They needed me here for my expertise.

   Jobs were to be sent to me when the criminals were identified as Andalites. This usually occurs when video footage shows a Human committing a crime, when the _actual_ Human is able to prove that they were elsewhere at the time. That job is then sent to my office, where I begin my investigation.

   My job folder on the Human computer was empty. I sighed, and thought about morphing to sip on some more delicious hot drinks. I was rudely halted with a loud knocking on my door.

   ((Who is it?)) I called drowsily.

   ((It’s me, sir!))

   With a disheartened groan, I invited him in. Ayattil made his way into my office with a folder under his arm. He didn’t look quite so weary as perhaps I did, but he was better able to keep amused, what with the tasks I would send him on, and which he would get wrong every time without fail.

   ((I brought you the reports that you asked for, sir.)) He announced proudly, handing the folder to me over the desk. I took it while glaring impatiently down at him.

   ((You took your time.)) I noted.

   ((Did I?))

   ((Ayattil, in the time it has taken you to pick up one stack of reports, entire mountain ranges have shifted. Perhaps next time I send you out on a task, you could do it with a bit more speed,)) I pulled open the tatty old folder and retrieved the reports from within. I looked down at them with my main eyes, but lifted my stalk eyes to him when I noticed something about the files. ((Ayattil, these are the reports for the vending machines.))

   ((You asked for the reports, sir.)) He attempted to excuse himself.

   ((I am a criminal investigator, Ayattil. I need reports on _crime_. I really couldn’t care less if vending machine 4 is completely out of KitKat’s or the M &M’s dispenser in machine 16 has a slight squeak,)) I threw the useless folder down on the desk. ((Please, get it right next time!))

   He stared blankly at me. I doubted much of what I said had processed. ((Okay, sir!))

   I shook my head slowly in frustration and guided all my eyes away from him. ((Honestly, Ayattil, why did I hire you as my assistant?))

   Ayattil began to respond, but I lifted a hand to stop him, not really wanting an answer to that particular question. Thankfully, or perhaps regretfully, he shifted the conversation.

   ((Anything interesting come up on the computer, sir?))

   ((I’m afraid not,)) I sighed, again placing myself in front of the computer and whisking around a few open windows. ((At least, nothing that I could actually do anything helpful for.))

   Ayattil looked a little confused. ((Isn’t that a good thing, sir?))

   ((In a way, yes, but for my sanity, no. I am totally, incomparably bored.))

   Ayattil smiled. ((Remember what you always told me, sir? It’s only a matter of time before crime rears its ugly head up!))

   ((Yes, Ayattil, but that was on our home world. We live in a city where most of the Andalite population consists of tourists. The rest are them are like ourselves: Doctors, scientists, government officials. Anyone deemed unsuitable to travel freely to a foreign planet is stopped before they can get here.))

   ((So you’re saying that there aren’t any criminals around, sir?))

   ((I’m not saying that. All I’m saying is that crime is so much less frequent here that we’ll be spending most of the time twiddling our thumbs and drinking rivers of coffee. It may be some time before we are required for an investigation.))

   He nodded, looking a little disheartened. Ayattil may have been an incompetent assistant, but he was always eager to do his job. If it weren’t for that, I would have fired him years ago.

   ((So what are you doing right now, sir?))

   I fiddled with the computer again. ((I have been researching upcoming events in the city, to see if there is anything which could invite any sort of crime our people may be tempted to commit.))

   ((And did you find anything, sir?))

   I shrugged my shoulders. ((Nothing too obvious. There are always large events being held in this city, but most of them are of little interest. However, there are a few major events coming within the next few months which we may have to keep our eyes on.))

   ((Like what, sir?)) Ayattil asked.

   ((Food festivals, mostly. Apart from those, we’ll have to keep watch over some of the city’s more anticipated events. There’s a presidential visit this month. That’s followed by a new exhibit opening in the Guggenheim and the visit of the Hork-Bajir governor for some big conference. There are a couple of celebrity weddings between all of that.))

   Ayattil narrowed his main eyes, a little puzzled. ((Why are those ones that we should watch, sir?))

   ((Because, Ayattil, such events require one thing that our people are so desperate to have: Food. The bigger the event, the finer the food.))

   ((Oh! I see, sir!)) Judging from his expression, he quite clearly didn’t.

   ((You see,)) I began, leaning against my desk. ((Human currency has absolutely no worth back on our home planet, so you will never see an Andalite stealing from a bank, or breaking into vehicles to sell them off. No, the only thing the Humans have that will be valuable to our people is their delicious food, and that is what the criminals will be after,)) I slumped and breathed heavily, lazily focusing a stalk eye on Ayattil. ((Now, I’m hungry. Perhaps we should explore this building a little more thoroughly.))

   Ayattil approached the desk, and in a cheery tone said, ((No need, sir!)) From the utility belt wrapped around his torso he pulled up a large wad of KitKat bars and dropped them on in front of me.

   ((I am in the mood for something that will not send me bouncing off the walls with excess energy, Ayattil,)) I stated. ((But nevertheless, I am thankful for the service. Good job. You’ve staved off the sack for another day,)) With that, I began filling my desk drawer with the chocolate bars. Once I had packed it all away, I closed the draw and clasped my hands together. ((Shall we explore?))

   With so little to do in my office, it was probably a wise decision to meet with those who I would be working alongside for the next couple of years, so I packed away some things and locked the office door behind us, before heading off to the staff lounge situated at the far end of our floor. Ayattil guided me there, and much to my surprise he got me there on first attempt.

   The staff lounge was about as much as I expected. A coffee machine dominated one side of the room, steaming away as someone poured out fresh drinks. Below, lined against two opposing walls, were a few tatty old sofas, and between them was a small table. To our immediate right, placed up against the wall, were two vending machines, one filled with snacks and the other with bottled drinks. The walls were a hideous shade of yellow, and were decorated with no more than a couple of cracks where paint had been scraped off, and a couple of advertisements, one of which was a movie that appeared to document some fictional activities that took place during the Yeerk war. It starred Sylvester Stallone and Morgan Freeman.

   As for the inhabitants of the lounge, there were three: The one that was pouring coffee and two others sat on one of the mangy sofas. They were all Humans, or Andalites in morph. Thankfully, I had planned ahead, and both I and Ayattil morphed Humans just before we left my office. It wouldn’t really have mattered had we come in our own bodies, but I wanted to be able to taste while we explored the building.

   “There are not many people here, sir!” Ayattil stated, making sure to re-elaborate specific syllables after speaking, still unaccustomed to the mouth apparatus.

   “I noticed, Ayattil. It’s no big surprise. Why don’t you go and make some coffee,” Then, I added, “And don’t spill it everywhere this time.”

   “Yes sir.” He chirped obediently, and went about following the order.

   His temporary absence allowed me to pick out an appealing area in which to sit. There weren’t many, but I chose a brown leather sofa huddled up against the vending machine. Without much to admire visually in the room, I gazed up into the great metal-glass containers and wondered which sugar-coated treat I would most like to devour.

   But before I could search my artificial skin pockets for some loose change, my limited Human eyes noticed an Andalite swagger into the room, appearing from the opposite side of the vending machines. He was young, perhaps a little younger than myself, but his body was unnervingly well toned, his hooves and tail blade almost shimmering in the bright white lighting of the room. He strutted over to the centre of the room with unabashed confidence, and appeared to be speaking privately to one of the Humans present, a female with flowing blonde hair.

   I don’t know why I was drawn to them. It was probably an innate curiosity, seeing my people freely interacting with those of another race, something that still seems so strange to this day. It was plain to see that this particular Human was not an Andalite in morph. For one thing, she wasn’t busy eating or making unusual mouth sounds. She was in full control of the body.

   Though she would have to speak using her mouth, unable to communicate privately via thought-speech, she made sure to keep her voice low. I couldn’t make out what she was saying, which was quite irritating when I noticed one of the Andalite’s stalk eyes rested upon me.

   Thankfully, there was no need for me to confront him for the unwarranted staring, because he was quick to approach me first, with the blonde-haired female tagged to his side. I brought myself up to my unsteady legs which I had since learned to balance on quite safely.

   ((Hello,)) The Andalite greeted, a tone whose sincerity I couldn’t quite decipher. ((You’re new here, aren’t you?))

   “Yes,” I spoke, at first using my Human tongue, then, transferring to thought-speech to announce my race, ((I am.))

   The Andalite gave a knowing smile. ((Ah, of course. I can tell from the awkward stance that you are not a Human, as your morph may suggest.))

   I was already beginning to dislike this male. His voice came with a superior sneer, a tone that made one wince at the sheer level of arrogance portrayed. Nevertheless, I kept my early opinions to myself.

   ((My name is Nicalor-Garroon-Charod.)) I informed them both, joint with a courteous bow.

   The Andalite bowed himself. ((Neechun-Harrath-Neltei. Criminal investigator.))

   Another criminal investigator? I searched my memory, and recalled something that Drehun had mentioned in passing. Something about another CI that would also be present in the building. It must have been him.

   Before I could explain my own position, Neechun spoke up. ((So you must be the new CI. You don’t _look_ much like a criminal investigator…))

   I used my Human face muscles to express a disapproving emotion. ((I’ll have you know that I have been performing my duties for years.)) I spat defensively.

   Neechun laughed haughtily. ((No need to get angry, Nicalor. I’m just a little curious as to why Drehun needed another one of us around.))

   ((It speaks clear volumes about your performance so far, obviously.)) I accused.

   This conversation wasn’t going too well. I took a deep breath and tried to push aside the awkward first exchanges.

   Neechun seemed unfazed, but still reeked of a deep superiority complex, the tip of his tail constantly turned upwards in a vain attempt to gain an air of authority.

   ((I believe, Nicalor,)) He began. ((That Drehun may have brought you here to deal with some of the more minor tasks around the city, while I keep watch over the important events over the next year. Why he wants us to _keep watch_ is unknown to me, but it saves us from the boredom that we would otherwise be subjected to.))

   ((You have already been given placements for these events?)) I asked, a little disappointed. I had planned to request such duties from Drehun myself.

   ((Of course!)) Neechun chimed. ((Having worked here for several years, Drehun trusts me with all the important tasks. I am to attend the presidential conference later this month, and will be escorting the Hork-Bajir governor when she eventually arrives.))

   I glared angrily at him, my inner rage having quickly returned with his continuously dismal attitude. ((Just wait and see, Neechun. It won’t be long before it is I performing such duties. I was brought to Earth for my expertise, not simply to perform mindless chores.))

   Neechun’s tail twitched, but now even he grew weary of the unpleasant conversation.

   ((Enough of this,)) He huffed. Then, he shuffled slightly to the side so that his Human companion could walk into full view. ((Anyway, Nicalor, I would like you to meet my personal assistant, Rebecca.))

   “Good afternoon” The one called Rebecca politely offered, a smile over her pale Human face.

   “Good afternoon to you as well, Rebecca.” I replied using my Human mouth. Reverting back, I spoke privately to Neechun, ((You have a Human assistant?))

   ((Yes, I do.)) He responded. ((It was not my choice, but Drehun’s. However, Rebecca here is much more reliable and agreeable than most Humans one would come across. A fine assistant,)) Though his main eyes remained focused on me, the stalk eyes examined the room. ((And what about your assistant, Nicalor?))

   I hesitated. With my two Human eyes, I saw Ayattil still trying to get liquid from the coffee machine, embroiled in steam. ((Oh… my assistant? He’s… off sick this week. In fact… he’s dead.))

   ((My sincere apologies.)) Neechun replied.

   Much to my grievance, that was when Ayattil arrived. He stumbled over from Rebecca’s left.

   “I got your coffee, sir!” He announced. I noticed Neechun roll his eyes, a look of amusement on his face.

   ((Ayattil, go away.)) I said privately.

   “But sir!” He replied, “I got your coff-“

   Ayattil lost his footing and stumbled forward, hot coffee spilling over the side of the two mugs and onto his bare hands. He screamed and dropped the mugs, and they crashed down on the floor in a heated explosion. Hot coffee splashed all over my trouser legs and burned through the thin fibre, causing me to yelp in pain.

   “Sorry, sir,” Ayattil whimpered. “I dropped them.”

   I swear, at that moment I could have killed him. Instead, I shook my fists and blared out his name in anger. Neechun laughed cruelly. Rebecca remained politely silent.

   ((Dead, huh?)) Neechun mocked. (( _Brain_ -dead, perhaps.))

   I grunted out some inaudible syllables under my breath and wiped at my affected clothes. Ayattil was busy mopping up the remains of the coffee mugs.

   ((Come, Rebecca,)) Neechun said, turning back towards the centre of the room. ((I’m sure we can find more suitable entertainment elsewhere.))

   I refrained from spitting verbal abuse at him, and instead sighed down to Ayattil, who had finished cleaning up what he had spilt. ((Well done, Ayattil, you made us look really professional there.))

   ((Thank you very much, sir!)) He responded, reverting to thought-speech.

   ((I was being sarcastic.))

   ((Oh.))

   Embarrassed, in pain, and utterly infuriated, I wished to return to the office. ((Let’s go, Ayattil. And bring something from the vending machine with you.))

   I began to make my way out of the staff lounge, when the thought-speech of Neechun stopped me in my tracks. I turned to watch as he trotted along after me, a file clutched in his right hand.

   ((Nicalor,)) He started, still with a sneer in his voice. ((I suppose that, thus far, you have nothing much to work on.))

   ((No, I do not,)) I replied with scorn. ((Why?))

   He reached forward, offering the file that he held, and I took it.

   ((Something that just came through. Just something small. I’m sure that it’s not too big for you and your dead assistant to handle.)) He explained with a chuckle. Without explaining anything else, he returned to the centre of the room with a prideful swagger.

   Ayattil had watched, and though he was still trying to operate a vending machine, he asked, ((What’s that, sir?))

   With chunky but useable Human fingers, I pulled open the folder and lifted from it a single pad of reports. The date was marked for today, so these had just come through to Neechun. I skimmed with interest through the text on the first page to decipher the message.

   I smiled, and looked with my main eyes to Ayattil. ((This, Ayattil, is a report of criminal activity that has just occurred.))

   ((You mean that we finally have something to do, sir?))

   ((Exactly, Ayattil.))

   He finished up placing loose change into the vending machine and pressed a few buttons. A candy bar fell with a clunk into the receiving bay below. Before Ayattil could reach in, I bent down and snatched the snack, tearing it open and biting deep into the gorgeous food.

   ((Get your stuff ready, Ayattil. We’re going to the local bakery.))


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

   There was one issue that we didn’t really take into consideration when we started our first day of Earthly duties. The city of New York was vast and compressed, meaning that to get even just a short distance was long on time and short on tranquillity. The first crime scene that we were being called to was only a few blocks away, but with the streets as crowded as they were, we realised that perhaps we should have arranged quicker transport.

   I’m not too sure of how Human criminal investigation works, precisely, but for us, we were to reach a crime scene as soon as possible, in case of any evidence going missing or being tampered with. It’s never really that necessary, but it is often helpful, and it is a requirement that is strictly monitored. In order to get there quickly, we had to either wander the horrible veins of the city, dodging our way past street performers and businessmen, or spend yet more money hiring a cab to take us there. Where was Larry when we needed him?

   Not only that, but we had to travel in our Human morphs, with stained, crumpled clothes that we simply could not put on correctly. Then again, we wouldn’t be the worst-dressed Humans around.

   ((No, Ayattil.)) I said, halfway down 67th Street. ((I think we should walk. It may actually be quicker, what with the vast amounts of traffic at this time of day.))

   ((Do you know where the place is, sir?))

   ((Of course I know!)) I huffed impatiently. ((I made sure to double-check the location given on the reports, using the Human communication device known as the “Internet”.))

   ((The Internet, sir?))

   ((Yes, the Internet. I wouldn’t recommend it. For every useful piece of information it holds, there are about twenty million that will turn you hooves white and haunt you till the day you die,)) I shuddered. ((You know the name of the store that we are heading to?))

   ((Barry’s Big Buns, isn’t it, sir?))

   ((Yes. Never type that into a search engine, Ayattil.))

   ((But w-))

   ((Don’t ask me why. Please.))

   A lengthy silence followed as we marched our way down 67th street, barging past the slower Humans who were determined to take up as much walking space as possible, yapping to their equally infuriating fellows in great crowds that clogged up each and every route. Some Humans were especially large, and they took extra persuading to move their sorry forms. On the street corner, with the possibility of heading in four differing directions, we stopped to coordinate ourselves. Though I knew precisely where we were going, each direction looked near-enough identical, save for the large McDonalds dominating the street to our left, and a cluster of mountainous skyscraper’s being the prominent fixtures of the street straight ahead.

   Yes. I knew precisely where we were. I think…

   ((Are we lost, sir?)) Ayattil whined at my side, as irritating as I had come to expect.

   ((I am not lost, Ayattil! How many times must I tell you?))

   He blinked, gazing dopily up at me. ((So where do we go then, sir?))

   (( _You’ll_ be going to the hospital in a minute, if you’re not quiet.)) I grunted, glancing around for any clues as to where we should head. The map I had briefly skimmed over on the Internet seemed helpful at first glance, but I failed to realise one thing: Most of the streets were built, structured, and made to look exactly the same but for the individual retailers, and they were just clusters of bright, unappealing colours that were of no help at all.

   ((I think we may need to ask for directions, Ayattil,)) I admitted, feeling ashamed of myself. ((Look for a trustworthy Human. Like that one over there.))

   Ayattil followed my stare. ((The large one, sir? The one with the shaven head and the tattoos?))

   ((Yes, he looks like a trustworthy citizen.))

   We approached the male Human. He had his back turned to us, holding a burger in one hand and visually accompanying the words he was speaking with another. He was talking to another couple of Humans, who were also tattooed and equally large in both height and width. He wore a small and ineffectual piece of artificial skin over his upper body, white and without sleeves that are meant to keep one’s arms warm.

   I tapped the male on the shoulder, and he turned with a grizzled, roughened face that portrayed a life of hardship and, dare I say, a few fist-fights.

   Nevertheless, I put on my most Human tone and said, “Hello, my good friend! May I ask for your name?” I attempted to keep the conversation as polite as possible. I didn’t know this Human, and I had been told of how unstable some could be.

   “Barry,” The large man grunted in a gravelly, deep voice. “Why?”

   My eyes widened, taken completely by surprise that we had been fortunate enough to find Barry himself. He didn’t quite give the appearance of a local store owner, though. Even by Human standards, he looked a bit dim.

   Ayattil was by my side, and he seemed just as stunned.

   “We’re looking for your big buns, Barry!” He said to the Human. “Could you show us where they are?”

   Barry’s face contorted to a deep, angry glare. He curled his meaty hand into a fist and clobbered Ayattil in the hard in the face. Ayattil collapsed to the ground, moaning.

   “Get up, Ayattil,” I grumbled with a roll of my Human eyes. “This is no time for lying around.”

   My attention was quickly drawn back to Barry, whose fist was ready to be launched again, this time in my direction.

   “I think you misunderstand, Barry,” I said, raising my hands in a motion of peace. “We are looking for your big buns. Could you show us where to find them?”

   I flinched when I noticed Barry prepare to strike again, but sighed in great relief when one of his fellow Humans, the one wearing a rather pointless and ineffective round hat on his head, put a hand over Barry’s shoulder.

   “Barry, man, chill.”

   Whatever _chill_ meant (I was certain that the second Human didn’t want Barry to become particularly cold), it thankfully stopped Barry in his tracks, though his bitter stare remained focused on me.

   The second Human continued, explaining, “I think they’re looking for Barry’s Big Buns. You know, that place next to KFC.”

   Barry’s fist lowered, and I silently thanked his friend for coming to my rescue.

   “Precisely!” I exclaimed, “We are looking for Barry’s Big Buns.”

   The friendlier Human stood before Barry and raised a chunky finger, pointing northwards. “Just keep going that way, man, you can’t miss it.”

   “Thank you very much.” I offered with a bow that was probably more Andalite than Human.

   I turned and almost stumbled over Ayattil’s crumpled form, still moaning and clutching at his jaw.

   “Will you stop messing around, Ayattil?! Come on, I know where we need to go now.”

   It didn’t take us particularly long to find what we were looking for. We headed northwards and stayed on that street, passing by the usual hordes of Humans and convenience stores, taking short breaks to admire food being prepared wherever we could and sampling some wonderfully fragrant sugared bread products called donuts when their unavoidable scent tugged at our dull but accurate Human noses. About a mile along, as we came to yet another crossroads bustling with the usual activity, the dominating KFC logo infiltrated our field of vision, and, sure enough, as the large Humans had recalled, opposite that KFC stood a considerably less intrusive logo, accompanied by a golden-brown bun, displaying “Barry’s Big Buns”.

   We came to the door of the small building, clutching in our hands red boxes full of fried chicken bits. The sign on the door said that it was closed, but with a loud knock we were almost immediately greeted by a Human police officer in the distinctive deep dark blue uniform and hat.

   “I’m sorry, sirs,” The officer grumbled, seemingly annoyed at our presence. “But this shop is closed. Sorry for the inconvenience.”

   He began to close the door, but I stopped him with a blurted syllable. He watched me, eyes narrowed as I readjusted my KFC box under my left arm, and with my right hand searched the pocket of my lower artificial skin. From it, I pulled out an identity badge.

   “Nicalor-Garroon-Charod, criminal investigator.” I mumbled through a mouthful of chicken. Ayattil said nothing, but provided the officer with a small wave of his hand. The police officer nodded, accepting our presence by opening the door and allowing us to step inside.

   The establishment looked like any ordinary small food outlet. At the front lay the main counter, where the trade of currencies and goods were carried out. A man stood behind it, displaying a huge moustache and dressed in white, an apron draped over his front. He looked panicked, bemused. Around him, before the counter, were three police officers, soon joined by the one who had allowed us in, and they all appeared disinterested, hands tightly locked into their pockets, dull eyes exploring the room.

   The room itself was much more pleasing to observe.  The walls were brightly, sweetly decorated, like a grand horizon over the bastions of wooden shelves, home to all sorts of delightful delicacies. The scentless smell of sugar and icing engulfed me, pulled me in like a seductress, a work of art. Buns, baguettes, bagels, baked to perfection for denizen’s fortunate enough to marvel at their splendour, like myself. Their delicate appearance, a cruel temptation that flirted and sung without motion…

   ((Sir?))

   ((Yes, Ayattil?))

   ((Why are you caressing that chocolate cake?))

   I momentarily paused my stream of thought to realise that I was, in fact, rubbing my two hands over a large, two-story chocolate cake that sat on a glorified table in the centre of the shop. Now all of the Humans inside had moved their focus onto me.

   “Investigative process,” I excused. “I do apologise, but I like to be thorough.” I licked my fingers, which were now coated in gorgeous chocolate icing.

   The man with a moustache, who I assumed to be the owner of the establishment, was the first to speak up after an intermittent awkward silence.

   “Excuse me,” He said, brandishing a peculiar accent that I couldn’t quite place, “Who are you?”

   I retook my badge and lifted it for all of the Humans to gaze upon. “Nicalor-Garroon-Charod, Andalite CI.”

   “It’s about time you got here!” The shopkeeper snapped, waving a baguette in my direction. “Barry, he will go crazy!”

   “You are not Barry?” I asked calmly, stepping up to the counter that looked much emptier than one would imagine.

   “My name is Vincenzo Giordano, and I am very upset!” He yelled, moustache twitching on his flapping Human lips.

  “There is no need to be upset, Mr Giordano,” I said, raising my hand in an attempt to calm him. “We are here to deal with this now. I will have to ask you some questions.”

   I exchanged implicative stares with the Human officers around me, who took the hint and withdrew from the building, leaving just the three of us inside.

   “Okay, Mr Giordano, if you could please just-”

   “They took them!” Vincenzo interrupted with a heart-wrenching cry. “They took them all! So many… So many, and they were so beautiful! So many hours, too! So hard to make!” He clawed at his hair and gritted his teeth audibly. “Barry will be very upset. He fire me. No more job for Vincenzo! No more-”

   “Mr Giordano!” I hushed, growing impatient with his meaningless whining. “This is not helping.”

   His emotion switched, and he grew angry, waving the baguette violently in the air. “You! It is you Andalites! This third time! Always come to steal Vincenzo’s little bready children! Cazzo di alieni!”

   “Could we please keep this to one language?” I requested.

   “Fuck you!”

   “Good,” I pulled my utility belt from under my suit, and from it took a small notebook and a pen, opening the notebook and scribbling down the date and time, ready to take his answers. “Could you tell me when the incident occured?”

   Thankfully, Vincenzo had calmed enough now to put a hand to his head, thinking, recalling what he knew. “They come here. They come about four hours ago.”

   “Good, we’re making progress.” I slurred under my breath, writing down the approximate time. “Now, how many were there?”

   “Three. But there were more.”

   “Three, but more?”

   “They have a car, yes? They come here, take all Vincenzo’s beautiful children, then leave and jump into a car!”

   “Did you see how many were in the car?”

   “No. The windows, they were tinted.”

   “Okay,” I sighed, scribbling the details down messily into the notebook. “Could you describe the events in detail for me?”

   Vincenzo was calm enough to firstly not threaten me with a baguette, and secondly to lucidly translate what had occurred, though he still squeezed the crumpled baguette apprehensively in his hands. “Everything start normal, you know? I come into shop, sell to the customers, leave counter duty to other staff while I make beautiful Vincenzo children in back room, and-”

   “How many staff were here at the time?” I interrupted, sensing the information to be important.

   “Just me and Mr Robson. He is Barry’s nephew.”

   “And where is he now?”

   “I send him home. He is so traumatised,” He said, echoing the statement with exaggerated hand gestures. “They point gun to his head.”

   “Did they all have guns?” I asked, my eyes focused on my etching hand.

   “I did not see, but they call me out of backroom, tell me to put up my hands. Then they tell me to fill a bag with all of my freshly made fairy cakes! How Vincenzo fill bag with hands in the air?! How is it possible?!”

   I sensed that he was getting agitated again, and raised a hand to slow him down. “So three men came in, at least one with a gun, and he asked for…?”

   “Fairy cakes. Vincenzo’s beautiful children!”

   “Just the fairy cakes?”

   He thought for a brief moment. “They take a napkin, too.”

   “I see…”

   Vincenzo, having finally remained clear-headed enough to reveal this information, was quickly growing twitchy again. “You Andalites! Why don’t you steal from a bank like normal people?!”

   “Please, Vincenzo,” I said, closing my eyes and trying to remain patient with him. “Could we please keep on track with the questions? This is very important, and we are going to get nowhere if you-”

   “Don’t patronise me!” He growled. “You Andalites always steal Vincenzo’s children!”

   I noticed my writing becoming more and more jagged as my patience began to run dry. “Do not make such generalisations of my people! Do you see _me_ stealing your food?”

   “No,” Vincenzo agreed with narrow eyes. “But your assistant is!”

   “My assistant?” Without my stalk eyes, I had to swivel my whole body around to look for Ayattil. He was stood by the cupcake stand, his artificial hooves stamping on several loose pieces of paper that the cakes were originally held in, and icing was decorating the area immediately around his lips.

   I turned back to Vincenzo. “He is searching for evidence. Don’t mind him.”

   Vincenzo shuffled irritably on his sturdy legs, holding his baguette so tightly that I feared it would snap in half. “You will find the ones responsible, yes?”

   “If I can ask my questions, I don’t see why I can’t,” I huffed, then, clearing my throat, I continued, “Did you get a good look at them? Could you describe any in particular?”

   “They all wear black,” Vincenzo informed. “And they wear the, uh, how you say…?” He imitated pulling something over his head with both hands. “I only see eyes.”

   “Okay. And did they say anything specifically to you?”

   He paused to think. “Put all the fairy cakes in the bag. That’s what he said.”

   “Anything else?”

   “No.”

   Ayattil’s voice spoke up from beside me, making me jump and almost lose balance. “They must have been using thought-speech, sir!”

   I rolled my eyes and sighed in frustration at his interruption. “Your tedious insistence of pointing out every obvious bit of information is not necessary right now, Ayattil.”

   “But sir!” He chirped, lifting a small cupcake in front of my face. “I found evidence, sir!”

   I took the cupcake that he had pushed before me, and with tough yet delicate Human fingers, I inspected it. There was a definite indentation in the icing, a thick scoop taken from its surface by a Human finger.

   “Ah! Well done, Ayattil. Quickly, place it in a tub, we’ll take it to the labs later.” I said delightedly, handing the damaged delicacy back to Ayattil, taking care not to disturb or touch the icing.

   “Taking another one of my cupcakes?!” Vincenzo whined petulantly through his teeth.

   “There is a large finger mark on its surface. We can use it to find our miscreants.”

   “Fingerprints?” He asked incredulously.

   “Not quite. Andalite technology. You wouldn’t understand,” I smiled inwardly, and as I looked upwards, I noticed something small and shiny lodged in the corner of the ceiling. I turned my eyes back down to Vincenzo once he was finished glaring at me hatefully. “CCTV?”

   “We have CCTV, yes.”

   “I would like to see it. Do you have the appropriate facilities?” I asked.

   Vincenzo sighed and nodded. “Upstairs. Come.”

   I called Ayattil to follow when he had safely contained the damaged cupcake, and together we followed Vincenzo into the back room, and then up a tiny, narrow flight of stairs that took us to the second floor, which consisted solely of a crummy little office lined with hideous yellow walls and a lingering smell of cheap air freshener. An old, exceptionally primitive Human computer sat on a desk against a wall, alongside a boxy television. Both the screens were lit, one of them showing the sight from two separate cameras, one in the bakery, and one in the store. Vincenzo sat down in the swivelling office chair before the computer and began typing away at some simple programme that consisted of nothing more than recordings. Yet, he still struggled.

   After about a minute of messing around, unable to find what he was looking for, he turned in the chair and said, “I was never told how to use computer! I never-”

   “Oh just get out of the way.” I fumed, shooing him from the chair and sitting myself down.

   Within seconds, I found what I was looking for. I brought up the camera footage from 10AM to 11AM, the approximate time of the robbery. Zooming forward through the footage, I arrived at the moment when the robbery began.

   The image was black and white, a hideous, fuzzy portrayal of the store that looked over the counter to the front entrance. Three Humans, all dressed in black with faces masked, burst into the shop. Two of them split off to the sides, while one muscled forward passed a frightened, regular customer who seemed too befuddled to know what was occurring. One of the other two criminals held the customer to stop her from escaping, while the lead Human raised a gun to a tall male behind the counter. After a few seconds, Vincenzo appeared, immediately raising his hands.

   The lead masked Human threw a small sack to Vincenzo, who seemed hesitant in lowering his arms, before he began to fill the sack with a number of goods from beneath the counter in a hurried panic.

   Within a minute, the masked Humans were gone. The remainder of the recording was of the two shopkeepers throwing their arms around in frustration, but that was of no interest to me. I fiddled with the computer system for a while, saving the necessary segment of film and sending it to my own computer e-mail, back in the office.

   There was one thing, however, that had caught my eye during the recording, and once I had sent it to my office, I reversed the footage back to when the small sack was thrown to Vincenzo.

   “That cupcake…” I mused. “This, Vincenzo, is our best chance of finding our culprits.”

   I paused the tape, in the split second when one of the three criminals reached to the cupcake stand, and with a finger swiped at the smooth icing of one of its inhabitants, bringing the finger to his mouth and sucking away the displaced sugary goodness. The damaged cupcake.

   “Too easy.”


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

((It has been a successful day thus far. After receiving my first call-out, I was able to collect sufficient evidence, which will now be analysed at the Andalite Research Centre, a large collection of laboratories near Downtown Brooklyn. By the time we had finished collecting our samples, however, the Earth sky had already begun its descent into night, so we thought it wise to hire a taxi, instead of walking all the way to our destination. I-))

   “You were actually considering walking?!” Larry chimed in from the front of the taxi. “The ARC is miles from here.”

   I ignored Larry, and continued, main eyes focused on the computer that I held before me. ((I called on Larry to pick us up after we demorphed, and we are currently making our way down Park Avenue, watching as the city night life begins. The city at night is something that I never would have expected, and is certainly not like anything seen on the home world. The entire landscape is dotted with bright lights of all different colours, and as we drive down the busy streets, we are engulfed in a sea of neon and flashes. Strangely, the arrival of night does not appear to deter Human activity, and even seems to increase the pace at which they carry out their activities. It also appears to positively affect their moods, and-))

   “That’s because they’re all either drunks or tourists. Usually both,” Larry interrupted again, and he laughed. “You telling me that you haven’t experienced New York at night, yet?”

   ((No, I have not. Now, if I could just finish-))

   ((What’s it like, Larry?)) Ayattil asked from beside me.

   Larry shrugged and momentarily glanced over his shoulder, before returning his eyes to the road ahead. “I’m not sure you guys would like it, but I tell you, if you haven’t done New York at night, you haven’t done New York at all.”

   ((I don’t know what you mean...)) Ayattil mumbled, scratching his head just below his left eye stalk.

   I sighed heavily and barged my way into their conversation. ((Excuse me, but I would like to finish-))

   “Look around the place,” Larry continued, completely ignoring my intrusion. “New York never stops. Night is when all the young people are out, going to night clubs, casinos, posing for photographs…” He shook his head and pursed his lips. “I chose the wrong job.”

   ((What are night clubs and casinos?)) Ayattil asked.

   “A night club is where people go to have fun, get drunk and spend all their money. A casino is where people go to have fun, get drunk and _lose_ all their money,” He chuckled lightly to himself. “Oh, and people go to pick up the chicks, too. Plenty of chicks. There’s a place near here called Webster Hall, just off 4 th Avenue, ain’t too shabby.”

   Ayattil looked hopeful, and turned to me. ((Sir, maybe-))

   ((No, Ayattil!)) I snapped in frustration. ((You don’t even have any money.))

   Ayattil slumped briefly, disappointed. Then, he perked up again. ((Sir, could-))

   ((And you may not borrow any more of my money,)) I huffed. ((Ayattil, we are going to the ARC to drop off our samples for analysis, we are _not_ stopping off at some hideously overpriced night club so that you can spend your time ogling semi-naked Human females.))

   He slumped again, defeated.

   ((Now, if I may, I would like to finish my-))

   “Well, if you’re ever interested, I could pick you up and take you to some place you Andalites might find a little more comfortable. I don’t recommend going out at night on your own, and I know all the best places. There’s a place down by-”

   ((For the last time!)) I shouted, making my impatience known. ((May I _please_ finish this journal entry without your pointless jabbering?!))

   Larry tapped his hands on the steering wheel in a gesture of surrender. “Go ahead, Nicalor. I just thought maybe you’d want some more recommendations.”

   I sighed, feeling the smallest stab of guilt. ((And I appreciate that, Larry. I just want to keep this journal… respectable. Dignified.))

   ((Sir,)) Ayattil moaned from my right. ((I got my head stuck in the window again.))

   I turned my stalk eye to see him, neck caught in the electrically-operated window while his head remained outside. I heaved out a breath, and gave up on completing the journal entry, shutting down the portable computer before reaching to Ayattil’s side of the taxi and pressing the switch to descend the glass pane. He retreated his head back into the taxi and rubbed at his neck.

   There were a few miles between the streets around Central Park and the ARC, and with the amount of traffic lining the roads, it took a while of meaningless chatter and boredom-inspired sight-seeing before we even reached Brooklyn Bridge. Larry was happy to point out any meaningful landmarks (and the occasional Human female) to us, but for the most part I was more intrigued by the city aura as night continued to approach. Buildings were great glowing advertisements that surrounded us wherever we went, partnered by the enormous flashing images of bars or fast food establishments. Hotels, restaurant, even places whose purpose I couldn’t decipher. Below, patrolling the city streets in bizarre colours, were the citizens: loud, rowdy and milling around with nothing but pure energy and excitement to fuel them.

   And there were other things, too. Dark back alleys, suspicious-looking Humans stood alone on street corners, law enforcement vehicles hidden among the wash of other cars that lined the sidewalks.

   The perfect place for crimes. A city so large, so compressed, its law enforcers strained with the primitive Human technology and the busy, unforgiving streets.

   Would our people, naturally accustomed to daylight, with no need on the home world for cities of flashing lights and hectic nightlife, be able to wander such places at night? And then, would they use the opportunity afforded by darkness and unknowing Humans to commit whatever injustice that they wished to?

   Maybe that was something that I would have to find out for myself. I pushed the thought aside, hating the fact that I would find a way to connect anything and everything to my career instead of looking to the positives. The Humans were having fun, and, unlike during the day, a great number were smiling, grinning and laughing. Would they be so jolly if each one was to be the victim of some inevitable crime?

   Crime is rare, especially when it came to crimes involving our people. Perhaps I, too, would enjoy the night time activities that this bizarre planet had to offer.

   Once over the Brooklyn Bridge, we were quick to arrive at the ARC. It was a building only recently constructed and, sat among the other buildings that were created by Human hands and materials, it stood out like a beacon. The structure was more akin to the larger buildings that would be found on the home world, with smoothened white walls that glowed almost mysteriously under the influence of the surrounding street lights and neon. The windows were plentiful and mostly upward-facing, curved where the building itself would curve, altogether void of sharp angles that plagued the mostly-awful Human structures. It looked strangely similar to a big dollop of whipped cream. Larry guided the taxi around to the car park at the back of the building.

   “Fancy place, ain’t it.” He muttered as he opened the back door of the taxi, allowing us to step out onto the cool black ground.

   ((This is how many of the buildings are designed back on our own planet,)) I replied as I stretched my legs. ((We have very capable architects.))

   Larry rolled his eyes and put his hairy hands in his pockets.” You, uh, gonna need me to take you home after you’re done doing whatever it is you have to do?”

   ((Yes. As you say, it is not wise for us to make our way home during the night,)) After a little pause for his response, I added, ((We would be in no danger, of course, but I fear Ayattil will spend the entire walk harassing Human females, being the perverted little cretin that he is.))

   Ayattil trudged back into the conversation, having lost himself amidst the glowing neon of a strip club across the road. ((What, sir?))

   ((Nothing, Ayattil.))

   “Okay then,” Larry nodded, “Well, I’ll just grab a coffee while I wait then. Is there a café in that fancy buildin’ of yours?”

   ((I don’t know,)) I responded. ((But either way, you will not be permitted inside.))

   He raised his dark eyebrows. “How come?”

   I stood straight, formally. ((Our government is averse to handing our technology to other species, even letting them see it. They will not risk Human visitors stealing any form of our technology, no matter how small or insignificant. Not since _Seerow’s Kindness_.))

   “ _Seerow’s Kindness_ …” He considered. “Yeah, I heard about that somewhere. You guys gave the Yeerks some of your stuff.”

   ((Not us, collectively,)) I retorted defensively. ((Some fool who didn’t know any better.))

   “Yeah, but look how the war ended. You gave us Humans your technology. We saved your asses.”

   I huffed. ((Our asses did not require saving. However, it is true that you Humans did us a good favour. Funny, isn’t it, how giving other species’ our technology both started and ended such a disaster.))

   Larry grinned. “Yeah, we’re a trustworthy species.”

   ((Indeed,)) I replied unsurely. ((Nevertheless, they will not allow you entry into the facility. Only Andalites and governmental figures are permitted.))

   “That’s okay,” Larry surrendered. “There’s a coffee place just around the corner. Give me a call when you’re done.”

   ((I will. And thank you, Larry.)) I said with a bow. Larry nodded curtly and returned to his taxi, igniting the engine and rolling the vehicle around the corner of the building and out of the parking facilities.

   Ayattil and I gazed up at the medium-sized but impressive building. The entrance was at the front, so we found a pathway that led away from the car park and cantered around to the sidewalk of the busy street. Right into the path of a group of Humans.

   They were dressed in a most peculiar fashion. Each one of them wore long purple cloaks, decorated with sparkly, reflective shapes, like crescent moons and stars. On their head were similarly-designed hats, but pointed tall and distinct, and attached at the sides, drooping down over their jaws and over their lips, were enormous white bushes of facial hair. I cursed my luck at having encountered them just feet from the building entrance.

   One of the lead Humans noticed us as we tried to sneak past, and he pointed a small black cylindrical object at us and laughed with what I assumed to be disbelief.

   “Hey, look! Andalites!”

   The announcement took immediate effect, and the group engulfed us in a whirlwind of curiosity.

   ((Please,)) I grumbled, ((We are in a hurry. Let us through.))

   Of course, the Humans - seemingly inebriated - took no notice, and one chirped up to say. “Hey, hey, guys, let’s bring ‘em with us!”

   Suddenly, the whole group roared, which was rather unnerving with them all wearing similar clothing, like some gruesome cult following.

   “What’s your name, man?” Another Human directed at me.

   ((Nicalor-Garroon-Charod. I am here on Criminal Investigation duties.)) I informed them, doing my best to sound calm.

   “Wow, you’re in fancy dress, too?” Another Human spoke, and I assumed that it was female, due to the voice and despite the masculine facial hair. “We’re wizards!”

   “Yeah, man,” The first male spoke up. “Come be wizards with us.”

   “We’ve got a spare beard!”

   I continued to try to squeeze my way past the excitable Humans, but I found it increasingly difficult. ((We have no time to join you!)) I excused.

   ((We don’t, sir?)) Ayattil spoke up. I glared at him angrily.

   “Yeah, come on, it’s too late to work, man!”

   ((No!)) I boomed, finally reaching the limit of my patience, but restraining the urge to raise my tail. ((We are on important duties, and we will not join you in whatever pointless festivities you have in mind.))

   I grabbed Ayattil’s arm and dragged him, pushing my way through the noisy, disappointed Humans and thankfully finding myself free of their circle. They groaned behind us, but much to my relief, they did not pursue. With an irritated grumble, I pushed through the large double-doors of the complex, and strolled into a brightly lit reception area. I released Ayattil from my grasp, just in time to look upon him with a stalk eye. I ripped the hat and beard from his head that he had somehow acquired.

   I slapped him around the back of the head. ((You idiot, Ayattil! You almost led them into thinking that we would join them!))

   ((Sorry, sir.)) He droned.

   ((I trust that you kept the evidence unharmed.))

   Ayattil lifted up the backpack that he had brought along from the taxi. The Humans hadn’t damaged it, and I breathed another sigh of relief.

   ((Good. Though next time, _I_ will carry the important items.)) I ordered, taking the bag and hoisting it over my shoulder.

   Looking around the room that we had entered, I was immediately hit by the way it so closely resembled the buildings of our home planet, and it gave it a great sense of warmth. The walls were bright but not intrusive, and were lined by plants. Not the dull, green plants of Earth, but the beautiful and variant flora of our own planet, arranged in one long fertilised trough that was tucked beneath each wall. The flooring was also fitted with the flora of the home world, a type of grass not too dissimilar to that found here on Earth. Above us, where a Human ceiling would usually restrict the light, was one large, thick glass panel that allowed the night sky to shine down upon us. Unfortunately, as I had found very early on in our trip to Earth, the compressed and active city caused a great amount of light pollution, cancelling out the marvellous sight of stars and instead replacing it with a horrible red/brown glow. Nevertheless, it was preferable to any ceiling.

   My stalk eyes noticed another Andalite approaching from behind a desk at the far side of the room. I turned to him and bowed. ((Good evening.))

   The stranger, who I assumed to be a staff member, bowed back. ((Good evening to you, too. What is your business here?))

   ((My name is Nicalor-Garroon-Charod, CI, based in the police department on East 67th Street. I am here to drop off some samples for analysis.)) I informed him.

   ((Do you have identification?)) He asked, looking between me and Ayattil.

   ((Yes, we do.))

   The staff member turned and casually flicked his tail. ((Please, come with me.))

   He led us past a large round table in the centre of the room and towards the desk that lay between two doorways. On the way, I fed on the grass that had been planted on the floor, and to my pleasure, it wasn’t too bad. It was fresh, slightly damp. Clean. So much better than the inedible rubbish that clogged my hotel room.

   We were taken behind a large counter, on which sat a hidden Andalite computer system, shielded on both sides by yet more floral decorations from home. A hologram shot from the computer, a simple logo for the ARC that gently twirled in place. The receptionist spoke to it, and the hologram morphed and mutated into some sort of database, with names and dates and small images contained in a glowing 3D box.

   ((Computer, prepare for identity confirmation.)) He instructed to it. It hummed gently, and the hologram went blank.

   This was all part of the security process. I would hand over my identification, and it would be scanned, integrated into the system, and some other person in some dingy office would see my application for entry, and allow me to enter if I met certain requirements.

   Our identity badges were scanned, and after a few seconds, our data, in various formats, appeared within the blank 3D hologram.

   The receptionist smiled. ((Your identification has been accepted. Welcome to the ARC, Nicalor, Ayattil.))

   ((Thank you,)) I said, taking back our identity badges. ((Where will we find the facilities that we require?))

   He pointed to the door on the left of the main desk. ((Through that door, up the transporter on the left, and at the back end of the building. You can’t miss it.))

   It didn’t take long for us to reach our destination, and the sample analysis laboratory was indeed hard to miss. Once there, I carefully extracted the sample cases from the backpack we had taken, and called over one of the scientists to help us move it all.

   ((Crime scene samples, huh?)) The elderly male scientist mused. ((It is not often that we get these.))

   I chuckled. ((I have been told that it is a rare occurrence, but this is my first day. You could call it luck.))

   ((Sir?)) Ayattil pressed at my side, having remained pleasantly quiet thus far.

   ((Yes, Ayattil?))

   ((How does the sampling work, sir?))

   ((Good question.)) I noted. I turned my main eyes to the scientist, who was already beginning his long-winded explanation. He had taken a pair of rubber gloves from a compartment beneath the workbench we were stood at, and pulled them tightly over his hands.

   ((Firstly,)) He began. ((We have to take the sample and make sure that it has not been tampered with since the crime took place. I assume that the evidence you have brought has indeed been kept undamaged since you found it.))

   I nodded. ((Absolutely. We took upmost care in bringing it here.))

   ((Excellent,)) The scientist chimed, before reaching into a container and pulling out the damaged cupcake carefully in his gloves, the single most important piece of evidence we had collected. ((Ah, a cupcake! Looks positively ravishing, doesn’t it? I must admit, the Humans did some things right.)) He chuckled haughtily.

   With the cupcake in careful, delicate hands, he led us to another workstation that was sat up against a wall, imprisoned by scientific machinery that buzzed and whirred and snapped. As we circled around to observe, he gently placed the chocolate cupcake inside a small cubic opening in the front of protruding machine, alive with flashing light bulbs and switches.

   ((This, my friends, is a wonderfully clever machine. With just this single damaged delicacy, we can - within hours - find the culprit behind this most hideous of crimes. All we have to do is put the sample in the machine, as I have done, press this button here,)) He slammed his hand on a large white, illuminated panel a few inches above the opening that the cupcake sat in. ((And we wait.))

   ((Is it really that simple, professor, sir?)) Ayattil questioned.

   The scientist laughed, eyes wrinkling under the influence of his age. ((For us, yes, young assistant. This machine has been built for the very purpose of sample analyses on Earth. Though it is relatively new technology, it has worked wonders so far.))

   I folded my arms over my chest. ((The Andalites who committed this crime were in morph. Am I to assume that the machine only tracks down the original Human, whose form was acquired?))

   ((You assume correctly, yes. Is that an issue?))

   ((No. We have our own ways of tracking down the culprits, with just the original Humans to go with. It’s pretty straight forward.)) I assured.

   My stalk eye had been watching Ayattil, who seemed perplexed, his eyes narrowing and a hand rubbing at his temple. ((Sir?))

    I groaned. ((What is it now, Ayattil?))

   ((How do we know that they were Andalites, sir, and not just Humans?))

   ((Because, Ayattil, they robbed a bakery and stole a batch of fairy cakes. They didn’t even take the money from the bakery till.))

   ((Oh.))

   I shook my head and pressed my fingers to the bridge of my nose. ((Honestly, Ayattil, you are slower than a dead slug. A Hork-Bajir could have figured that out.))

   Ayattil still seemed puzzled, and this time he posed his question to the scientist. ((Professor, sir, how does the machine work?))

   He chuckled and rested a hand on a protruding bit of the machine, just in time for the container where the cupcake was sat to close and produce a low, rumbling noise. ((It’s all very simple. In short, the machine scans the entire sample, both external features and internal, examines the structure and compares it to a database of previous samples and data already pre-determined. From that, it deduces the sample materials and allocates it a particular label. That label lists all variables to be found within that sample, and once initial scans are complete, it takes note of any material that does not naturally belong to that label. The machine absorbs the unnatural materials and analyses them. Usually it will find dust particles, dirt, grease, salt, and dead skin or fine hairs. That can all be incredibly useful. Sometimes it can pick up fingerprint traces, but the way that your cupcake was smudged, I doubt it will. Nonetheless, it will pick up any stray pieces of dirt, compare it to samples that have been collected from various parts of the city and its outskirts, and that are pre-programmed into its software, and give us a list of places where the culprit has been, and what time he was there. We should also find dead skin, DNA, but without anything to compare that to, it’s next to useless. Dirt particles are our best chance of finding the miscreant.))

   ((I see,)) I said, hand rubbing my chin. ((And so we find where he has been moving, take CCTV from the area if there is any, and use it to identify the Human morph. We can then find the original Human from whom the form was taken, and question him on his contact with Andalites.))

   ((Precisely!)) The scientist beamed.

   ((It all makes sense now, sir!)) Ayattil stated.

   ((Indeed it does, Ayattil,)) I replied. ((And it’s not at all simply for plot convenience.))

   ((Not at all, sir.))

   I clasped my hands, satisfied. ((Well, thank you very much, um…))

   ((Muthil.))

   ((Muthil. I assume that the analyses will be complete by tomorrow?)) I asked.

   He nodded. ((Yes. I suggest that you come to collect your data in the afternoon. I should have analysed each sample by then.))

   I bowed sincerely. ((Then I shall be back tomorrow.))

   We left the laboratory in high spirits. The day had been, for a first day, quite successful, and I was eager to retire to my hotel, watch a few Human car advertisements on the television and drift off into some well-earned sleep. I could wake early the next day, attend to my office, and revisit the laboratory to collect the results. It was as if I hadn’t left the home world at all. The only difference was having noisy Humans getting in the way on occasion.

   We took the transporter back to the ground floor, and it was so much better than those found in the hotel. The interior was cosy, the ride was smooth, and the walls were transparent so that they didn’t cause a great amount of claustrophobia. At this time of day, they were empty, as well. The whole building, in fact, was quiet. However, there was still a number of people around, one of whom I certainly knew very well.

   The transporter door opened, and stood behind them, waiting to use it next, was Ardina.

   By this point, a few weeks into our respective Earth missions, we had become close enough that I had no need to try to impress her further with proud stances or awkward, clichéd lines. That didn’t stop my back leg from quivering at her presence, however, and nor did it restrain what blurted from my mind.

   ((Ardina! How pleasant to… You look very… Hello!))

   She rolled her eyes and put her arms over her perfectly groomed chest. ((Must you shiver and stutter every time you see me?)) She asked.

   I regained my composure, and kicked my quivering hind leg on the soft flooring. ((I just didn’t expect to see you.))

   Ardina unfolded her arms and squeezed between me and Ayattil, and we dispersed to make room.

   ((I thought you finished much earlier.)) I pointed out.

   ((Usually, yes,)) She replied, and I felt her tail rub secretly against my own, just beyond the sight of Ayattil’s stalk eyes. ((But there has been a lot to do today. Anyway, I should be the one asking why _you_ are here.))

   ((We came to drop off some samples for analyses. We will return tomorrow to collect the results.))

   Ardina nodded, and though we had initially planned to leave the transporter on this floor, Ardina ordered the machine to close the doors and take us up to her own floor.

   ((I have something that I want to show you.)) She spoke with unhidden enthusiasm.

   I backed up slightly and narrowed my eyes. ((Not with Ayattil here, Ardina, please.))

   She paused. ((I don’t mean _that_.))

   ((Ah,)) I gasped, realising my rather awkward miscalculation. ((Good.))

   ((I want to show you what I and my team have been working on. You remember what I told you a while ago, about research into Human taste?))

   ((And how you want to make it possible for us Andalites to be able to taste, as well?))

   ((Yes,)) She smiled. ((It’s so near to completion, and I want you to see it.))

   Ardina led us away from the transporter when we had reached the fifth floor, and towards one of the larger laboratories in the building. It was busier up there, and Ardina’s team of fellow researchers and scientists mulled around, taking notes on test tubes, prodding buttons on machines, weighing vials of chemicals and generally doing science-y things. I felt awfully intrusive, but Ardina assured me and Ayattil that our presence was not unwarranted.

   A large pearly machine was sat on a workstation in the centre of the huge, white room, and a couple more scientists were stood around it, admiring and investigating its mechanic form. Ardina guided us to its side, just as the scientists left, perhaps having found something else to do, or perhaps annoyed at our arrival.

   It was about four feet in height and equally as wide, and it was boxy in shape with the edges and corners curved smoothly. The top dipped into a black metallic inverted cone, that entered a large hole providing access into the machines innards, and around the rim were three large grips, where another instrument would be attached. There were buttons and switches that lined the front, coated in numbers and symbols, all encircling a considerably larger blue dial in the centre. Below all that was a second hole with attachment locations for another foreign instrument. To me, it looked like one great filter.

   ((This is it?)) I asked, a little more disbelieving in tone than I may have wanted.

   ((Yes!)) Ardina gleamed. ((The team here has been working on this for months. We call it the Feed for Andalite Processor.))

   I raised an eyebrow and inspected it curiously, without touching its surface for fear of chastisement. ((So what exactly does it do?))

   ((It processes food, of course.)) Ardina laughed. ((It is similar to a Human blender, but it is much more thorough, and it also has the ability to filter out harmful pathogens, viruses, and input vitamins and beneficial bacteria.))

   ((That sounds wonderful,)) I said. ((But I thought the aim was to grant us taste like a Human.))

   Ardina’s smile brightened further. ((I was just getting to that. You see, the machine also contains a mixture, whose recipe was born from our very own research on the Human tongue and its functions. The mixture from the machine is absorbed into the forehooves, and there it binds to specific receptors in the absorption channels that run up the leg. When they’re there, they perform much the same functions as the taste buds on the Human tongues, and send messages of taste directly to the brain.))

   ((Sir?)) Ayattil spoke at my left. ((I don’t understand anything that these ARC people say.))

   ((That is because you are not very intelligent, Ayattil.))

   I could not hide from Ardina that I, myself, had no idea how it all worked, despite that she had obviously given it to us in laymen’s terms. All I knew was that, judging from her facial expression, the research team had achieved their goal.

   ((So we can taste now? Like Humans?)) I asked incredulously.

   Ardina nodded, still smiling like an inebriated Human, drunk on her team’s success. ((Isn’t it just wonderful?))

   ((Does it work?)) I asked. ((I mean, have you tried it?))

   Ardina’s smile dropped, but only slightly. ((No,)) She responded, shaking her head. ((The actual testing will be done over this next Earth week. After that, there will be a few more tests to perform, and the machine will be sent back to the home planet for further observation.))

   I couldn’t help but smile, myself. I hated having to morph to my unbalanced, confrontational Human form, and the only reason I ever did it recreationally was at the prospect of food. If I could taste the marvellous Human delicacies without the need to morph, the next two years would be immeasurably more satisfactory.

   Testing for that would begin this week. Meanwhile, I had my own job to do, and I would be returning to the laboratories the next day to collect my sample results.

   I was most definitely looking forward to it.

   I was also looking forward to that night, after what Ardina said privately to me just before we left.

   Some of us just have good days, I guess.


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11**

((Things have been going surprisingly well! I had best be on guard, because things never usually go this well without something untoward ruining everything. Then again, maybe I’m just being paranoid, and the job that I have been assigned to on Earth truly _is_ this pleasing. I went back to the ARC yesterday to pick up my results, and as promised they were all ready for my use. Ardina accompanied me to the building, after I had spent the night in her hotel room, but she parted ways with me once we arrived. I haven’t seen her since, likely because she has begun the testing process for the new invention, that she says will “revolutionise Andalite livelihoods, both here and on the home world”. I expected her to return to the hotel yesterday evening, but she was absent. I assume that, in her excitement at such an invention, she has volunteered extra hours to complete the testing sooner. She will probably invite me back to her room tonight. I sure hope so.

   ((Anyway, I digress. I retrieved the necessary data from the laboratories and took it back to my office to unravel the secrets that it held. The cupcake sample, as I expected, turned out to be most useful, and that, combined with data from the other samples, led me to a Human by the name of Carl Davison. He was a middle-aged Human male who lived somewhere I believe to be called “Queens”. I, Ayattil, and a pair of officers paid Carl Davison a visit at his home, in Human form so as not to spook him, and we explained the situation. He expressed his shock that a clone of himself, morphed by one of our people, had raided a bakery, and at first he was sceptical as to his own legal safety. We assured him that he would face no repercussions, and he proceeded to give us the information that we required. I asked whether he had ever come into physical contact with any Andalites before. The answer was yes: just about a month ago. Carl Davison had been walking home from work, and someone on a street corner asked him for some help in moving a few crates. Apparently, that was just a ruse, because one of the “co-workers”, an Andalite meant to be helping with the crates, came into physical contact, and Carl distinctly remembers _feeling faint_ for about five seconds. His DNA had been acquired by the Andalite who went on to commit the crime at the bakery. All we had to do then was ask Carl to describe the Andalite to us, perhaps give any name that he could remember.

   ((The details he gave us were clear and distinct. So now, we are parked outside the residence of Yurrit-Hamirk-Hallgorran. I, Ayattil, and our two officer companions, are about to finish this little job. End journal entry. Mark entry date 8th September 2006. Entry number seven.))

   “Must you do that now, Nicalor?” Asked one of the officers who had joined us, in Human morph so that he could drive the vehicle that had taken us to the outskirts of town.

   ((I do it whenever time allows, Rismull, but so often I find myself interrupted.)) I grumbled.

   “Fine. You should both use your Human morphs now. If he sees you as Andalites, he might make a run for it.”

   ((Very well,)) I replied from the back of the van. ((Ayattil, let’s go Human.))

   ((Okay, sir!)) He chirped, and we both began the transformation in the back of our modified van.

   Morphing is never quite the same twice, as I’m sure anyone familiar with the technology is aware of. The last time, my forehooves were the first to disappear, unneeded on the four-limbed, bipedal Human form. I had fallen flat on my face and made a complete fool of myself. This time, however, it was my head that changed first, and once my stalk eyes had disappeared and I had grown a mouth, I was an Andalite with a distinctly Human head. Not a pretty sight. Humans are ugly creatures at the best of times.

   By the time my tail had shrivelled away into my shortened Human spine, the transformation was complete. I stretched and groaned with my now-familiar mouth, only feeling slightly more comfortable in the enclosed van. We were allowed out of the back, and the four of us stood in the cool Autumn air, thankful that the weather wasn’t all too unpleasant on that particular day.

   We were stood on the sidewalk of a small suburban area in what I could only describe as the “rough” outskirts of the city. The buildings were squat and aesthetically displeasing, some coated in Human vandalism with boarded-up windows and unkempt grass. The roads were full of holes that made the journey here quite sickening, and there was a certain stench in the air that I just couldn’t quite figure out. It wasn’t at all appealing.

   Having put on our formal, newly-washed suits before leaving the car, we felt a little out of place, perhaps more so than usual.

   The vehicle, an undercover van for the NYAPD (New York Andalite Police Department, believe it or not), was parked a block away from Yurrit’s suspected residence, meaning we had to walk from there. Thankfully, we had been given the house number and street name, so we knew where to go. The only issue would be remaining inconspicuous. I had already formulated a plan, and informed the officers that I and Ayattil would go on ahead. It wasn’t our job, being CI’s, who generally would inspect the premises _after_ the suspect has been taken into custody, but we felt that the idea would work to great effect, and it also wouldn’t require bringing any doors down. The two officers accompanying us were sceptical, but were ultimately agreeable.

   We rounded the first street corner and travelled the remaining yards on our clumsy Human legs. Now used to them enough to pass for true Humans, it would have taken an extraordinarily bright criminal to suss us out, and we approached Yurrit’s residence with a confident stroll.

   The house was particularly disturbing, with graffiti staining the walls and great holes present in the roofing. The windows were mostly boarded or smashed. It was still habitable, but whoever lived there had seriously neglected it. We assumed that Yurrit used the place as storage, and only lived there periodically.

   Grooming our suits, we stood side-by-side at the decrepit front door. I reached up a hand and knocked three times on the thick wood.

   ((Remember, Ayattil, _I_ will be the one to speak.)) I spoke to him privately.

   ((I won’t say a single word, sir!)) He assured me, though he left me with no confidence.

   There was a quiet succession of clinking noises from the other side of the door, as numerous locks were loosened. Finally, the door swung slowly open, just enough for a Human face to gaze down at us when it ceased motion.

   It was the face of Carl Davison. He bore a slim grey moustache atop his upper lip, almost masked by a great big monster of a nose. His hair was long, and similarly colour, unkempt and greasy, and his clothes were no better in condition. Yes, this was most definitely an exact copy of the Human we had been questioning.

   “What do you want?” He asked rather bluntly through the slim gap in the door.

   I silently cleared my throat, arched my back, and forced a large smile onto my face. With a confident tone, I said, “Good afternoon! We’re here to share a very special message with you!”

   Yurrit, through Carl’s body, narrowed his eyes suspiciously, but his hand remained steady on the door. “Okay. What message?”

   “The message of our Lord and saviour, Jesus Christ, of course!” I held up the Bible that my Human DNA providers had given me.

   Yurrit grumbled, but I could see his initial suspicion subsiding. “I have told you people before, I am not interested in your pathetic superstitions.”

   I chortled heartily. “But we are not like the others. We are different.”

   “Okay. How?”

   Ayattil, with an equally disturbing grin on his face, raised a small box into the air for Yurrit to see. A few small objects were clustered within.

   “We offer free muffins.” I informed.

   Yurrit considered briefly, eyeing up the plastic container filled with delicious muffins. His Andalite brain was considering the situation.

   “What flavour?” He pressed.

   “Chocolate.”

   He pushed open the front door and stepped aside, his mind made up. “Come in.”

   I had to reign in the urge to congratulate myself for the successful infiltration of his home as we pushed into the horrible little corridor. I couldn’t believe my luck when even Ayattil remained in total, muted disguise.

   Looking around the main hallway, it was not much different from the outside. The walls were white and bland, with plaster coming loose in varying locations, and the floor was old, wooden, and in need of a good sweeping. The floorboards creaked noisily under my black shoes.

   “In there.” I heard Yurrit order, and I turned to see him pointing in the direction of the room to our immediate right. I nodded to Ayattil and we both moved into what I assumed to be the living room. There was a small television in the corner, sat atop a wooden stool, opposing a single garden chair where I noted Yurrit would sit. He followed us into the room and closed the door behind him. Ayattil and I made ourselves as comfortable as the unpleasant room would allow, leaning against objects stable enough to support our weight.

   We knew that once we had gained entry into the house, the officers would be taking their positions. All we had to do was trap him and block off any escape route. In closing the door to the living room, he had already made the job considerably easier.

   ((He’s in the living room,)) I thought-spoke to the officers privately. ((He’s closed the door. When the door and windows are blocked off, we’ll call you in.))

   ((Okay, Nicalor,)) Came a reply. ((No hurry.))

  I surveyed the situation. Yurrit was still stood up against the door, arms folded over his chest and an expectant look on his face. Ayattil had taken his place in front of the window, precisely where I told him to be. All I had to do was keep Yurrit complacent, and bring him away from the door. I left his seat empty and leant up against a mouldy wall, finding a spot that would least sully my suit.

   “So,” Yurrit huffed, shrugging. “You going to say what you want to say?”

   I retained my salesman grin. “Well, Mr Davison… That is your name, correct?”

   He nodded slowly.

   “Mr Davison, we’ve come to talk to you about the Lord Jesus Christ. He was a great man, didn’t you know?” I smiled brightly. “Ah, and while I inform you more of this man’s great deeds, would you like a muffin?” I indicated for Ayattil to offer him one from the container with a subtle flick of the head.

   “Please,” Yurrit responded. However, he stayed in position, and Ayattil had to cross the room to offer him the product. He readily gnawed on it while Ayattil retook his position.

   “Mr Davison, when you look at the world, do you ever wonder about all the beauty that you see? The birds singing in the trees? Small children colouring the world with their wonderful laughter? The sound of French fries bubbling in thick grease?”

   He pursed his lips and looked down to the ground. “Sometimes.”

   “Jesus Christ made those things possible, Mr Davison. Without him, this world would not even exist.”

   I could see from his expression that he wasn’t buying the ploy, but all was fine as long as I could keep him unsuspecting. He certainly seemed to be enjoying his muffin.

   “Do you know what else Jesus did for you?” I asked rhetorically. “He sacrificed his life for you, Mr Davison. So if you don’t accept him into your heart, bad things will happen.”

   He raised an eyebrow. “Bad things, huh?”

   “Yes, Mr Davison. Bad things.”

   I clicked my fingers, a skill I had quickly relearned with my thick Human fingers. Ayattil shut the muffin box and withdrew it. Yurrit blinked, noticing that the sole reason that he had allowed us into his house might vanish.

   “Keep talking.” He allowed, and Ayattil reopened the box, stepping over to hand him another muffin, which he took greedily.

   I loudly cleared my throat, something that I found had to be done regularly in the Human morph to stop the voice from becoming husky. “Of course, Jesus Christ doesn’t want bad things to happen. He loves each and every one of us!”

   Yurrit remained silent, uninterested. He had obviously heard all of this before. He was just in it for the muffins. I flustered a little, because I hadn’t rehearsed much more than I had already said. I expected to have had the job done by now.

   “So… Yes, this Jesus Christ was a very nice person, but if you don’t follow him on his path to righteousness, you will burn forever in a lake of fire. Sounds scary, doesn’t it?”

   I noticed Yurrit’s eyes show just the slightest signs of insecurity, and instead of keeping up with the religious threats that I put his way, he turned his focus to Ayattil, who so far had been as silent as I had hoped.

   “You are very quiet.” He noted, narrowing his gaze and discarding our one-sided conversation entirely.

   Ayattil, with that usual ill-earned glimmer of confidence, replied, “I’m not allowed to speak.”

   “And why not?” Yurrit demanded.

   “Because otherwise I might let slip that there are officers outside waiting to arrest you, and that we’re just undercover CI’s trying to block off your exits to prevent escape. So I am just going to have to remain quiet. Isn’t that right, sir?!” He smiled proudly to me.

   My hand was plastered to my shaking head.

   “Ah, very good.” Yurrit said. “So why… Oh, shit!”

   His eyes opened wide as he realised his mistake, that he had fallen into a trap. I was quick to react, making a lunge for the door while the situation buzzed through his head, but as I was about to grab the door handle he barged me aside and attempted to pull it open, even as I shuffled forward awkwardly to block it.

   ((He’s onto us!)) I yelled to the officers outside. ((He’s trying to escape!))

   Yurrit growled and yanked again at the door as I forced myself between them, but with a firm punch to my jaw I was easily forced aside, and he was able to open the door wide enough to escape back into the main hallway.

   Just as the front door caved in, followed by the heavy sound of pounding hooves.

   I pulled myself up from the floor, clutching my aching jaw and already beginning to demorph. Ayattil wasn’t far behind, and in the meantime I gave him a few choice words for his buffoonery.

   Yurrit could perhaps outrun me in my bumbling human form, but he couldn’t outrun a pair of well-trained Andalites. As I finished demorphing and headed into the corridor, I heard them talking in another room a little further into the house. The officers had captured him and led him into a more open space. Yurrit was still yelling, aggrieved at having being caught.

   I entered the new room and immediately took note of the surroundings. There was no real difference in design or layout to the living room, but this room made it much more apparent that the resident was in fact an Andalite in disguise and not just a regular grubby Human. All around, I could see small pieces of Andalite technology, out-of-place in the run-down dwelling. Instruments glimmered, panels flashed, and there was a gentle, almost soothing buzz radiating from all around.

   In the centre stood Yurrit, arms at his side, teeth gritting, and a tail blade pressed inches from his throat. The two officers were stood either side of him, holding him in position, reading his rights and just ready to detain him.

   Rismull turned to look at me, rather annoyed. ((Oh, so there you are, Nicalor. Didn’t think you would show up.))

   I had now completely finished demorphing, as had Ayattil who was tapping his hooves in the corridor behind me. ((Sorry if I made it seem a bit rushed.)) I excused.

   Rismull sighed and returned his main eyes to Yurrit, though he continued to speak to me. ((Next time, we’ll do things _our_ way. And you had better not tell anyone that we succumbed to your inane idea.))

   I rolled my eyes and scraped a hoof impatiently on the worn laminate flooring. ((You got him, didn’t you? The plan worked flawlessly.))

   Mullken, the second officer, glared scornfully. ((Just get on with your work, Nicalor. We haven’t got all day. Rismull, get the Andacuffs.))

   Yurrit squirmed slightly, but with a blade at his throat he knew that there was no realistic escape.

   ((You have the right to demorph, Yurrit-Hamirk-Hallgorran,)) Mullken granted him. ((But any sign of resistance will end with you getting a rather nasty cut. I wouldn’t advise it.))

   Yurrit groaned angrily, but reluctantly began the transformation back to his true form. His tail, though scrawny and inoffensive, was one of the first features to reappear, but with two trained officer’s ready to strike at any moment, he knew better than to try anything untoward.

   Once fully Andalite, he was Andacuffed: His hands and the end of his tail were held together with a metallic grip. He grumbled and lamented, making his cases for innocence, but even he knew that his efforts were futile. While the officers were busy with that, I made a start on inspecting the room.

   To be perfectly honest, there wasn’t much of interest. The Andalite technology present was mostly standard communication devices, portable entertainment pieces such as holographic books, and a single portable computer. What’s more, I could find no stolen foods. I checked the walls and the floor, under the furniture, and did some further exploration around the house, but found nothing. I would have to come back later with the appropriate equipment from the van for a more thorough search.

   The officers were now ready to move Yurrit outside, where he would be then taken into the city and a temporary cell. Ayattil and I squeezed past them in the hallway as we headed back to the room filled with Andalite technology for a review of our situation.

   ((Thank you for your help.)) Rismull griped, not so much a thank you as more of a sneer for our - or Ayattil’s - earlier mistake.

   ((No problem, Rismull. Could you do me a favour and seal off the building?)) I asked.

   Rismull looked plainly disgruntled, but he looked back to Mullken who gave a curt nod.

   ((Fine.)) He said.

   ((Good.)) I responded with an instinctual hoist of the nose.

   He shook his head disdainfully. ((I can’t stand you CI’s. Always so damned smug…))

   I glared at the low-rank officer angrily for the suggestion that I was, in any way, smug. ((Hey, why don’t you-!))

   A buzz rang loudly from behind us. It came from the bedroom. We dropped our pointless bickering and moved our attention, stepping out of the hallway to inspect the source of the noise.

   It was a holographic communication device, sat atop a bedside table at the far end of the room. A small blue lightbulb was flashing vigorously on its front, indicating that someone was trying to get through for contact.

   I noticed Yurrit flinch from behind Rismull, who himself looked unsure. I smiled and clicked my fingers, bringing Ayattil to my side.

   ((Fetch the recorder, Ayattil. Quickly now!))

   ((Yes, sir!))

   I looked to Rismull again as Ayattil hurried outside to the van. ((Keep Yurrit here a little longer. Perhaps we could get some useful information from whoever is calling. We still have more miscreants to catch.)) He nodded in return and pulled Yurrit up, who was hunched forward and staring down at his hooves, rightfully keeping quiet.

   Ayattil returned quickly, and our luck held out enough for the attempted call to continue, the loud, jangling buzz still echoing through the house from the bedroom. I ordered Ayattil to stay out of the room and far down the corridor, lest he give us away (again), and asked the officers to keep their Shredders aimed at Yurrit as he stood in the centre of the room to answer the call, whilst remaining out of obvious sight, themselves. When they were in position, I walked to the bedside table and attached to the communication device a small black cube used for perfectly recording holographic messages. I trotted out of the room, out of sight, and gave the officers the order to proceed.

   ((Remember, Yurrit,)) Rismull called out to the detainee, temporarily out of his Andacuffs but under full supervision. ((Any subtle indication that we are here from you, and you get a tail-full of Shredder fire.))

   Yurrit sneered at Rismull over his shoulder. ((Okay. Whatever.))

   ((Answer the call.))

   Yurrit, still appearing rather shaken, took a deep breath. ((Accept communication. Yurrit-Hamirk-Hallgorran receiving.))

   The communicator device flashed up instantly, delivering a bright blue glow throughout the bedroom. I could not see the hologram that appeared, being hidden out of sight, but I saw the noticeable tremble in Yurrit’s hind legs and the panicked twitch as all four eyes focused their attention.

   ((It’s about time you answered!)) Boomed the voice of the hologram whose face I could not see.

   Yurrit remained silent, unsure and still full in the knowledge that any hint of our presence would result in Shredder fire. Not death (us Andalites are past such brutalities), but a nasty scar that would haunt his backside for the rest of his life.

   ((Am I speaking to a mute? Answer me, Yurrit! What took you so long?)) The voice continued.

   ((Sir!)) Yurrit grunted, standing straight and tall. ((I… uh…))

   I noticed the officers cocking their weapons. They sensed a giveaway.

   ((Yes, Yurrit?))

   ((The eggs are overdone, sir!)) Yurrit blurted. ((The eggs are overdone!))

   Rismull and Mullken hesitated at the outburst, uncertain as to whether it was a giveaway or not.

   We got our answer soon enough. After a moment of confused silence, an abrupt bang shook the bedroom, and the glow of the hologram vanished instantly. The three of us, now uninterested in hiding, turned our heads fully around the corner to gaze inside, to find out exactly what had exploded.

   Mullken was quick to once again restrain Yurrit, who had still been stood in the centre of the room the whole time, placing his tail blade to the miscreant’s neck and putting him back in the Andacuffs with Rismull’s eventual aid.

   ((What was that?!)) Rismull demanded. ((Some code?))

   ((No, I was just warning you not to overdo the eggs,)) Yurrit grumbled sarcastically. ((Of course it was a code, you idiot!))

   Rismull glared hideously. ((You’re lucky I don’t use this Shredder to shave your head, Yurrit.))

   ((I’d still be twice as attractive as you!)) Yurrit retaliated.

   I ignored their petty argument and explored the source of the explosion. The communicator device, once a glistening white semi-globular feature, was now a black, charred pile of wreckage, smoke slowly rising to the ceiling. I sighed in frustration, seeing my (rather expensive) recording mechanism similarly ruined and unusable. I rummaged through the pile, but found everything totally obliterated.

   Communication devices such as Yurrit’s were standard pieces owned by most Andalites, both on Earth and on the home world. They were not built with a self-destructing ability. Not even deluxe models had that. The explosion had been caused from the other end of the call, by whoever Yurrit was talking to, and it was deliberately messy enough to destroy any recording equipment attached.

   The technology to destroy someone else’s communication device from afar was not one readily available to petty criminals, such as I took Yurrit to be. Whoever he was talking to was rich enough to afford it, or cunning and clever enough to steal it.

   But now I had nothing to go on. My recorder had been destroyed, and none of us had seen the hologram’s face. I slumped, deep in thought.

   ((So it’s him again.)) I heard Mullken say from behind.

   I halted my pondering and looked to him, standing up straight. ((Excuse me?))

   The officers had Yurrit under full control now, and looked about ready to take him away. Mullken, however, held a knowing stare at the wreckage I had just examined.

   ((I thought he had disappeared.)) He muttered.

   ((Who?)) I forced, walking closer to him. ((You know who that was?))

   He rubbed at his chin and closed his main eyes. ((I recognised the voice. He was well-known to our department about two-to-four years ago. We knew he was pulling all the strings, but we never caught him in the act. We could never convict him. But once we busted a taco den two years ago, we lost all trace of him. He vanished. We thought he’d made enough profit to give up the game for good and live a life of luxury back on the home world. Quite obviously, we were wrong.))

   I urged forward, spreading my arms. ((Well come on! Who is he? What’s his name?))

   ((His name is Hoketh-Perrulii-Tugesh, and he ran the largest Andalite criminal organisation on Earth. By the looks of it, he still is.))


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12**

((I’m back in my office on 67th street. Yesterday was spent searching over Yurrit-Hamirk-Hallgorran’s run-down home for any evidence that would lead us to his companions. We found very little. Among the most significant finds was a small plastic bag of chocolate sprinkles hidden under the floorboards of the bedroom, but apart from that, we found nothing to provide us with any useful information. It occurs to me that Yurrit’s home was perhaps a meeting place; a hideout, and not a storage facility as I originally suspected. The stolen goods from the bakery, and any other places that they have robbed, will be somewhere else. Right now, I have no leads to its location, but for the knowledge that one Hoketh-Perrulii-Tugesh is likely in charge of whatever operation is going on. Today, I will be doing a great amount of research on this infamous individual, whilst trying to sniff out the other miscreants who robbed from the bakery. Yurrit, now locked away in a cell until tried, has been of little use, and has spared us no details, infuriatingly. It will come down to my expertise to foil this criminal, and I’m sure that with my knowledge and skill, I can achieve this goal in no time at all. After all, his cronies will no doubt strike again, and judging by the ill-organised way that it was carried out last time, I am sure that sufficient leads will be dropped here and there. I will now consign myself to research for today, lest another incident comes through the reports. I doubt that, though. End journal entry. Mark Earth date 9th September. Entry number eight.))

   I turned off the portable computer and pushed it away to the far side of the desk. Rubbing at my face with one hand, I fiddled around with the useless Human computer system and found a large archive full of records, scanned newspaper clippings and sample codes. That would be where my research would begin, and though I was used to handling multitudes of information, this task seemed more than daunting.

   There came a knock on the door, a welcome deviation from the monotonous drone of the computer. Unfortunately, it was Ayattil who stepped through the door, a messy file of papers under one arm.

   ((Hello, sir!)) He greeted, closing the door behind him with his tail.

   ((Ayattil,)) I sighed, staring at him with an uninterested stalk eye, my focus otherwise taken by the computer. ((Did you get your duties done?))

   ((Yes, sir!)) He beamed. ((Every one!))

   I turned my head towards him, taking a break from searching the department’s archives. ((Every single one?))

   Ayattil nodded, looking particularly proud of himself.

   ((Good,)) I said, surprised. ((I assume those papers under your arm are my reports. Just put them on the desk here.))

   My attention was then pretty much fully paid to the computer, but I acknowledged the arrival of a small pad of papers to my desk. I was halted when one of my stalk eyes caught a glimpse of the file that had just been handed to me.

   ((Ayattil…)) I groaned, stopping him as he was just getting ready to leave the room.

   ((Yes, sir?)) He asked.

   I picked up the red file of paper and held it up in the air. ((Ayattil, this is not my file! If you could perhaps scrape the cobwebs from your brain, you might remember that my folder is purple!))

   He scratched at his forehead. ((Oh. I forgot.))

   I shook my head and decided to look away from him. ((I asked you to organise my folder chronologically, and then to throw away everything that has been dealt with. I assume that by some miscalculation you got that wrong, as well?))

   ((No, sir. I did exactly as you told me to.)) He replied defensively.

   ((So where is my folder?)) I urged.

   ((I threw it away, sir.))

   I slumped forward and sighed. ((Ayattil, I said… I meant… You should have… Oh, forget it!))

   ((Okay, sir.)) Ayattil obeyed.

   ((Please, Ayattil,)) I began. ((I _would_ request that you bring me the forms required to fire you, but I feel that you would bring me fire safety forms instead. You are a complete and utter buffoon,)) I leant up against the desk and looked over the file that he had given me. ((Please, get something right. Just _something_.))

   ((I’ll try, sir.)) He droned.

   ((Good. Now, get out of my office before I lose my temper further.))

   ((Okay, sir.)) He bowed politely and made his way to the door.

   I muttered angrily under my breath and momentarily grieved the loss of my important files. However, on further inspection of the folder Ayattil had incorrectly delivered, my mood instantly brightened. ((Ayattil.)) I called, stopping him halfway through the door.

   He pushed his way back inside, appearing to prepare for another verbal assault. His expression changed to confusion when he noticed my smile.

   ((You have given me Neechun’s file,)) I informed him. ((Well done. I can find out what that self-indulgent fool is up to with this.))

   Ayattil smiled. ((I do my best, sir!))

   ((How unfortunate that your best is so painfully woeful.)) I uttered as I flicked through the file of my begrudging co-worker.

   The file was quite thick, considering the scarce number of job we were usually made to do. I tutted when I noticed that several out-of-date reports were still present, and made the odd comment about how Human assistants were inferior. However, there were some files that drew an end to my gloating. There were papers dealing with a number of important events upcoming that detailed Neechun’s positions and responsibilities, allowing him limited access to some very influential figures. I grew jealous, and I was no longer tutting but seething in anger.

   Then there was one report that really struck my nerves. I lifted the stapled pad of papers from the file and brought it closer to my face, not quite able to believe what I was seeing.

   ((Why, that pathetic… conniving… arse! He can’t do this!)) I stood straight, grabbed the file, and headed to the door, barging past Ayattil.

   ((What’s wrong, sir?)) Ayattil asked timidly.

   ((It’s nothing to do with you, Ayattil,)) I looked back to the whirring computer on the desk, and though I was determined to continue doing my job, I realised that I might not have been able to. Ayattil could do it. ((You stay here and do some organising for me. Look through the archives for any article mentioning the name Hoketh-Perrulii-Tugesh. Save each to a folder for me,)) I headed out, but stopped and looked back to him. ((Please, _please_ get it right this time.))

   I left Ayattil to his relatively simple task and stormed down the narrow corridors of our floor. I bumped rudely past Human lackeys and low-ranked Andalite workers, and politely bowed my way past those occupationally above me. Neechun’s office was, annoyingly, directly neighbouring Drehun’s, and I made sure to stay quiet as I passed it. I knocked intently on Neechun’s door, though I would have much preferred to slam through.

   ((Come in.)) Came his voice, and I wasted no time in doing so.

   Neechun was stood, arms connected behind his back as he gazed over a noticeboard beside the window. The view was spectacular from it, which only made my jealousy and anger greater. Rebecca, Neechun’s Human assistant, was hunched over on a seat, typing away at a computer beside a hot mug of brown liquid. Neechun turned a stalk eye, and once he noticed me he turned to me directly.

   ((Ah, Nicalor, how glad I am to see you.)) He greeted in an oily voice.

   I moved forward to slam his file on the desk, though I kept the most egregious report in my hand, waving it in the air. ((And what do you call this?!))

   He raised his eyebrows. ((That is called paper, Nicalor. It’s very useful, you know. You should try using it sometime.))

   ((Not the paper!)) I shouted. ((This is a report on the investigation of Hoketh-Perrulii-Tugesh’s reappearance and contact with known criminals! Why is this report in _your_ name?!))

   ((Ah, yes. _That_ report,)) He responded with a mocking chuckle. ((I requested that I proceed with the necessary investigation into Hoketh’s activities.))

   ((But that is _my_ job!)) I shook my fists irately.

   ((I don’t see your name on it, Nicalor.)) He smiled and strolled beside Rebecca. She remained focused on the computer screen, politely refraining from entering the argument.

   ((My name doesn’t need to be on it,)) I growled. (( _I_ was the one who found out that he was active. _I_ was the one who aided in the arrest of Yurrit-Hamirk-Hallgorran. _I_ was the one to investigate the premises. _I_ should be the one to continue with the leads that we have!))

   Neechun shrugged and hoisted his nose. ((I thought that the case was a little, shall we say, out of your reach.))

   ((Out of my reach?)) I spat. ((I am perfectly able to continue this investigation without you butting in.))

   ((I doubt it,)) He huffed. ((Let someone with experience on this planet take control of the bigger jobs. I’m sure that, within the year, an ice cream truck will be robbed of cones that you can dibble over.))

   ((How dare you belittle m-!))

   The door to the room opened, diverting both our attentions. Drehun was stood at the doorway, an irritated look in his aging eyes. He clopped in and gently closed the door behind him. Neechun and I, though in the midst of a heated argument, still held enough dignity to bow to our superior and remain silent for him to address us.

   ((What is going on here?)) Drehun demanded. ((I’m trying to get a half-hour nap in my office, and all I hear is your argument.))

   Now both I and Neechun grew nervous, but that didn’t stop me from instantly making my case, albeit shakily.

   ((Drehun, sir, Neechun stole my case!)) I excused, pointing at my adversary.

   ((I certainly did not!)) Neechun lied.

   ((You did!)) I retorted.

   ((Did not!))

   Drehun raised his hand in a deliberately calm manner to bring an end to our debate, but in a stern voice he said, ((I do not hire children. Now, if you could tell me what has happened like adults?))

   ((I have taken over the case involving Hoketh-Perrulii-Tugesh,)) Neechun said. ((I have worked on him previously, so I am more suitable for this job,)) He turned to face me. ((Nicalor hasn’t even been here for a week, and he demands to take over one of our highest priority cases.))

   ((I have the relevant qualifications to work on this case,)) I countered. ((And I was the one who initially found that Hoketh was still active while investigating one of his lackey’s houses. I and my assistant are already doing the necessary research.))

   Neechun grunted harshly. ((Have you _seen_ Nicalor’s assistant, sir? I’ve seen lavatories perform their duties with a higher degree of dignity than him.))

   Drehun shook his head. ((I did not hire you both to argue over what cases you get,)) He focused all eyes on Neechun. ((And I also do not hire you to take over another employee’s case without being granted permission.))

   I smiled inwardly at Neechun’s more personal chastisement. He glared back at me with a sly stalk eye.

   ((With all due respect, sir,)) Neechun stammered, now forced down a bit. ((The initial report that came in for the bakery robbery was given to me.))

   ((So why did Nicalor perform the investigation?)) Drehun asked.

   Neechun’s excuse hadn’t paid off, and he looked smaller and more pathetic by the Earth second. ((I… gave it to him.))

   To my surprise, Drehun remained silent, and seemed to back off a little. He said simply, ((Well don’t do it again,)) Then, he motioned to address both of us. ((I shall forget this little chat, and I expect you both to attend to your duties in a manner more befitting our people’s high standards. Why can’t you be more like Rebecca?)) He gestured towards the small female Human, still politely tapping away at her keyboard. ((Efficient, hard-working, and quiet. Sometimes it makes me doubt my allegiance.))

   Neechun and I looked away, embarrassed.

   Drehun nodded. ((Nicalor, you will continue with the Hoketh-Perrulii-Tugesh case. Neechun, you have some important events to attend in the coming months. Don’t make me give those to Nicalor, too.))

   Neechun looked as if he were about to object, but he thought better of it, and dropped his head, secretly seething in anger.

   ((Show me why I should never doubt my allegiance.)) Drehun huffed before making his exit from Neechun’s room.

   In a moment of stunned silence, we stood there absorbing what had just occurred. I felt victorious, and I couldn’t stop smiling, having won back my case and witnessed Neechun’s verbal battering.

   ((He still likes me better.)) Neechun growled, presumably now in private thought-speak.

   ((I think otherwise.)) I replied smugly.

   He stood straight and clasped his fists. ((He may have given you the Hoketh case, but that won’t stop me from performing all of my duties to the highest standard, and solving your cases for you when you mess them up! _I_ will find Hoketh in my _own_ time, while you sit around in your office talking to a four-legged turnip.))

      I stamped my forehoof furiously. ((You will find, Neechun, that I am a much more skilled CI than you will ever be. I wager that I can find Hoketh in half the time you can!))

   Neechun laughed and walked over to Rebecca, tapping her shoulder, either urging her to join him or to note what I had said down on the computer.

   ((You wager, huh?)) He laughed again. ((Very well. I wager you that I can find Hoketh before you can. If I win, you have to buy me a pizza every day for a year. My choice of toppings.))

   I winced at the offer. I couldn’t afford pizza every day for a whole year, let alone the ridiculous demands that Neechun would no-doubt give.

   But I had never doubted my abilities as an investigator before, and I wasn’t going to start now.

   ((And the same if _I_ win,)) I said. ((My choice of pizza, every day for a year.))

   ((Done.)) Neechun smiled, moving his tail before him. We connected blades between us. The bet was on.

   I felt pride swell within me, an air of satisfaction from the knowledge that I could so easily gain control over my irritating rival. I flicked my tail and crossed my arms to express my eagerness.

   ((Rebecca,)) Neechun addressed the Human. ((I will work on case 45A. I want you to start research on Hoketh-Perrulii-Tugesh. I trust that you will be more adept than Nicalor’s assistant.))

   Rebecca rose from her seat and pursed her lips. “Of course, Neechun. But… could I ask a favour?”

   ((You may.)) Neechun allowed.

   “Could I take a fifteen minute break, please?”

   ((Another one?)) Neechun grumbled. ((Right now? You have more breaks than an American Football game.))

   “Ten minutes?” She compromised.

   Neechun hesitated. ((Well… Fine. Be quick. But then I want doubled efforts until the end of the day.))

   Rebecca strolled past him and rolled her eyes so that only I could see. It entertained me that even his own assistant seemed to be fed up of him. I swaggered from Neechun’s office after her.

   ((I can taste those pizzas already.)) I called back to him as I left.

   ((Keep dreaming.))

 

   We made our way home a little later than first planned, and by the time Larry was able to collect us the sun had disappeared and the city was covered in blackness. You wouldn’t have thought so, being at street level, as once again the entire landscape was illuminated in the bright glow of neon advertisements. We arrived back at the hotel, eager to escape the rapidly decreasing temperature, and hurried upstairs.

   ((You did well today,)) I complimented Ayattil as we exited the transporter to our floor. ((I am pleased with your work on organising those articles. You only made a few errors.))

   ((Thank you, sir!)) Ayattil replied, a little stunned at the praise. ((My Mother always used to say that someday I would do something useful.))

   ((Let’s not get ahead of ourselves, now.))

   I reached room number 845, and from my utility belt I took my card which I neatly placed in the scanner. The door lock clicked, and I was able to push it open.

   ((Sir!)) Ayattil called.

   I leant back out from my room. ((What is it, Ayattil?))

   ((My room won’t open, sir!))

   I sighed. Thankfully, as I moved to help Ayattil, I grabbed my own card before the door closed.

   ((What is wrong with it?)) I asked, placing my hands on my hips.

   ((I put the card in, and nothing happens, sir!)) Ayattil moaned. He demonstrated this, placing the card in the slot for nothing to happen.

   ((Ayattil…)) I grumbled, rubbing my temple. ((You’re holding the card the wrong way around.)) I reached forward, took the card, and turned it so that the purple side faced the door. (( _Now_ try.))

   Ayattil placed the card back into its slot, and the door clicked open.

   ((Oh.))

   ((Haven’t you lived here long enough to figure that out by now?)) I asked. However, I didn’t wait around long enough for an answer, and re-entered my room, thankful for the solitude.

   The hours seemed to drag on that night. I had come to the realisation that despite the massive number of television stations my television was able to pick up, the most entertaining programme to watch was called _The Weather Forecast,_ but after a while it became repetitive. Turning away from the television, but letting it drone on as background noise, I decided to spend the time before I slept organising folders on my portable computer. I was nearly finished deleting documents that were old and useless, when someone tapped at my door.

   Surprised, and half expecting it to be Ayattil locked out of his room again, I sighed and wandered over to let them in. I was greatly relieved to see Ardina’s face staring back at me when I opened the door.

   ((Ah, Ardina!)) I said gratefully.

   ((Hello, Nicalor,)) She replied with a smile. ((It’s been a while.))

   ((Too long,)) I stood aside to let her move past, then let the door close behind her. ((Busy at the ARC?))

   ((Very,)) She sighed, stretching in the centre of the room. ((There’s been a lot to go over.))

   I chuckled. ((And yet you still look absolutely wonderful.))

   Ardina looked to the ceiling and waved a hand at me. ((I wish I did. I haven’t slept for a long time.))

   I searched out the remote for the television, and upon finding it I turned it to silent mode. ((Any particular reason?))

   She seemed hesitant, putting a hand to her cheek. ((Meetings, mostly. So many meetings.))

   ((About the Andalite Food Processor contraption?)) I asked.

   ((Yes. Meetings about that, yes.))

   I smiled warmly to her. ((Well you can rest now. Would you like a drink?))

   She shook her head. ((No, thank you. Just your company.))

   I secretly congratulated myself with a shaking fist when she wasn’t looking. ((Of course! I missed you these last couple of days, and I was beginning to wonder where you had gone. Have you been testing the new invention?))

   Ardina closed her eyes. I could see hints of bliss on her face. ((Yes.))

   ((Does it work as expected?))

   ((Oh, Nicalor, it’s wonderful!)) She reopened her eyes to look into mine. ((It’s even better than we thought!))

   ((Even better?))

   Her hooves tapped, almost like an unrestrained giddy dance. ((It’s perfect, Nicalor! They say that within two years, it can be sold commercially back on the homeworld. It will change Andalite lives on a scale we may never have contemplated!))

   I was admittedly a little stunned. ((It is really that good?))

   ((Yes. It is.))

   ((Wow…)) That was all I could really say. I couldn’t delve into the details of the machine or the processes it needed to go through, because I had no idea how any of that worked. All that mattered was that, after just a few years of being on Earth, our people had finally found out how to experience taste without having to change our forms. It was incredible news.

   Ardina chuckled and stroked my arm. ((Lost for words?))

   My hind leg twitched with the contact between us, and I nearly stuttered as I said, ((A little. I don’t know how it all works, but the ability to taste in our own bodies sounds… Amazing!))

   ((It truly is.)) Ardina whispered. Now her gentle stroking was becoming more intrusive, and that’s not to say that I didn’t welcome it. Her hands rubbed down to my hips and then up around my back, her eyes gazing sweetly into mine.

   ((I really missed your company you know,)) She muttered. ((I’m sorry I’ve been away.))

   I chuckled politely. ((I understand. You’ve had meetings to attend, tests to perform. I’ve been busy myself.))

   Ardina blushed, perhaps feeling a sense of guilt. ((I’m sorry, I never asked you what _you’ve_ been doing these last few days. How self-absorbed of me…))

   ((Oh, it’s nothing really,)) I mentioned. ((Busier than I expected, I suppose.))

   ((You mean that you actually had to do something? How tragic.)) She mocked impishly.

   ((I’m on the trail of some criminal gang leader. I didn’t think that there were any, but that’s what my peers at the station describe him as, and what all the archives say.))

   Ardina seemed unfazed. ((So what’s the guy’s name? Do you know that much yet?))

   ((His name is Hoketh-Perrulii-Tugesh,)) I said. ((But it’s not important. I should have him tracked by the end of the week.))

   Ardina was silent, most likely bored of the conversation as her stroking became massaging. It was clear what she wanted now, and I decided that there was no reason to resist, and plenty of reasons why I shouldn’t. She released me from her amorous hug and with a suggestive wink of the eye, she turned to give me a better observation of her slender, artistic form. A stalk eye kept watch on me, lustfully and swaying hypnotically. She gave her backside a flick. This whole series of movements was her signature motion, a sign I had grown to know well and grateful for.

   I turned off the television, and got to work.


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13**

   The delicate aroma of some exotic Earth plant was filling my otherwise bland office the next morning, a quaint and unsuspecting floral specimen that some over-generous Human staff member had planted either last night or early that morning. It stood proud before the office window, gazing out over the typically busy New York streets below. It’s nice to have a change of environment every so often, if only to keep the mind from growing dull and uninspired, but I was displeased that some Human would feel the desperate need to improve my personal office with their own taste in Earthly species. I was going to add another journal entry addressing this issue, but considering its triviality and the fact that there was very little to report, I decided against it. My personal computer has only so much memory, and I couldn’t waste it all moaning and groaning about something so unimportant.

   I could report on Ayattil’s ineptitude, but I already had countless entries on that.

   ((I think it’s lovely, sir.)) He examined, curiously inspecting the plant, brushing its leaves with his fingers.

   ((Ayattil, you think daytime television is lovely. I hardly think your opinion is valid in this regard.))

   ((Can we keep it, sir?)) He pleaded.

   I groaned and turned away towards my cluttered desk. ((Very well, but it is _your_ responsibility.))

   The Human computer was alive. Barely. It rattled and buzzed in a most unnerving manner, and I thought that perhaps both my and Ayattil’s constant research was wearing it down. Such primitive machines were not made for the speed at which Andalites skim through information.

   ((Nothing yet, sir?)) Ayattil asked as I meaninglessly span the cursor over the screen.

   ((Not yet. I’ve compiled all the relevant files into a small database so that we navigate easily through it all, but every bit of information we have points to the same conclusion.))

   ((And what’s that, sir?))

   ((Hoketh seems to have vanished. There are several reports addressing his whereabouts dated back to the Earth year two-thousand-and-four, but then there is nothing.))

   Ayattil scratched at his chin, coming beside me to look at the flashing computer screen. ((What do you think that means, sir?))

   I shrugged. ((Either he had a change of heart and became a respectful, law-abiding citizen, or he went into hiding. Considering the latest articles we have, it’s probably the latter. For a long time, the NYAPD had been trying to find anything that would incriminate him. When they finally found that he was fronting a large criminal gang that had just completed a massive heist on some highbrow Human wedding, he disappeared, and never showed in records again. Until now, of course.))

   ((He stole from a wedding, sir?))

   ((Oh, just some wedding between a celebrated sports star and singer. They successfully stole the entire banquet.))

   ((Cake included, sir?))

   ((Cake included. His gang included some of the greatest criminals to ever sneak onto the planet.))

   ((But sir,)) Ayattil began. ((You said that Yurrit was one of the most pathetic examples of a criminal you had ever seen.))

   ((Correct, but as far as I’m concerned, that is irrelevant. Having disappeared for so long, Hoketh has likely had to start building a new empire from scratch. He hires buffoons like Yurrit but makes totally sure that they are loyal enough not to give away his location. Yurrit is yet to say anything. It’s a shame really, because Neechun doesn’t have access to him at present. An answer from Yurrit would really aid my chances with this little wager of ours.))

   ((I’m sure you’ll win, sir.)) Ayattil chirped with the usual optimism.

   ((Thank you, Ayattil, but I’m afraid your vote of confidence is about as effective as eyeliner on a Taxxon. The only way we can win this bet is with plenty of hard work and diligent research.))

   ((Shall we get started then, sir?))

   ((Yes, you shall. And make it snappy.))

   Ayattil bowed and instantly took control of the computer to continue our ongoing research. I, meanwhile, headed out of the office and to the lounge. I was in the mood for a cappuccino.

   However, before I could leave the vicinity of my office, there came a ringing: a horrible, jangly sound that brought an instant sigh of disapproval. My office phone was receiving a call.

   ((Do I ever get a break?)) I grumbled to myself, turning full circle and banging back through the office door. I snatched the phone from its hook just in time to stop Ayattil from doing so.

   I lifted the curved contraption to my ear. ((Hello? Nicalor-Garroon-Charod, C.I. speaking.))

   No answer came. I heard the faint fuzz of background noise on the other end, but there was no voice responding.

   ((Hello?! Who is this?! Why do you never say anything?!)) I growled, proceeding to slam the phone a few times on the desk. ((Does this thing even work?))

   ((It seems to, sir,)) Ayattil interrupted. ((One of the Human staff was using it earlier.))

   I put the malfunctioning communication device back onto its sitting position. ((The same Human who put that wretched plant in here?))

   ((Yes, sir.))

   I grumbled. ((I will see to it that she never comes within a mile radius of my office again. Check the computer messaging system. If someone wishes to inform me of a job, they will likely have used more than one means of communication.))

   Ayattil tapped the keyboard of the computer and brought up the messaging system; a list of messages arranged in reverse chronological order. Most had been accessed, but three new messages had come through, highlighted in light blue. Ayattil double-clicked the first.

   ((Sir!)) He burst. ((Look! We’ve won five thousand dollars! Five thousand dollars!))

   ((What? Are you serious?)) I was sceptical, but I unfolded my arms to lean on the desk. To my great surprise, he was correct!

   ((Yes, sir!)) He confirmed. ((All we have to do is send off fifty dollars to the address, and they send us our winnings!))

   I chuckled. ((What a nice surprise! Save that message, Ayattil, and we will send off for it after work.))

   Ayattil nodded and clicked out of the message. ((The next message is a report, sir, received twelve minutes ago.))

   ((Ah, that will be what the phone call was for. Print off the message, Ayattil.)) I ordered.

   ((Yes, sir.)) He complied, configuring the machine to print the message. The printer on the end of my desk sparked to life, and with a horrible jittering noise it slowly produced the message on a sheet of paper. I picked it up, flicked it to flatten the paper, and I began to read.

   It was no different from any other report, and I skimmed over the first couple of paragraphs to get to the meat of the message. When I finally read of the location of the crime, my front legs suddenly quivered and nearly buckled. Ayattil noticed my sudden jolt and expressed his concern.

   ((Is something wrong, sir?)) He asked.

   I shook my head and shakily dropped the report to the desk. ((Get you things, Ayattil. Hurry.))

 

   “I can’t go any faster, Nicalor,” Larry grumbled as we approached the Brooklyn Bridge. “If I break the speed limit on duty I could lose my licence!”

   ((I don’t care about your licence right now, Larry!)) I shouted. ((Now stop whining and get us there quickly!))

   “Fine, fine…” He sighed, pressing down harder on the cars accelerator and swerving past the car driven by a grey old female in front.

   ((Sir,)) Ayattil groaned, crammed awkwardly in the back of the van, cautiously avoiding my tense and twitching tail. ((The report said that no one was badly injured. Why do we have to rush like this?))

   ((Because, you blithering simpleton, the report clearly stated that one member of staff is missing, and I have a very suspicious feeling as to who it is.))

   ((How can you be sure, sir?))

   ((I don’t know. It’s a gut feeling, but I’m not going to lollygag around and wait for further reports.))

   Within a few desperately long minutes, we arrived at our destination. I kicked open the taxi doors with my hind legs and jumped out, urging Ayattil to hurry up with the equipment. Larry stumbled from the van’s driver’s seat, shaking his head from side to side.

   “Did you really have to kick the doors open? There _is_ a door handle, you know.”

   ((Please don’t get tetchy, Larry,)) I huffed. ((Now, we may be here for a while, so there is little point for you to wait around. I’m sure some other Andalites could do with your service.))

   Larry muttered bitterly and inaudibly, checking that the van’s doors weren’t broken before returning to his driving position and rushing back to the crowded main road.

   ((Come quickly now, Ayattil,)) I said, already charging for the building’s entrance. He came after me, moving with surprising pace for someone hefting three heavy backpacks, and together we slammed through the double doors under the great, glowing initials of the Andalite Research Centre; the ARC. We were instantly greeted by a small platoon of police offices, chatting uninterestedly to a couple of receptionists. They didn’t look particularly shaken.

   One of the officers took action at our arrival, and turned with intention to see our identification. Before he could ask, I had shoved my badge right up to his face.

   ((There,)) I said. ((Nicalor-Garroon-Charod, C.I.))

   ((About time you turned up,)) The officer replied. ((The scenario in question occurred on the fifth floor, and-))

   ((The fifth floor…)) I uttered.

   ((Yes, the fifth floor,)) The officer sighed. ((Must I spell it out?))

   Ayattil butted in, finally caught up with backpacks over each shoulder. ((That’s Ardina’s floor, sir.))

   I didn’t have time to receive permission to investigate the premises from the officers. Prior to him continuing, I bounded to the nearest transporter, barging past some slow-moving staff and demanding it to take me to the fifth floor. There was little time to wait for Ayattil, who dawdled frustratingly with the equipment we had brought, so I went up the transporter alone, nervously fidgeting my hooves. The transporter doors couldn’t have opened sooner, but when they eventually opened, my instinctive charge was halted by more officers, stood waiting for the transporter to become vacant. I zipped through the small crowd and headed for the main laboratory where Ardina was placed.

   ((Nicalor!))

   I halted, sliding about a foot further and barely remaining upright. I regained my composure just enough to bow formally to my superior who had called me.

   Drehun was addressing two officers from our department as I had been passing, but he quickly dismissed them as I completed my bow.

   ((Glad you could make it in good time, Nicalor.)) He said calmly.

   I was panting, yet surprisingly able to curb the panicked emotions that I was experiencing. ((Drehun, sir! I came as quickly as I could. What happened here? The report I was given was rather vague.))

   ((A group of people, either Humans or Andalites in Human form - most likely the latter - broke into the complex last night, made the journey up five floors, attacked numerous members of staff and came to this laboratory,)) He gestured to the great hall to our left. ((They stole a rather bulky piece of technology that, as I have heard, is of great value to the ARC.))

   ((The report mentioned that a member of staff is missing.)) I stated, my voice cracking just so slightly.

   ((Yes,)) Drehun confirmed. ((One by the name of Ardina-Eskallon-Taryal.))

   I almost collapsed, only supported by the thick plaster wall that was stood firmly beside me. My gut feelings had come to fruition. Drehun seemed puzzled.

   ((Are you alright, Nicalor?)) He asked, concerned. ((Do you know this person?))

   I nodded faintly. ((Yes. I do.))

   ((Hm,)) He huffed, barely batting an eyelid. ((In that case, I shall leave you to your duties. I’m sure you’ll be in a hurry to locate her.))

   I tried to recover, but remained stood by the wall in case of another collapse. ((Sir, I think it would be best if I were to check security tapes before I proceed to cleanse the scene. Have you seen the Head of Security?))

   ((He is in the main office, talking to some pesky reporters.))

   ((Thank you, sir.)) I bowed, but in my haste to appear formal, I moved from the wall and collapsed sideways, with a thud on the cold floor.

   Drehun gazed down at me, eyebrow raised. ((Are you alright, Nicalor?))

   ((Yes. Yes, I’m fine,)) I replied, shakily getting back to my hooves. ((This floor’s very uneven, isn’t it?))

   ((Quite…))

   I bowed again, this time with a little more decorum, and made my exit back downstairs, passing an exhausted Ayattil on the way. He did a U-turn as I hastily took full possession of a transporter, yet again leaving him behind, not willing to wait around.

   Reaching the first floor again, I wandered around in search of the main office. I found it near the back of the building, bustling with people of varying professions. There were laboratory workers, officers from my own and other departments, and a couple of Andalite reporters, all distinguished by coloured sashes – it’s useful to be distinct in crowds of this nature.

   My search for the Head of Security didn’t last long. He was being questioned by a nuisance reporter, and he was only too happy for the conversation to be intruded. He shooed away the reporter the moment that I made my intentions clear.

   ((Who might you be?)) He asked of me. ((Not another damned reporter, I hope.))

   ((Not at all,)) I replied, taking my identity badge from my utility belt and displaying it as Ayattil arrived back at my side. ((Nicalor-Garroon-Charod, C.I.))

   The fatigued Head of Security, eyes baggy and stance lazy, smiled with a flourish of relief. ((Good. I’ve been waiting for one of you to turn up. I’ve had just about enough of these ignorant reporters.))

   ((Believe me,)) I said. ((I will be giving you my fair share of questions.))

   ((Not questions about my competence in this profession, I dare to assume.))

   ((Actually, that was going to be my first question.))

   The Head of Security gave me a hateful glare and folded his arms tightly over his chest with clenched fists. I decided to compromise.

   ((Perhaps you could show me the security tapes.)) I suggested.

   His stance relaxed, and he guided me with an indicative hand. ((Very well. This way, Nicalor.))

   Ayattil and I followed him out of the main office and back towards the front of the building. There, he unlocked a door to a small, dimly lit hallway that held the faint but distinct stench of mould. In a relatively new building that had been so well-kept and cleanly, such an area came as a bit of a shock. It was no wonder that the members of security all looked so disgruntled. At the far end of the yellow-walled corridor sat a door, securely locked and with the initials S.C.R. illuminated above on a hideous neon sign. The chief flashed a security card over a lock activation unit on the left side of the door, and its cold metal frame retreated into the walls on either side.

   The room was dark, like a large black hole in the wall. But it was gently spotted with the glowing buttons and knobs of various computers. As we were permitted into the cramped and claustrophobic space, I was greeted by what was essentially a wall of computer screens, each divided into four smaller screens. They were black and white moving images, gathered from working security cameras placed in each and every room of the complex.

   ((Please forgive the primitive technology,)) Our host excused. ((Apparently, the ARC hasn’t got the funds for Andalite-standard projection equipment. We have to settle with this flawed Human equipment.))

   ((Surely you can’t blame Human equipment for you missing infiltration of the building.)) I asserted.

   ((No?)) He grunted irritably. ((Human equipment for an Andalite building? It’s like curing dismemberment with a roll of tape. Completely useless.))

   He flicked a button on the wall, and a dim pair of lights flashed to life on parallel sides of the room. It provided limited visibility, but enough to make out the protrusions of the instruments that welcomed us. He stood before the wall of screens and played with a computer below.

   ((What have you heard about the incident?)) He asked us to disrupt a long silence.

   ((Not enough. The information I have been given so far has been frustratingly vague, but I _do_ know that a staff member has disappeared. I was hoping that you would be kind enough to give me the details of the case, especially when it comes to Ardina’s disappearance.))

   The Head shrugged, only trailing one hunched stalk eye on me. ((Long story short, a group of Humans entered the building, snuck past our security and stole one of the ARC’s most eagerly anticipated research projects.))

   I crossed my arms and leant up against the only bare wall in the room. ((And what project might that be?))

   ((The Feed for Andalite Processor. Not only did they take the prototype machine, but they stole vast amounts of essential paperwork. The researchers here are in utter disarray.))

   ((I understand that such a machine would be valuable.)) I mused, scratching at my chin and recalling all the information that Ardina had given me about the contraption. A processor that could allow an Andalite to taste like the Humans do, and the paperwork that laid out instructions for both its use and the procedures required, would be surely sought after by criminals. How they achieved their goal, however, was what baffled me.

   ((What kind of security is in place here?)) I asked of him in my politest tone.

   ((The best.)) He stated matter-of-factly. ((Apart from these panels, of course. I told you: Human equipment…)) He waved an arm to indicate the equipment lined before him.

   ((I’ll need more details than just _the best,_ )) I pressed. ((How did a group of Humans – or Andalites in morph – infiltrate the ARC? Surely a building of such importance would be well protected, even with Human projectors.))

   ((This structure was built only three years ago, Nicalor,)) He said, removing himself from the computer and finally standing to face me head-on. ((It is so young, and there are yet to be improvements made to the security systems, but we certainly have enough to keep out petty criminals. Those who designed the building took great care to ensure that it was completely criminal-proof. A small termite could not infiltrate this building when doors are locked! Before last night, not a single break-in had occurred!))

   Tired of remaining silent, Ayattil thought it best to intrude on our conversation. ((Of course a termite can’t get in, security person, sir!)) He chuckled. ((Termites can’t open doors. They don’t have hands.))

   I placed my hand to my face, unwilling to even chastise him for embarrassing me.

   The Head of Security seemed to feel the same way. ((What is _that_ , Nicalor?)) He asked of me.

   ((As much as it pains me to admit it, he is my assistant,)) I confessed. ((Please, just ignore him.))

   ((Yes. I will.))

   I nodded my approval, and then put our previous conversation back on the metaphorical table. ((So how did a group of Humans enter the building? Did you not capture them on camera?))

   ((We caught them on the security cameras.)) He said. ((We have video of the group entering the building, passing by on-duty security, knocking down several staff and stealing the Processor.))

   ((Then may I see it?))

   The chief nodded, and turned back to the computer panel. Already anticipating that I would make such a request, he had prepared the tapes, and with just the touch of a couple of buttons, the central screen on the wall went briefly blank, then resumed with a short compilation of clips.

   The first clip was taken from a camera watching over the entrance of the building. The timer on the top left indicated that the incident began in the early hours of the morning, but the camera glared through the black of the night to see a large group of Humans, dressed indiscriminately and each wearing a balaclava. They didn’t slam the doors down, pick at the lock, or blaze through with firearms. One of the Humans approached the identity scanner on the left side of the door, flashed a small device over it, and the huge security doors slid open.

   ((What was that device?)) I asked. ((How did they get it?))

   ((I thought that was for _you_ to find out.))

   The Humans quietly entered the building, and the camera switched to follow their movement. In the main reception area, their numbers became clearer. I counted at least eight, all built like stone pillars and moving with organised pace. Their movement through the building was quick and precise, and only forty seconds into the infiltration, they were on the transporters up to the fifth floor.

   That was where the camera switched to next. It was also where a small number of researchers were getting along with their nightly work, carrying notepads and vials and talking amongst themselves. One unfortunate scientist was about to descend the transporter as the anonymous Humans rushed out, the first clobbering the Andalite over the head with a small club. He went down instantly, and the rest of the gang deftly jumped over his crumpled body.

   The camera switched again, and its new focus was on the now-alert main laboratory, its residents clearly hearing something echo down the corridor.

   I spotted Ardina, chatting idly to a fellow researcher. Her ears pricked up, and she turned to face the entrance to the hallway just as the first Humans came rushing in. They knocked down another researcher who came too close and spread like wildfire through the labs, two staying behind to block off the exit.

   Suddenly, I found myself sweating, and I wiped at my brow, holding my hand there as I watched Ardina’s tail twitch. A Human approached her, tried to cut her off. With a deft swing of her tail blade, the Human went down, knocked unconscious by its blunt side. I wanted to cheer, but my knowledge of what would eventually happen stopped me.

   Despite her brave efforts, they surrounded her, and she, like each and every other researcher in the room, was knocked down. Like them, she stayed down, and the victorious Humans halted their brief celebration to head towards the centre of the room. They recognised the Processor without fail, and, finding a spare cargo transporter, they hefted it quickly out of the room.

   That, however, was not all they took. They deliberated, argued, and it was only the arrival of a small security team that finalised their decision.

   They took Ardina, hoisting her onto the cargo carrier and leaving the room. The security, beaten by numbers, could only hold them off for a short while. The criminals were well trained, armed, and the tiny security team was taken completely by surprise.

   It all died down as quickly as it had begun. The criminals escaped with their spoils just as officers arrived on the scene.

   They had gotten away, and they had taken Ardina with them.


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14**

((I spent the whole night in the ARC, and I didn’t get any sleep whatsoever. Yet, I don’t feel tired. Rather, I feel more alert than perhaps I have ever been. Not only is the case weighing on my mind, but Ardina’s disappearance has shocked and hurt me greatly. It is for her that I am putting so much of my effort into this case. However, though we have performed thorough searches of the ARC, the main laboratories and all the areas in which the gang of criminals moved through, we have found very little, if anything to move forward with. It has become obvious that the group had been well organised and well trained, and they didn’t leave a single crumb with which we could investigate further. At least, not in the building itself. I perused through all of the security footage that I was given, taking it back to my office early in the morning and wading through every little detail, and yet it provided me with nothing, and I became more and more frustrated by the hour. I took a quick coffee break at about nine in the morning, and, somehow, I snatched an idea out of the air. I went back to watch the footage taken from the security cameras on the edge of the building, and followed the path that the criminals took once they had left. They entered a van, its licence plates removed, and they took off in a southerly direction. It was then when I made some phone calls to small businesses in that area. A convenience store a block away was generous enough to hand me their security tapes, and from those tapes, I found something. It was small, but it could potentially give us a lead as to the identities of the thieves. On close inspection of the tapes, I noticed something white being thrown from the van onto the front yard of a small house across the road. The incident was so minute, and almost invisible, and I had to re-watch it several times, but something was definitely thrown from that van, and I am determined to find it now. End journal entry. Mark Earth date 11th September. Entry number nine.))

 

   The Sun was bright, but the air was still cold and bitter, and my lack of any sleep made me feel all the more groggy as we wandered the sidewalks of the quiet street, the shadow of the ARC looming over us from the next block. Even in my recently morphed Human form, the lack of rest still misted my senses, and it became even harder to remain balanced on two legs. Not only that, but Ayattil _had_ had some sleep. He was full of energy, and seemed determined to use it to get on my bad side.

   “So why are we going to this Human’s house, sir?” He asked as we turned the final corner to our destination.

   “For the thousandth time, Ayattil, we are here to pick up evidence.”

   “But sir,” He persisted. “Why are we going to this house when the ARC is back _that_ way? Way. Ayyy.”

   I shook my fists angrily. “Will you stop doing that?! Haven’t you gotten used to that infernal Human mouth yet, or do I have I to clamp it shut with a bear trap?”

   “Sorry, sir… I just want to know why-”

   “Because,” I interrupted aggressively. “I have looked over the security tapes of that convenience store,” I pointed to the building to our immediate right, fronted by a small collection of fuel pumps for Human vehicles. “And noticed that the criminals in question dropped something in some Human’s yard. Any more questions?”

   Ayattil was quiet for a brief moment, likely unwilling to conjure my wrath once again. “What did they drop, sir?”

   “I couldn’t quite tell. I nearly missed the incident altogether. Whatever it was, it was small and white. Keep your eyes peeled, and your evidence bags ready.”

   “Will do, sir. Suurrrh…”

   The Human home in question was a detached property that sat just opposite the street corner. It was a single-floor building, squat in all manners, but it was also picturesque and well-kept. The windows were lined with beautiful domestic plants, mostly red or pink in colour, and the walls and doors were freshly and attractively painted. The grass looked luscious and just the right shade of green, but without our Andalite forms, that mattered little to us at the moment. Our Human bodies craved grease and sugar and salt and caffeine.

   The pair of us strolled onto the pathway that led up to the front door. Human beings are very sensitive about people wandering onto their property, so we would have to gain prior permission before searching the vicinity. We reached the large red door.

   ((Now remember, Ayattil,)) I spoke privately. ((Humans are very sensitive about their property. We have to promise to be as careful as possible when searching for our evidence. Understood?))

   ((Yes, sir.))

   On that agreement, I proceeded to knock on the door. It was a while before anyone turned up, and I was about to lose hope of the householder being present, but just when we were about to turn and leave, the door slowly opened up to the face of an elderly Human female. Her hair was medium length and curly, a faint grey that was almost white. She was tiny, probably barely reaching five feet, but she had big eyes and an even bigger, inviting smile. Her cloths were thick, woollen and mostly a dull beige colour.

   “Why, hello gentlemen!” She greeted with a faint, high-pitched voice. “Have you come to see me?”

   I cleared my mucus-filled Human throat. “Yes, ma’am. We are here to ask for permission to do some investigative work in your yard. We’re from the NYAPD.” I reached into my suit pocket and displayed my badge to her. Ayattil did the same after a moment’s hesitance.

   The old Human looked surprisingly excited. “Oh, well I suppose I shouldn’t say no!”

   I smiled to her as politely as I could. “Thank you, ma’am.”

   “But my, don’t you boys look hungry!” She accused. “Would you like to come in for some homemade cookies? I just took them out of the oven.”

   I looked to Ayattil, and he looked back at me.

   ((Cookies, sir?)) He said through private thought-speech.

   ((It certainly sounded like it, but we have a duty. Ardina’s been taken hostage. We can’t afford to waste our time eating delicious, oven-baked, homemade…)) I turned to the old woman. “Chocolate chip cookies?”

   She grinned widely and nodded. “Oh, yes!”

   “We would love some!” I exclaimed with glee. “Thank you very much!”

   The old Human made way for us to enter the tiny home, and already the smell of cookie dough swept through the air. I knew that our duties needed us, but having worked throughout the night, I thought it best if I had a break, even if it was to indulge in breaded treats.

   We were guided through the small hallway, which was decorated mostly with family portraits. There were plenty of young smiling faces of those who I assumed to be from her close family. The theme of red and pink flowers continued, accompanied by flowery wallpaper and flooring, and long red rugs that lined the ground and branched off into each separate room. The first doorway to our right was where we were asked to go, and we arrived in the living room, a cacophony of beige and the scents of unused furniture and toffee mints. In the corner of the room, beside the large frontal windows and intruding on the position of the semi-closed net curtains, was an unexpectedly large television set, muted and set to a programme on cake baking. The Sun shone through the windows and illuminated the room invitingly, all the way to a huge Grandfather clock on the far side, steadily ticking its hypnotic metronome.

   “Please, make yourselves comfortable, boys.” The lady chirped, still ecstatic about having visitors.

   “Thank you.” We both replied.

   Ayattil asked of the Human, “What is your name?”

   “Mary Watkins, dear,” She said with a nod. Then, with a hint of guilt in her eyes, she looked between the two of us. “Oh, silly me, we didn’t introduce.” She giggled cutely.

   “It’s alright,” I reassured her. “My name is Nicalor, and his name is Ayattil.”

   “What strange names,” She chuckled. “What country do you come from?”

   I forgave her for not recognising our names as distinctly Andalite. The lady appeared so kind and innocent, much like the elderly Andalites I knew. _They_ often became senile, too. “We are Andalites, ma’am.”

   “Ooh, well I’ve never had Andalite guests before,” She stated eagerly. “Do Andalites like cookies, too?”

   “Of course.” I replied.

   “Well, I’ll just go and get them for you two boys,” She began to scuffle out of the room, but she turned back upon remembering something else. “Silly me, I forgot to ask if you two boys would like a drink.”

   “Yes, please.” Ayattil answered her.

    I, too, felt a little dehydrated, and though I had had enough coffee over the night, enough to make my stomach churn uncomfortably, I couldn’t resist another caffeine rush. “Could we have a couple of coffees, please?”

   “Coffee?” The old lady seemed shocked, and that itself also shocked me. “I don’t have any coffee, dear.”

   “Ah…” I grunted, slightly disappointed. “What do you have?”

   “I have pineapple juice and camomile tea, dear.”

   ((What are they, sir?)) Ayattil asked me.

   ((I don’t know,)) I replied. ((We can assume that this Human doesn’t want to poison us, so either is fine.))

   Ayattil quickly made his choice. “Could I have some camomile tea, please?”

   “Make that two.” I added.

   She smiled kindly. “Of course, dears. I’ll be right back.”

   When she left the room, there was little more for us to do than to sit watching the television. Though I felt a bit more relaxed, sat on a comfortable sofa, propped up against the armrest, the thought of Ardina’s plight was still strong and pervasive in my head. I felt that I had come to a conclusion as to why they had taken her though, because even though the gang was well prepared to infiltrate the building, they would still be ignorant when it came to operating the processor that they stole. They would need a scientist to give them the answers that they needed.

   They may have been torturing her, and no matter how much I wanted to push that particular idea aside, it remained glued there, unmoving.

   Something else that I often discovered plaguing my mind was the question of how the criminals entered the building to begin with. They had flashed something over the security lock to get in, and what I had learned from various workers in the laboratories is that only select staff members receive security keys that can bypass the main security doors, and I had questioned all of them. They still had their keys.

   I became lost in a trail of dead-end thoughts, until Mary Watkins dragged me from it. She placed a tea cup beside me on a tiny table. It had its own little plate, and placed haphazardly on the side was a large, appetising cookie. She then moved to place a small bowl on the coffee table in the centre of the room, filled to the brim with the rest of the crumbling, sweet delicacies.

   “Enjoy, boys!” She entreated. “I hope you like them.”

   “Thank you, Ms Watkins.” I said sincerely.

   “Oh, please,” She chuckled with a light wave of her hand. “Call me Mary.”

   I picked up the large cookie and, desperate for nourishment, placed it immediately into my mouth, bringing down my small Human teeth and taking a chunk from the treat. Instantly, the flood of sugar and crumbs took a hold, and I released a moan of satisfaction, relaxing back against my seat.

   “Do you like it?” Mary asked.

   “It’s gorgeous!” I stammered between taking another chunk. “You Humans are excellent at producing such delights.”

   Ayattil seemed just as pleased, also passing on his message of approval. The camomile tea, though not packing the same punch and sensation of coffee, was not particularly unpleasant, either, and before long we were both asking for round two.

   Mary seemed content to please us, and instead of really sitting down to chat, as I found Humans liked to do, for the most part, she busied herself making sure we were comfortable, even going so far as to adjust the house thermostat when Ayattil mentioned that it was cold in his hotel room the night before. Finally, though, she calmed down and sat with us.

   “So why are you two boys here to see me?” She asked, sitting down shakily on her own seat.

   “We are here to search for something that was dropped onto your front yard. The ARC was broken into last night, and a valuable piece of equipment was stolen.” I explained.

   She looked baffled. “ARC? Where’s that, dear?”

   I pointed directly out of the window. The large building was clearly present over a row a buildings a block away. Thankfully, she still had the eye-power to distinguish it.

   “Do you work there, dear?” She asked of me.

   “No. We work for the NYAPD.”

   “Ah, yes,” She smiled. “You told me that you worked for the NYPD.”

   “NY _A_ PD.” I politely corrected her.

   “What’s that, dear?”

   “It stands for the New York Andalite Police Department.”

   She looked stunned. “You’re an Andalite, dear?”

   I groaned internally, but played along. “Yes.”

   Ayattil seemed just as confused, and talked to me privately. ((Didn’t we explain this already, sir?))

   ((Several times now, Ayattil,)) I sighed. ((I believe that this Human has grown senile. It doesn’t matter, we’ll get back to work in a few minutes. We still have an hour in morph.))

   “My grandson loves aliens,” The old lady spoke. “Especially those green ones. Now, what are they called again…? The ones from Toy Story. Back when I was young, there was always people saying that there were aliens. My friend Gladys… Oh, Gladys, you would have loved her. She had this great big pond in her back yard, and…. Oh, I remember it like it was only yesterday.”

   I started to blank out of her one-sided conversation, and instead conversed tiredly with Ayattil.

   ((Do you know what she’s talking about, sir?)) He asked me, at the same time taking a sip of camomile tea.

   ((Frankly, I have already stopped listening. I think maybe we should excuse ourselves and get to work.))

   ((Good idea, sir. Where do-))

   We both noticed Mary get up from her seat. She was still talking and seemed to be getting back to the original talking point. “I heard that there’s something about aliens on the television today. My Grandson told me about it. I wonder if it’s on.” She reached for the television remote, and Ayattil and I both silently groaned.

   The old lady took her time, but found what she wanted. It was a documentary about the Yeerk war. To be perfectly honest, I wasn’t too interested, and nor was Ayattil, and by now we were itching to get moving, but both too polite to leave to dear old Human. We watched the documentary for about five minutes in silence.

   “There!” Mary pointed at the television when an Andalite was being interviewed. “I think that’s one of them.”

   I nodded. “Yes. He is a war-prince.”

   “He’s very tall, isn’t he?” She postulated.

   “Taller than the average, yes,” I confirmed for her, with a subtle roll of the eyes at Ayattil. I spoke privately to him, ((I don’t like this documentary. The Humans have added a lot of self-serving bias.))

   ((I know, sir.)) He agreed.

   ((If you ask me, the Yeerks weren’t well prepared for an Earth invasion anyway. They didn’t research the species enough. If they knew what they were dealing with, they would have known to attack the core of Human society.))

   ((The core of Human society, sir?))

   ((McDonalds,)) I said. ((Bring McDonalds down, and the Humans would have been defeated in a matter of months.))

   “Why are you here again?” I heard Mary ask us, narrowing her eyes at me.

   I tried not to sigh, and said, “To collect some evidence that we believe may have been dropped.”

   “What was it, dear?”

   “We aren’t too sure, but it was small and white, and it was thrown onto your front yard.”

   “Ah, yes, I saw that this morning.”

   I sat up straight in my seat, finally alert again. “You did?”

   She nodded. “Yes, dear, it was on my lawn.”

   “And what did you do with it, if you don’t mind me asking?”

   “I didn’t do anything with it, dear. But Fluffy took it.” She said before sipping at her own camomile tea.

   I was pleased that we were finally getting some information after all this time sitting around with tea and cookies, but I was still frustrated at the pace at which she was handing it to me.

   “Who, or what, is Fluffy?” I demanded in the calmest manner possible.

   She smiled. “He’s my dog. My daughter bought him for me, and oh is he so beautiful! When he was little, he used to-”

   “Excuse me, ma’am,” I interrupted. “Does this _Fluffy_ still have the item we’re after?”

   “I think so…” She contemplated.

   I got up, and my sudden movement also sprung Ayattil to life. “Mary, where is Fluffy?”

 

   “He’s in there, dear.”

   We were stood outside once again, this time in Mary Watkins’ backyard. The Sun was still out, and its rays rested attractively on Mary’s well-cut lawn. The backyard was lined with the same red and pink flowers that invaded the rest of the home, and a small pond babbled under a wide oak tree, shedding its leaves to mark the changing seasons.

   Several small, colourful objects patterned the grass. They belonged to Fluffy, as did the tiny wooden building that Mary was bringing our attention to. It was about three or four feet tall, formed of white walls and a red roof, with nothing but a large opening in the front and an attached chain to speak of.

   “In there?” Ayattil asked. “That’s a bit small for a Human.”

   Mary laughed. “Fluffy is my dog, dear.”

   “What’s a dog?”

   “A dog is a four legged mammal,” I told him. “One that Humans often keep as pets.”

   “And the evidence is in there?” Ayattil asked, a little nervously.

   Mary answered him, saying, “I saw Fluffy take something in there earlier. He just loves to play with his toys, especially the little blue one with the-”

   ((Ayattil,)) I spoke to him, ignoring Mary’s nattering. ((Take a look inside the box and see if you spot anything.))

   ((Me, sir?))

   ((Yes, you.))

   The small structure seemed quiet at the time, but there was an occasional stirring, notifying that its resident was sat within. Ayattil, therefore, kept his distance, but clumsily got down to his hands and knees, lowered his head and peeked inside.

   Sudden noise erupted from the tiny hut, a loud series of barks and snarls, and with them came a large blur of black and orange. Ayattil fell back as the creature loomed over him, its charge ceased as the chain reached its limit with a loud clank. The dog was angry, and it certainly couldn’t care less if it disturbed the neighbours. It yelped and barked and snapped its wide jaws, and Ayattil’s Human form reacted by turning absolutely pale and scuttling backwards to a safer distance.

   Mary didn’t seem at all fazed by the dog’s vicious charge, and she patted her legs and bent down a little. “Good boy, Fluffy! Good boy, say hello to our new friends!”

   “That thing is dangerous!” I exclaimed, backing up to a safe distance.

   “Nooo,” Mary cooed, still focused on the four-legged monster. “He’s a Rottweiler.”

   ((A what, sir?!)) Ayattil asked hurriedly, still frozen on the grass.

   ((I don’t know, but it doesn’t seem friendly. Did you see anything in its box?))

   He looked up at me, having to search his memory that was currently clouded with adrenalin. ((Um… Yes. Something small and white. It looked like a drink container, sir.))

   ((Good!)) I said, clasping my Human hands, mood instantly lifted. ((Well, go on then.))

   Ayattil blinked and cocked his head. ((Sir?))

   ((Get it.)) I ordered, glaring down at him and waving a hand towards the dog’s wooden home. Its resident had since retreated back inside, perhaps calmed by its owners presence and Ayattil’s unimpressive physique.

   ((But…)) Ayattil moaned. ((Why me, sir?))

   ((Because you aren’t as important as me,)) I crossed my arms and stood back to allow him more room. ((And don’t forget your equipment.))

   He clearly wanted to moan and refuse, but, much to his credit, he had always been loyal. He moved to the backpack we had brought, put on a pair of skin-tight gloves and grabbed a pair of tweezers and a small, sealable plastic bag. Once ready, he cautiously moved to the entrance of the creature’s tiny home.

   I had not had much experience with the animals known as dogs. It became clear, on the day that I arrived on Earth, that the Humans had conquered the species. Most of them were kept under Human ownership as willing slaves, and the Humans appeared to treasure them greatly. However, most dogs I had seen, be it in Central Park or on the busy city streets, were calm, social, and tame. This one certainly wasn’t.

   I felt a little sorry for Ayattil as he crawled head-first into the small box, especially when I heard the growls and snarls escalate. I saw his legs twitch as he voiced his pain, mixed with the distinctive sound of tearing clothes.

   Nevertheless, he emerged victorious, if a little shredded and bloody. He was panting when he got up to his feet, holding in his hand the evidence bag that was now occupied by a used drinks container. Large letters on its side advertised the establishment named ‘Denny’s’.

   “Well done, Ayattil,” I congratulated. I patted him on the shoulder, a messy pattern of bare skin and torn cloth, causing him to wince in pain. “Now, we can finally get to finding our criminals.”

   “Permission to demorph, sir?” He whined.

   “Not until we get back to the ARC. Stop being so impatient.”


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter 15**

   ((Ayattil?))

   There came no response. Either he was late, or he was lost. Judging by character and past experience, they both seemed just as likely.

   I grumbled under my warm Human breath, seeing it manifest in a cloud of steam as it reacted with the cool night air. I leant my body back against the wall of the dingy alleyway I had stowed away in, and though I had only been there for five Earth minutes, morphed for only two, the less-than-prime location was quickly giving me a headache. Large excavator fans buzzed noisily on both sides of the narrow passageway, their noise only disrupted by the rank stench of trash deposited by the Chinese eatery and the burger bar that I sat between. Behind that, I could vaguely pick out the sounds of Human nightlife; a raucous, incoherent compilation of screeches and yelling.

   I was not in a happy place, and Ayattil’s tardiness made it all the worse.

   ((Ayattil! If you are in range, respond!)) I called out again.

   ((… can’t h-… sir!))

   ((You are on the edge of thought-speak range, Ayattil!)) I yelled. ((Come closer!))

   A reply came, but it was even fainter and inaudible.

   ((You’re going the wrong way you idiot!))

   I waited for a while, shaking my head from side to side in irritation as I waited for him to get into range.

   Finally, ((… me now, sir?))

   ((There you are! Now, stay still so I can give you my location!))

   ((Okay, sir!)) His voice was still faint, but clear enough now to hold a conversation.

   ((I am in an alleyway between Ying Wah’s Chinese and Burger King. Where are you?!))

   There was a moment of silence as he noted his location. ((I’m outside of a place called Temptation, sir! I’m with a group of Humans.))

   ((What do they want?))

   ((They want to show me a good time, sir.))

   ((Well get away from them!)) I groaned. ((We shouldn’t be wasting time with inebriated Humans.))

   ((Okay, sir. I think I see the Burger King. I’ll be there soon.))

   At least now I knew that we wouldn’t fall too far behind schedule. It was fast approaching 11PM, and we were supposed to meet a quarter of an hour ago. Thankfully, I predicted such a situation, and if Ayattil was accurate, and he could see my location, we would have about half an hour to spare to get into position.

   It had been three weeks since the ARC was infiltrated. The small piece of evidence that we had managed to pick up was fruitful in our investigation, but it took a considerable amount of time and a lot of work to gain suitable information on it, and since Human innovations weren’t capable of the same level of DNA detection, we had to use the ARC’s facilities, and they were still reeling from the incident for quite some time. In the end, we got the information we needed, despite the criminal group’s apparent expertise and the severe lack of leads that we had.

   The evidence we gained from the drinks container was minute, not aided by the surface being coated in dog saliva and teeth marks, but we managed to gather enough data to indicate who the container had recently come into contact with most frequently. There were three suspects: The first lead us back to Fluffy, who we quickly concluded was likely an innocent (though Ayattil certainly thought not after their second meeting). Second, was a greasy Human adolescent, who we at first thought was far too inept to be anything _but_ a criminal in disguise, but turned out to work behind the counter of Denny’s, where the container had been purchased from.

   The third suspect was a Human by the name of Ted Martinez. The real Human turned out to be a lawyer who lived in Downtown Brooklyn, who predominantly worked for small businesses in the area, but on occasion would take on cases involving extra-terrestrials. He was the defendant for a small number of Andalite criminals, and came into regular contact with them. From there, we looked through a whole backlog of records for the cases Martinez was involved with, and we found that there were six Andalites that he had come into contact with (he told us that he had never come into contact with an Andalite outside of said cases).

   We looked up the names of those six individuals. Four had been deported back to the homeworld to serve their sentences. Another, found not-guilty in his case, had willingly travelled back home, and was found to be present there during the time of the incident.

   That left us with one name: Marnett-Haggaroum-Isthun. He had taken Ted Martinez’s form, bought the drinks container from Denny’s, and deposited it on Mary Watkins’ front yard.

   We found that out a week ago. This past week, we had been tracking him down, following him. We came to the agreement that simply arresting the miscreant would get us nowhere. We had arrested Yurrit, who we knew was also an accomplice of Hoketh, but he had provided no answers. In order to find out more information on our criminal gang leader, we needed to do some detective work on his known grunts.

   Marnett, a fifty-six year old male, born in Southern Centre-Fall on the home world and resident of the planet Earth for five years, had seemingly disappeared from the records. However, now that we knew the body he was using for disguise, it wasn’t difficult to spot him. Sources indicated that he was often spotted in the area that I and Ayattil were currently present in. We hired someone from the department to do some extra tracking work, and she reported back, saying that Marnett was seen at the same place on three of the four days observed. He would walk from an alleyway less than a mile from where we were stood, and stroll in one large circle, ending where he started and promptly disappearing. It would seem unusual and pointless, were it not for the fact that he made sure to pass by one nightclub on each occasion, even if he took separate routes before and after.

   Our job was to take note on his actions, specifically on that one location where he always made sure to pass. It seemed likely, to me, that he would be either picking up or delivering orders.

   I could not perform my task in my own Andalite body (and nor would I particularly want to, with drunken Humans parading the streets), so, in order to appear undercover, I morphed Human, and acquired the most casual clothes that I could purchase. This included a buttoned, silk shirt and tight-fitting jeans.

   I got the feeling that I was better adapting to appropriate Human attire, and I was immensely proud of myself.

   Ayattil, however, outdid me.

   ((What is _that_?!)) I burst as he rounded the corner to the alleyway I inhabited.

   ((I’m a Smurf, sir!))

   ((I told you to dress yourself accordingly for this mission!)) I shouted. ((Why are you dressed like a device used to clean Human toilets?))

   ((You told me to dress appropriately, sir,)) He defended. ((And nothing’s more appropriate on a Saturday night, in the middle of one of the busiest areas of New York for clubbing and drinking, than a man dressed as a Smurf.))

   I glared at him, not angry, but ashamed at myself that Ayattil actually had a good point, and one that perhaps I should have thought of.

   ((Perhaps you should concentrate your Earth research on areas a little more suited to your job, Ayattil. It may have worked out on this particular occasion, but walking around painted blue, shirtless, and with a stupid white hat will do us few favours on this horrible little planet.))

   ((Sorry, sir.))

   ((You’d better be,)) I warned as I pushed past him, gazing over the roads to the left and right of the alleyway. ((Now, are you ready for what we had planned?))

   ((Certainly am, sir!))

   ((Do you remember the plan?))

   He stared blankly at me, hesitating. ((No, sir.))

   I expected this, and was already prepared to once again detail the plan that we would be performing to achieve our goal. ((We are here to validate Marnett’s connection to the Human drinking establishment known as Neon Firefly. We have learned that Marnett appears every night from the same spot, from an alleyway behind a new gas station they build just a block from here. _You_ , Ayattil, are to remain there and inform me when he emerges. I will go on ahead and wait outside of the Starbucks just down the street from Neon Firefly. When he reaches that street, and proceeds to the establishment, I shall cross the road and follow behind him. Assuming he comes into contact with a staff member of Neon Firefly, I will reverse direction and head back this way. I will then join you back at the gas station to see where he goes from there. You will stay there to inform me of anything odd that may occur and to take down notes of everything I tell you to. I have done some calculations, and at no point should I drift out of thought-speak range. Is that all clear?))

   ((Clear, sir!))

   ((And one more thing, Ayattil,)) I said, making absolutely sure he was paying due attention. ((Don’t reveal your true identity to anyone during the course of this mission, not even if anyone begins to suspect you. If anyone asks, you are a drunkard waiting for a cab. Got that?))

   ((A drunkard waiting for a cab,)) He repeated. ((Easy as pie, as the Humans say.))

   ((Oh, how I could do with some pie right now…)) I grumbled, again gazing out onto the road. ((Okay, let’s get to it.))

   We emerged from the dark alleyway and immediately separated. Ayattil gave me a curt nod of the head and headed southwards towards the gas station where he was to be posted. I straightened my clothing, uttered a cough to clear my ever-clogging throat and moved northwards, following a couple of groups of young, rowdy Humans that proceeded towards the busier streets. Thankfully, they ignored me, and I was able to tag along just behind them without appearing awkward or overly suspicious.

   ((In position, sir.)) I heard Ayattil report.

   ((Good,)) I replied. ((Any activity to report?))

   ((Nothing, sir.))

   Clearly, I had plenty of time to take my position. According to my memory, it would likely be about twenty minutes before Marnett appeared, but there was still always the chance that he would emerge early, so I had no intention of being unprepared. I moved past the slow-moving group of five Humans and walked ahead with a little more pace, still attempting to appear completely inconspicuous. I stumbled a couple of times on my clumsy Human legs, but I could easily pass that off as being intoxicated. It was eleven at night, after all, the prime time for Human drunks to be wandering.

   The crowds of Humans began to increase exponentially, and before I knew it, the sidewalks became a maze of noise and colourful clothing. I weaved through them, covering my ears each time a beastly roar or a high-pitched squeal invaded my personal space. The stench of alcohol was ferocious, and the music from the various clubs and bars irritating and brash.

   I had to cross the road when I came to the far end of the street that Marnett frequented. Lines of bars and clubs on both sides stretched on for about a mile from that point, but Neon Firefly was only about 50 yards away. It was clearly in view: a large complex brightly illuminated with neon lights in various patterns and shapes. The entrances were crowded, something which I had neglected to take into account. It would make my goal harder to achieve, but by no means impossible.

   ((Anything yet, Ayattil?))

   No response came, and instantly I felt my confidence waver. Hopefully, he was just out of range, and I had simply miscalculated on the distances between us. I highly doubted that Ayattil had given away his identity, even in his minor role. He wasn’t _that_ clueless.

   I had to remain on my guard. If we were out of thought-speak range, I would not receive the necessary signal that would alert me to Marnett’s emergence. Fortunately, I was well prepared. I retrieved a small device from my tight jeans (after a brief struggle) and activated it. The _Harrolt_ device buzzed into action, a miniature blue screen flashing up on the round object, no more than an inch in size.

   It was a camera, and an extremely high-tech one at that. When placed on tracking mode, it would identify the closest organism before it via the heat it emitted, and a small swivelling lens would follow and record their every movement, provided that the individual did not move behind the device. I set it so that it would activate when I pressed a tiny button on its side. When Marnett finally showed up, I would have to, at some point before he reached the Neon Firefly, come into close contact with him to ensure that the _Harrolt_ device picked him up. It would record his every action, as part of my backup plan if Ayattil was unable to take note of what I told him via thought-speak.

   I attached the camera to the underside of my shirt, where a well-placed tear allowed the lens of the camera to peek through. A simple tap of the button, positioned just below the shirt pocket, would begin the recording process.

   Now all I had to do was wait, and hope that Ayattil would get through to me with any sort of report. Eventually, about ten dull minutes later, that report came.

   ((I’ve spotted him, sir!))

   I was suddenly jolted back to life, shocked by the sudden words in my head. ((Are you sure it’s him?))

   ((Yes, sir, he just came out of the alleyway behind the gas station. It’s Ted Martinez.))

   ((That’s our guy.)) I said, smiling eagerly to myself, already feeling the long-missed adrenalin rush through me. It had been a while since I had done anything like that.

   There was also a slight rush of frustration there, too. ((Ayattil, why didn’t you respond earlier?!))

   ((You didn’t call me, s-)) His voice, already fading, became inaudible.

   ((Ayattil, you’re drifting out of range again! Stand still!))

   ((-ay, si… comi-… down.))

   I grumbled, and then said, ((Ayattil, write down whatever I tell you from now on. Okay?))

   ((Okay, sir.)) His voice was still terribly faint, but at least I had gotten the message across. Hopefully Ayattil would now have the sense to move a little closer to my location, even if just by a few feet to improve our communication.

   ((I think I see him,)) I noted, already preparing myself to cross the road and get close enough to track him. ((Stay alert, Ayattil, and don’t move out of range.))

   Indeed, the Human I suspected to be Martinez (or his form, at least) was coming into view. He was walking solo, dressed surprisingly formally, with a well-groomed suit and a deep red tie. The Human himself was large, perhaps reaching over six feet tall, and though he wasn’t exceptionally muscular, he wasn’t the type of Human who looked to go down easily. He had short, thick black hair, and a constant downturn of the lips, making him seem forever grouchy.

   ((Looks like he’s going in the right direction,)) I informed Ayattil. ((He’s close by. I’ll cross the road now.))

   Marnett, predictably, turned the corner onto the busy sidewalk that led up to Neon Firefly, and made steady progress even through a dense wall of Human youths. I moved to intercept him, hands clutched in my pockets, fingers twitching nervously. Then, I brought up a hand as I approached his sidewalk, pretending to rub at my chin as any Human would do.

   I made a diagonal path directly behind. I took my hand from my face, and on its descent pressed the button of the _Harrolt_ device beneath my shirt. I hoped to the Human God of the Bible that it had begun tracking him. I backed off a little, straightened my course, and gave chase at a reasonable distance.

   ((I’m on him, Ayattil,)) I reported. ((It’s a little hard to follow him through these crowds of Humans, but he should be being tracked by my _Harrolt_.))

   Marnett moved quickly towards the suspected destination, and though I did my best to remain inconspicuous, at times I had to jog around large crowds just to keep him in sight. He looked over his shoulders a couple of times. Perhaps he hadn’t noticed me. I blended in well enough, I was sure.

   ((He doesn’t seem to have picked up on my presence,)) I privately informed Ayattil, hoping that he could still hear me. ((I just need to stay on him for a few more seconds.))

   The bright lights of Neon Firefly loomed high over my head. I pushed forward a little further in order to gain a better view of my target, which was now just passing by the entrance. The crowds around us were noisy, obnoxious. One male screamed directly into my ear, and I swear I could have sliced his head from his body, if only I had my tail.

   Marnett passed by the entrance, and then by the bouncers on the door and a couple other staff members. They didn’t even get close to him, and I saw no suspicious movement from him. I sighed on the inside, fearing that we had been following false reports, or that Marnett simply liked night time strolls.

   Then came the most subtle of movements. By the side of the building was a thick line of people queuing to gain entry to the complex, separated from the rest of the sidewalk by a series of posts and horizontal ropes. Marnett reached casually into his right-hand trouser pocket and produced a small, folded piece of paper, or maybe an envelope. As soon as he had retrieved it, another hand emerged from beneath the rope separating the queue, instantly taking the envelope from Marnett and retreated back into the wall of Humans, its owner completely encased among anonymous faces.

   Marnett continued walking. Apart from the subtle hand movement, he had barely flinched or twitched or turned his head. No one would have noticed. That is, no one who wasn’t deliberately tracking him.

   I shook a fist in triumph once I had drifted back far enough to lose sight of Marnett. I pressed the button on the _Harrolt_ again to deactivate it, and reported my success to Ayattil.

   ((I got something!)) I announced. ((He’s delivered a note to someone entering the establishment. I didn’t see the face, but I believe he was wearing a blue sweater. I won’t attempt to find him. He’s probably on high alert.))

   The next step of the mission was the simple part. I had to return to the gas station the way that I had come, and together I and Ayattil would observe where Marnett headed from there. I doubted that it would be of much importance, now that we had acquired what we had come for in the first place, but it was always worth checking how criminals enter and leave a particular scene. I always liked to do a thorough job.

   ((Ayattil,)) I called as I began to make my way off of the long street. ((I’m coming back now. I suspect that I will reach the gas station before Marnett, but keep an eye out for any trouble, and don’t try to cover his escape route. We don’t want him suspecting that he’s got us on his backside, or he might call for help, assuming he has accomplices nearby.))

   ((-ay, sir.)) Came his distant, faint reply.

   I continued onwards into the night, and the crowds of loud Humans quickly began to dissipate, almost vanishing when I passed the alleyway between the Chinese place and Burger King.

   Then I stood still in my tracks. An eerily familiar figure appeared from a junction just twenty or thirty feet ahead of me. Marnett was taking a different route to the one that I assumed he would take, and he had cut off my path.

   No matter. As long as I could remain in disguise, he shouldn’t have suspected anything to be amiss. A cold chill still burrowed into my spine, though, when he looked over his shoulder, directly at me. I kept my cool, and acted as if his stare had no effect on me. He turned back, and the continuation of his medium-slow pace came as a relief. I thought that I had gotten away with it.

   He turned into an alleyway, and that was something I didn’t expect, and it left me in a difficult situation: Should I stop and change direction? That would make me seem suspicious, assuming he was somehow watching me. Should I keep moving onwards, as if, again, his presence meant nothing to me, because I was meant to be disguised as a drunken Human? That seemed like the best option, and it would allow me to reach Ayattil first.

   It was a mistake. I passed by the alleyway where Marnett had disappeared. From the shadows he pounced, wrapping a thick, suited arm around my Human neck and placing a firm hand over my mouth. I mumbled loudly beneath, but not enough to draw the attention of anyone nearby.

   Then he dragged me back into the dark alleyway. No matter how much I squirmed and kicked, his hold wasn’t loosening, and soon I found myself pinned up hard against the wall of a building, his arm pressed to my neck.

   He stared at me with cold, fake eyes; a horrid smugness woven into each little wrinkle on his shaven Human face. I stared back, trying to assess the situation over the panic that had swept through me. My feet barely touched the ground, and instead flailed wildly, doing everything possible to escape. I kicked him in the shin, but it brought from him a solid grunt and nothing more.

   “And who might you be?” He sneered with a deep, gravelly voice. “Some perverted Human who wants to follow me home?”

   His tone was sarcastic, and though I wished to return to him an equally derisive remark, I had to uphold my disguise and assure him of my innocence. “No! I was just going home! I’m… I’m drunk, you see! Totally inebriated!”

   Marnett laughed, and I knew that my ploy had failed. “Drunk? Just drunk? Not a law enforcer, at all?”

   “No! I’m not!”

   “Tell me who you are.” Marnett growled, and suddenly I saw the smooth glimmer of something sharp and metal being pulled from a hidden pocket in his suit trousers. With his spare hand he pulled up the knife, and held it to my throat.

   Now my options were severely limited. I couldn’t try to demorph, and nor could I keep lying to him. I had one other option, though it didn’t fill me with much optimism.

   ((Ayattil!)) I called in despair. ((I have been caught! Marnett is holding me at knife point! I am in the alleyway just behind the women’s clothing store around the corner from the gas station! Hurry!))

   ((On my way, sir!))

   For perhaps the first time, I was grateful for his close proximity.

   Marnett was still inspecting me, gazing up and down over my Human form. Much to my distress, he noticed the _Harrolt_ device through the small hole in my shirt. He yanked at it, causing several buttons to pop off, and took the device.

   “Spying, I see. And why would you want to spy on me?” He demanded, pressing the knife closer to my throat. I could feel its sharp edge slicing the tips off of my remaining chin stubble.

   “I… I…” I could barely breath. His arm pressed to one side of my throat, and his bladed threatening the other, combined to make breathing, and hence talking, incredibly difficult. I had to change to thought-speak and reveal my true race. ((That device is not operational,)) I lied. ((And I am not spying on _you_.))

   “So who are you spying on?”

   This time, I remained completely silent, both from my mouth and my mind.

   Marnett looked pensive. Placing his knife between his front teeth, he then used his free hand to check my pockets. He fiddled through all of my trouser pockets first and found nothing. Then, he checked my shirt pockets. In the top left one, he found my badge. He opened it up and inspected it.

   “Nicalor-Garroon-Charod, huh?” He snarled. “C. I. for the NYAPD, East 67th street.”

   I watched with reserved dread as he placed my badge into his own back pocket, a horrible grin on his face.

   “We’ll remember that name,” He said. “Maybe I and some friends will pay you a friendly visit someday soon. Does that sound pleasant? Hm?”

   “Hello?!”

   Our heads both turned to the entrance of the narrow alleyway. There, in a dopey-looking Smurf outfit, half naked and with a half-eaten Subway sandwich in one hand (the other half covering most of his face), was Ayattil.

   What a glorious sight he was at that moment.

   ((Ayattil!)) I yelped in private thought-speak. ((Get him! He has my badge!))

   Ayattil, however, remained static, all but for his jaw, steadily munching on the sandwich that still invaded his mouth.

   ((Ayattil!)) I repeated, even more desperately.

   Marnett was glaring at Ayattil, eyes narrowed, silently questioning Ayattil to reveal his intentions.

   “Don’t mind me,” Ayattil muttered. “I am merely a drunkard waiting for a cab.”

   With that, he walked away.

   All I could do to react to that was to shake my head in disbelief. “Idiot.”

   Marnett took little notice, and so he turned back to face me, that devious grin once again scarring his face.

   “We’ll meet again, Nicalor-Garroon-Charod.” He pulled his arm away, causing me to slump and collapse down against the wall, groaning and aching. I heard footsteps as I recovered, and upon lifting my head to assess my new situation, he had vanished, along with my _Harrolt_ device and my badge.  

   To borrow an unusual and confusing Human expression, I was completely and utterly screwed.

   ((Ayattil…)) I grunted as I steadily pulled myself back to my feet. ((Ayattil!))

   ((Sir?))

   ((Get back here, you fool!))

   He obeyed, and as I stumbled from the alleyway, he bumped into me, still munching on his sandwich. I gazed at him, and he gazed at me, in stalemate.

   ((Successful mission, sir?))

   I shook my fists in building anger, and even though I still did not have my tail, I could subconsciously feel it shaking and twitching with my rage. ((Successful?! Ayattil, he took my _Harrolt_ and my badge!))

   ((Oh.))

   ((And you left me in that alleyway at knifepoint!))

   He twiddled his fingers nervously, deservedly embarrassed. ((But, sir-))

   ((But what?!))

   ((You told me not to reveal my identity during the mission.))

   I shook my head and attempted to dissolve my anger. ((Don’t you think that, maybe, when I have a knife pointed at my throat, and some hairy brute pushing me up against a wall, that perhaps the mission is over?))

   ((I didn’t really have time to consider the situation, sir.)) He answered in self-defence.

   ((Well, keep it in mind for next time, you bumbling fool,)) I rubbed a sweaty hand to my forward and exhaled deeply. ((Did you take note of what I said while tracking him?))

   ((Yes, sir,)) he said ((But it was quite hard to hear you. I didn’t get all of it.))

   ((So what _did_ you get?))

   ((Uh…)) He reached into his costume’s pocket and pulled out a small notepad, flicking through a couple of pages. He read from it, ((I don’t move in the right direction. He’s cross, but he doesn’t need a blue sweater. Rub his backside for help.))

   ((Brilliant…)) I sighed. ((Just brilliant…))

   ((Thank you, sir!))

   I held my hands up in exasperation and then slapped them to my hips. ((I suppose I shouldn’t have expected much better. By the way, what’s in that sandwich?))

   He was in the middle of eating, his cheeks stuffed with bread product. ((Bacon, lettuce and tomato, sir.))

   ((May I have some?))

   He nodded, and passed me the mostly-devoured baguette. I took it, inspected it, and then looked directly to him.

   ((Thank you,)) I said. ((Oh, and, Ayattil?))

   ((Yes, sir?))

   I drew my fist back, and punched him square on the nose, before taking a bite from the sandwich.

   ((Not too bad.))


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter 16**

((I suppose I should provide an update to my situation. I don’t wish for Drehun to hear this, but I think it’s pretty unlikely that he is listening in on me. Or Neechun, for that matter. Our mission to spy in on Marnett was half a success, and half a complete disaster. We confirmed the connection to Neon Firefly, yes, but in the process, I have indicated to the criminal world that I am on their case. The paranoia I am experiencing is like nothing I’ve ever felt before, and even now I am looking out for faces that are unfamiliar or rodents that seem overly suspicious. It was a terrible mistake to make, and if any crises were to occur, the blame will fall entirely onto me. Perhaps the most worrying aspect of all, is that I have arrived at my office today, two days after the incident, and I have found that my badge has been returned, with the words ‘We’re watching you’ scraped onto the inside with a sets of keys or a knife. Aside from the obvious cause of fear, the knowledge that one of the criminals had entered my office was beyond a nightmare. I have looked over the building’s security tapes, but whoever had dropped off the badge had thought ahead, and threw it through my open window. For that, there was no other explanation other than the assailant being able to morph some kind of flying creature. I am on full alert now, and there are many sleepless nights ahead, not only for my own safety, but for Ardina’s as well. She has been missing for over three weeks, and though I still carry some hope, it is quickly diminishing. I am broken. End journal entry. Mark Earth date 4th October 2006. Entry number 12.))

   I put away the personal computer and released a deep, troubled sigh. I raised my hands and rubbed at tired eyes, my stalk eyes drooping and half-open. I hadn’t slept a wink since the incident, and though I knew there was still so much work to be done, not only to continue the investigation, but also to fix the mess I had created, I simply had no energy to accomplish it. Not even coffee seemed appealing anymore, and I just sat in my office all day, often slumped against a wall, gazing upon my mutilated badge.

   I could have wallowed in self-pity, but there was still some semblance of responsibility floating around within me. I worked steadily but lethargically and in brief stints where I could bear to look upon the computer screen. For long periods I would gaze from my office window, partly to get away from the menageries of my job and partly to search out spies that could be watching me from the air.

   I heard my office door creak open, and the sound of hooves on cheap carpet. ((Sir?))

   ((Hello, Ayattil.)) I groaned, turning away from my window and heading back to my desk.

   ((Got some more files for you, sir.)) He announced, dropping a white folder onto the desk.

   ((Anything of interest?))

   ((No, sir.))

   I placed both hands on my desk and stared blankly at the folder. ((Okay, Ayattil. Could you continue to do some research on my computer for the next hour or so?))

   ((Of course, sir,)) He nodded, heading around to my computer. ((Is something wrong?))

   ((Apart from the fact that I have put our entire mission, and even our lives in jeopardy? Not really.))

   ((Oh, cheer up, sir,)) He enthused. ((There’s always something good around the corner.))

   ((I’m not in the mood for your ill-gained optimism, Ayattil,)) I growled. ((We must remain vigilant at all times. Our new enemies could be anywhere.))

   ((Anywhere, sir?))

   I took the badge that was sat beside my computer and opened it up before him. ((Yes. Anywhere.))

   Ayattil looked baffled, and he scratched lightly at his head. ((Why did you write that on your badge, sir?))

   I groaned and slammed it back down on the desk. (( _I_ didn’t write it, Ayattil. I didn’t! Maybe it was Marnett, or one of his fellows. Maybe Hoketh himself wrote it! Either way, it puts me in a very dangerous situation.))

   ((Couldn’t you tell Drehun, sir?)) Ayattil suggested.

   ((Tell Drehun? How do you think he would react, were he to discover that I have put this entire department in the firing line when I lost my badge to a known criminal who should have been arrested the moment we knew about him?))

   Ayattil paused, feeling the pressure of my wrath again and squirming like a fish left in the Sun too long. ((I don’t know…))

   ((He would fire me, firstly. Then he would make sure that my records are tarnished, my credibility destroyed. He couldn’t allow for someone so… _stupid_ to continue working in the field. His job would demand that of him.))

   ((So what are you going to do, sir?))

   I rubbed at my tired eyes again and dropped my shoulders in defeat. ((There is very little we _can_ do, other than continue this investigation and hope we don’t get attacked on the way home. They know who I am now. They know where I work, and it won’t take them much effort to find out where I live.))

   ((The investigation…)) Ayattil muttered ponderously. ((Neon Firefly?))

   ((That is our next step,)) I said. ((We know that it is in some way connected to Hoketh. His lackey dropped off a note, likely some instruction for their next movement. Whatever the case, we know that the nightclub is a base for them, and at the very least a meeting point. That is where we strike next.))

   Ayattil nodded. I ordered him to take down mental notes. Then, changing my mind, I told him to type it out on the computer, because he would no doubt forget.

   ((We are going to infiltrate the night club. It is likely that, were we to find anything, it would be hidden in the establishment’s main office. The owner of the club is a Human by the name of Hunter Bailey, but most call him simply by his last name. Though he has no criminal record himself, he was indirectly connected to Hoketh in the past. Hoketh was regularly seen dining in one of Bailey’s other establishments: The Golden Buffalo. It was rumoured that the two were in league, and that Bailey profited from a lot of the food that Hoketh allegedly stole. It makes sense, then, that Hoketh would still be involved with Bailey today, and the likelihood that we will find clues as to Hoketh’s whereabouts is high.))

   ((When should we go in, sir?)) Ayattil asked, typing into the computer keyboard. ((Shall I send one of those ‘ _e-mails_ ’ to Hunter Bailey to say that you want to look around his office?))

   ((Of course not, you cretin,)) I grumbled. ((You honestly think one of Hoketh’s close friends is going to allow us to stroll into his headquarters for a friendly visit?))

   ((Maybe…))

   ((Well, he won’t. We need to get in without being noticed.))

   Ayattil blanked. ((How do we do that, sir?))

   ((We use the technology of our people, Ayattil. For too long we’ve been relying on primitive Human technology. Now, though, we will use technology that actually works. A technology that allows us to take to the skies, dig through the ground, infiltrate grubby nightclub offices…)) I smiled, a sudden swell of pride growing within me.

   ((What’s that, sir?))

   ((The power granted to us by the _Escafil_ device, of course,)) I huffed. ((How much more obvious must I be?))

   ((We’re going to use our Human morphs, sir?)) He asked, and I grunted at his distinct lack of imagination.

   ((No, Ayattil. Forget doing my research for me. I want you to scour the building. Find any life form that you can that doesn’t talk back at you and bring it back here. I will decide what we use.))

   Ayattil stamped his forehoof, held his arms to his side and bowed his head in an informal salute. ((Yes, sir! Right away!)) He moved away from the computer and trotted for the door. Before he could place his fingers on the knob, though, a series of taps resonated through. Someone wished to enter.

   I grumbled privately to myself, feeling totally unfit to handle more company, but dutiful enough not to ignore them. ((Enter.)) I called to whoever had knocked.

   The door opened, and in stepped a Human female, looking rather mousey like she was trying to be as discreet as possible. It was Rebecca, Neechun’s quiet Human assistant. She was not utterly intolerable, so my nerves instantly calmed.

   However, she _was_ my rival’s assistant. Maybe she had come to rub my nose in Neechun’s latest achievement. My pride would not allow me to appear as if I were on her side. ((Rebecca? If this is a message from Neechun, I don’t want to hear it.))

   She stood halfway through the door, a thick, four-fingered Human hand resting on the door frame. “I’m not bringing any messages. May I come in?”

   I stared at her, and then at Ayattil, whose progress had been ceased. ((Very well. You may enter.))

   She smiled gratefully and fully entered the room, gently closing the door behind her. “You look a bit shaken,” She noted. “Are you alright?”

   ((Shaken?)) I uttered, leaning up against my desk and swaying my tail lazily behind me. To be frank, I didn’t feel the necessity to respond. It was none of her business. Nevertheless, I allowed the idle chat to continue. ((Not particularly. Just working hard, as one should.))

   Rebecca flicked her long dark hair and leaned her weight on her left side. “You’re working on that Hoketh case?”

   I glared at her with a blend of curiosity and anger, and then again to Ayattil, who was still stood there gawking emotionlessly between the two of us. I flicked a hand at him. ((Ayattil, go away.))

   ((Okay, sir,)) He obeyed. He opened the door and began to move through, but he slowed as he passed the bored-looking Human, and in an overly flirtatious manner, said, ((You’re very pretty for a Human.))

   ((Ayattil, leave!)) I shouted. ((Do what you’ve been asked to do!))

   He scurried out, the door closing shut behind him.

   I felt the need to apologise. ((Do excuse my assistant’s behaviour, Rebecca. He’s a very confused individual.))

   “That’s okay.” She replied.

   I closed my eyes and pulled back the suspicious anger that I had held just before Ayattil’s exit. ((Why would you want to know what I’m working on? It’s no business of yours or Neechun’s.))

   Rebecca was unfazed, and she brought up a chair that was placed against the inner wall and sat down heavily on it. “I’m not here to steal any information from you, Nicalor.” She sat back and folded one leg over the other.

   ((So why are you here?))

   “To get away from Neechun.”

   I couldn’t help but laugh, harder than I had done in a long while. ((Has that idiot finally started to drive you insane?))

   She rolled her eyes and smirked. “He’s been driving me insane for years.”

   I was still chuckling, highly amused by her view of him. ((How long have you been working for him?))

   “Two years,” She sighed. “It’s not too bad. Just, when he gets worked up, he becomes a total dictator. He’s a bit of a bully.”

   ((I can imagine,)) I agreed, and then added, ((I would never bully or harass my own assistant.))

   “And right now he’s working on this whole Hoketh case,” Rebecca continued. “It’s driving me up the wall! He won’t shut up about it.”

   I crossed my arms and relaxed a little more in my standing position. ((Has he made much progress?))

   She stared worryingly up at me. “He would hate me if I told you anything.” She warned.

   ((I won’t say a word,)) I assured. ((Why would I, since telling him anything ultimately hinders my chances of cracking this case first?))

   She smiled with new-found confidence and sat forward in her seat, hands clasped together. “Neechun hasn’t been doing too badly. He’s found a few leads and he thinks that he is onto something.”

   I drooped, disappointed that he may actually be doing something right. ((Is he near to solving the case?))

   She gave me a sideward glance. “Not really. Ten to twelve pieces of a fifty piece jigsaw puzzle.”

   ((I like that analogy,)) I muttered. ((And that is positive news, at least. May I ask what these pieces are?))

   “Well…” She began, hesitant. “He was looking at a place called Neon Firefly. Apparently there was some activi-”

   ((Wait!)) I interrupted abruptly. ((Neon Firefly?))

   She raised an eyebrow and stared right at me. “Yeah. Neon Firefly. That’s a nightclub over near-”

   ((I know what it is,)) I interrupted again, more rudely than I would have usually allowed. ((What does he know about it?))

   “He was following this guy… I can’t remember his name, but he’s connected to the ARC incident that happened a few weeks ago. Then, yesterday, Neechun decided he wanted to infiltrate the place.))

   This revelation was quickly bringing the urge to scream. I held it in, and muttered lightly, ((And…?))

   “I’m not too sure on the full details,” She said. “He didn’t even offer to bring me along. He just told me about it afterwards.”

   ((What did he find?)) I asked, on the verge of demanding.

   “Nothing.”

   ((Nothing?))

   “Nothing.”

   I exhaled deeply and turned my main eyes away from her. ((You say nothing… You mean nothing at all? No files? No indication of Hoketh’s whereabouts?))

   “Nope,” She stated bluntly. “He went into each and every room, checked in every safe and every cupboard and every drawer. He found nothing.”

   My initial reaction was to believe her entirely, and in doing so I turned away and looked towards the window again, debating and discussing with myself what the meaning of the revelation was. If Neechun had found nothing, then maybe Neon Firefly was just a location to pass on notes. Not headquarters, but a midpoint between bases.

   Then, something else pinched at my thought process.

   I turned to Rebecca and faked a defeated sigh. ((Then I must abandon my plans. I must look elsewhere. I, too, had my eyes on Neon Firefly. Surely, there must be somewhere else nearby that may prove useful.))

   Rebecca nodded. “I would think so. It must be just a meeting point.”

   ((Precisely.)) I concurred.

   Suddenly, Rebecca turned her head and looked off into the distance. Then, she unfolded her legs and stood up from her seat, a frustrated look on her face.

   “ _Master_ calls,” She grumbled. Obviously, Neechun was speaking to her through private thought-speak. “I should get going.”

   ((Of course,)) I permitted, walking up to my office door and opening it up for her. ((I wouldn’t keep him waiting, if he is as strict as you say he is.))

   Rebecca groaned disapprovingly. “I just want to go home.”

   ((Don’t we all?)) I commented. She was just leaving, and she had thanked me for holding the door open, but there was something I had to know. ((Rebecca?))

   “Yes, Nicalor?” She asked, turning to face me as she stood within the door frame.

   ((Why are you telling me all this?))

   She smiled deeply, and looked up to me with devious eyes.

   “I want you to win.”

   I could have laughed, were it not for the fact that we were now in view of a semi-busy corridor. Even the other staff knew that Neechun and I were at each other’s throats, and Neechun would probably not react to well to me and his assistant exchanging pleasantries. Instead, I made our conversation seem as formal as possible.

   I dismissed her, and, back in my office, I had the space to consider what I had been told. Rebecca’s sudden treachery baffled me, and I began to wonder whether this was all some clever ruse by Neechun to slow my progress. It seemed like the sort of thing he would do.

   My trust rested on Rebecca. I didn’t know her too well, but from what I had witnessed, she was a decent enough creature, and she didn’t seem overly deceitful. I wanted to believe what she said. I wanted to believe that I could move on from the idea of infiltrating Neon Firefly, and that I could concentrate on another lead.

   But I had no other leads, and a part of me was convinced that I was being played, that this was all some horrible plot by Neechun to gain an advantage. I had to continue with my original plan, if not to prove Neechun wrong, but to also make sure every crack and crevice was checked by my own reliable eyes. That was my job, after all, and Ardina’s safety was too valuable not to check wherever my conscience told me to.

   For some bizarre reason, this inner conflict brought with it a great spur of motivation, and for the next half hour or so, I stood in front of my computer and sorted through numerous files and reports that I was originally going to push aside for the next day. I knew that Neechun was trying to outdo me, and perhaps it was the unwillingness to lose to such a pompous fraud that drove me to push on, despite my body’s desperate need for sleep.

   Maybe it was foolish to be so driven by competition. I felt that maybe I was rushing things. In the end, I was actually thankful when Ayattil returned to my office to give me a brief break from the computer screen.

   ((I’m back, sir!)) He proclaimed, crashing through the door with a large, open cardboard box clutched to his chest.

   ((Ah! Good!)) I applauded, standing up straight and leaning forward over my desk. ((Did you collect some Earthly beings for us to acquire?))

   ((I certainly did, sir!)) Ayattil said proudly, dropping the cardboard box on the edge of my desk.

   ((So,)) I began. ((What did you get?))

   I didn’t really know what to expect, and I as I watched Ayattil reach into the box, a nagging thought at the back of my head came to the forefront, and I became suddenly uninterested. That nagging thought turned out to be correct.

   From the box, Ayattil laid out two specimens on the desk before me. I raised my hand and rubbed slowly at my face.

   ((Ayattil,)) I started half-heartedly. (( _That_ is a computer mouse, and _that_ is a KitKat.))

   Ayattil had made sure to place them a good distance apart on the desk. I looked up to the ceiling with all four eyes and sighed.

   ((I struggled to keep them separate on the way up,)) Ayattil claimed. ((I was worried they were going to eat each other.))

   ((We wouldn’t want that,)) I agreed with a strong hint of sarcasm. Then, I stared back down at them, and held my hands out in pure bafflement. ((Really, Ayattil?!))

   ((Yes, sir. A cat and a mouse. You asked for Earth creatures.))

   I could have gone through the explanations as to why he had just wasted the last half of an hour, but in the end, such would likely be too complicated for him.

   ((Anything else?)) I groaned, dreading what awaited me.

   ((One more, sir.)) Ayattil nodded. He reached back into the box and hastily retracted the third and final subject. He dropped it on the table between the mouse and the KitKat.

   ((Ayattil, that is a potted plant.))

   ((It certainly is, sir.)) He replied with a wink.

   I shook my head lightly. ((I trust there was nothing else you could have picked up? A hotdog, perhaps? Or, better, a hammer? A sharp knife?))

   ((Well, there was a fly, sir,)) He surmised. ((But it outwitted me and escaped.))

   ((Big surprise.)) I rested my hands on the edge of my desk and gazed over the pathetic ensemble he had compiled. ((Tell me, Ayattil, when you were going through Biology class, were you ever the test subject for a brain transplant with a paper clip?))

   ((Not that I remember, sir…)) He responded with a scratch at his chin. ((Have you chosen what morph we should acquire, sir?))

   I looked over the collection again. ((Well you haven’t brought a Lemming with you, unfortunately…))

   ((What’s wrong with these three, sir?)) He asked, genuinely perplexed.

   ((A few things, actually,)) I said. ((For one, they don’t actually have DNA.))

   ((Does that matter, sir?))

   ((When you want to absorb DNA, yes. Secondly, somebody will no-doubt be a bit miffed when they see a KitKat bar racing through a nightclub hallway.))

   ((But cats are everywhere, sir.))

   ((Ayattil,)) I growled, holding up the chocolate bar. ((This is not a real cat!))

   ((Oh.))

   ((And lastly, none of these things actually moves.))

   ((That’s not true, sir!)) Ayattil stated in defence. ((The plant moves when there is a breeze.))

   I clasped my hands together. ((Excellent! So we’ll morph this plant, and when the wind is blowing in the right direction, we’ll fly through the winding corridors and into the main office!))

   Ayattil looked delighted, his eyes flushed with the hope that, for once, he had done something right.

   ((Idiot!)) I yelped. ((Why can’t you do anything right?!))

   Ayattil flinched, the hopeful flicker in his eyes now a cloudy mist of failure and disappointment.

   ((Do you know nothing of our proud people’s technology? Morphing requires DNA, you imbecile.))

   ((But, sir…)) He whimpered.

   I had turned away from him at this point, not even granting him a stare from a wandering stalk eye. ((What now?))

   ((Plants have DNA.))

   My tail twitched in frustration. ((Yes, correct. Plants _do_ have DNA, but how do you suggest that we infiltrate a nightclub, bypass the guards, open a safe and find out what plans they have in the body of a specimen best used as window décor?))

   ((Well,)) He muttered. ((Only one of us has to morph the plant, sir. Since plants don’t require air to survive for long periods of time, we could put whoever morphs the plant inside an envelope, address the envelope to Neon Firefly’s main office, and get inside that way.))

   I twisted my stalk eyes to him. I was going to dismiss him and berate him for being an utter waste of space, but then I let his words sink in.

   It wasn’t a bad idea.

   ((Ayattil,)) I said, turning back around to look at him directly. ((Do you realise what you have just done?))

   He blanked, confused and perhaps awaiting another verbal assault.

   ((You’ve just saved yourself a job,)) I said calmly. ((Your improvised, flawed and tentative plan may just work!))

   ((Thank you, sir!)) Ayattil cheered.

   I put my fingers to my chin and took a while to consider Ayattil’s plan. It was most definitely not the best idea ever hatched, but, with the morph choices we had found, it was the only option even capable of getting us a result. I thought up a refined plan, and explained it privately to Ayattil, also telling him about my conversation with Rebecca.

   ((And so,)) I said, ((I will morph the plant, you will get me into the building, and I will gather the information that we need. I can’t for one second believe that the Neon Firefly does not hold at least some evidence vital to this case.))

   ((You think Neechun is trying to trick you, sir?))

   ((I do. No doubt, he has lied to Rebecca, so that she would come to tell me that he found nothing. We _will_ find something… Maybe.))

   I reached forward and took the pot in which my next morph was rooted. It was a small plant, some sort of vine, with relatively large green/yellow leaves and thin, flexible branches. It gave off no real smell, and though it was quite round and bushy on appearance, it was easily compressed without causing much damage to its body.

   I had never heard of somebody morphing such a being before. What senses did Earth plants have? They had no eyes, no ears, and no nose. No fingers with which to grab, no legs with which to walk. Would it even work?

   I placed a dainty finger onto a leaf and closed all four of my eyes. I concentrated on the specimen; saw its leaves and its roots in my head. I felt the plant become a part of me.

   ((I think it’s done.)) I whispered, pulling away from the plant and twiddling my fingers.

   Ayattil nodded and retook the pot. He placed it back in the cardboard box along with the computer mouse. I was able to snatch the KitKat bar before he could take that as well.

   ((When are we going to do it?)) He asked me, taking the box in his arms and stepping away from the desk.

   ((Tomorrow night. Peak time. We shall meet outside Burger King at 10PM, and we shall begin the mission at 11.))


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter 17**

   We were outside of Burger King once again, and this time I did not have to wait for Ayattil to show up late, as would be expected. The temptation of a pre-mission meal at the ever-greasy Burger King nearby Neon Firefly was all too much for him to delay proceeds. Of course, since he had limited funds, I had to pay for him, but since I had been keeping my expenditure to a minimum since I started my duties on Earth, I had plenty to spare. I couldn’t let the pitiable runt starve, no matter how appealing it often seemed.

   Once finished with our meals, we had about twenty minutes before the mission was meant to start. During the course of the day, we had pieced together the objectives we would have to complete in order to make our mission successful. Success meant that we would leave Neon Firefly and meet back outside of Burger King unscathed, with an increased knowledge of the elusive foes that we were dealing with. It seemed simple enough, but the methods we planned to use were tentative, at best.

   I was to morph a house plant. Needless to say, I was rather nervy.

   In fact, my entire front was shivering, and not simply from the icy New York air. I tapped anxiously at the hard alleyway floor as we went over our plan for the last time, and even Ayattil, the gormless fool that he was, could see it.

   ((Okay, Ayattil,)) I muttered unenthusiastically. ((Once I am in the envelope, you will walk – walk, _not_ run – over to Neon Firefly. You must be as inconspicuous as possible, and gain entry into the building by posing as a drunk Human.))

   ((Yes, sir.))

   ((Inside, you will move to the rear side of the building where the entrance to the staff corridors is located-))

   ((-And wait for the assistant manager to emerge, because Bailey isn’t present in the building during late hours.))

   ((Precisely. Hand the envelope to the assistant manager, who you will recognise by his spiked, blonde hair, and ask him to deliver it to the main office. You will then pull out the fake identification, indicating that you are an inspector from the local food agency, who wishes to deliver results to the manager for a recent routine inspection. He should buy it. This Human is notorious for his lack of intellect. Then, after he has entered the staff-only areas of the building, you will wait for him to return, and inform me. I will demorph and continue the investigation from there.))

   ((Okay, sir!)) Ayattil exclaimed.

   ((Excellent. Let’s begin. I suggest that you morph first, since you are still unable to clothe yourself correctly.)) I said.

   Ayattil nodded, and even though I had morphed so many times since arriving on Earth, I still had to turn away while Ayattil made the change. The morphing process was quite grotesque, so much so that the very thought of changing caused me to wince. The sound of Ayattil’s bones creaking, his joints snapping into their new positions, was almost as bad as actually seeing it happen. However, after a minute or so, he was finished. I helped him put on some casual clothing that we had brought along – a t-shirt and some denim jeans – and admired my handiwork.

   ((You fit right in, Ayattil,)) I complimented, folding my arms over my chest as he tugged at his new clothing. ((Even the blank facial expression is right. Now, prepare the envelope, and get ready to catch me, just in case I collapse. I have no idea how this particular morph will play out.))

   I closed all four of my eyes, trusting Ayattil to keep a lookout, and began to concentrate on the small floral decoration that I had acquired only recently.

   Suddenly, I was no longer upright. My eyes that had just recently seen everything the correct way up now opened again to see the world on its side. I had collapsed, and yet I felt nothing.

   ((Are you okay, sir?!)) Ayattil alerted, kneeling down before me, obviously failing to hold onto my full weight.

   ((Yes,)) I grumbled, not so much at him, but more at the situation that I found myself in. ((I believe that I have lost most of my nervous system. I cannot feel a thing. My body is all… floppy.))

   ((Oh…)) Ayattil responded, scratching at his hair and indicating to me that he probably didn’t know what that meant.

   Nevertheless, I continued. Though I knew beforehand that plants had no senses, I didn’t realise how quickly it would affect me during the morphing process. It seemed as if my outer physical being remained unchanged the longest, while the comparatively simple inner workings of an Earth plant made all the appropriate changes within me. It wasn’t long before I stopped breathing altogether, my lungs, as well as my other internal organs, withering away to be replaced by empty space.

   Then, with my body beginning to suffer from the lack of oxygen, something else changed. Suddenly, I didn’t need to breathe in oxygen. My entire way of breathing changed, and, though I’m not sure how an Earth plant really ‘breathes’, it no longer became an issue. This happened just as I began to look more plant than Andalite. (I didn’t have the required senses to make that judgement, but Ayattil somehow felt the need to provide commentary to the process.)

   ((I see leaves, sir!)) He shouted.

   ((Well done,)) I grunted. ((Now, please, be quiet and just tell me when it’s over.))

   ((I… I think it is, sir.)) He replied tentatively after a long pause.

   ((It is?))

   ((Yes. I’m putting you in the envelope now, sir.))

   I felt shaken. Not literally, of course, because I couldn’t feel anything. If I had truly finished the morph, and I was a simple Earth plant, then this morph was even more useless than I thought it would be. I could think, yes, but my mind was all that I had for company. There was no sight, no smell, and no way of feeling anything around me.

   ((Are you, sure?)) I asked Ayattil. ((Maybe there’s still some more morphing to be done.))

   ((I’m fairly sure that it is done, sir.)) He replied.

   ((Well…)) I huffed. ((What an awful morph. At least we can feel safe in the knowledge that no one will suspect me. Let’s go.))

   ((I _am_ going, sir. We’re just turning onto the street now.))

   ((Oh. I can’t sense anything. I am completely, totally blind!))

   There was a moment’s break. Ayattil was concentrating on his job, but the more that he fell silent, the more isolated I felt. The world was blackness, void of anything but my own dreaded ponderings. I couldn’t help but talk to Ayattil the whole time, which, usually, would seem nightmarish to me. Knowing that things were going smoothly, though, was a much-needed relief, because without Ayattil, I was completely vulnerable.

   ((Are we there yet?)) I enquired with undue patience.

   ((I am stood beside the queue, sir,)) He reported. ((I see lots of Humans.))

   ((Good. Now, get into the queue. You need to gain entry into Neon Firefly and move towards the back of the building.))

   ((Okay, sir.))

   It took approximately twenty-four minutes before Ayattil alerted me that he had been permitted into the building. Twenty-four long, boring minutes. Even Ayattil began to moan at his boredom, stuck within a queue of loud, obnoxious Humans, to the point where I had to remind him that I had no way to even move, let alone see what was going on around me. He said I was the lucky one.

   Nevertheless, Ayattil, though not quite the brightest Andalite to grace the universe, was good enough at following orders that he was able to keep me securely hidden beneath his clothing, and made his way past the bouncers. He was inside the club.

   ((What’s the situation, Ayattil?)) I asked of him.

   ((I’m still queuing, sir. I’m near the front… They’re being let in one at a time.))

   ((One at a time? I thought they did that at the doors.))

   ((They did, sir,)) He said. ((But it’s happening again. They’re… um… I’m near the front now, sir. There’s a hole in the wall to the left.))

   ((What’s the hole for?)) I demanded.

   He paused for approximately ten seconds. ((They’re giving money to a person in the hole, sir. I think I have to pay the Human money.))

   I would have slapped my own forehead, had I been able. Of course a nightclub would have an entry price!

   ((You idiot, Ayattil!)) I spat.

   ((Me, sir?))

   ((Yes, you!))

   ((…Okay.))

   I pondered momentarily on our situation. There would surely be a way to bypass this particular issue.

   ((Do you have any money?))

   ((No, sir. You didn’t give me any.))

   ((How close are you to the hole in the wall?))

   ((I’m there now, sir.))

   I mumbled at him purely out of frustration, then asked, ((Is there any way that you can bypass this?))

   ((I don’t think so, sir. The Human behind the window is saying… Oh… )) There came a long silence. ((I’m in, sir.))

   ((You… wait, what?))

   ((I got into the club, sir.)) He responded, and his lack of reasoning grated my nerves.

   ((How?! You have no money!)) I accused.

   ((Someone paid for me to get in, sir. He gave… He’s offering to buy me a Bacardi & Coke.))

   ((Someone paid for you?))

   ((Yes, sir. Now he’s buying me drinks. He says his name is Rafael.))

   ((Good. A free ticket in,)) I sighed with satisfaction, greeting our good fortune. ((Just remember, Ayattil, we are not here to poison ourselves. We are here on a mission. Accept the drink, and then move to the back of the club. You should know where to go.))

   Ayattil paused again, and with no senses of my own I couldn’t distinguish the reason behind it. He eventually replied, clearly perplexed. ((It’s… It’s pretty hard to know where everything is, sir.)) He complained.

   ((What do you mean?)) I grumbled. ((We looked over the layout of this building over a hundred times!))

   ((I know, sir, but it’s so dark in here. All I see is flashing lights and Humans!))

   ((Get a grip, Ayattil!)) I urged. ((You have a job to do, so do it!))

   ((I’m trying to, sir. I seem to be stuck, though.))

   ((Stuck?))

   ((The Human called Rafael wanted to dance. I didn’t hear exactly what he said into my ear, but I definitely heard dance.))

   ((So where’s he taken you?))

   ((I’m on the dancefloor, sir.))

   ((Well get off of it!)) I boomed, feeling my unusually generous level of patience quickly dripping away.

   ((I want to, sir, but…))

   The awkward pause lasted longer than I hoped, and I growled, ((But what?))

   ((Rafael won’t let me leave, sir. He’s very… touchy.))

   ((Touchy? Have you angered him?))

   ((Not really, sir.))

   ((Well get away from him!))

   ((Okay, sir.))

   Another long pause took place, and it was a clear twenty seconds before I received Ayattil’s next nervy report.

   ((I’m scared, sir.))

   ((Scared? Why? Have you not gotten away from him yet?!))

   ((No, sir. Now he’s brought another Human friend.))

   ((So?))

   ((He’s pretty big, sir, and…)) Another long pause. ((He’s offering me a drink, too, sir. He and Rafael seem to be good friends.))

   ((Is he relevant to the mission?))

   ((I don’t think so.))

   ((Then _move_!))

   ((How do I-))

   ((Just move, Ayattil!)) I screamed, with such little restraint that I was certain my plant body twitched several times. Not that I would know. ((Pretend to spill your drink, or make up some excuse! Tell them you’ll be back! Stop messing around!))

   I held back my anger and tried to get rid of it, still hoping that Ayattil would find a way to escape the suspiciously friendly Humans. My answer came about a minute later.

   ((Okay, sir. I’m away from the dance floor.))

   ((You got away from the Humans?)) I asked.

   ((Yes. I told them that I needed to deposit bodily waste.))

   The answer was disturbing, but satisfactory. ((About time. Now, please, operate with a little more urgency, and don’t get distracted.))

   ((It’s quite difficult, sir,)) He moaned. ((The music is very loud, and there are so many Humans and flashing lights. I want to leave.))

   ((Well don’t. We can leave when we have what we came for. Are you near the backrooms?))

   ((I think I see it, sir. There are fewer Humans where I am now, and there’s a door.))

   ((Is it locked?))

   There was a silence as Ayattil presumably tested the door in question. ((Yes.))

   ((That should be it. You know what to do now, yes?))

   ((Yes, sir!)) He exclaimed proudly. ((Wait for the Human with spiky blonde hair to appear.))

   ((Precisely. It may be a long wait, but the assistant manager will be on duty. He’ll be around there somewhere. Keep both eyes open, Ayattil.))

   ((Okay, sir.))

   It was yet another long wait, one that brought me to the realisation that there was a flaw in our plan that may turn out to be a major one. I kept the doubts quiet from Ayattil, but for the half-hour or so before the next move occurred, I ran a few situations through my head. I had a two hour time limit in morph. It had taken us just over half an hour to get into the club, another fifteen minutes to arrive at the locked staff door, and then another half hour wait. I was over halfway through my morph time. The plan was for me to be taken into the backrooms via the assistant manager, and Ayattil would then inform me when the assistant manager reappeared without my envelope in hand. That was my cue to demorph. The thought of never getting Ayattil’s call bothered me greatly. Spending the rest of my life as a plant was not ideal.

   ((Ayattil,)) I murmured after another prolonged bout of silence. ((I only have forty-eight minutes left in morph. Perhaps we should-))

   ((He’s here, sir!))

   ((Don’t interrupt me, Ayattil!)) I snapped. ((Perhaps we should leave-))

   ((But he’s here, sir!)) Ayattil repeated. ((He just came out of the door.))

   ((I… He’s there? Blonde hair, spiked?))

   ((Yes, sir. He’s walking towards a group of Humans now.))

   I growled, something close to a curse. ((Well stop him then, before he gets away!))

   ((Yes, sir… He’s… oh…))

   I waited, frustrated while Ayattil dithered around to presumably get the assistant manager’s attention.

   ((Got him, sir.)) Ayattil announced.

   ((Good! Now, tell him you’re the inspector. Don’t let him think you’re nobody important.))

   Another pause, then, ((Okay, he thinks I’m an inspector, sir. He’s taking me somewhere quieter so that we can hear each other better. This music is too loud.))

   ((Okay…)) I muttered.

   Another long wait, and in that time I came to the conclusion that I would never again use this morph. It was so incredibly frustrating to rely on others around you to inform you of what was happening. Especially Ayattil. Up to that point, however, he seemed to have everything under control.

   ((He seems to have fallen for it, sir.)) Ayattil assured.

   ((Well done. Now ask him to deliver the envelope to the main office for Bailey. With luck, he will oblige.))

   ((… Yes, he… Um… Yes, Nicalor, sir, he’s taking the envelope!))

   ((Finally!)) I gasped with utter relief.

   ((Oh wait…))

   ((Wait? What for?))

   Ayattil stuttered, ((He’s confused.))

   ((Why?))

   ((He wants to know why the envelope has a plant in it.))

   I swore that I felt my leaves quiver. ((You let him open the envelope?))

   ((Well…))

   ((You didn’t even _seal_ my envelope?!))

   ((Sorry, sir, I just didn’t want you to feel too cramped in there.))

   ((Cramped?! I am an Earth plant, Ayattil, I do not feel cramped! I do not feel _anything_! And I tell you now, you cretinous oaf, when we get out of this mess, I swear I’ll-))

   ((He’s taking it now, sir!)) Ayattil interrupted with urgency.

   Though in the midst of a tirade, his unexpected words brought me to an instant halt. ((He’s taken it? What do you mean?))

   ((He saw you, sir, but then he just shrugged and said he’d drop it off in Bailey’s office. Now he’s gone.))

   ((You’ve lost him?!)) I yelped.

   Ayattil was silent, probably realising the error.

   I continued, ((You idiot, Ayattil! What if he suspects me?!))

   ((I don’t think so, sir. He looked a little… unfocused.))

   ((Well, you had better be right…)) I warned, already considering demorphing, in case the Human was in the process of disposing of me.

   Then, Ayattil somehow seemed to recover. ((Found him, sir! He’s going back through the staff door!))

   ((Really?)) I gasped with uncertainty. ((Okay, Ayattil, stay there. Keep your eyes open. As soon as he exits that door again, give me the signal. I will demorph.))

   ((Got it, sir. He’s locked the door behind him. I’m waiting by the nearest bar.))

   Another wait, and by now it was becoming tiresome. Fortunately, this wait was only brief, and I got the feeling that the assistant manager had only returned to the staff area to drop off my envelope. With no sudden end to my life (being that I would feel no pain or see any threat as a plant), it occurred to me that the rather oblivious Human hadn’t caught onto our game. Either that, or he had no inkling as to our connection with Neon Firefly or his boss’ connections with a criminal gang leader. Both guesses seemed genuine.

   Thus, Ayattil’s signal was quick to follow. ((He’s out, sir! He’s heading towards the staircase to the second floor.))

   ((It’s about time!)) I grumbled with a due sense of relief. ((I can’t stand being without eyes for much longer.))

   ((I’ll keep watch, sir.)) Ayattil offered. ((I haven’t seen anyone else enter or leave the door yet.))

   Unable to wait any longer, I began to demorph. It was a risky method, not knowing where exactly I was, but I had to hope that luck was on my side. I could be sat at the hands of a bouncer having a stressful night, or my envelope could be locked away in some tiny metal safe. The only way to find out was to demorph.

   It wasn’t hard to concentrate on my own form, and oh how I missed it. However, until my nervous system retained its full structure again, or I grew eyes, it was impossible to tell if the process was working or not. For a while, it seemed as if nothing was happening.

   Then the world sprung to life, a broad rainbow of colours and lights, just as my nervous system found its footing. I lifted an arm to cover my eyes, unused to the power of sight. It came as a surprise when I found that my arm harboured several leaves. They were the last remnants of the morph, and with another bout of concentration, they quickly vanished. I was myself once again, and I couldn’t be happier.

   Adjusting to the newfound light that engulfed me, and feeling the cold hard floor over my right-hand side, I adjusted my limbs so that I could lift myself up to my own four legs. I kept the sound of my hooves clomping on the flooring to a minimum and began to observe my surroundings. Most certainly, I was in some form of office, and I was closed in. There were no windows, and only one door allowed access to the room. It stood tall to my direct right, and looking down to the ground, I discovered that my envelope, now in shreds, had been slipped underneath it. That indicated well enough to me that I had successfully infiltrated the main office. However, I needed to make sure.

   The room was tiny, and yet still only dimly lit by an unshielded light bulb that hung loosely from the ceiling. Taking up the majority of the space was the rather crummy desk, which barely allowed me room to turn full circle. Bits of scrunched up paper and torn candy bar wrappers patrolled the floors, and the overpowering musk of dust and floor cleaner ravished my sense of smell, though the latter stench was clearly not from _this_ room.

   The walls held posters, seemingly old movie advertisements with noticeable tears and whitened lines where the sheets had once been folded and creased. I recognised a couple of movies, one an old black and white movie that I had seen on my own television one late night, and the other, easily the most recent, the poster by far the least decrepit, a film called _Miami Vice_.

   I had limited time. Not only did Ayattil only have a short amount of time left in Human morph, but, at any moment, I could be intruded upon. If I took too long to find what I was after, then Ayattil would have to leave in order to demorph, and I would not be given the signal if someone entered the backrooms. I had to concentrate on the job at hand, and that meant knowing what I was looking for.

   I reached down to pick up the envelope I had emerged from. Before we began the mission, we thought it necessary to bring along a small _Krymu_ , a device not too dissimilar to an Earth camera, but much smaller. With its adhesive surface, we had attached it to the inside of the envelope. I removed it and replaced it onto the tip of the first finger on my right hand. Activated, it would now begin taking snapshots periodically and sending them straight to my personal computer, which I had left back in the hotel.

   ((I’m searching the room now, Ayattil,)) I called. ((Shouldn’t take me too long.))

   Instantly, my investigative mind took over, and I began to look over the most obvious (or, technically, the _least_ obvious) locations, where secret files were likely to be hidden. The desk drawers were a clear start, and though most of what dwelled within were piles of useless pamphlets and more candy wrappers, there were plenty of files to rummage through. They were mostly files regarding the nightclub and related businesses. After deciding that the drawers were clear, I moved on.

   I started removing things from the shelves on the right-hand wall. Old books, random boxes with no discernable purpose, and plenty of cobwebs coating it all. The office was clearly not used for anything academic, and I found myself shaking my head, disgusted with the state of it all.

   A few folders took my attention. They were the last items to be removed from the shelf, and of all of it, they were the least soiled by cobwebs. I sprawled them out on the desk and skimmed through the papers within.

   To my increasing level of disappointment, that exercise was again fruitless, and when Ayattil decided to speak up, I started to feel as if Rebecca had been right about the lack of information to be found here.

   ((Sir, I haven’t got long left in this morph.)) Ayattil reported shakily.

   ((Okay, Ayattil. Keep cover on the door for now while I put everything back in place. I haven’t found anything. I’ll be out in about three Earth minutes.))

   I replaced all the files back into their original folders and crammed everything back onto the shelves as quickly as I could. When that was finished, my next task was to morph Human and leave the premises without suspicion. It shouldn’t be too difficult.

   Now used to the morphing process, I started without hesitation, and made my way to the office door even as my hind legs began to thicken and mutate. Without warning, though, and much to my surprise, the flooring beneath my fore hooves creaked loudly, and the boards beneath an old thin rug descended considerably.

   I stopped morphing, and then reversed it so that I stood as a full Andalite once again. Immediately, I found the edge of the large rug and threw one end up. Beneath, concealed and subtle, was a single loose floorboard.

   ((Aha!)) I cheered to myself. With haste, I pulled up the light piece of wood, and with a verbal pat on my own back I pulled from the hidden compartment a new file, thin and contained within a light blue binder. I snapped it open and spilled the paper out over the desk, guiding my _Krymu_ over it, letting it take as many pictures as necessary.

   While it was doing its duty, I skimmed over the details. It was messy, written up in a rush, as if they were notes taken from an overly-detailed lecture. Scribbled sketches were plentiful, nonsense shapes and near-ineligible labels. What the ensemble described, though, was deeply troubling.

   ((Are you nearly done, sir?)) Ayattil moaned, on the verge of urgency.

   ((I’ve found something Ayattil!)) I grumbled. ((Wait just a minute!))

   I allowed the _Krymu_ to take a hefty number of pictures, desperate to take every single detail down. This file was huge, not in size but in relevancy. This criminal group was beginning to look more and more dangerous, and equally more organised. What they had planned, were my eyes correct, was a massive operation, and one that could be utterly devastating; not only to those it would directly affect, but also to the reputation of the Andalite people as a whole.

   ((Please hurry, sir,)) Ayattil whined. ((I haven’t got long left.))

   ((Shut up! I’m coming now!)) I snarled.

   I finished up gathering images and deactivated the _Krymu_. With that, I placed the files back into the folder, dropped it between the floorboards and recovered the hole with the plank and the rug. No one would ever notice.

   Finished, I again began morphing Human, making sure to morph into clothing this time, a skill that I had picked up from a co-worker in my spare time in our office block. It was nothing much, mostly skin-tight clothing, but in a nightclub it didn’t seem too out of the ordinary. Once the morphing process was complete, and I was happy with my balance, I informed Ayattil that I was on my way. He seemed very grateful, despite nearing a state of panic.

   The door was locked, but Human doors were never anything more than primitive, and, from this side of it, I was able to unlock it. Unknowing what lay on the other side, however, I opened it slowly, just enough to peek through a gap to look down an empty, grimy hallway. Identifying where to go wouldn’t be an insurmountable chore.

   So, assuming a clear path, I shuffled from the room and let the door swing shut behind me. The corridor went in both directions, a door on each side before it went around a corner. Instinctually, I chose the left path, and crept down the hall, passing another closed door.

   ((Ayattil, what does the door look like?))

   ((Sorry, sir?))

   I groaned. ((The staff door. What does it look like?))

   ((Well…)) He stuttered. ((Kind of… square.))

   ((Of course it’s square! I mean what kind of material or colour is it?! I’m in a corridor and I want to make sure that I go through the correct door.))

   ((It’s… pretty small. And smooth. It’s covered in some sort of fabric that matches the walls on this side.))

   ((Ah, that’s no good,)) I paused a while to think of a solution, and one quickly arrived. ((Okay, Ayattil, knock loudly on the door, I should be able to hear you.))

   With little delay, three sharp knocks echoed through the corridors. I turned, sensing the sounds coming from the other way. ((I’ve heard you. I’m on my way.))

   I started down the corridor in the opposite direction, passing by the main office. I was about to turn past the first corner.

   “Hey!” I heard, a male Human voice that bellowed from behind me. Without my stalk eyes, I had to turn all the way around to see a large, bulky form protruding from one of the other doorways. He must have responded to Ayattil’s knocking.

   I had no choice but to get away. He would know that I wasn’t staff, especially when he saw my inappropriate clothing and spooked expression. I started running before he did, throwing myself around the hallway corner and almost immediately stumbling over.

   The Human was yelling in a violent manner, and soon more voices began to join him. They were chasing me, and I caught a glimpse of two large, beastly Human males slamming around the corner like a pair of shaved gorillas. Even with their wide forms, they were faster than an Andalite in a clumsy Human morph.

   ((Knock again, Ayattil!)) I shrieked. ((They’re onto me! Do not follow me and make your way to the exit! I will dive for cover wherever I can!))

   The knocks came instantly, and my eyes locked onto the door that sat at the very end of the corridor. I sped forward and slammed into it, fiddling the lock with chunky Human fingers. It opened with ease, and, wasting no time, I pulled myself out with enough time to spare, slamming the door shut behind me. Ayattil was stood right beside me, looking miffed.

   ((They saw me, Ayattil,)) I alerted. ((I will find cover. You had better get away from this door, lest they suspect you.))

   He nodded and swivelled to head off in another direction. I, meanwhile, assessed my location, keeping in mind that the staff were hot on my tail.

   Fortunately, I was in a nightclub. I had never been inside one before, but I had seen similar establishments in television programmes. They were loud, dark, and crowded, a perfect environment for getting yourself lost in. However, the depictions on television couldn’t compare to the one I had entered. Perhaps those nightclubs, for the purpose of TV shows, were made to be easier to comprehend, whereas what I had stepped into was utter chaos. The music was barbarically loud: an obnoxious, bassy beat topped with a screechy Human voice. I had to cover my ears. Worse still was the crowd, a great mob of hundreds of Humans, alcoholic beverages in hand. After just two steps I found myself stood in the centre of a passing group, and they cheered at me in the typically drunken Human manner as I stumbled through any available gap.

   I didn’t hear it, but the block of yellow light that shone from behind informed me that the staff had emerged. I had to move quicker.

   Dead ahead, I saw the dance floor, at the centre of the huge room where the crowds were at their most dense. I hurdled down the short flight of steps that separated it from the outer perimeter and pushed myself with some force into the unnervingly packed space. How Humans could tolerate it was beyond me, but it would definitely provide good cover.

  It was painful, I must admit. Being so crammed in, I caught a few knees and elbows as I dragged myself through. A few of the larger Humans weren’t too pleased with my intrusion, and they pushed me back, almost causing a domino effect through the rest of the crowd. Like being surrounded by cushions, however, I would bounce right back up and continue forward.

   My greatest issue now was in finding the exit. All I could see was flashing lights and Human bodies and…

   ((Ayattil?!))

   ((Oh, hello, sir!))

   I had bumped straight into him, and despite the somewhat cheerful smile on his face, I felt my rage bubble up and steam from my ugly Human ears.

   ((Get out of here, Ayattil! I told you to get away!))

   ((I couldn’t find the exit, sir,)) He said. ((So I came to find Rafael.))

   ((It can’t be that hard, Ayattil!)) I growled whilst pushing back against a Human who was getting far too close.

   Ayattil was going to reply, probably some inane retort, but a rather briskly dressed Human leaned towards him and shouted into his ear. Ayattil returned by shouting back into his. Then, without warning, the Human kissed Ayattil on the cheek, brushing his ear with a thin black moustache.

   ((Sir, this is Rafael.)) Ayattil thought to mention.

   ((I could have guessed… Can he get us out of here?))

   Ayattil again spoke directly into the ear of the slender Human male, an action made near-impossible over such loud and intrusive music. As they stood screaming into each other’s ear, I noticed Rafael’s “friend”.  Ayattil was not joking when he said that this particular Human was big, and he stood at about seven feet tall, a shaven head, massive eye ridges and a constantly angry expression on his face. He winked at me, and I almost burst into tears.

   ((Yes, sir, he can help us.)) Ayattil said back to me via thought-speak to save from shouting anymore.

   ((Good, now let’s get going!)) I yelled with great impatience.

   The two Human males, the extrovertly effeminate one and the monstrously huge one, led the way through the crowd with Ayattil and me following. I felt sure of success now, and by the time we had exited the dance floor and pushed our way through a short, narrow corridor, I could see the exit in the distance.

   I was too optimistic, however, and though I am not an overly superstitious person, I sometimes get the feeling that nothing ever goes without some fault, especially in my case. A beefy Human hand grabbed at my shoulder and forcibly shoved me around. The staff had caught me, and I could tell by the horrendous look on their faces that I wasn’t going to be considered a good friend.

   I yelled out in resistance and tried to break free of their grasp. They tried to pull me back inside, and try as I might, I couldn’t get away. 

   Then, suddenly, I could. The hand that had been clutched around my collar had released, and I stumbled away to hear a loud growl from one of the bouncers. Much to my surprise, and also to my deepest thanks, the larger of Ayattil’s new friends had noticed my situation and, perhaps out of a simple instinct to fight (something I wouldn’t put past any Human) or a loyalty to me because I was now part of his “group”, had slammed the first staff member with a fist the size of a ham. He went down hard, and in the moment of confusion that followed, I decided it best not to think it over too thoroughly.

   ((Go! Now, Ayattil!)) I yelled, and the two of us charged for the exit, slamming past the queues of noisy Humans and into the maze of city streets.


	18. Chapter 18

**Chapter 18**

   ((It has been a very rough two months. Since I infiltrated the main office of Neon Firefly, I have barely had time to sleep. I don’t quite know how to explain it, but the crime wave we have been experiencing is almost apocalyptic, and Drehun has had to double the number of staff in the department in an attempt to keep it under control. I have had very little time to update this diary, and am only doing it now because I feel like there is no one else to talk to. I reported back to Drehun the moment we were safely away from the night club, and the next morning we discussed the snapshots I had taken within the building’s office. Drehun was troubled deeply by our findings, and he still seems panicked to this day. It seems so strange that after such a long time with very little crime, an organised attempt to infiltrate a governmental gathering would occur. That’s what we discovered the plans to be for: The president would again visit New York, shortly before a Human holiday known as Christmas, for a large gathering, involving some of the most, if not the most highly influential people in the country. The criminal gang, we discovered, have plans to infiltrate the event. I swear, Drehun has had no sleep ever since we revealed such plans, and in his frail old state, it doesn’t appear to be long until he collapses under the stress. With only a couple of days to go now before the big event, he is desperate to organise a team to deter any criminal activity from occurring. Needless to say, however, I will not be involved. End journal entry. Mark Earth date 18th December 2006. Entry number 13.))

   Ayattil was stood to attention as I brought the journal entry to a close. I looked wearily up at him as I pushed my small personal computer to the side, and though his presence was most often tiresome and dull, it was a familiarity which I had recently come to cherish. He still annoyed me greatly, but I let that slip and avoided getting too stressed. There was enough going round, anyway.

   ((Sir!)) He announced.

   I shook my head and moved my main eyes away. ((Please, tell me you haven’t got another report.))

   ((I’m afraid so, sir.))

   I sighed heavily and pounded my fingers against the desk. ((I don’t understand it. This is the third crime report we’ve had today!))

   ((The eighteenth we’ve had just this week, sir.)) Ayattil added, placing the small purple file on my desk.

   I moved around the desk and gazed reluctantly at the new file Ayattil had introduced me to, then taking it and dropping it haphazardly onto a pile that had been steadily growing for the last two months. ((Such a crime wave!)) I groaned. ((Ever since we visited that horrible little nightclub!))

   Ayattil scratched at his neck and backed away from me as I paced anxiously around the office. ((Do you think that Hoketh is behind it, sir?)) He asked meekly.

   ((Of course. I have a sneaky suspicion that the very group we have been following is responsible for each one of these incidents,)) I dragged a finger down the side of the folder pile. ((Perhaps we angered them. Perhaps it was their plan all along. Spread out our forces, tire us, lower morale. Just in time for the president’s gathering the week before Christmas, where their greatest prize will await them.))

   ((What prize is that, sir?)) Ayattil asked.

   ((The presidential banquet,)) I answered. ((A mountainous pile of food stuffs that would have even the most stubborn of anorexics quivering. A pool of snacks so large that they are considering granting it sovereignty. An Andalite’s dream.))

   ((That sounds wonderful, sir!)) Ayattil chirped.

   ((Exactly, and that’s why Hoketh wants it. Never before have I seen a group so organised as the one we are currently dealing with. Every restaurant in town, every bakery, every butcher’s, every hotdog stand is under threat now. We have reported over seventeen tonnes of stolen good! And how many of these criminals have been caught?))

   Ayattil twiddled his fingers. ((None, sir.))

   I folded my arms behind my back and stopped pacing the room. ((That’s right. None. Drehun has doubled staff, and yet we still struggle. There’s no telling how big this criminal organisation is! In the years of Hoketh’s absence, he must have spent it all gathering followers willing to take on his petty jobs.))

   ((We can stop them, sir!)) Ayattil cheered with his usual optimism.

   I shook my head and exhaled aggressively. ((Not at the presidential gathering, we won’t. Neechun has once again been given the job. He’s not even stopped boasting about going to the October conference yet.))

   ((Surely he is feeling the pressure of this crime surge, too, sir.))

   ((Well, if he is, he certainly isn’t showing it,)) I snorted. ((Anyway, I’ve had enough of this damn office. I’m sure that you are in need of a break, too.))

   Ayattil nodded enthusiastically, sensing a resting period.

   ((Why don’t you head to the KFC just down the road and pick us up some lunch?)) I suggested. Reaching into my utility belt, I pulled out a twenty dollar bill and handed it to him. ((Get me come popcorn chicken and some fries. We’ll have an hour’s break and something to eat. We have a busy afternoon, and we’re also going to be doing some investigation work down at the local Denny’s. They had some stock stolen this morning.))

   ((Denny’s, sir?))

   ((I know. I would rather spend time with my head in a blender, but our job requires that we go to Denny’s, so go there we shall. Hurry along now.))

   Ayattil nodded and dragged himself out of the room, with less bounce than I had ever previously seen. He, too, was feeling the strain that the last two months had brought. I sorted a couple of files, morphed into my Human form, put on my formal work suit and made my own exit, heading in the opposite direction from my office door and towards the staff lounge.

   The corridors were busier nowadays. Since the increase in crime became a significant development, Drehun had brought in three new C.I.s, who now occupied the small space along with us. Since there was no time to bring them over from the home world, he had to call for reinforcements from other Earth localities. One had arrived just recently from Denver, and the other two were based in Washington, one originally being a trainee of the other. They were all young, and rather lacking in experience, and their assistants - all Humans - were even more incompetent. I bumped into a couple of them as I slumped off towards the lounge. Once there, I was greeted by the third, and probably the most experienced of the three. His name was Tukkri, and he was standing at the coffee machine in his tall, blonde-haired Human morph. Even then, he still looked tired and decrepit.

   “Nicalor,” He greeted with a curt nod. “Taking another break?”

   “I don’t get enough.” I countered. Despite the awkward early exchange, Tukkri was pleasant company, and I was glad to see him waiting at the coffee machine, sipping at what appeared to be a cappuccino.

   “You look tired,” I mentioned. “You have been getting copious amounts of reports, too?”

   He nodded. “Far too many. This five minute break is all I’m taking, and it is so desperately needed. I find it hard to believe that such a crime spree is taking place on a foreign planet. I always thought it was a big mistake to let any tourist visit this bizarre place.”

   “It’s a mystery,” I concurred. “I have sent Ayattil to pick up some KFC. If you wish, I could ask him to grab you some.”

   He waved his hand dismissively. “Thank you for the offer, but I have just eaten. Eee-ten.”

   I huffed a laugh while I began to create a cappuccino of my own from the coffee machine. “Just eaten? That is very rarely an excuse to hear from an Andalite.”

   Tukkri smiled. “I ate four burgers and a bowl of French fries. Even this gluttonous Human form is begging me to stop.”

   “Every creature has its limit,” I noted. “Even a Human.”

   It was then when I noticed something a little off. I looked around and past Tukkri, and found that he was on his own. I gazed up at him curiously, and asked, “That reminds me… Where is your assistant?”

   “Henry? I gave him the day off?” Tukkri replied.

   I blanked, confused. “A day off? With the department the busiest that it’s ever been? Surely, you have too much work for just yourself to handle.”

   “He…” Tukkri started, but he stopped himself, looked around, and then reverted to thought-speech. ((I talked to him over a Human communication device this morning. He’s gone mad! I could barely comprehend what he was saying.”

   ((What was wrong with him?))

   ((He sounded panicked. Shocked. He said something about going to the store late last night on the edge of town. He saw something. Something terrible.))

   This piqued my interest greatly, and I pushed for answers. ((Terrible? Did he describe it at all?))

   ((I… couldn’t get anything clear out of him. Something cornered him. Something large, foul and evil. Something that could destroy the entire city, were it to have its way.))

   I rolled my eyes and turned away, unconvinced. ((It was probably Michael Moore. These Humans are so easily deluded.))

   Tukkri glared, and returned to using his Human mouth, though quieter now. “Well, even if that were the case, I am still missing an assistant at the worst possible time. I will appeal to Drehun to get a replacement as soon as I can, before the gathering.”

   “The gath-…” I turned and stared hard at him, again reverting back to thought-speech. ((The gathering?! The presidential gathering?!))

   ((Yes. Didn’t you know about it?))

   ((Of course I did!)) I growled. ((You are going there?))

   Tukkri narrowed his eyes, probably wondering why I was getting angry. ((Yes. That is part of the reason Drehun brought me to this department. Elmortun and Wertrid are going as well.))

   I was fuming now, though not necessarily at Tukkri. I was angry at Drehun for putting inexperienced and newly arrived officers into more important roles ahead of myself. I was not given a placement at the event, and now it seemed like everyone else had been given the opportunity. I privately decided that I would speak to Drehun later, and I pushed my anger aside for the moment.

   ((Is something the matter?)) Tukkri asked, concerned at my silence.

   ((No.)) I responded, now calmed. I finished preparing my cappuccino and heaved a sigh before taking a light sip.

   We drank our coffee whilst sparing little time to converse, each dreading the return to our duties. I was, however, eager to receive my delicious KFC meal, and was wondering what was taking Ayattil so long. I was even more aggrieved when I saw Neechun strut into the lounge, his swagger yet unaffected by the mountains of work we found ourselves under, and still so irritating, even in his rather greasy Human morph.

   ((I don’t like that Neechun.)) Tukkri uttered privately.

   ((I’m glad that I’m not the only one,)) I replied. ((Look at the fool. He thinks he owns the place!))

   ((And that damned assistant of his.))

   I hesitated and looked to Tukkri, perplexed as to why he would criticise Neechun’s assistant. ((Rebecca? What’s that Human done?))

   Tukkri turned so that his back faced Neechun. He was closer now, and even Tukkri knew that it was best not to start any arguments in the middle of a work day. We needed to avoid confrontations that would arise from obvious back-talking. ((I found her rummaging through my files yesterday under his orders.))

   ((Seriously?)) I gasped, genuinely baffled.

   He nodded. ((Seriously. I know his game. There was someone just like him back in Washington. He-))

   “Good afternoon,” Came a loud Human voice. It was Neechun, clomping over in great big Human shoes, suited up and with his black hair slicked back tightly on his head with some cheap and potent gel. He smiled slyly as he intruded on our once private conversation. “Well, just look at these two scruffy creatures.” He cooed.

   “We are scruffy,” Tukkri sneered. “Because we have been working all morning. _You_ look like you just got out of the shower!”

   Neechun’s smile became an aggrieved grimace. “I’ve been under a great deal of stress, I’ll have you know.”

   “Aww, has Rebecca been rubbing your back too hard?” I huffed.

   Neechun hoisted his chin up derisively, and that annoyed both me and Tukkri even further. We gave each other a knowing glance and tried to turn away.

   “Tukkri,” Neechun spoke, pulling us back. “I trust you have arranged transport for the upcoming event.”

   “Yes, I have.” Tukkri brusquely replied.

   Neechun nodded, and turned his horrible Human eyes towards me. “And, Nicalor, have you arranged for-” Then he stopped himself and sniggered. “Oh wait, I’m sorry. You aren’t going. I forgot.”

   “Oh shut up,” I demanded. “Drehun is simply saving me for more important duties.”

   He laughed, both with his Human mouth and over thought-speech, just to illustrate how amused he was. “More important duties?! What could be more important than a presidential visit?”

   I stammered, but ultimately could not back up my statement.

   He laughed again. “You said exactly the same thing the last time. Face it, Nicalor, Drehun doesn’t trust you and your blithering moron of an assistant with a job of such importance.”

   I growled, quickly losing my already unstable temper. “I am one of the most experienced people here! Drehun would not have brought me here if he didn’t trust me.”

   Neechun snorted and shook his head, and with a hideous mocking tone said, “He trusts you with minor jobs. He leaves the bigger jobs to those who aren’t constantly being spotted by those they’re spying on.”

   “Excuse me?!” I snarled. “What are you talking about?”

   “Oh, nothing,” Neechun shrugged, “It’s just that when you give away your position on every single mission you perform, those with brains learn to… push you down the ladder, so to speak. He told me about your escapades in Neon Firefly, how you found vital information, but then proceeded to be seen by every single bouncer in there. Because of your foolishness, we have to be prepared for the criminals to try a completely different approach. If you hadn’t been seen that night, things would be a lot less stressful for the rest of us.”

   My Human morph was growing increasingly angry, and I felt my fists clench, eager to unleash withheld aggression onto Neechun’s smug face. However, with my superior and forward-thinking Andalite mind, I was able to control the Human instinct, and I restrained myself by clasping my hands to the raised surface that we were stood beside.

   “I am the one that found out that they were targeting the president’s dinner.” I calmly informed. “ _You_ couldn’t even _find_ those plans when you were there.”

   Neechun snorted and pushed past me to begin making a coffee for himself. “When I was where?” He asked.

   “Neon Firefly. You found nothing.”

   “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” He grumbled. “Do everybody here a favour, Nicalor, and stick to what you’re good at: Taking up space.”

   Somehow, I kept my restraint while Neechun finished making his coffee. He left soon after to the other side of the staff lounge, at the same time that Tukkri decided to get back to his own work. I waited beside the coffee machine for Ayattil to arrive with the KFC. By the time I had finished my third much-needed cappuccino, he finally arrived, two brown food bags in his Human-morph hands.

   “Ah, thank the stars,” I gasped, reaching forward as he offered me one of the bags. “It’s about time you got here, Ayattil. That idiot Neechun has been getting right under my skin!”

   “I came as fast as I could, sir!” Ayattil stated, digging into his own meal bag.

   “Not fast enough, I fear,” I groaned. “Neechun has somehow gotten the idea that Drehun sees us as incompetent.”

   Ayattil cocked his head, and with a mouth full of French fries, asked, “Why would he think such a thing, sir?”

   I sighed and shook it off. “I don’t know. He’s probably just deluded. Forget about it.” I dropped my KFC bag down beside the coffee machine and checked through to assess my order. It was wrong, and instead of the popcorn chicken and French fries that I had ordered, I had been given some kind of salad. Feeling a sense of general defeat to everything, however, I accepted the inevitable and forced a handful of stringy lettuce into my hungry waiting mouth.

   “Are you okay, sir?” I heard from Ayattil. He was watching me with distinct curiosity, and his gaze irritated me.

   “Of course I am!” I urged. “Now let me eat, and stop staring at me.”

   “But, sir,” Ayattil squeaked. “You haven’t hit me or yelled at me all day. That’s not like you at all.”

   “That may be down, Ayattil, to the fact that I am spiralling down the proverbial stinking sinkhole otherwise known as depression. Please, let me sink quietly, and eat your food. We have a lot of work to do this afternoon, and I’d like to get back to the hotel before it gets dark.”

   Ayattil squirmed awkwardly in place and looked down to the ground, rightfully deciding to leave me alone. We ate in complete, anticipative silence, holding our voices to prepare for the onslaught of minor jobs that awaited us the moment we left the lounge.

   All I could think of was reports, the sound of my office printer shuffling out file after file, phone calls ringing a constant drone through my ears. And then there was Ardina, a persistent reminder in the back of my head that I had so much left to do and in such little time. I had very little hope for her anymore. It had been so long since her kidnapping, and she had not been seen since. No word on the streets, no hostage situations. Nothing but silence.

   Why would a criminal gang, bent on stealing edible goods, kidnap an Andalite scientist?

   I scrunched up my brown paper bag, and dropped it in the trash can beside the coffee machine. With a long stretch and a yawn, I intended to return to the office to continue the unending drudgery. Ayattil had already finished his food, and had been waiting patiently by my side.

   “Come on Ayattil,” I said. “Let’s get back to the office and out of these Human bodies. All mine wants to do is hit things.”

   “Could I have a coffee before we go back, sir?” Ayattil requested.

   “Sure,” I accepted. “And do me another one, while you’re at it.”

   “I would ask you to do me one, as well,”

   I closed my eyes and gritted my teeth disdainfully, as Neechun’s voice once again rose up. He oiled along beside me, arms folded and a cocky smirk on his ugly Human face.

   “But I’ve seen single-celled bacteria at the bottom of oceans brew a better latte.” He finished.

   I turned to face him, still resisting the urge to slam into him but so eagerly wanting to. “Go away, Neechun.”

   He grinned. “Why so hostile, Nicalor? All I want is a coffee. Is that so much to ask?”

   I twisted my neck angrily and, though I really didn’t want to, I nodded to Ayattil. He looked as blank as ever, and started up the coffee machine.

   “I want a nice milky one, assistant,” Neechun demanded. “And plenty of sugar. I need all the energy I can get today.”

   I mumbled a curse under my breath and looked away, feigning interest in another movie poster stuck up on the wall.

   “Make it quick,” Neechun added for Ayattil. “Pass it to me when it’s done. I’ll be waiting by the window.”

   Neechun slinked off, upon which time I exhaled loudly and raised a fist in his direction.

   “Next time,” I spoke to Ayattil through clenched teeth. “Tell him to make his own damn coffee. And on that occasion, I’ll let this Human body do some damage. Human fists are especially wide, and I reckon they’ll do a good job of rearranging his facial features…”

   “Sir?” Ayattil spoke up. I realised that, all the while, I had being mumbling inaudibly to myself, one hand massaging the fist made by the other. Ayattil was gawking up at me, my own empty coffee mug clutched shakily in his hand.

   “Ah, yes,” I responded, bringing my temper back down. “Make me another cappuccino. Oh, and spit in Neechun’s.”

   “Already have, sir.”

   “Good job.”

   “Oh, and sir?”

   “Yes, Ayattil?”

   “Where’s the sugar?”

   I rolled my eyes and blew air deeply from my mouth in a reluctant sigh. Without looking, I reached a chunky hand down and pulled open a large wooden cupboard where the sugar was kept. “In there. Inside a small box. Give him far too much.”

   My eyes closed as I leaned back into a more relaxed position on the coffee machine’s station, and I folded my arms to the sound of rustling coming from the coffee cupboard. I waited as patiently as I could for Ayattil to finish making the final round of coffee before we retired back to my office.

   I looked over to him as I heard the sound of the side of a mug being clattered by a mixing instrument. I saw the sugar container sat beside the three mugs, and…

   “Ayattil!” I half yelped, half whispered. “Does that look like sugar to you?!”

   Ayattil blinked up at me briefly, and then to the opened red container that sat before him. “It looks like sugar, sir.” He stated bluntly.

   I lowered my voice, and, doing my best impersonation of a patronising teacher, asked politely of him, “Could you please tell me what the large yellow writing on the front of the container says, Ayattil?”

   “Um…” He picked it up, and diligently checked the large, bold writing. “It says rat poison, sir.”

   I dropped the act. “You idiot, Ayattil! I was about to drink rat poison! As was Neech-…”

   I froze, and Ayattil raised a hairy eyebrow in confusion.

   A cunning opportunity befell my mind, so perfect that I chuckled quietly to myself. This baffled Ayattil further, but I placed a trusting hand on his shoulder and patted it a couple of times. I could have kissed the pathetic, unintentionally superb imbecile.

   “You had better give Neechun his drink, Ayattil,” I sang. “Don’t let it get cold, now.”


	19. Chapter 19

**Chapter 19**

   The penultimate day arrived. Tomorrow, New York would host a gathering of some of the most powerful people on the planet Earth. Human politicians, bankers, celebrities… extra-terrestrials, such as highly-ranked officials from our own world (who were probably only there to show alliance with the American president, and to take advantage of some luxurious Human foods), would all be there. No doubt, security would be impenetrable. No doubt, there would be those who wished to take advantage.

   No doubt, I would be staying at home, watching repeats of Friends while drinking flat soda pop bought hours before during a KFC binge.

   I tried to reassure myself by repeating the obvious within my own mind: It would mainly be a gathering for rich, spoilt Humans who have nothing better to do than suck-up to each other and laugh at how they were superior to everyone else. Officials of our own race weren’t much better, especially those in military circles, but there was something about Human arrogance that irked me to no end.

   Yes, I was trying to come up with any reason why it would be better not to go. Needless to say, I was depressed that morning.

   Ayattil’s presence, though tedious, was helpful in keeping me sane. I sent him on pointless errands when I could, but kept him away from my work, craving the ability to just lose myself in it. We had nowhere specifically to go, and thankfully, the few days before the big event, the crime spree had slowed to a near-halt. That only worried me more so, but it was a welcome break. I was starting to get back pains from all the effort I had to put in.

   He brought me back something a little different that morning. I originally ordered four packs of chewing gum, some ice cream and some chocolate-chip cookies.

   ((Got them, sir!)) He chanted as he shuffled into my office, bag in hand. ((I got what you wanted this time.))

   I straightened up from my slumped working-at-the-computer posture and moved around the desk. ((No, you haven’t.))

   He blinked up at me, a hurt expression on his mostly bland face. ((Excuse me, sir?))

   ((I know from past experience,)) I began, folding my arms. ((That whatever is in that bag right now is _not_ what I ordered. Last week, I ordered a tuna sandwich, and you came back with a bag of sand, a guitar tuner, and a small plastic figurine of Sarah Jessica Parker. Three days ago, I sent you to the staff lounge to pick me up a Dr Pepper. You poured pepper in my coffee, and signed me up for a doctor’s appointment.))

   ((I thought you went to that appointment, sir.))

   ((That was because you thought the bag of sand was the pepper.))

   Ayattil fell silent, apologetically, and looked down to his trembling, ill-kept hooves. ((I’m sorry, sir.))

   I placed a hand on his shoulder reassuringly and sighed. ((Don’t worry about it now. We have bigger things to panic about. Why don’t you empty that bag and we’ll see what you’ve got? I want to see what you pour into my hot drinks beforehand this time.))

   With a brightened posture, Ayattil smiled and started to empty the plastic bag onto my desk. From it poured a number of items that I immediately began to inspect.

   ((Okay, what do we have here…)) I mumbled, fiddling through them. ((An advent calendar?))

   ((You wanted chocolate, sir.)) Ayattil replied confidently.

   ((Very well,)) I said in return. ((And fortune cookies. I assume you got my order of four packs of chewing gum and chocolate-chip cookies mixed up.  That would also explain this sole bag of potato chips.))

   Ayattil gawked up at me. Unsurprised, I continued.

   ((… And the movie _Scream_.))

   I sighed and reassured myself that I had at least _something_ to eat, giving Ayattil a nod of indifferent satisfaction. I had lost the will to yell a while ago. Instead, I took the pack of fortune cookies and ripped it open haphazardly.

   ((Anything else, sir?)) Ayattil asked, stood to firm attention.

   ((Not right now. Go get yourself something, if you so desire. I’m going to morph Human and have some lunch. I’ve never had a _fortune cookie_ before…))

   Ayattil gazed over my shoulder. ((Sir, don’t they tell you your future?))

   ((What makes you think that?))

   ((I saw on the television, sir. There’s a little note on the inside of each one.))

   ((I see.))

   Without much hesitation, I gently picked out one of the small, oddly-shaped delicacies from its package. It was made as if somebody had taken a normal cookie and folded it, deforming the shape into something more like a boomerang. However, this made it relatively easy to break it in half, and, indeed, inside sat a small note. A white piece of paper, no less.

   I removed the note from its sugary casing, flipped it over, and read, ((“Somebody you know is ill, and you may be asked to take their place.” Well, how vague…))

   ((Very vague, sir.)) Ayattil agreed.

   ((Fortune cookies…)) I mumbled, placing the note and the cookie back down into their original packaging. ((What will these Humans think of next?))

   We both jerked at the obnoxious ringing of my office telephone, a sound that always caught me off guard and irritated me to the core. I grimaced and reached over to pick up the hand-piece, placing it against my ear.

   “Hello?” Came a voice instantly from the other end. It was a Human voice, but one that I had familiarised myself with: The voice of Drehun’s Human form.

   ((Ah, hello, sir!)) I replied formally.

   There was a pause, and then he repeated, “Hello? Nicalor, are you there?”

   I grumbled, instinctively aiming my angered glare at Ayattil. ((Yes, sir, I am here. It’s this faulty phone again. I swear I got it replaced last week.))

   “…. Can you hear me?”

   I directed my words to Ayattil. ((Didn’t you replace this phone? It’s not working again! He can’t hear me!))

   Ayattil twiddled his fingers and nodded with certainty. ((I replaced it, sir.))

   “Nicalor, I know you’re there.” Drehun groaned.

   ((Yes, Drehun, I’m here!)) I called into the phone. Still, he didn’t seem able to hear me, and I was growing more frustrated by the second.

   “Nicalor, you can’t use thought-speak over a Human phone.”

   ((I, uh… oh… Right. That makes sense.))

   “Now, I know you can hear me, so I’ll tell you that Neechun is ill, and I want you to take his place at the event tomorrow evening. Meet me in my office in ten Earth minutes to discuss. Talk soon.”

   He hung up, and I put the phone back onto the receiver. To Ayattil, I shot a satisfied smile.

   ((I like these fortune cookies,)) I murmured. ((Take note Ayattil. Today is a going to be a good day after all.))

   I left Ayattil to his own devices. He would occupy his time sorting through emails and folders, only for me to come back later and correct them. It kept him busy. Meanwhile, I strutted, admittedly with a delicious sense of importance, through the windy corridors of the complex, arriving at Drehun’s office at a lively cantor. His door was open, expectantly so, and he was sat in Human form, sipping at a coffee as he hunched over a dirty old computer. His eyes lifted over the bulky screen when he noticed me approaching. A most subtle of nods gave me the cue to enter.

   Though he was my direct superior, Drehun’s office was no bigger, nor snugger, than my own. In fact, it was older and dingy, with the faint smell of mould creeping through dull beige walls. The look of distaste that I noticed on his Human face was either one of disgust at the state that he worked within, or the embarrassment it caused him when his employees arrived. He was usually to be found under some stress, but today the sweat gathered in visible beads on his brow, his hair shimmering and misplaced where he had smudged a hand through it.

   It was with that initial glance where my cheery optimism died. In a disinterested voice, he said, “Sorry, you came so quick that I haven’t had time to demorph.”

   ((That’s okay, sir,)) I commented. ((I don’t mind at all.))

   Drehun nodded slowly and removed himself from the swivelling chair he sat in. He moved to lean on the desk before me. “You have been doing your work very well recently. I really didn’t expect the crime wave we have been experiencing, but we have been able to keep on top of it. To a degree.”

   ((You mentioned something about Neechun being taken ill?))

   “Yes,” He confirmed. “I received a phone call this morning from him, explaining that he is debilitated with illness. One wonders what may have caused it.”

   I looked away. ((Yes. One wonders…))

   “So, on the eve of the gathering tomorrow, I am short-staffed, and that is not something that would go down well with the embassy. Therefore, I will ask whether you are able to take Neechun’s place at the event, responsibilities and placements included.”

   I smiled with conviction. ((I would be honoured, sir.))

   He nodded again, expression ever unchanging, and reached down for a small pile of forms. “Very well. If you could fill these forms out by the end of today, I can get them sent off in time to make the replacement official. Sorry that it’s such short notice.”

   I took the pile and placed it neatly under my arm. ((Thank you, sir. May I ask what specific responsibilities Neechun was to take?))

   “I shall get Rebecca to explain that to you. I have called her in, so she should be here by now.”

   ((Do you wish for me to take her along? I’m sure that she would have gone with Neechun.))

   “Yes. She will also be able to provide you with all the details that you require, including transport to the event location.”

   The door behind me was pushed further open, and I had to shift my rear end to allow the Human Rebecca, finally arrived, to come through. She bore a big smile on her face, lacking the bags beneath her eyes that everybody else was suffering from.

   “Ah, Rebecca,” Drehun invited. “Good to see you. I have brought Nicalor here. He is to replace Neechun at tomorrow’s gathering. Would you care to fill him in on the necessary details?”

   “Sure,” The small Human said, teeth gleaming. Her eyes moved to me. “Neechun did a hell of a lot of research for this. He’s written it all down in his folder.” Then, she reached down into a large fabric bag hung over her shoulder, pulling out Neechun’s own folder, almost bursting with the amount of paperwork crammed in. She proceeded to flick through it, and handed it over to me when she found the relevant pages, marked with coloured adhesive paper.

   I read over the disturbingly neat handwriting, and found that he had handily written a checklist of objectives. Neechun may have been a pompous nitwit, but he was incredibly neat and organised.

   ((Who is this Dr Short that I will be guarding?)) I asked.

   “It’s not guarding, _per se_ ,” Drehun mumbled. “I want my staff to mingle with the Humans, make sure that they know we’re there, both to protect them, and to discourage anybody who may have arrived in disguise. Dr Short is one of the foremost American psychotherapists, so I’ve heard, and I want you to stick around him and those who he associates with.”

   ((Of course, sir.))

   “That doesn’t mean follow him to the lavatories, however. Just when he’s within the main dining area, where the food items are kept. We know what these criminals are after, and we must have officers patrolling that area at all times.”

   ((You don’t have to tell me twice, sir.)) I reassured.

   So for the rest of the working day, aside from the usual tedious and mind-bendingly dull file work, Rebecca and I discussed what was originally going to be Neechun’s plan for the big night. Rebecca came to my office after a refreshingly bland cup of coffee, and we, along with Ayattil arranged plans, locations and schedules. It quickly became apparent that Neechun really had prepared heavily, which made sense for such a night, even for him, and that every possible angle was identified, contemplated and measured. In his folder, he had even gathered as much evidence as possible to indicate where any infiltration could take place. His words seemed absolutely certain, as if he knew exactly what to expect. I was curious as to where he had gathered such information, because it was different to the plans we had uncovered in Neon Firefly.

   I kept my suspicions to myself, no matter how much they burned my mind.

   Before Ayattil and I made our way home, we had filled out all the necessary forms (and there were plenty - it seems to be a Human hobby of sorts) and handed them back to Drehun. We were all in high spirits by the evening. Rebecca left. Ayattil and I packed our things, morphed Human, and put on a suitable number of clothing layers to take on the wintery conditions of the New York streets.

   “This would be so much easier if Larry were here to pick us up.” I grumbled to Ayattil as we made our way onto the 1st floor of the department, the glow of streetlights beckoning us from behind the distant glass door entrance.

   “Where is Larry, sir?” Ayattil asked.

   “He’s on the other side of the city, he told me. I suppose we should just accept that he’s not our personal chauffeur,” I pulled my grey scarf tightly around my neck as we pushed through the rotating doors of the building, and instantly I felt walls of snow resisting my feet, crunching beneath the soles of my shoes. “And besides, the walk isn’t long. I could do with some exercise.”

   Ayattil was close behind me, and now that we were stood in the more spacious street, he began to walk beside me, stumbling on the thickening layer of snow. “I think all this shivering is exercise enough, sir.”

   I groaned and pushed onwards. “This journey will be much easier without petulant whining, Ayattil. Come on, let’s get home before I miss all my favourite shows.”

   In the corner of my eye, I noticed the scrawny assistant turn his upper body sharply, still walking forwards. He faced front again. “Favourite shows, sir?”

   “Television is only acceptable during the late hours, I find,” I mused. “Daytime television is about as dull as watching paint dry.” That was a Human expression I had picked up quite handily.

   “Really, sir? I rather enjoy doing that.”

   I rolled my eyes. “Of course you do. Your idea of fun revolves almost entirely around picking clumps of matter from inside your nasal passages. It wouldn’t be so bad if you didn’t collect them in a jar.”

   He smiled dopily. “I’ve had that jar since I was little, sir.”

   “Didn’t your father give it to you?”

   “He did, sir.”

   I glanced down at him, bewildered. “So this strange habit of storing your own solidified mucus in a jar is a family tradition? I should have known.”

   Ayattil gazed off into the distance admiringly, a grotty little grin on his Human face. “Father told me that my great-great-great-great-grandfather started it. All his nasal matter forms the first layer at the bottom. Every generation, the male of our family adds a layer to the jar.”

   “Ayattil, why do you collect snot?” I gritted, shaking my head in disgust.

   “Well,” he began to explain. “You know how some people take pictures of themselves every day of their life to see how they grow?”

   “You do it with nasal matter.”

   “Yes, sir.”

   I noticed him swivel again to look behind us. Then, he turned to face the sidewalk again. We crossed a busy road, passing by the multitudes of Humans still active in the downfall of snow. It was now gathering on my clothing, and so I shook it off.

   “Moving on from that,” I mumbled under my breath. “We have a big day ahead of us tomorrow. Before you sleep tonight, I want you to look through all the details three times over. On such short notice, we will have to rush through it all, but it shouldn’t be too mountainous of a task.”

   He looked up to me. “How are we getting there tomorrow, sir? I don’t even know where it is.”

   “The location is of no importance to you, and Rebecca will be providing us with transport at precisely one o’clock in the afternoon from the hotel. Once at the venue, we will be required to check for any anomalies in the set-up, and so on and so forth…”

   From there, we reverted to private thought-speech and further went over some of the more minor details, or anything that had confused Ayattil even more so than usual. By the time we reached the final stretch home, I was desperate for warmth and some Human food. Anything fast, tasteful and greasy. I didn’t care for nutritional value.

   ((Sir…)) Ayattil whimpered privately after a cosy silence. ((How do you think Neechun got sick?))

   ((Sick? Well, I assume that that may be down to the fact that you poured rat poison in his drink. That’s bound to make anybody ill.))

   Ayattil was clearly miffed. ((But, sir, I didn’t think morphing worked like that.))

   ((Oh? How do you mean?))

   ((Well, I thought that when somebody morphed back, they rid themselves of any injury or harm that the morphed form sustained. Wouldn’t that include poison?))

   I scratched at my chin. That was something that irked me, too. ((I’m not too familiar with the technology. Perhaps the rat poison remained inside of him when he changed back. If I had known that, I may have asked you not to give that coffee to him. Maybe.))

   He turned his head again, and this time I lost my patience. I stopped walking, which in turn ceased him.

   “Ayattil, what is wrong?! Why must you turn around every ten seconds like that?!” I demanded.

   “Because, sir,” he replied. “Those two Humans are following us.”

   He pointed, and my gaze followed. About twenty yards from where we were stood were two large, bulky Human males in black coats, hats and glasses. They were stood up against the side of the building, some kind of attempt to be inconspicuous. Now it was not only cold sending me into fits of shivers.

   They seemed to notice that I had spotted them. To my horror, they removed themselves from their static position, and they marched in our direction.

   I had to take immediate action. It was clear from their movement that they were coming for us, that my realisation of their presence had turned it from stalking to chasing. My first thought was to return to the hotel, as it was only a matter of yards away. I hastily pulled Ayattil and myself forward.

   ((They’re after us, Ayattil!)) I warned. ((I suggest we get back to the hotel, maybe they won’t follow us in.))

   ((Why are they following us, sir?)) Ayattil whined, stumbling forward under my pulling. Eventually he was able to haul himself at the same speed.

   ((We’ll discuss that later,)) I said. ((For now, let’s get home before they catch up.))

   We weaved past oncoming Humans, unintentionally barging through some, much to their dissatisfaction. I was hoping that quick movement on our part would deter, especially as we were so close to the hotel, but as I cast a brief glance behind us, I found that they were chasing us with equal pace.

   And these weren’t typical Humans. Now that they were closer, I could see the true size of them. They were less Human, and more like the colossal beasts of old. Monsters whose footsteps created Earthquakes and chins that could dent the strongest metals. Fists like speeding juggernauts. I truly wished not to be caught by them, even more so now that I knew what they looked like. My only hope was that they were not particularly bright.

   We reached the hotel entrance, and wasted no time in being polite to those moving through the entrance. We pushed through with little regard, emerging into the reception hall.

   “Hello again.”

   I turned to the direction of the high-pitched, tuneful voice. I shook my head with a mix of panic and disinterest when I saw that it was just Sophia the Human receptionist.

   “Hello, ma’am.” I returned bluntly, already shooting for the elevator.

   Then I heard Ayattil awkward and disturbing Human giggle.

   “Hello, Sophia…” He replied to her dreamily, waving slightly from side to side.

   ((Oh, for…!)) I yelled. I grabbed him by the arm and almost threw him across the shiny reception floor. ((Now is not the time, Ayattil!))

   Suddenly, there was a cry from the entrance. A small Human child had been knocked over by none other than our pursuers. They paid no notice of the others who yelled verbal obscenities at them, and instantly came for us.

   ((They’re coming into the hotel, Ayattil!)) I exasperated. ((We need to get to our rooms! They have locks!))

   I bumbled forward on my irritatingly unbalanced Human legs, chasing Ayattil as he made his way to the elevators. A couple of our people were just leaving the first on the left. I pulled Ayattil inside, and slammed the button that would take us to the eighth floor. I apologised to our Andalite brethren, in hope that they would assess our situation and block off the approaching grunts.

   We were fortunate. The large Humans were only metres from our elevators as the big metal doors slowly pressed shut. I collapsed back against the elevator wall and breathed a sigh of relief. I wanted to demorph, to rid myself of that ridiculous, defenceless Human body and have my own sharp, lethal tail back. Unfortunately, we simply didn’t have the time, unless we were to demorph in our rooms.

   ((Ayattil,)) I addressed, pulling myself up against the will of the moving elevator. ((Get your card key out. They may know where our rooms are, so we have to go straight for our doors, as fast as we can. No questions. Get inside your room, and demorph.))

   ((Yes, sir!)) He replied. For once, I felt that he was paying attention.

   I braced myself, ready to burst from the elevator, my eyes plastered to the dial above the door that signified what floor we were at. It slowly rose, beginning at one and so gradually pushing for eight.

   There was a pleasant _ding,_ and the two doors separated. I warily poked my head around both corners, and once I saw that the area was clear, I hurried along through the lengthy, straight corridor that led to our rooms. Ayattil wasn’t far behind.

   We arrived at our rooms, panting heavily, much to the confusion of an elderly Human female stood just down the corridor. I gave her a quick hello, but wasted no more time in pulling my card key from my utility belt and entering it into the appropriate slot. The little green light flashed, indicating my successful entry to my own room. I pushed the door opened and felt the warm air against my sweat-laden Human hair.

   ((Sir! I can’t get in!))

   I leant back around the door frame to see Ayattil, fumbling with his card key in a panic. He dropped it.

   ((Do you never learn anything?!)) I accused angrily, looking down both ends of the corridor before rushing over to help. It was still just us and the elderly Human female, still watching us curiously.

   Ayattil had retrieved his card, while I remained lookout. ((It won’t work, sir!)) He complained, before trying to jam the card into the door frame.

   ((No, Ayattil!)) I rasped in pure frustration, pushing against him so that we were both pressing against the door, each trying to take charge. ((You don’t do that! You put it in the hole! The slot! Right there!))

   ((I tried that, sir,)) He grumbled petulantly. ((It doesn’t fit. It’s too small.))

   ((The size doesn’t matter, you simpleton! Try it again!))

   ((It still doesn’t-))

   I almost screamed. ((The purple bit has to face _away_ from you, Ayattil! You have it the wrong way around!))

   I looked down the corridor again. We were still safe, but I doubted for much longer. I gave the little old lady a cheery wave. Her mouth was agape as she continued to watch.

   By this point, I had had enough. I snatched the card from Ayattil’s feeble grasped and jammed it into the lock. To my greatest relief, the green light flashed, and the door whirred, clicked, and pushed open.

   ((In!)) I yelped. ((Get in!))

   Ayattil was more than happy to comply, and the frantic look in his eyes as he entered brought my attention to the end of the corridor. There, the large Humans had appeared, still marching like a couple of elephants down the narrow corridor.

   I slammed the door shut behind us, and instantly checked that it was locked. We were safe. Still, I made sure to demorph as quickly as possible, eager to have my wonderful tail back.

   I didn’t leave Ayattil’s room that night, despite the repulsive presence of his family jar. Somebody was after us, and for hours I was mulling it all over in my head, piecing together any small clue I could tentatively recognise. It wasn’t until morning when I finally captured some sleep, but in time’s cruelty, it wasn’t long before I was awake again for another day.


	20. Chapter 20

**Chapter 20**

   We arrived with plenty of time to spare. The large Human social gathering was, understandably, held within one of the finer, more prestigious areas of New York. Everyone seemed to be wandering around with unnaturally clean clothing and a constantly hoisted chin. They were almost like the parodies one would expect to see on fictional television programmes, and just as stuck-up. In some ways, it felt like home.

   Nevertheless, we were safely in the building a few hours before the event would begin, and we instantly got to work, scraping down every crack and crevice we could find. I was incredibly nervous after the previous evening, and I was still shaking. It gave me great happiness when I opened Ayattil’s door that morning to an empty hallway. I was even happier when we stopped halfway to the event for a McDonalds.

   The hours rolled by without much trouble. Rebecca, to my upmost relief, was a keen and able worker. She made no fuss, did what she was told, and she also made an excellent coffee. Ayattil was becoming clearly envious, so I decided to give him instructions which even he could not mess up.

   “Ayattil,” I mumbled through a bread-filled Human mouth. “I want you in the security rooms.”

   “The security rooms, sir?”

   “That room with all the television screens, remember? We’ve secured the main hall area and the corridors, and now we need somebody to watch over it all,” I swallowed what remained of my food and wiped the crumbs from my tight-fitting suit and tie. “The security rooms are within thought-speak range, so I will be keeping constant contact during the course of the evening.”

   He smiled acceptingly and stood firm. “Okay, sir. Permission to demorph? This suit is uncomfortable.”

   “Yes. I feel your pain, Ayattil. Why Humans have to decorate themselves in identical and impractical clothing is beyond my comprehension,” I turned, scrunching up the food wrapper that I held in my right hand. “Oh, and don’t forget to take the clothes off beforehand this time.”

   I made sure to check on some small security measures we had implemented around the great hall, before heading over to Rebecca, who was herself doing some last minute checks. She rose as I approached, but her eyes remained busy with work.

   “Everything seems to be in order,” I chimed, “And we didn’t need that idiot Neechun around to help.”

   “We _did_ use his plans.” Rebecca muttered.

   “Tweaked them, improved them…” I continued.” Made them better. Nothing untoward can enter. Not even an ant crawling through the cracks in the wall. Not even a flea on the Hork-Bajir governor’s backside.”

   Rebecca smiled, but with little conviction. “There are still things to be done.”

   I returned the smile, feeling rather pleased with myself, but also with Rebecca’s professionalism. “Of course! I have posted Ayattil in the security rooms to keep watch over us with the rest of the security team. I will be keeping in constant contact with him while I’m down here keeping watch. Needless to say, the security is far more robust than it would have been if we weren’t here.”

   She rolled her eyes and dropped the notepad she was holding to her side. “You Andalites are always so high and mighty, aren’t you?”

   “With good reason.” I added.

   “Sure…” Rebecca responded. “So, _boss_ , where do you want me posted?”

   I straightened my posture, as the formalities of our duty returned to the conversation. “If it’s okay, I would like you patrolling the area with me. I have already placed Tukkri and Rookun by the buffet table, and the others are covering the entrances. We’ll be covering the floor, keeping our eyes alert for any unwelcome individuals.”

   “Unwelcome individuals? How do we know who’s unwelcome?”

   “Anybody who looks suspicious, obviously.”

   Rebecca seemed to expect that answer, but sighed heavily. “And who is this Short guy that you’ve been told to hang around with?”

   I laughed, holding my right hand to my Human chest as I forced extra volume to my amusement. “You mean to tell me that you haven’t done your research, Rebecca?”

   She shrugged. “I guess not.”

   “My dear Rebecca,” I said. “Dr Short is one of America’s leading psychotherapists! He is very well known. I have been given the honour of meeting him in person, and I am sure that he, himself, will see it also as an honour.”

   Rebecca actually laughed, and I couldn’t help but take a message of mockery from it. All she said was, “Sure.”

   Despite some rather awkward exchanges, Rebecca was proving very easy to work with, and it remained that way for the rest of the night. I was, at one point, even considering getting a Human assistant myself, but I stopped myself as the thought of Ayattil popped into my head.

   Without me, he couldn’t even get a job as a piece of cheap furniture. How would I explain his unemployment to his clinically insane parents?

   I excused myself before the guests were permitted entry to remorph my Human form, allowing a full two hours uninterrupted. My duty meant that there was little time for slacking, and such a move meant that I would only need to remorph once during the course of the night, within a storage room to the back of the hall. Of course, I could spend the whole night in my own Andalite body, but in a crowded room, and one that required my constant movement within, my size and tail blade would prove problematic. Humans saw us as a little intimidating too, I guess.

   The guests arrived quickly. From being devoid of all but security and staff, the main hall was soon awash with guests and the noise that they brought with them. It was a good crowd, consisting of a majority of well-spoken, well-dressed and well-off people, rather than the less-than-appealing creatures that roamed the streets at that time of the evening. As I arrived back in the main hall, having remorphed when the guests were entering, I couldn’t help but listen in on a few conversations. They talked of money, of fund-raising, politics and their pure-bred horses. They were pure class.

   Of course, I didn’t let my vague interest of the peoples social status’ invade me, and kept to my job of surveying the area. I zigzagged around and found myself at the back of the room where Rebecca was waiting, now in her formal dress. She grinned at me widely and flicked her hair, clearly enjoying the atmosphere.

   “I like this crowd,” I summarised. “These are my kinds of Humans. I think I’ll enjoy tonight.”

   She mumbled her approval. “So, where’s Dr Short?”

   “I don’t think he’s here yet.” I replied, turning and standing higher to look over the crowd. Then, I bent over and tried to look through the maze of legs.

   Rebecca was perplexed. “Do you know what Dr Short looks like?”

   I stared back at her, annoyed. “Of course I do! It won’t take me long to spot him.”

   Suddenly, the familiarly irritating voice of Ayattil filled my head. ((Nicalor, sir?))

   ((Yes, Ayattil?)) I replied in thought speak.

   ((What am I supposed to be looking for?))

   I groaned. ((You are looking at the security videos, right?))

   ((Yes, sir,)) He said proudly. ((They’re all black and white…))

   ((Yes, that is to be expected. Just look out for anything suspicious.))

   ((Suspicious, sir?))

   ((Yes.)) I grumbled.

   ((Suspicious, how, sir?))

   ((I don’t know, Ayattil!  Anything that looks suspicious!)) I yelled. ((Now don’t disturb me again unless you spot something. I want to talk to people with more brain cells than legs tonight, okay?))

   He fell silent. He had gotten the message.

   ((Good.))

   So my search for Dr Short began, amidst my other duties. I moved with Rebecca, thankful for her aid. We passed by the food “mountain” on the way. I had seen it earlier and fallen for its immense beauty. It was humongous, a testament to all the greatest foods America had ever seen, every little detail tilted to perfection, the fragrances magnificent. I wanted so dearly to touch it, but it was then hidden behind a large red silk curtain, away from prying eyes. Tukkri and Rookun were there, casually chatting, and they passed us a greeting as we wandered by.

   I smelled the fine odours, and they wafted around my senses, pulling me closer, almost into a hypnotic daze. It was only Rebecca’s voice that sprang me back to reality.

   “Nicalor, you say you know the guy, right?”

   “Of course,” I grumbled. “It’s just a case of finding…”

   Then, conveniently, I thought I had spotted him. Nearby, among a crowd, a very short person was stood, not even three feet tall and wearing what I considered to be a “doctor-y” suit. (My knowledge wasn’t great, I admit, but I had learned a fair amount about clothes in my spare time.)

   Intent on meeting this Human, I politely pushed past a smaller group, with the usual _excuse me_ s and _thank you_ s, and as I approached the abnormally tiny Human I assumed to be Dr Short, I cleared my throat loudly enough to grab his attention. He put aside his conversation with the Humans he had associated with and turned to face me.

   I reached down a hand to shake in the appropriate manner. “Ah, Dr Short! What a pleasure it is to meet you, doctor!”

   The small Human gawked up at me, and then I noticed his face contort to a hateful glare, causing my hand to slowly retreat.

   “Dr Short, huh?” He huffed. “How much did you get paid, wise guy?”

   “How much did they… Excuse me?” I stuttered, my foolish mistake finally dawning on me. “Are you not Dr Short?”

   The Human looked almost ready to slam his fist into my knee, exhaling roughly from his nose. “No!”

   In my embarrassment, I backed up slightly and looked around for some way to avoid more confrontation with the man who was clearly not Dr Short. Much to my grief, I saw Rebecca nearby, gracefully introducing herself to a tall, bald-headed man with glasses and a bright blue tie.

   “I… well…” I muttered to the seething Human I had aggravated. “My apologies. I’m going to go away now. Over there.” I pointed.

   The small angered Human pulled at the collar of his suit, but he seemed to calm. “Good. Get lost!”

   I didn’t intend to get lost. Although, part of me wished that I could. I slapped the base of my palm against my forehead and cursed my own name under my breath before I moved onwards in what I hoped to be the right direction, wishing that nobody else had witnessed my error.

   Unfortunately, Rebecca had. She said as I approached, “Hey, Nicalor. I’d like you to meet the _real_ Dr Short.”

   I cringed and gritted my teeth together, barely managing to squeeze out a hello as I shook the doctor’s hand. Both he and Rebecca were still chuckling amongst themselves, and I found it incredibly difficult to recover.

   “Henry Short,” The doctor said with a clean smile. “You can call me Henry.”

   “Good evening, Henry. My name is Nicalor-Garroon-Charod. Nicalor, please.” I replied in my most pleasant and inoffensive tone.

   “So you’re an Andalite,” Henry said cheerfully. “I’ve only known a few in my time, I must admit. What is it that you do?”

   I decided to go with the flow of the conversation, hoping that what he had seen had not lowered his opinion of me. “I am a criminal investigator, currently based here in New York.”

   “A criminal investigator,” He mused. “Are you here for… oh, I’ve forgotten the name…”

   “War-Prince Harrount?” I suggested.

   “Yes, isn’t he here tonight?”

   I nodded. “Yes, but our department is here for more general security. It’s precautionary. You know, I’m not too sure what War-Prince Harrount’s business is here. Last I heard, he was retiring back on our home world.”

   The rest of the conversation followed along similar boring routes, of which I took part in for the sake of manners. That, and for the pleasant company of the more prestigious Humans around me. We exchanged subtle laughs, tame anecdotes, and general grievances universal to most residents of New York City. Dr Short, a kind man, introduced me to a number of people, all of whom I got along with (and I was thankful that he wasn’t good friends with the short Human). I was meeting sports personalities, music artists, television broadcasters, and some general celebrities whose reasons for fame eluded me.

   My only major disappointment until that point was that I didn’t have a chance to meet the president, though I did sit through his speech near the beginning of the evening, admiring his alluring delivery. He seemed much more genuine than our own politicians.

   All the while, as I mingled with the famous and the wealthy, I kept track of my duty, my narrowed Human vision constantly on the lookout. Rebecca spent most of her time around me, though she often excused herself to check up on others. I told her it wasn’t necessary, as, throughout the event, I was keeping in contact privately with all of them through thought-speak. So far, there had been no disturbances to report, and even Ayattil had been relatively quiet.

   We had found the retired War-Prince in a fittingly old Human morph, sipping at a glass of whiskey by the waiter who had delivered it, a tray in hand with half of the glasses dry. He was clearly revelling in his newfound freedom, and was drinking heavily, on the edge of cogency, slurring his words and yelling at the waiter whenever he saw it necessary.

   “During the war,” He said, continuing on from a long ramble that only slightly piqued our interest for the first few minutes. “I was sent to Nerrfumni. It was a small mission, I admit, mostly a blockade to stop Yeerk advances from the Ssstram planet when the empire was disinter- Yes, another!”

   He was responding to the waiter who had offered him another glass. He snatched it up upon finishing the last, and seemed to lose his place in the tale, umm-ing and clicking his Human tongue.

   Henry laughed nervously. He was stood to my immediate right, separating me from Rebecca who had just returned from another long absence. “I’m not familiar with the Ssstram.”

   Harrount grunted, and took another sip of his drink. “Nobody is. An unimportant people. We only aided them for the resources they created. Anyway… where was I…? Oh, yes! So, for most of the time, I was sat in this pitiful blockade, cutting off Yeerk transporters, intercepting communications, when suddenly, we were bombarded by a great, monstrous meteor shower! The entire ship was destroyed!”

   There was a brief pause, as the rest of us considered it.

   “I don’t mean to question you, War-Prince,” I muttered. “But, if the ship was destroyed, how are you here with us now?”

   He stared at me, a blank look of puzzlement gracing his wrinkled face. The silence between us became very awkward, and I averted my gaze to the floor.

   “The ship was only _partly_ destroyed,” He compromised. “Our engines were out, and we were knocked off course, right into the path of a great black hole!”

   I clenched my fists in anxiety, but I just had to ask, “Pardon my intrusion again, War-Prince, but without engines, how did you avoid the black hole?”

   He blanked again. “Well, we still had the back-up engines, of course,” Another gulp of whiskey flew down his throat. “But they were used too excessively, and we fell into the Ssstram atmosphere, plummeting to the ground at such speed that the outer shell of our vessel burst into flame! We crash-landed right in the middle of the main Yeerk stronghold on the planet.”

   “Again, please don’t take offense at my asking, but how did you survive both the crash-landing and the Yeerk base situation?”

   Harrount stuttered. “Are you doubting your War-Prince, Nicalor?”

   I shivered and corrected my posture, before bowing my head. “Not at all, War-Prince! I don’t doubt your completely plausible and rational story at all.”

   He accepted and grinned widely before taking yet another glass of whiskey. I noticed Henry lowering his head to hide a snicker of amusement. I joined in.

   Henry spoke up, “War-Prince Harrount, please, do continue.”

   I would have stayed, but the part of my mind focused on my job told me that I had ten minutes left in morph. I interrupted the group just before the War-Prince continued. “I would love to stay and hear it myself, but I have only a few minutes left in morph. I will be back shortly.”

   With their permission, I left them and proceeded towards the back of the hall, toward the storage closet and designated morphing area. The room was not overly busy, so it was a pretty straight-forward path, with an occasional diversion past chattering groups of people. One particular group forced me to the right, so I pushed aside a vacant chair and moved around a circular table. I squeezed past a waiter.

   I thought he was a waiter. I said, “Excuse me,” and did my best to shimmy past, but I found his large, bulky figure difficult to navigate around. “Please, friend, I need to get past.”

   And I looked up at his face, convinced that eye contact would bring about his urgency to the situation. I shuddered and gasped as I saw him. Though I never truly saw his face the last time, his shape, size and distinct facial expression alerted me to his mysterious identity.

   It was one of the men who, just the previous day, had followed me back to the hotel room. We exchanged stares, a cold stalemate, and one rather biased in terms of size.

   Now, I didn’t feel it necessary to be polite. I barged past him, pressing my hands to his monstrous form and bounding away. Initially, I forgot everything else and ran as if my life was in imminent danger, but as I regained my rational thoughts, I slowed to a steady jog, and instantly called upon the others.

   ((All security,)) I called privately to all from the department. ((Full alert! We may have an intruder! Get to your stations if you aren’t already there!))

   What followed was a chorus of messages spoken back to me. They were all prepared, all in position.

   ((Ayattil,)) I urged. ((Did you not see him enter?!))

   ((Who?)) Ayattil replied without any sense of exigency.

   ((The grunt who chased us home yesterday, you idiot!)) I yelled. ((The one who is about seven feet tall, bald, and with a face like a constipated pit bull!))

   ((Oh, him!))

   ((Yes, him!)) I screeched, now slowed down to a pacey walk, eager to reach the safety of the storage room where I could demorph.

   Ayattil paused. ((I see him, sir. He’s following you.))

   That was all I needed. Not only was I now short on morph time, but I was also being chased by the Jolly Green Giant’s evil cousin. I scrambled through great groups of people in hope of losing his scent as I approached my destination.

   I arrived after a break in the crowd, and barged through the door without the need to be particularly discrete. I closed it behind me, cursed my luck to see the lock broken, and instantly began to remove my clothes.

   ((Ayattil,)) I spoke as I finally started to demorph. ((Report to me!))

   ((I can see you, sir!)) He responded. ((Wave to the camera, sir!))

   I growled, and gazed up at the security camera that sat in the upper left hand corner of the room. ((Report on the situation, Ayattil! I’m not playing any of your insipid games!))

   ((The large Human is still after you, sir, but he seems to have lost you.))

   ((Good…)) I sighed, feeling so much better when my tail creaked and strained, emerging from my elongating spine. Then, with the extra time, I planned on how to deal with the situation. ((Ayattil, keep me up to date with what’s going on outside.))

   ((Okay, sir. What are you going to do? Fight him?))

   Once the demorphing had finished, I picked up my suit and dropped it beside a set of drawers, hidden away where nobody would really think to look. ((No. I can’t start a fight here. Drehun would have me skewered for causing any sort of trouble at this event.))

   ((So what are you going to do?))

   ((I don’t really know…)) I grumbled. ((Is he giving up?))

   ((No,)) Ayattil said. ((He’s getting closer.))

   ((Oh… arse!)) I cursed. ((Okay, I’m going to have to do something drastic. Ayattil, you have to tell me everything that is happening, okay.))

   ((Yes, sir!))

   I really did not want to do what I had planned, but at the time it seemed like the only option. I braced myself and concentrated, visualising a house plant in my head. Without hesitation, I felt the changes commence.

   ((You’re morphing the plant, sir?)) Ayattil queried.

   ((Yes. I don’t think that buffoon would suspect a simple house plant.))

   Before my legs would shrivel and disappear, I dragged my rapidly changing form into the far corner of the storage room, away from the centre where I might look suspicious. Once there, I continued to concentrate, feeling my senses shrivel away to nothing. Ayattil was able to keep me updated, and I became more and more nervous as the grunt was said to get closer and closer to my room.

   I finished morphing, and it couldn’t have happened sooner.

   ((The door just opened, sir.)) Ayattil informed.

   ((Can you see me? Am I fully plant?)) I demanded of him.

   ((Yes, sir. Your morph has finished. And… oh…))

   ((Oh?)) I repeated. ((Oh?! Oh what?!))

   ((It’s not him, sir,)) Ayattil said. ((I’m looking at the other screens, and the large Human is moving in the other direction. I think he gave up.))

   ((So who’s coming in?))

   ((It’s the Hork-Bajir governor, sir.))

   ((The Hork-Bajir governor?)) I asked, baffled and unsure of how to react. ((Why?))

   ((Maybe she’s hungry, sir.))

   ((Ah. Okay, Ayattil, tell me when she leaves so that I can demorph.))

   Ayattil went silent, presumably waiting for the new presence to depart.

   Then I realised something that sent my mind reeling in panic.

   ((Ayattil!)) I shouted.

   ((What? What, sir?)) He stammered.

   ((She’s hungry?!))

   ((It looks like it, sir.))

   ((And I’m a plant!))

   Ayattil paused again. ((I don’t follow, sir…))

   ((Oh for…)) I spat. ((I think I’m going to demorph now.))

   Another pause. Then, ((Oh! I get it now! Hork-Bajir eat bark and other plant material, don’t they, sir!)) He proudly summarised.

   ((Yes, you dunce!)) I screamed.

   ((Oh. In that case, yes, I think you should demorph. She’s holding you.))

   ((What?!)) I yelped. ((You idiot, Ayattil! That’s it! I’m demorphing!))

   I couldn’t feel it, with the lack of any sort of sense granted by the plant’s body, but I was desperately hoping that the process would be quick enough to save me from becoming an appetiser. I concentrated hard, even through the rapidly growing levels of fatigue that came with repeated morphing.

   ((Ayattil, is it working?!))

   ((I think so,)) He replied with a frustrating calmness. ((I can see you demorphing. She’s confused.))

   ((Is she eating me?))

   ((No.))

   Even though I knew that the sight of a plant growing Andalite features would likely put the Hork-Bajir off, I didn’t care about any consequences, and I continued to demorph. I was horrified at the images bouncing through my mind, and I knew that I would never utilise such a useless morph again.

   ((She’s down, sir.)) I heard Ayattil inform.

   At that point, I was feeling my senses return. My hearing was the first to surface, but all I heard was the gentle hum of the air conditioning within the room’s walls. Then my eyes flashed, causing me to recoil under the bright lights that shone down on me.

   My own body had returned, all in one piece with not a single mark, but then I was exhausted after the quick, successive changes, and I would have collapsed had I not already been laying on the floor.

   ((Ayattil,)) I groaned. ((Could you not have warned me sooner?))

   ((I’m sorry, sir.)) He replied.

   Regaining some energy, I began to hoist myself back up to my trembling hooves, the imagined sights of being dissolved in stomach acid still disturbingly vivid. I shook off a thin layer of dust that invaded my side, and asked, ((Anyway, what do you mean by _she’s down_?))

   It turned out that I didn’t need his answer. Now with my fully functioning stalk eyes, and full 360 degree vision, I saw for myself what he meant. The Hork-Bajir lay flat on the ground by the door, unmoving.

   I rubbed at my head which was fast beginning to ache. ((What happened?)) I asked Ayattil.

   ((I think she was scared, sir,)) He guessed. ((She dropped you, panicked, and then turned to run out of the door.))

   That seemed reasonable enough. Even those with adequate experience would be a little perplexed to see a plant develop eyes and limbs. ((So why is she on the floor?))

   ((She ran into the door, sir. She hit it quite hard.))

   ((I can imagine…)) I mused, staring up at the mangled door. I quickly moved forward and closed it as best as I could. ((Ayattil?))

   ((Yes, sir?))

   ((No one is to know of this. If Drehun finds out what I did to the Hork-Bajir governor… If _anyone_ finds out, then we are, as the Americans would say, screwed.))

   ((Me, as well, sir?)) Ayattil asked mournfully.

   ((This _was_ mostly your fault,)) I retorted, making sure that I was alone in the room with the body. ((So, Ayattil, I want you to destroy that security footage, and while you’re at it, keep a look out. Tell me if anybody approaches this room.))

   ((Okay, sir,)) He agreed. ((What are you going to do?))

   ((Make sure that nobody finds out.))

   It was a tricky situation: An unconscious governor in the storage room, who would more than likely recall that she had been spooked by a plant that started to change into an Andalite as she was attempting to eat it. I needed to make sure that she wouldn’t speak.

   Or, I could make sure that nobody would believe her. It was then when I spotted a large rack of wine on the left-hand wall of the storage room. I got to work quickly, knowing that my time was limited. It was a steady process, and firstly I had to locate a corkscrew, which I found in a nearby cupboard, before taking full bottles of wine - two-by-two - to the unconscious Hork-Bajir. I uncorked the bottles, pulled her head up by her head blades, and inserted the bottles into her open jaws. A lot of the wine spilled from the sides of her mouth, but most of it went in.

   Not even Ayattil knew. He would have asked, had he been watching, but he had obediently destroyed the appropriate security footage. I made sure that he got it right, this time.

   By the time I had forced twenty-three bottles of wine into the Hork-Bajir, I thought it was finally safe to cease. To make absolutely certain, I placed the last empty bottle between her massive fingers, facing it at her open mouth. Nobody would believe a word she said when they saw her carrying a wine bottle and an absurdly bloated gut, her breath stinking of fruity alcohol. _If_ she actually managed to get a word out, anyway.

   I morphed Human again, put on my clothes, and walked from the storage room as if nothing had occurred. Nobody would suspect a thing.

   ((Ayattil,)) I addressed as I fiddled with my tie. ((I’m out. Any news on the grunt?))

   ((I haven’t seen him for a while, sir,)) Ayattil quickly replied. ((I think Rebecca’s been looking for you though. She’s beside the food.))

   With my composure fully restored, I marched onwards through the crowds, the buffet in the distance, separated from the crowd by the thick red curtains that circled it. I recalled the time, and when I saw a series of stage lights swivel and turn in the direction of the curtains, I knew that the unveiling was upon us. An announcement rang and the crowds turned, awaiting the sweet delicacies that lay before them, made to perfection and compiled into such a work of art. I saw Rebecca standing with Dr Short. They both watched the curtains, but she smiled to me as I approached.

   We gasped when the curtains began to open, and then we gasped again when we saw that all of the food was gone.


	21. Chapter 21

**Chapter 21**

   It was a total, complete, unmitigated disaster. A catastrophe of such epic proportions, a nightmare of such gut-wrenching scale. A farce. A failure.

   And worst of all, the rotten cherry on top of the cheap, mouldy and well-past-its-sell-by-date cake, is that I didn’t even get the chance to try the profiteroles.

   The hall was empty, but for those of our department and the befuddled event organisers. The guests had left, some on their own accord, and the rest evacuated. Due to end at about 2AM, it was cancelled just after 10PM, much to the dismay of everybody involved.

   And it was my fault.

   The room seemed so much lonelier now that the celebrities and the millionaires and the politicians had left, leaving behind a bitter air of disgust at how things so suddenly took a turn for the worse. The buffet was empty, save for a few bread crumbs and the occasional drop of gravy, all of which was not quite as noticeable as the gaping hole in the ground below, previously hidden by the draped red curtains. Dismayed, the organisers decided that it wasn’t a good idea to continue the event. It was only then when the Hork-Bajir governor came crashing back into the room, completely drunk and sloshing all over the place. She vomited all over Dr Short, and he left without saying goodbye.

   In summary, it did not go quite as expected. As a result, I spent the next hour, while things were being packed up, sat against the wall and beating myself viciously with a mental stick. Our department held an emergency meeting as the crowds were leaving, and I placed several hands on the exits to catch the bald-headed grunt before he could escape. He wasn’t found, and that gave me even greater cause for feeling depressed.

   So I sent the department on a mission to dust down anything they could find that would help to identify the culprits, but I knew deep down that it was futile. The group we had been chasing unsuccessfully for so long seemed so professional that they wouldn’t dare infiltrate such a high-profile event and leave any evidence behind. Except for the hole in the ground, of course.

   The dread was rapidly seeping into my system. Would I keep my job? I had been given the plans for security, and it was left to me to organise our officers. I placed them, organised initial and ongoing security procedures, placed surveillance, and yet, despite my best efforts, it was a resounding failure. What made it worse was the news that Drehun was on his way over, and nobody wanted to see him, at least not for a few centuries. Heads were likely to fly.

   Wallowing in self-pity, however, was not something that I felt necessarily proud of, and after a while I slowly started to become mobile again. The room was now almost bare, and the remnants of the buffet were gone. They had placed several large cones around the hole in the floor, and I found a few of our officers demorphed and stood over it.

   ((Anything to report?)) I asked wearily, also back in my own body and happily so.

   Tukkri replied, ((There’s a large hole in the floor, Nicalor. We assume that this is where they entered.))

   I came so close to striking out that I had to dig the tip of my tail blade into the thick red carpeting. ((So after an hour of deliberation and investigation,)) I seethed. (( _That_ is what you have concluded?!))

   Tukkri looked between his comrades and raised his arms defensively. ((Nicalor, there is very little to go on! They have left no trace. Not a hair, not a scratch. Nothing!))

   I shook my fists. ((Idiots! Check it again! Somebody go down there and see where the damned thing leads!))

   ((Rookun has done that, sir,)) Tukkri informed. ((That hole there leads right down to a known passageway that stretches about a kilometre on either side of this building.))

   That caused me to stop in my ranting track, and I narrowed my main eyes at him, curious as my mind starting to add that particular piece to a puzzle that had been forming within. ((A passageway?))

   Moving closer, I took another close look at the hole. It was square, and approximately three feet wide, and though it was quick to descend into pitch-black darkness, I could see the structure of the walls. They were flat, deliberate, and unnatural. This debunked my initial thought that the hole was slowly being dug during the course of the night. Indeed, such would probably be noticed, especially with the noisy Human machinery required for such a task.

   It brought to me a very important question, and one quite telling.

   We had brought along all the necessary files for the night, and we had stored it in a small backpack that was being held by Rebecca. I searched her out from the crowd and pulled her aside.

   ((Rebecca, may I have the security plans?))

   “Sure,” She grumbled, herself being a little down-heartened by the situation. She took me to a small storage space and rummaged around for the backpack, eventually locating it and pulling out a thin green folder. “Trying to find how exactly we screwed the whole thing up?”

   I flicked through the pages to confirm that it was the correct folder, and then placed it under my arm and looked to her with a stalk eye, my others focused on the main hall and the activity therein. ((I already know how we screwed it up. What I am interested in is how we missed something.))

   “You mean how exactly we missed a great big hole beneath the buffet?” She snapped, her anger ostensibly directed at nobody in particular.

   ((Precisely,)) I hummed. ((Before Drehun gets here, I will get to the bottom of this situation so that we can make good progress on finding these culprits. I know that Hoketh is behind this, and all I need is the evidence.))

   “And his location.”

   ((And his location.)) I concurred.

   From afar, I heard the main entrance doors slamming, and this brought my stalk eyes to immediate attention. Rebecca jumped, too, and we both hung our heads in quiet grief. We knew who it was.

   Rebecca stared at me pitifully and inhaled through clenched teeth. “Not much time to get to the bottom of the situation.”

   I clutched the file closer, and watched with dread as Drehun came stomping into the hall, so furious that his hair seemed to stand on end, and his hooves shuddered whenever they left the floor. He looked ready to fling himself at anybody who got in his way.

   ((Come, Rebecca,)) I sighed, ((We had better take our verbal battering, lest he fire us for avoiding it.))

   Rebecca agreed, and together we walked out into the open area and to the centre where the buffet once was. The rest of the department gathered around, too, and every single face looked as anxious as the other. Unfortunately for me, I had been given the most responsible position, so as soon as I came into range, Drehun turned to me, his face scrunched in rage, and though he was addressing every one of us, he made it clear that I was most to blame. I could have collapsed in a heap of shame, with only my sense of dignity keeping me upright.

   His rant began with a simple but effective question: ((Why am I here?!))

   Nobody dared to answer, and we all stood around him, looking glum and guilty. His stalks rotated, catching a glimpse of each of us, taking in our failure and only succeeding in winding himself up to an even greater extent.

   He continued, ((Why am I here at this time?! Why did I have to be called away from my office when I was doing some very important document work?! Why has this event been cancelled, and why did I just see the Hork-Bajir governor being arrested?! Somebody, please, answer these questions for me!))

   His words were radiant and painful, and as I looked around, I noticed that everyone had backed away by at least two steps, as if our leader were about to explode.

  ((Sir,))

   Every head turned to stare at Rookun, the one soul daring enough to utter even a single word. Drehun slowly, perhaps deliberately, rotated to face him.

   ((Yes? You have something to say?)) He pressed, almost whispering.

   Rookun braced himself. ((The Hork-Bajir governor was drunk, sir.))

   Drehun took a long, intimidating pause, gazing menacingly at Rookun. Then, he backed up a little, no less angered but accepting. ((Well, that doesn’t explain what happened here, does it?!)) He stomped heavily on the ground with a hind-hoof. ((Do you fools even realise what the ramifications of this night will be?! This was one of the biggest nights of the year, and it has been ruined! Our reputation, your reputation, _my_ reputation up in smoke! Who is it that has to explain this to the press?))

   The entire group responded, “You do.”

   ((That’s right,)) He snarled. (( _I_ do. _I_ have to explain your mistakes. I am the one who has to reassure the Humans that we are capable of controlling our own citizens. How am I supposed to convince them of that, when I can barely control _you_?!))

   Our silence was all the answer that he needed. He injected us all with his anger through the means of dangerous glares, and then raised his arms in a sort of uninterested shrug. By now, we were just hoping that he would let us go, and perhaps give the opportunity to redeem ourselves.

   Maybe we were lucky. Drehun slapped his hands back to his side, and snapped, ((Get out of my sight. All of you! Get to work and don’t let me see any slacking!))

   We were glad to disperse, though we did so with extra caution, steering well clear of our fuming boss. At least, most of us did.

   ((Stay here, Nicalor.)) I heard him say.

   I placed a hand over my chest and felt as my internal organs turned to mush. I knew that this would be it: I would be fired, stripped of all ranks and sent back to the home world to make a living as a mobile space-waster. With the only energy left that hadn’t drained from me, I returned to my position and faced him. ((Sir!)) I coughed, standing to attention.

   He narrowed his main eyes and approached me intently. ((Nicalor, I put you in charge of security in place of Neechun, didn’t I?))

   ((You did, sir.)) I muttered, making sure to keep my head held up. If I was going down, I would go down with dignity.

   Drehun, originally about to raise his voice, paused and simply continued to stare. Eventually, he folded his arms over his chest. ((What went wrong, Nicalor?))

   I cleared my mind as much as I could, and made my excuses. ((I used the instructions that I had been given from this folder, sir,)) I showed him the folder that was still clutched under my arm, now likely coated in sweat. ((I made a few alterations here and there, but this was the platform on which I built it all.))

   Drehun’s left stalk eye took a glance at it. ((As I suspected. You realise that, given any other circumstance, I would drop you from my department?))

   Now, I couldn’t stop myself from dropping my head in shame. ((I understand, sir.))

   ((I’m not going to, but don’t think that I will ever forget this situation. I gave you this position only yesterday after Neechun’s sudden, inexplicable illness. I knew it was a risk, but it was one I had very little choice over. Please, let me take a look at those plans.))

   He held out a hand, and I agreed to pass him the folder. He flicked it open, making sure to exhale noticeably as he skimmed through. I remained silent and motionless as I waited for his conclusion.

   He fell on one page and stayed on it for longer than the others, and I saw one of his stalk eyes turn to the hole in the floor. ((That hole… Below the buffet, yes?))

   ((It was, sir.)) I confirmed.

   He hummed, before handing the folder back to me. ((The floor beneath the buffet should have been checked, and I’m annoyed to see that it wasn’t. However, Neechun appears to have missed it from the plans. Since you were following his plans, and you had only a day to prepare, I will let this slide. I expect results now, though. For too long we have been chasing this group, and after tonight, the Humans will be on our backs to do something. I trust that you can continue your investigations despite this mess?))

   I bowed my head. ((I will, sir.))

   ((And I shall speak to Neechun. It’s not like him to make such a glaring error. Nor is it like him to fall to illness on the eve of such an event.))

   I stroked my chin. Being spared of dismissal, my mind was beginning to relax and the investigative instinct took over. ((I will contact him tomorrow, and I’ll find out why-))

   ((No,)) Drehun interrupted. (( _I_ will speak to Neechun. I want _you_ to find out where Hoketh is, how he is connected, and where these criminals are hiding. Our department’s reputation will be sullied if these incidents continue, as will our relationship with the local government, so it needs to be done _now_.))

   ((I understand, sir,)) I conceded. ((And I also understand how this case will affect public opinion. I will find out where the criminals are, and I will also find Hoketh. My assistant and I have been working on this case every waking hour.))

   Drehun narrowed his eyes, placing and judging my tone. ((And how close are you to your answers, Nicalor?))

   I smiled, a perfect accompaniment to the confidence I had in my words. ((Close enough.))

   I escaped with my job and dignity intact, something which I never thought possible the moment the curtains to the buffet were drawn. Indeed, the shadow of Drehun stood ever me, darker than ever, urging me to make immediate progress on tracking down Hoketh and anybody else involved in the recent crime surge. It was incredibly daunting, but I knew that I had time, and I knew that there were clues.

   I didn’t trust anybody else to find them, because as far as I was concerned, they were all imbeciles. Youngsters, trainees, delinquents sent here because they couldn’t handle the rigours of the jobs of the homeworld. I was all that the department needed, and I was far more capable than Neechun.

   Neechun played a big role in the scenarios being played out in my head. I would have further requested to Drehun that I speak to him soon, but I feared Drehun’s wrath far too much. Drehun would be questioning him anyway, and he was the only other in the department with any idea of what needed to be done.

   Although there were others that perhaps deserved more credit. After some further investigation of the hole in the ground, I approached Rebecca again, now with a swagger in my step.

   She noticed it, and it immediately took her attention. “Why are you so happy? Did he fire you and send you back to your own planet?”

   ((Not at all,)) I cooed. ((I am still a part of this investigation, and I intent to be so until the job is done.))

   I could tell that she was curious as to my suddenly brightened mood, and she put down her notepad. “So why are you so happy?”

   ((Because I am not far from the truth, Rebecca. Though this evening has been a disaster, I have learned much from it. I know that I can solve this case!))

   Rebecca looked unconvinced. “Okay. So is there much point in us continuing here if you already have the answers?”

   I chuckled, amused. ((I don’t have the answer quite yet. However, we have little need to continue working here for tonight. I’ll leave some hands here, but I think our job is done. You may go home.))

   “Good,” She commented as she instantly began to pack her bag. “I’m sick of this place. I need a nice hot bubble-bath and a good book. I guess I’ll be seeing you around?”

   ((Actually, I was hoping that I might travel with you,)) I suggested politely. ((After all, my hotel is in your direction.))

   Rebecca threw her backpack over her shoulder and stretched her arms. “You want a ride?” She asked. “I guess, but I wanted to get some stuff from the store first, so I’ll be going the other way. It’ll be quite inconvenient for you.”

   ((That’s no problem at all!)) I assured. ((I am in no rush. Besides, I thought that maybe we could discuss the case. Of everybody here, you are easily the most capable.))

   She sighed and looked down to her feet. “Okay, but I’ll be going soon.”

   ((I will take my Human form, and-))

   ((Sir!))

   The rising of Ayattil’s irritating voice pounded in my head, and I groaned as he stepped up alongside me, ((What is it now, Ayattil?))

   ((I was wondering if you got the sack, sir.))

   ((No, Ayattil, I didn’t get the sack.)) I replied.

   Ayattil looked saddened by that news, and he scratched at his head. ((Aww, I left a sandwich in there. I’m hungry.))

   ((Ayattil,)) I grumbled. ((Where have you been this last hour?))

   He gawked at me, the ever-present blank expression still plastered on his face. ((I’ve been in the security room, sir, like you told me.))

   ((Doing what, Ayattil? All the guests have left!))

   ((I did wonder why, sir.))

   Already, I had had enough. ((Ayattil, your service is no longer required. Go back to the hotel.))

   He bowed obediently, then glanced casually to Rebecca. ((Aren’t you coming, too, sir?))

   ((I will be travelling with Rebecca, Ayattil.))

   The look upon his face was initially of confusion, but then it took a quick turn through disappointed, and finally rested on betrayal. ((Can I come, sir?))

   ((No.))

   He slumped and whined, ((Why not, sir?))

   ((I’m sure that Rebecca doesn’t want to hear your repugnant stories about your uncles latrine-cleaning misadventures, nor the tale of your Brother’s fungal infection, nor any of the other stories you are always naïvely spewing on those unfortunates that you spend time with,)) Then, I added privately so that only he could here, ((I wish to speak to her alone. I will explain later, back at the hotel.))

   Rebecca apparently didn’t like my reasoning with Ayattil. “Don’t listen to him, Ayattil,” She said. “You can come with us if you’d like. I might as well take you both.”

   ((No, please,)) I insisted. ((Ayattil has some business that he must attend to.))

   I flicked my head, a subtle cue for Ayattil to leave. Thankfully, his brain had processed my intentions, and having finally started to understand, he bowed again and left us. Rebecca had no idea what was going on, but she made the impression of shrugging it off.

   I gave Ayattil some spare change while Rebecca had made a last stop to the lavatories, and contacted Larry to pick up the confused assistant. With Ayattil away and causing no immediate trouble, we were free to travel onwards to the hotel. When Rebecca was finished in the ladies rooms, she led the way back to her car. I had morphed back to my Human form, as my own would not fit inside the tiny city vehicle.

   “It’s very kind of you to give me a lift,” I told her as I planted myself into the passenger seat and slammed the door shut. “After what happened tonight, I could do with somebody intelligent to talk with.”

   She had placed herself beside me, and was busy searching for her keys in a brown leather handbag. “You don’t like many people, do you Nicalor?” She accused.

   “I wouldn’t say that I don’t _like_ people,” I countered in defence. “I just prefer to acquaint myself with those of a similar level of intelligence. I like Drehun, I like my parents, I liked Dr Short, and I like you.”

   “I’m flattered,” She said. “That you would think of me as intelligent.” She had located her keys, and placed them into the ignition. With a twist, the car roared into life, and she began to drive us from the event facility.

   “I think you are, and patient. I like patience. To work as Neechun’s assistant for two years, you must have a lot. Two whole years with that buffoon.”

   She chuckled, eyes now firmly concentrating on the illuminated road ahead of her. “You’re not wrong about that.”

   “You performed well tonight, despite what happened,” I complimented. “And I would like to ask whether you would help me in tracking down Hoketh.”

   Rebecca briefly faced me, then the road again. We were travelling among the night-time traffic. “I don’t think Neechun would like that.”

   “So? He’s out of work, sick, and I wouldn’t be surprised if he didn’t come back. Drehun doesn’t seem at all happy with him after he messed up the plans for tonight. Until he comes back - if he ever does - I would like to offer you the space in my office to aid me in my investigation.”

   Rebecca took a long pause, and a rather indecisive one at that. “I guess…”

   “Please, don’t worry about a thing,” I hushed. “I will sort everything out.”

   “What about Ayattil?” Rebecca questioned.

   I laughed. “Him? You think I trust him to do anything other than delete spam emails and fetch my coffee? He’ll still be there, and it means that you will no longer have to make your own coffee. Unless you want it done right, that is…”

   The pause returned, and her eyes remained forward-facing. As we took a left turn over a junction, she said, “I’ll think about it. I’m tired right now.”

   I noticed the turning, and I made a quick calculation in my head. “I thought you were going in the opposite direction. We’re heading homewards.”

   Her hands clutched tighter at the steering wheel. Her body was tense and twitchy, and it was something I had been noticing for a while. Now though, I was more certain of it.

   “Oh, right,” She said with an abrupt and nervous laugh. “Sorry, I needed to buy some things, didn’t I?”

   Late at night, just stretching into the cold hours of morning, the streets were abuzz with the usual activity. The roads were coated in blankets of taxis and the young Humans, prancing around and filling the air with noise. Much of our journey was spent listening to the ambience and very little to each other. Rebecca was uneasy, something that I could have easily put down to the disastrous night we had both had. Her job was just as valuable to her as mine was to me, after all. Her anxiety, surprisingly, was slowly turning to anger, and on occasion she would shout abuse at traffic that was causing delay. It took a while to get to the shop, where she bought a pack of cigarettes, a lighter, and three rather obscure magazines, and then even longer to travel back to my hotel.

   We arrived outside of the entrance, the lights of the interior spilling out onto us from above. It had been over an hour since we set out, which was not at all unusual. I could have gone straight inside, but I had more to say and even more to ask.

   I kept my seatbelt on and grinned at her, showing off my well-kept Human teeth. She smiled back, but it was awkward and tired. I could tell that she just wanted to get home.

   “So, Rebecca,” I breathed. “You’re going to think it over. Will I have your answer soon? Only I would really like to make progress.”

   She coughed into a clenched fist, but now she was showing her calmer side, and she sat back in her seat with a sigh. “I’ll think about it tomorrow. I just want sleep now.”

   “I know. I need sleep, too, and I need to get out of this Human body. The last thing I want is to be trapped in this horrible little body. That would be terrible, wouldn’t it?”

   “I should get home,” She grumbled, following with a strained yawn. “I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?”

   I didn’t take her subtle order to leave, and remained in my seat, faking a yawn of my own. “You know, it would be awfully rude of me, as a male Human, not to escort you home,” I spoke with a grin. “We’ll go back to your flat, and then I’ll get a ride back. Is that okay?”

   Rebecca smiled back at me. “You’re an Andalite. You don’t have to follow our rules. It’s not even a rule, really.”

   “I know,” I said. “But I would still like to. And besides, it’ll take, say, another hour. Could you spare another hour?”

   The first thing she did was shake her head, an instinctual reaction. “No, I shouldn’t, and I don’t want to drag you all the way to my place.”

   “Are you sure?”

   She nodded, and I could tell that she was growing frustrated. “Pretty sure.”

   I took that as another invitation to leave, and this time I reached down to unclip my seat belt. “Maybe next time, then.”

   “Yeah, next time.”

   I opened up the door and got a blast of cold winter air against me. Complaining about the Earth climate, I pulled myself up and out of the vehicle, turned and looked back inside. “Do you know why I’m so interested in solving this case, Rebecca?” I asked of her.

   She shrugged. “It’s your job?”

   “Yes, but not only that. My friend, Ardina, was kidnapped by these people.”

   Rebecca looked to the steering wheel. “I heard about that. I’m sorry.”

   “She has been gone for a long time now. Nobody has heard from her or seen her. I want her back.”

   Now she gazed up at me from the corners of her two Humans eyes, her hands clutching again to the steering wheel.

   Perhaps she knew. Perhaps I had been wrong this whole time.

   I stood up higher and patted the roof of the car. “I’d better let you get home. This time tomorrow, we may have found what we’re looking for, so you’re going to need your sleep.”

   I closed the door at that, and she sped away into the night.


	22. Chapter 22

****

**Chapter 22**

((What an interesting week. There have been lows, and there have been highs, and though the lows may carry the most weight right now, I get that feeling that it’s going to get much, much better. It’s a feeling that I often get I’m close to cracking a case, and it’s very rarely been proved to be misguided before. For months, we have been tracking the criminal gang responsible for the recent surge in crime that eventually led to the catastrophic events of last night, and we had produced very little in the way of evidence. Mostly, we visited the crime scenes to find little more than the damage they had caused, and we were yet to capture even one soul other than Yurrit. This was a well-drilled, well-organised, not-so-well-intentioned force, and it has stretched our force close to breaking point. I’m pretty sure that Drehun is turning grey over this case. He has been stuck in his office, alone, all day, and has not spoken to anyone. However! I plan to brighten his mood! I’m am just mere steps away from finally ending this wretched case, and it starts today. End journal entry. Mark Earth date 21st December, 2006. Entry number 14.))

   I wasn’t trying to be optimistic, or feigning it for the sake of keeping up my own spirits or keeping my journal rid of grief. I was so close to the answer now that I could literally taste it through my memory of the Human tongue. I arrived in the office earlier than I ever had done before to make a rapid start to my work, which at the time consisted of sorting small files and organising events that I needed to be present at. At the same time, I had a few files open that were relevant to my own personal investigations. The puzzle was now forming a picture, and I had created a rather messy but indicative diagram of all the little clues and where they led.

   I could inform Drehun right then, but in his current state, I only wanted to confront him with definite answers, rather than educated guesses. I needed just a little more evidence, and we could get this whole mess done with.

   How to get that evidence was my biggest objective that morning. My invitation to Rebecca had yet gone unanswered, but I had seen her around the offices and in the staff lounge. She seemed fine, her usual hard-working self. There was also news that Neechun was recovering, and might be back within the week. I wasn’t exactly jumping with joy at that prospect, and surely Rebecca would inform him of my offer.

   That didn’t matter. I had all that I needed from her.

   It was strange, really. After last night, the whole department was in the most miserable of moods. Everyone skulked around, heads dropped and legs weary, eyes suffering from lack of sleep, and yet I was feeling more alive than ever. I bounced around the hallways in my own Andalite body, collecting and sorting whatever files needed sorting, without even the need for a coffee to add that extra spring. I truly was the life of the building that day, and nobody seemed to understand why.

   Fast approaching the middle of the day, I decided that I had earned a reward. Namely, a lunch break. I called Ayattil into my office, having sent him away to do some menial chores around the building, and awaited his arrival. I was in the mood for something a little healthier today, something that would perk me up and deliver to me some good nutrition.

   Ayattil fumbled into my office, a white folder under his left arm and an aggrieved look on his face, much like everybody else in the building. He would find me stood at the office window, gazing down at the distant streets that lay beneath a great blanket of snow.

   ((Sir!)) He exclaimed. ((You called for me?))

   I retreated from the pleasant view of the window, and instead looked upon his disturbing figure. ((I did. You’ve worked very hard today, Ayattil, despite last night’s catastrophe. I think that a lunch break is in order.))

   His face lit up. ((That sounds wonderful, sir!))

   ((There is a McDonalds five blocks from here,)) I informed. ((I want a cheeseburger and fries. You can have what you like, as long as you’re back within thirty minutes.))

   ((Thank you, sir. And, sir?))

   ((Yes, Ayattil?)) I invited him to continue, stretching my arms and tail from their overly relaxed state.

   He took the white folder from under his arm and held it in my direction. ((A report just came through, sir. It’s been forwarded to you.))

   My stretching was rudely halted, and already a cold shiver ravaged my soul. ((You can’t be serious, Ayattil. I didn’t expect them to still be active for at least a few days after such a heist, unless it’s just a few rogue criminals…))

   ((It seems to match their Modest Oper-acne, sir.))

   I sighed. ((It is pronounced _Modus operandi_ , Ayattil.))

   ((Oh.))

   I flicked open the folder, wholeheartedly dreading its innards. My fears were proved correct as I scanned over the new report, and indeed the activities described did seem to replicate the style usually preferred by the criminals we had been chasing. Either they had taken less than a day to re-organise after last night’s madness, or we had been chasing more than one of them. A third possibility was that the organisation was much bigger than I had anticipated, and that they were being delegated. The last option, upon revision, seemed more likely.

   ((And I was hoping for a relaxing afternoon,)) I grumbled, removing the report from its folder and dropping it into my backpack that lay beneath the desk. ((Though, I suppose we still have time for lunch, and-))

   I stuttered, and as the visions of the report spun back through my calculating mind, I pictured something that I had neglected to ponder on first viewing. I pulled the report back out from my backpack and gave it another look.

   ((The location…)) I mumbled. ((Dolly’s Donuts?))

   Ayattil nodded.  ((Isn’t that the place we went to in our first week on Earth, sir?))

   ((Yes, it is.))

   He cocked his head. ((So what’s wrong, sir?))

   ((Dolly’s Donuts is far outside of town,)) I said, scratching my neck. ((Far from the city.))

   Now Ayattil seemed just as perplexed as I was, though apparently not for the same reasons. ((So what’s wrong, Sir?)) He echoed.

   ((There are plenty of donut shops in New York City, so why would they raid one that is so isolated? What would they gain from that?))

   I wasn’t going to get a coherent answer from Ayattil. This was something that I would consider myself.

   I picked up my personal computer and demanded that it bring up my contacts. ((Forget lunch, Ayattil. Get me a quick coffee with extra caffeine. I’ll call Larry and see if he can take us out there.))

   As I suspected, Larry was having a busy day, but I was lucky to catch him in a good mood. In the forty minutes that it took for him to get to our department building, I had a couple of coffees and attempted to find the rationale behind the robbing of Dolly’s Donuts. It was such a small establishment, not a large brand name but the hobby of a rather sweet Human female (whose name was actually Susan, strangely). It was such a rarity to find a Human who could be considered sweet, so when the report sunk in, I felt a great deal of sympathy for her. I packed my things, had a quick lunch from the dispensers in the staff lounge, and then we waited outside for Larry to arrive.

   “You look a bit puzzled, sir.” Ayattil deciphered. We were stood out on the sidewalk, avoiding the midday crowds in our suited Human morphs.

   “You’ve just noticed? Of course I’m puzzled. I’m puzzled as to why Dolly’s Donuts would be a target.”

   “The donuts were good, sir. So juicy and delicious… _Licious_ … _lish_ …” He droned. “Do you remember, I wanted to take some home with me so that I could eat them later?”

   “Yes, I remember you bugging her for two straight hours. You could clearly see her losing the will to live. You have that effect on people, you know.”

   Our meaningless chattering was thankfully cut short when we saw Larry’s taxi approach from between the walls of daytime traffic. He gracefully pulled up to the sidewalk and greeted us through the closed window with a curt wave. In our Human morphs, we were able to sit in the front seats, which turned out to be much more convenient (and comfortable) than sitting in the rear in our own bodies. Larry escaped the confines of the taxi cab and waddled around to our side.

   “Busy day?” Larry asked, smiling invitingly to us.

   “It seems so,” I replied. “We just got a report through. We appreciate you coming. Thank you.”

   Larry pulled open the passenger door and indicated for us to enter, while asking, “Where to, Nic?”

   I indicated for Ayattil to enter into the back seats. It was rather cramped back there, what with most of the vehicle dedicated to Andalite space in the back, and I felt that I required a little more room. With him squeezing into the back seats, I decided to answer. “Do you know of the establishment _Dolly’s Donuts_?”

   “Dolly’s Donuts?” Larry repeated, raising an eyebrow. “I think I know the place, but I’m not sure I _want_ to think about it. That’s way out of town!”

   “It is,” I confirmed, pushing my way into the passenger seat. “And we thank you for taking us there.”

   He wanted to argue, but by now we were both sat cosily in our seats. I gazed expectantly at him, arms folded.

   He grumbled under his breath and shook his head, before heading back to his side of the car and dropping into the driver’s seat. “It won’t be cheap, and I’m gonna need to get some gas on the way.”

   “That’s not a problem.”

   It would take a while to leave the city, but thankfully we had morphed just before leaving, so we had plenty of time. Larry wasn’t too impressed with the task we had set him, and I admired his restraint. He must have been quite annoyed at my insistence, and I quickly came to realise that he hadn’t had much experience taking his customers out of the city. At times, he seemed unsure of the route, but despite his disgruntlement, Larry was still willing to strike up conversation, and I was more than happy to oblige.

   “So why are we trekking all the way out to Dolly’s Donuts, anyway?” He asked.

   “Do you remember that criminal organisation I talked about last time?” I asked, munching away at a chocolaty treat that I had brought along. “It seems they have struck there. I don’t know why exactly, but, judging from the report, it fits their M.O.”

   He kept his eyes on the road ahead. We were still in the city, though steadily approaching the outskirts. “You hear about what happened last night? Somebody stole the entire president’s buffet!” He laughed and sat back further in his seat. “Bet that sorta thing wouldn’t happen under your watch, huh, Nic.”

   I cringed. “Oh. No, I guess not.”

   Ayattil’s head appeared between us from the back seats. “They outsmarted you, didn’t they, sir.”

   I suppose it was meant as a harmless, if ill-placed and unintentionally insulting comment. Ayattil’s trademark, really. Nevertheless, I blushed heavily and placed my fingers to my brow, so wishing that his seat belt would suddenly and inexplicably get tangled around his neck.

   Larry coughed into a clenched fist and said little further, sparing my embarrassment. I had told him previously that I hadn’t got the job, so I couldn’t blame him for bringing up the subject.

   Soon, the tall office buildings became more and more sparse, first turning to the more repetitive residential areas, the suburbs on the outskirts of New York, and then the horizon started to become a little more natural, a blend of tree brown and winter snow white. Unlike Andalite cities, which mostly end abruptly, like a precipice, Human cities tend to peter out and blur into the outer reaches.

   We made good time, so we could stop off for gas wherever Larry felt it best and then travel to our final destination without having to remorph. Overall, it was turning into quite a pleasant journey, once the awkward conversations had been left back within the confines of the city. Larry finally found a gas station that he approved of, and rolled his taxi cab up a slight gradient and into the deserted fuelling area, patrolled by lines of ugly square pillars. He left the vehicle and began to inject fuel into it via a small opening on the side, whilst I made a few comments about how inefficient such fuel was. He replied with some inaudible grunts.

   “How long till we get there, sir?” Ayattil asked from the back seats.

   “Not long. I remember seeing this gas station. It isn’t far from where we are going, and we have plenty of time in morph.”

   I was facing out of the door window and toward the gas station. Larry had finished filling up the vehicle and had gone inside the small building to pay for what his cab had consumed. Ayattil, meanwhile, was looking out of the opposite window.

   “Nicalor, sir,” Ayattil continued, pulling himself forward so that his ugly Human face came into my line of vision. “Do you remember the other day when those men were following you, and yesterday, when that large Human chased you into the storage room?”

   “Yes…”

   “Well, do you think that maybe they just wanted to be friends, sir?”

   I narrowed my eyes, perplexed at his naivety, and turned in my chair to face him. “Friends? Did they look even remotely friendly to you?”

   “Not really, sir,” He muttered whilst he scratched at his chin. “They just seem really desperate.”

   “That’s because they know that Nicalor-Garroon-Charod is onto them,” I stated proudly. “They are merely thugs employed to intimidate us. They don’t intimidate _me_ , however.”

   “Maybe you’re right, sir.”

   “Of course I’m right. Anyway, why do you ask?”

   “Because they’re here, sir.”

   After the tiniest of hesitations, I bolted upright in my seat and uttered a syllable commonly seen as inappropriate among Human societies. I reached back and pushed Ayattil aside to take a look for myself.

   Ayattil was correct. A black, rather menacing vehicle was parked diagonally from us, and through an open tinted window I could make out the facial features of the larger, balder thug. Wearing sunglasses didn’t cast doubt on the fact that he was staring at our own vehicle.

   “They cannot be serious!” I cursed. “How did they know we would be…”

   The shock of the situation came thick and fast, but I stopped myself and came to a conclusion that I should have come to much sooner. It was useless now, though, having come to me so late.

   “How did I not see it?” I hissed to myself. “A faked report!”

   “A what, sir?” Ayattil asked, pressed into his seat and still so utterly clueless.

   “Well, I won’t go into too much detail, lest I put more strain on your already over-taxed head, but the report was meant to lure us from the city. Away from prying eye, and into the emptiness of the country. I should have seen it sooner…”

   Ayattil sobbed pathetically and clutched his hands to his head in panic. “What are they going to do, sir?!”

   The door of the black vehicle clicked and opened, and the largest thug began to pull himself out into the open, his bulky figure barely able to squeeze from the vehicle’s opening. I tried to hold onto my sanity long enough to think of a solution, while simultaneously keeping Ayattil calm.

   “Nothing, Ayattil, because they won’t take us. Not while I have a working brain.”

   He yelped out with fear, and I wondered what would bring about such a lack of optimism.

   “What are we going to do, sir?” He cried. “I don’t want to die!”

   “Shut up, would you?!” I ordered. “Let me think of a way out of this…”

   Ayattil was back at the window, watching as the grunt adjusted his massive black clothing. “He’s coming, sir!” He warned.

   The ideas I found were sparse and mostly useless. As far as I knew, Larry wasn’t an option. He was inside the store, most likely unaware of the situation. Even if he _did_ know, he wouldn’t be able to fight off the miscreant without being snapped in two. This was a problem only I could solve.

   I saw the keys still in the car’s ignition, and the only viable option slammed me in the face. With the gigantic Human now breaching the vision of the car’s rear-view mirror, I hurried and threw myself over the gear stick and into the driver’s seat.

  Driving was not something that I had ever done, nor was it something that I ever thought I _would_ do. However, having spent a fair portion of time within the fuel-guzzling monstrosities, I knew a thing or two of how to use them. I knew that someday my nosiness would come in handy.

   The first step is to start the vehicle by turning the ignition. Then, the car is put into the correct gear, using the gear stick, and pedals on the floor are used to accelerate and brake. Simple.

   Starting the car was the easiest step. I turned the key, and the engine fired up with no issues. The next stage was a little more challenging, but with my ultra-absorbent mind and hours of observation, it was almost second nature already. Switch into first, foot on the clutch and the accelerator…

   “Sir,” Ayattil quivered from behind. “You’re driving?”

   “Yes, Ayattil. Put your seatbelt on.”

   “But sir, what about Larry?!”

   I shook my head. “It’s too late for Larry. He’ll have to find another way to get home.”

   The car jumped forward hideously as I started the acceleration process, but after the initial uncomfortable jolt, we were most definitely moving. The engine was roaring, and with some wheel-spin we were soon outrunning the thug.

   “Update.” I demanded of Ayattil as I tried to get to grips with the steering apparatus. We were descending back to the main road, bouncing over rough gravel.

   Ayattil was slammed against the window, but was not too dazed to provide me with the appropriate details. “We got away from the big Human, sir. He’s gone back to the black car.”

   “He may follow,” I suspected, thankful that Larry’s cab had good suspension as we turned over a curb to access the main road. “I don’t think that this is what they expected, so we likely have a good head start.”

   Ayattil was having a torrid time in the backseats, having already slammed his head against the low roof of the car, and just generally having a panic attack. He asked, “Where are we going to go, sir?”

   I answered after a moment of panic that occurred when we started to turn left and I took it far too sharply. I pulled the wheel the opposite way, and through my steady composure I was able to steady to vehicle. “I suppose we head back to the city. We’ll have to find somewhere to demorph, though.”

   That did nothing to calm the squirming assistant. He gazed out of the window again and moaned, “They’re following us, sir.”

   “I thought they would,” I sighed. “Okay, we are going to have to outrun them.”

   My Human foot, coated with a thick boot, pressed down to the floor of the car, and we accelerated and powered down the quiet country road. We were fortunate that our path to follow was quite direct, but that also meant that it was harder to lose our chasers. I didn’t want to risk going off-road, especially since I was struggling enough on the designated ones.

   “They’re catching up to us, sir!” Ayattil warned. “And… uh… One is leaning out of the window, sir.”

   “Why?!” I demanded harshly, my eyes firmly fixated on the road ahead, and most of my concentration focused on being in the right gear.

   Ayattil jumped abruptly, and this time it wasn’t due to my awkward driving. “It’s a gun, sir!”

   I almost swerved off of the road when a look into the side-view mirror confirmed what he had said. The large, bald-headed Human was leaning from the car window, holding before him a small handheld firearm. A pistol, no doubt.

   “Okay,” I barked. “We’re going to have to-”

   A loud bang, even putting to shame the noise of the car engines, erupted from behind us. A clear warning, and as far as I could observe there was no damage to myself or the car. Either it was a deliberate scare tactic, or the thug was a terrible aim.

   Then another panicked thought penetrated my mind: They could have been aiming for our tires. I looked back through the car mirror and noticed that the barrel of the gun was indeed tilted slightly downwards.

   “Are we going to die, sir?!” Ayattil cried out, shaking visibly and grappling to his seat like a petrified child.

   I considered the situation very briefly, and concluded, “Not likely, but we need to keep our focus, and- wait!”

   Ayattil gazed pleadingly. “What, sir?!”

   “Ayattil,” I directed, “My utility belt. Look in there, and you should find a book. Hand it to me.”

   “A book, sir? But-”

   “Don’t argue, Ayattil, just do it!”

   The shouting was enough to force Ayattil to obey, despite his ignorant misunderstanding of why I was ordering him to hand me the book. He picked up my utility belt and, instead of rummaging through like any sane, civilised creature, he turned it upside down and emptied the entire contents onto the seat beside him.

   “Really?” I grumbled. “You had better clean that up when you’re done, halfwit.”

   Though I disapproved of the method, it meant that Ayattil instantly spotted the book, and he handed it to me. Then, he got to work cleaning up, as my less-than-adequate driving caused the bag’s contents to disperse violently throughout the back of the vehicle.

   I kept one hand on the steering wheel while I held the small, leather-bound book in the other. Gold letters shone up to me mystically.

   “Somebody once told me that when times get rough, I should turn to a Mister Jesus Christ…” I mumbled.

   Ayattil stopped in the back and cocked his head at me. “Sir?”

   I clutched the Bible firmly. “If you ever wish to help me just one time, Mr Christ, even if I am apparently not one of your chosen creatures – though why you would pick these petty Humans over far superior races, such as us Andalites baffles me… Please explain that to me when you have the time – make that time now.”

   I reached down with my left hand and pressed a small button on the door, opening my window. The wind rushed loudly into the car, but it did not cause me to hesitate as I flung the Bible into the air.

   A success! The book flew back through the air and slammed into the bald head of the excessively large thug. The black car swerved wildly, and the Human retreated back into the vehicle clutching his head.

   “Good!” I cheered. “Those cultist Humans weren’t lying about Mr Christ. That buys us some time!”

   “How much, sir?” Ayattil asked.

   “Enough, I think. What are they doing?”

   Ayattil peeked back out of the left-hand window. “I’ve think they’ve shrunk, sir!”

   “Perhaps because they’re further away...” I suggested. “Anyway, I’ve done some thinking, and come to a much more comfortable conclusion. We have no reason to fear.”

   “We don’t, sir?” Ayattil replied, clearly not following.

   “Of course. Have you ever watched Human television?”

   He remained blank, still gawking at me with that typical brainless expression.

   I straightened myself in my seat, my confidence now back to its peak. “What is the one thing common in every American thriller movie, Ayattil?” I pressed.

   He rubbed at his chin. “Bad acting, sir?”

   “No. Think again.”

   “An overuse of graphic effects and excessive explosions, which initially enhance visual experience but consequently take away from good plotlines or character development, resulting in an entire genre of films based on the same clichés and plot twists to the point where they are essentially all clones of each other, and yet they still make billions at the box office as they appeal to the violent, gun-toting nature of a shallow and crass Human race?”

   “Not quite, but getting closer.” I rejected. “Also, Ayattil, I think you perhaps went a little… overboard just now?”

   “It’s okay, sir. It’s not as if anybody is reading this story, anyway.”

   I coughed into my fist. “You’re breaking character. Shall we get back to the plot?”

   “What plot?”

   “Good point.”

   Ayattil cleared his throat and dutifully brought us back into the real world. “So what is it, sir?” He asked.

   “Well, my numb-headed friend,” I began. “In every American thriller film, there is a car chase scene. The good guys – us – are chased by the bad guys. It is a common cliché, and now is our turn to have one.”

   “This is our car chase scene, sir?”

   “Yes, and though this is actually real, I still believe that the outcome will be the same.”

   Ayattil blinked. “What’s the outcome, sir?”

   “A car chase scene in a thriller movie always ends with one of the cars losing control and doing at least one flip through the air in a manner most dramatic. Sometimes that even ends in an explosion. This always happens to the bad people, and the good people leave the scene unscathed.”

   Ayattil hummed, neither convinced nor unconvinced, and looked back to the road for the miscreants’ vehicle. “Sir,” He quivered. “Their aiming the gun again! I think they’re-”

   The car suddenly jolted amidst a loud bang, and it was followed by a hideous screeching sound that threw off my concentration. Something had been hit, and my limited knowledge suggested a rear tire. We were turning sharply left as the car’s balance shifted abruptly, and in my panic I pulled the steering wheel contraption to the right. My attempts were misguided, though, and I suddenly found that I had lost all control of the vehicle. Ayattil was shouting in terror in the back seats…

   With nothing to do, I joined him.

   The vehicle screeched and creaked as it spun to a right angle, before flipping forward and rolling into a ditch at the side of the road with a mighty series of crashes and groans. Ayattil and I were flung violently within the vehicle, dancing with shards of glass and the contents of my opened utility belt.

   With a last creak, the cab became motionless, upside-down in some dirty ditch in the middle of nowhere.

   ((Ayattil?)) I moaned in thought-speak once I had finally caught my breath again. ((Report.))

   ((I think I’m alive, sir, but I can’t feel my legs anymore.))

   I blinked my eyes open and gazed upon the wreckage we were surrounded by. ((That’s probably for the best.))

   ((And my brain hurts, sir.)) I heard him sulk.

   ((You have one?)) I retorted whilst trying to pry myself away from the steering wheel.

   The vehicle was beyond totalled, crumpled and smashed by the accident, and I found various limbs of mine stuck in some rather tricky places, my feet tangled and trapped by the various pedals below –technically above – me. The roar of our engine had gone, but in the distance I could hear the presence of the black car. It was slowed to a rumble, and then it spluttered and ceased, causing the air to fall silent over our shallow breathing.

   ((Just remain calm, Ayattil,)) I hushed him when he started to whine obnoxiously at me. ((I don’t think they want to kill us.))

   Footsteps arrived at the wreckage, and through a shard of a broken mirror I spotted the reflective bald head of the larger thug and the short brown hair of the other. They were muttering to each other in deep, grimy voices, pacing around the car and seemingly pulling at random bits of broken metal or plastic.

   They knew we were alive, and it didn’t take them long to call for back-up and pull our damaged Human bodies from the corpse of the car. Two more Humans had arrived in another black vehicle, suited up with black ties and sunglasses, and together they all looked meaner and more brutal than any Human I had ever stumbled across before. It was intimidation, and there was little point to it. We had been captured. I told Ayattil to keep quiet and allow me to do the talking for us, and even then I remained as quiet as possible.

   Then the Humans demorphed, and their true Andalite forms were no less frightening. The four of them were inescapably large, their bodies ravaged from petty scraps they no doubt found themselves in on a regular basis. Once demorphed, their tails were all raised, pointed at us to indicate that any wrong move would result in immediate decapitation.

   ((Demorph,)) was our unmistakable order.

   Ayattil looked to me expectantly, and in my broken and unsteady Human body, I nodded. ((We have no choice, Ayattil. We’ll do as they say.)) I said privately.

  We changed our forms slowly, making sure not to make any sudden movements. The silence around changed to the sound of snapping bones and squelching, shuffling muscle, and as disgusting as it was, it was nothing compared to the disgust that I felt towards our captors. They stood and watched, and when our tail blades finally re-emerged from our tailless Human backsides, theirs were pressed to our throats. We were going to cause no trouble, especially after two of them had tied our tails to our left-hind legs.

   We were checked for our identity. One of them rose up a sheet of paper, and through the thin material I could make out an image of my own face, the one that could be seen on my Earth security passes. They now had who they were looking for, it seemed.

   Once we were utterly subdued, they ordered us into the back of their cars, separate. They morphed back to Human, but with their firearms they were no less of a threat to our wellbeing.

   I had absolutely no idea what was to become of us at that point. I didn’t know why they hadn’t just killed us when they had had the chance, or where they were taking us. Perhaps they wished to kill us where nobody would find our bodies. That was certainly what Ayattil suspected from what I could hear over distant thought-speak. I barely replied, knowing that the last thing I wanted to do in this universe was converse with a talking vegetable.

   We stopped about an Earth hour later. Our captors had driven us even further from the city, and now we found ourselves within a deep collection of trees that stretched as far as I could see on every side. The engines came to a rest, and the two captors in my vehicle removed themselves from their seats.

   ((What’s here?)) I ordered as they opened the door on my right. ((Tell me what we’re doing here. I demand to know!))

   “You’ll find out soon,” The smaller, brown-haired Human grunted. “Now shut up.”

   Ayattil was removed from the other car when it pulled up behind ours, and he seemed just as confused as I was. He received a firm slap around the face before he could squeak out a third nonsensical syllable. With us both in place, they began to march us, single-file through the cold wintery environment.

   ((Sir…)) Ayattil groaned privately. ((They’re going to kill us, aren’t they?))

   ((I really don’t know, Ayattil. It may be our best option, I’m sorry to say.))

   ((I don’t want to die.)) He sulked mournfully.

   My first thought was that they would kill us and leave us to die in some muddy hole in the ground. However, as we moved further through the area, I grew more and more suspicious with regard to other options. We passed many areas that seemed appropriate for dumping dead bodies, and before long I had scrapped that particular option and began exploring different possibilities.

   That period of pondering was cut short, however, when we circled a wide trunk about a five minute walk from where we had parked up, stumbled down a large dip in the ground, and came face-to-face with what could only be described as a tunnel that stretched out beneath the trees. It was clearly made by hand, dug out beneath the roots of the large tree above and shielded either side by tall banks. Any passer-by would find it hard to locate, but once it moved into view, it became clear that it was some kind of hideout.

   They led us down into the great hole in the ground, pushing us roughly even as we tripped over hidden debris and upturned dirt. Initially we fell into pure blackness, so much so that I re-found my previously theory that we would be murdered and hidden, but at about twenty metres in, lighting appeared in the distance, and the ground below us grew flatter and level.

   We were now entering the hideout. The base of the criminals we had been chasing for so long, who now held us captive and who could do with us whatever they pleased. I felt a deep sense of curiosity rise up, knowing that perhaps the answers I had been suspecting would pay me a visit, even if they had now turned irrelevant in my inability to use them.

   I noticed a change in humidity, and a change of smell. Lots of smells, some pleasant and some not so, and I heard the noise of activity as well, among others that seemed deeply out of place. My curiosity could get no higher, but as we finally entered what was clearly the main space of the hideout, that curiosity was replaced by a wall of shock.

   The room was definitely not busy, but there were Andalites dotted around frequently, manning computer consoles and desks that all looked to be stolen from Human second-hand stores or garbage disposals, carrying out menial chores here and there, talking amongst themselves. This was of little surprise to me, and would never seem out of place in a criminal base. What struck me was lying in the centre of the room, illuminated by the dim office lighting that spanned the ceiling. It was sat atop a raised platform, formed of dry grass and straw and anything else deemed acceptable for bedding.

   Over the side came a pair of pipes, about three inches in diameter perhaps, gurgling as some form of either liquid or loose solid ran through them, and they looped around the platform and to a wall on the right side of the room. There, they rose up and through a small opening, their source unknown. Their destination, however, was clear to see.

   It was a deep shade of purple, and it took up a great majority of the space on top of the makeshift bed, excessively large like a blimp that had crashed in through the ceiling. It was hard to tell at first what it was, because I had never seen anything like it, but when it slowly turned and raised its head to introduce itself, I knew that it was something I had seen on many occasions before. Never, though, had I seen her like this, nor could I have ever imagined her to be this way. Her body wobbled and groaned as she turned, revealing the two pipes attached to her once-dainty legs, now tree trunks that shook like jelly in an earthquake that she would likely have caused.

   I almost collapsed as my blood turned to liquid despair, and I gasped out her name in unrestrained disbelief.

   ((Ardina?!))


	23. Chapter 23

**Chapter 23**

   I couldn’t believe what any of my four eyes were telling me, as they each took in the sight that had befallen them. My hind legs shivered uneasily, though not in the same way that they used to whenever I saw her. It wasn’t quite fear that caused it, but more like a cruel blend of despair and disgust.

   She was a monster, and that’s all that could be said. After so many months craving her return, so many moons chasing the gang in hope that her life had been spared, I never had this conclusion in mind. I thought that death would be the worst thing that could happen to her, but as I saw her sat atop the platform like a beached whale, gazing down at us with a sinister, wicked smile, I realised that my imagination had definitely been lacking. This was something that I could never foresee.

   ((Ardina…)) I said, my voice a drone of disbelief. ((Please, tell me that’s not you!))

   The beast shuffled in her resting position, sat like a mound of jelly on a wide straw plate. Only then did I truly see the scale of her body, and it got no better. She was unrealistically obese, her body puffed up like some grotesque, exaggerated parade float, so much so that it could barely be expected for her to be mobile.

   She smirked horrifically, like I had never seen before. ((I’m afraid it is me, Nicalor.))

   There was no mistaking her voice, and now my hind legs did finally give way, and I stumbled awkwardly back into one of my captors. He forcefully pushed me back forward. Still, Ardina stared me down, and I began to suspect that she’d had this all planned as my brain searched for answers.

   ((Sir,)) I heard Ayattil’s voice. It was infuriatingly calm. ((Is that really Ardina?))

   I nodded very slowly, almost invisibly. ((Yes, Ayattil. That is Ardina. What _used_ to be Ardina.))

   That wasn’t private, and deliberately so. I saw Ardina’s eyes narrow, and she shuffled again. I almost vomited in disgust.

   ((After all this time,)) She huffed. ((I thought you’d at least say hello.))

   I shook my head, repulsed. ((Ardina, what have you done to yourself?))

   She sighed, and ran a finger over her flattened bedding as she rested lazily on her side. ((I’ve been busy, Nicalor. I’ve been doing some business with a few colleagues in the area. They’re very interested in the transport of goods between our two planets, you see, and I thought I would lend them my help.))

   I snorted. ((That explains very little of what I’m seeing. Why are you here, with these wretches? And why are you so… huge?!))

   Ardina glared angrily. ((How rude. You were never this rude to me before, Nicalor.))

   ((Just tell me, Ardina.)) I ordered.

   ((Fine,)) She sighed reluctantly. ((I struck a deal with a very influential acquaintance in this area, somebody who you may already know but have never met.))

   ((Hoketh.)) I assumed.

   Ardina nodded, her hand rubbing over her swollen gut. ((Yes. He’s been hiding, as I’m sure you already know. He’s actually a very nice person, Nicalor. Clever, well-mannered, ambitious. Handsome,)) She broke up her sentence with a small giggle, apparently born of some petty affection. ((He approached me some time ago when I signed up to one particular project. Namely, the research into Human taste. I was the best in my field at the time, and he was so very convincing.))

   ((When was this, Ardina?)) I demanded angrily. ((Was this before we had even come down here to this horrible little planet?))

   She smiled mischievously. ((Maybe.))

   I shook my head in amazement and disgust, my hands shaking with the weight of the disappointment that I felt at that moment. ((So all the time that I have known you, it’s all been a lie?! You kept this little deal of yours a secret from me ever since we first met?!))

   She shrugged, and I sensed little to no guilt in her tone. ((I did. Business is business, Nicalor, and it wouldn’t be very smart of me to reveal such little secrets to someone in a position like yours.))

   ((You betrayed me.)) I accused, pushing away a captor’s hand that was trying harder to restrain me.

   ((I wouldn’t say betrayed,)) She mused, twiddling her fingers in the air as she lay on her comfortable bed of straw and blubber. ((I _did_ enjoy our time together. Truly, I liked you. Things change, though, and I’m not in a position to be merciful.))

   Appropriately, Ayattil had thus far remained silent, either from plain confusion halting his conscious brain functions or a genuine interest in hearing our open discussion. He did, however, keep his main eyes on me, hoping that I could provide a way out. His stalk eyes, much like mine, were firmly locked onto the monstrosity that sat ahead of us. Even he, the Andalite who collected solidified mucus, was utterly repulsed. At least, he looked to be.

   ((What do you intend to do us?)) I asked my former companion.

   She stroked her chin. One of them. One of a few that spoiled her otherwise beautiful face. ((It depends, really. I’ve heard a lot about you while I was in hiding, about how you took charge of investigations into our organisation’s business.))

   ((It’s my job,)) I snapped. ((What did you expect me to do?))

   She smiled, and it pained me that she still held some of that former allure. ((I understand that. You are a very dedicated worker, something that I admire greatly. I expected nothing less of you, I suppose. What a shame that our duties cross paths so awkwardly.))

   ((It is.)) I agreed reluctantly.

   ((I’m sorry to say that I have seen a lot of what you have done. All of it, actually. I know where you’ve been, who you’ve talked to, and what you have found.))

   ((You were spying on me,)) I said. ((Those thugs that kept reappearing... Please, don’t tell me that you rigged my office.))

   She nodded sympathetically, and I sighed.

   ((You were getting closer to the answer,)) She explained. ((And I was starting to get worried. So was Hoketh, and when he gets worried, something is done. I had my friends trick you into driving out to the middle of nowhere, and here we are. My job now is to find a solution to our little problem. Do I let you go, or do I kill you and eliminate the possibility of detection?))

   My head bowed, and I thought that I already knew that answer. ((Very well. However, you still have to answer me some questions.))

   She lay down further onto her bed, almost entirely on her side, though her bulbous belly still protruded like a blimp behind her. ((Normally I wouldn’t, but since it’s you…))

   ((What was the deal you had with Hoketh?)) I asked. ((I think I know, but I would rather have a full answer than my own guess.))

   Ardina gazed briefly up at the ceiling as she began to explain. ((The deal, as you probably know, included Human food. He wanted to utilise my expertise on the subject, especially after he heard news of the Feed for Andalite Processor. He was _very_ interested in that, because he realised its potential. Imagine how many would sell! Give our people the ability to taste without morphing? It’s a dream come true, especially from an economic perspective. So, he contacted me before I moved to Earth, and we made a deal: I provide him with what he wanted, and he provides me with what I want.))

   I grunted. ((Do I really even have to ask what it is you wanted?))

   She chuckled and patted her excessive girth. ((Anyway, we made plans to get him into the ARC. I opened the doors, allowed them past security, and, just to make sure my name would be clear, I faked a fight. They knocked me down. I was unconscious and dragged away, never to be seen again. Suspicious to nobody, not even you,)) She then paused momentarily, mostly to gather her thoughts to further tell the story, but also to break wind profusely. ((With the processor and the instructions to make it, _and_ one of the main scientists behind its creation, Hoketh could begin proceeds to create his own model, and sell it to the home world for a grand profit. He takes charge of that, while I organise his subordinates to bring us food for him to test his prototypes with.))

   I narrowed my eyes suspiciously. ((I suppose this is another stage involving yourself?))

   She smiled, wide as I had ever previously seen. ((My part of the deal. Ever since I first tasted food like a Human… It was like a dream state, a drug that brought me such unlimited relief! I needed more, Nicalor. I made the deal before I had even tried it, knowing that it would be good, but I could never have imagined such joy, such deliciousness!)) She paused at that thought, and reached to her side to retrieve some kind of device, small and black. She hit a button, and instantly a whirring sound filled the room. It followed the source of the pipes that led to her hooves, and we listened as the sound of travelling, thick liquid rushed through. The pipes pulsated as the liquefied food pushed on, meeting their destination as they were forced into the hooves of Ardina. She closed her eyes and groaned with unnerving bliss, her fat tail somehow finding enough energy to swing casually behind her. It was disgusting, and both Ayattil and I soon had to look away in horror as it continued.

   Ayattil spoke privately to me. ((Sir, I think something’s wrong with Ardina.))

   ((She’s clearly mad,)) I ascribed. ((This is precisely what we were warned against. She has become an addict, and… I never thought I would see such results.))

   ((What do we do, sir?))

   ((I don’t know.))

   After about two minutes of constant gorging, Ardina deactivated the machine, and spent another minute or so revelling in the sensations it gave her and allowing her body to (noisily) recover.

   ((Are you finished?)) I sneered.

   Ardina giggled, still in an almost euphoric state. ((Sorry, yes. I get a little carried away. Where were we?))

   I found myself slapping a hand to my face, totally stunned by her attitude. I looked to her through my open fingers. ((So this is you now, Ardina? A great inflated blob, getting high off the consumption of liquefied donuts and hotdogs?! How could you let this happen?))

   She wasn’t at all convinced, and rolled her main eyes. ((It tastes good. I’m happier than ever!))

   ((But…)) I stammered, unknowing why I would even try to reason with her. She was long gone, as far as I could see. ((You were so intelligent, so beautiful! Why would you throw that away? Why would you stuff yourself like some overindulgent water balloon? Look at you now: A foul, bloated, flatulent slob, spending all of your time eating and sleeping as a test subject to the very thing you helped create!))

   ((That’s not nice at all, Nicalor,)) Ardina hissed. ((I think someone in your position would attempt to be a little more courteous. Don’t you? After all, I’m the one to decide whether you are permitted to leave or not.))

   I cocked my head, puzzled. ((Haven’t you already made your decision?))

   ((No,)) She replied. ((I hadn’t made up my mind. I so really wish to have you killed, so that I have no fear of losing my dream, my happiness, but another part of me wants to see you unharmed. I suppose I still hold some affection for you. You _were_ rather charming. Until about five minutes ago…))

   ((Spare me your empty compliments,)) I seethed. ((As soon as I am out of this pit, every department from here to San Francisco will rain down upon you. Ever since you humiliated our species by ruining the president’s banquet, you’ve become top of our most wanted list!))

   That did not appear to affect her, even slightly, and she shuffled calmly on her platform, a disinterested smirk on her face. ((You really think I would let you go without a suitable warning?))

   She raised a hand, and with her fingers produced an abrupt click. I had little time to react, definitely not enough to stop what I knew would happen.

   Something whipped at my right-hind leg, and with a great crack the bones within shattered. I collapsed backwards, tried to bring my tail into action as my captors retreated backwards, but missed. One of them held a large mallet in his hands, and a sinister grin on his Human form’s face. Ayattil had suffered the same fate, and I heard him crying with distress in my head.

   I gasped as the pain sunk in, drowning my senses with nonsensical, instinctual reactions that forced me to crawl away from my attackers. It proved ineffectual, as a gunshot shook the air and tore into my other hind leg.

   I was crippled, unable to move, and it really, _really_ hurt.

   ((They’ve broken my legs, sir!)) Ayattil exclaimed amidst a flood of yelps and shouts. ((I can’t move!))

   ((I can see that, Ayattil,)) I hushed. ((Just deal with it for now.))

   Though still in searing pain, rolling onto my side to let my crumpled legs out from under my body, I kept at least one eye focused on Ardina. She was watching, and little emotion did I see on her face, other than the satisfaction of victory.

   I cursed her quietly under my breath, regretting all the things I had done with her since we had met. It had all been a lie. A cover-up to make her seem like just another innocent victim. Every time we talked. Every time I bought her a hot dog from some dodgy, greasy vendor. Every time we made love on the floor of her small hotel room.

   I was a fool, and once again my mind found itself wallowing in a pool of doubt and self-loathing. I wasn’t cut for the job, and it was my own fault that I had landed us into this dire situation.

   Still semi-observant, I saw Ardina stand. She struggled, obviously, but as soon as she was on all four hooves, her body began to change. Golden blonde hair began to stream from her head, and her own purple-blue, smooth hair that covered her body sipped back inside her skin. Her front legs began to wither, the bones melting away and the epidermis shrivelling until it was no more, leaving her body to fall forward, though it was still somewhat (or altogether) supported by her huge bulk. Even that, however, was disappearing.

   It seemed so strange to see that her Human morph was unchanged, even after the drastic adjustment her own form had gone through. It was beautiful by Human standards, and not terribly ugly by our own. Now, without a mountain of insulation to inhibit her, and only the slight weighing of morphed Human clothing, she stretched her Human arms and strutted from the platform, her Human mouth in a constant upturn, a confident grin.

   I refused to bow my head, instead trying to hoist myself upwards, even with my hind legs in pieces. It was mostly unsuccessful, but I hoped to have maintained some dignity, having managed to restrain the urge to weep in a ball from the torment of my injuries and my situation. Ardina padded before me, close enough to speak quietly but far enough to avoid any strike that I could attempt.

   ((So you _are_ still mobile,)) I mocked half-heartedly. ((If only with the help of a body of an inferior species.))

   “Isn’t that just the beauty of morphing?” She cooed, placing her hands onto her hips. “It makes these things so much easier. Though, I still prefer my own body, even if it is a little slower these days.”

   ((So what now?)) I demanded, glaring at her with all of my four eyes. ((You have broken our legs as a warning?))

   She pursed her lips and nodded. “It’s a sneak peek. Isn’t that what the Humans call it? Anyway, it’s just a taster for what will happen if I see anything suspicious from you. _Anything_.”

   I laughed derisively. ((You underestimate me, Ardina. You don’t think I can find a way around this?))

   Ardina’s smile turned, and she narrowed her stare. Then, her eyes drew past me, and at the hint of a wink, I felt an immense pain on my already suffering right hind leg. One of my captors was pressing the barrel of his gun into one of the more sensitive areas, just behind the bone. I seethed through the pain, yelped once, and clutched desperately at the ground.

   Ardina hummed. “Always so cocky. I’m not sure that I admired that about you, actually. Why can’t you just accept that I’m releasing you? Learn your lesson, and keep quiet before my people hurt you in even harsher ways?”

   Two footsteps came into hearing from behind, and one of my captors spoke up. “Ardina, is it really wise to release him? He could reveal our base!”

   She responded with a chuckle. “I don’t think he’ll say anything. He knows what will happen if he does.”

   “What about the stupid one? Should we kill him?” He continued, regarding the stunned Ayattil.

   “We don’t need to worry about that one,” Ardina dismissed. “Nobody would believe a single word that he said, let alone understand one.”

   The captors sighed with disappointment. They were eager to see blood, but Ardina was showing enough restraint to think things through and come up with the less appealing solutions. It baffled me, and I had to know why.

   ((Ardina,)) I spoke, still gasping as the pain slowly dulled. ((You’re releasing us. Why? Surely, it’s in your best interest to kill us,)) I ended there, but quickly followed it with, ((Not that I’m complaining, of course.))

   “You didn’t believe me when I said that I actually had feelings for you?” She grumbled, folding her arms over her chest. “I don’t want to be the one to kill you, Nicalor. I want you to find somebody else to kill you. I’m being truthful when I say that I enjoyed our times together. It just has to end now. I don’t want to see you ever again, for the safety of both of us.”

   My instinct was to distrust her, but I certainly sensed something genuine. Nevertheless, it took nothing from the fact that she was now an enemy, a high-ranked member of a gang causing grief throughout the city. She had to be dealt with. Not now, but later.

   ((Very well, Ardina,)) I said. ((I will say nothing on the matter.))

   Ardina’s face brightened, and her arms flopped to her sides. “I’m happy to hear that! As long as we understand each other, we can both carry on as if nothing happened down here.”

   I sighed deeply, even then my brain looking for loopholes and tricky solutions that could get me out of that particular mess. ((You won’t hear anything from me, as long as I don’t spot your lackeys patrolling my hotel again.))

   “Oh, they won’t,” She assured. “Now, I’m sure you’ll want to get rid of those horrible injuries on your legs…”

   I glared as she made the passive-aggressive order, and I obeyed by starting up my own morphing process. ((Ayattil, morph Human.))

   ((Okay, sir.))

   Within a couple of minutes, our broken legs were gone. As were our tails, and two legs. In our Human morphs, we were a danger to no one there, and so we were going to be escorted from the base that way. We watched as Ardina began to organise her troops, picking out four of the larger individuals to drive us away into the middle of nowhere, where upon we would hire taxis to take us back home. My instructions were simple: Say nothing.

   Of course, I would not likely follow such instruction. I didn’t think that Ardina would trust me to, either.  For her, though, backed by a small army of delinquents and Hoketh’s influence, there was little to worry about. She had spies, and plenty of them, disguised as whatever they could justify. My actions were under full scrutiny, and if at any point I began to act suspicious, things would get dramatically worse for me. A simple, yet effective threat.

   Ayattil, unsurprisingly, was still flummoxed.

   “I don’t understand, sir. Why was Ardina with the bad people?” He asked for approximately the hundredth time. We were sat in the backseats of a large black SUV, a large, bulky Human with black sunglasses lodged in between us. I was squished against my door, arms folded uncomfortably in front of my chest.

   “Shut up, Ayattil.” I ordered once again.

   We fell into silence. Not even those sat with us in huge Human morphs were conversing. They didn’t need to. I busied myself by again pondering the scenario whilst gazing from the black tinted window.

   “But why, sir?” Ayattil moaned again.

   I so desperately wanted to shut him up, so I finally decided to explain in layman’s terms. “Okay, Ayattil, listen to me now, and then never ask me a question ever again. Hoketh wanted the processor. Ardina wanted food. They traded, illegally. Got it?”

   A moment’s hesitation, but then he nodded. The grunt between us, however, looked down at me gormlessly.

   “I don’t get it.” He complained.

   The journey was short, but it seemed like a lifetime. In the end, we were pushed from the vehicle into a deep patch of snow in some desolate, wooded location. The smartest of the morphed grunts gave us one last read of the rules that had been placed on us, and then they left.

   Taking in my surroundings, I quickly concluded that we would not get back before nightfall. They had driven us even further from the city, away from the main road and into the wooded area via a dirt road. We stood in silence, in disbelief, with an overall feeling of sorrow towards ourselves. I shivered as a chilling wind blew through the trees, dislodging mounds of snow from the branches. It sieved down onto us and our thin morphed clothes, so I clutched my arms tightly to my chest to gather any warmth I could.

   My feet buried in snow, I lifted an unbroken leg and took the first step back in the direction of the nearest road. I almost stumbled, and just that slightest provocation sent me into a whirlwind of ranting and cursing. Ayattil rightly backed away, himself suffering the cold and in no mood to incur any of my wrath.

   After a tussle with the nearest twig, and feeling like an utter buffoon, I sighed and rubbed my hand over my face, removing whatever snow rested there. “We might as well start walking, Ayattil,” I said with renewed calm. “Let’s get back before I miss the latest _Heroes_.”


	24. Chapter 24

**Chapter 24**

((I had three jobs today. The first two were both fast food establishments who’d had some items stolen, and the other was in a café where somebody had managed to steal a whole thirty pounds of cinnamon buns. I suspect the third of these incidents to be an isolated case, and not related to the group that has been prominent in recent months. The methods employed were much different, and we can likely wrap that case up within the next couple of days. Aside, there is the usual amount of paper work to fill out and… Oh, why do I bother?! Such a waste of… Damn this stupid machine!))

   I slammed my fist against the personal computer and threw it aside. It bounced with a muted thump on the grassy flooring of my hotel room and hit the far wall, turning itself off in the process. It briefly rid me of the silence of my surroundings, a silence that I had writhed in for three straight hours. I did go to work that day, though it didn’t seem like work but a temporary and mostly ineffective distraction from the ache my hearts and my head were experiencing. I barely spoke to anyone, and even Drehun began to show concern for my mental well-being.

   Of course, I could not tell him about my predicament, and why I was wallowing in such a pit of depression. Doing so would likely result in my near-instant death.

   Ardina’s spies were everywhere. I knew that she wasn’t lying when she said that she would always be watching, and with the morphing power available to most, if not all of her lackeys, everything I said out loud would surely be caught. I was probably being watched at that very moment, and I must admit that I wasn’t a pretty sight. I was lying down on my bed, and had been doing so at any time that I wasn’t working. Activities included watching television and wasting away.

   I honestly had no idea what I was going to do. I knew the enemy, but there was nothing that I could report on, and since I was currently running the investigations into the crime spree, everything would cease to progress until somebody else took over my duty. By then, I would probably have lost my job.

   And even worse was the fact that the enemy was Ardina, the female that I had shared my passion with on many occasions, and who previously had given me so much joy and relief. It scared me that she could be the one to eventually destroy me, directly or indirectly, and my mind jostled all the scenarios that could occur, were I to break my side of the deal.

   At least searching for her wasn’t an issue I had to face anymore. This problem was much, much bigger.

   I picked up the remote for my hotel room television and flicked through a few channels. During the evening, television started to grow a little more exciting, though most of it still drove me into a deep stupor of disinterest. I settled on a show about primitive space technology. It was called _Star Trek_ , I believe. It was patently ridiculous, with unbelievable plotlines and silly characters. Much like reality, really, but that was something I was desperate to leave behind. Perhaps I had decided to watch it in a futile attempt to see it as real life and to see my own as the work of fiction. It was hard to tell.

   I lay down on my side and allowed myself to doze off, permitting the noise of the television to lull me to sleep. The show, to my distaste, ended and ran into yet another wall of advertisements, and it was while I was being subjected to a droning commercial for home insurance - rather inappropriately delivered by an animated Hork-Bajir mascot called Harry - that a knock was produced on my hotel room door. I didn’t want to answer it for my own selfish reasons, but I wasn’t so petty as to pretend that I wasn’t home. ((Come in.)) I groaned.

   The door creaked open, and to my great disappointment, the figure of my lowly assistant entered. Ayattil pushed his way inside and gazed down at me. He had been checking on my state regularly for the last few days, and he was finally beginning to show some concern.

   ((Sir,)) He spoke. ((Are you okay? You haven’t been this depressed since the day you hired me.))

   I grumbled and lifted myself from a horizontal position. ((I’m fine, Ayattil. How many times must I tell you?))

   Ayattil shuffled anxiously on his hooves and let the door close behind him, still gawking down at me like I was some baffling foreign object. ((Sir, all you’ve done these last few days is lie there moaning and watching the television. I’m starting to think that you’re not very happy…))

   ((Oh, really?)) I huffed sarcastically. ((I wonder what gave that little secret away. Of course I’m not very happy, you buffoon! Everything is ruined! My job, my sanity, my dignity… My life, effectively.))

   Ayattil scratched dopily at his head. ((I don’t understand, sir. Only a few days ago, you said that you had it all figured out. I’d never seen you so proud. And now…))

   I raised myself fully so that I stood tall on all four legs and took the remote to switch off the irritating television. ((You didn’t understand a single word, did you?)) I accused. ((Everything that was said down in that cave went right over your head, didn’t it?))

   He blinked and remained silent, hopefully embarrassed.

   ((We’re in an incredibly sticky situation here, Ayattil. It’s so sticky that we can’t even remove ourselves from it with a jackhammer. Not only are we known and watched by New York’s largest criminal gang, but any wrong move and we’ll be more doomed than a Texas liberal.))

   ((What do you think we should do, sir?)) Ayattil asked, obviously devoid of suggestions himself.

   I sighed and dropped the remote carelessly to the floor. ((I don’t know. I really, really don’t know. I was beginning to think that it would just be so much easier to end it all. Just give up and leave this horrible little world.))

   Ayattil narrowed his focus. ((I don’t think you should commit suicide, sir.))

   ((No, you idiot. I meant go home.))

   ((Oh, good,)) Ayattil said, relieved. ((Because I wouldn’t have a job if you did.))

   ((And I… wait…)) I glared at him, just a fraction peeved. ((Wouldn’t have a job?! Well, thank you very much for the gratitude, Ayattil, after all I’ve done for your disgusting little family. If it weren’t for me, you’d still be cluttering up the waste disposal with the rest of the excrement!))

   He rolled his eyes, showing me a rare slab of attitude. I let it drop for the moment.

   ((I want to go home, Ayattil, back to our own lovely, uncrowded, unpolluted, friendly planet. The one where somebody could walk down the street without the fear of being shanked.))

   ((But what about your job, sir?)) Ayattil asked pleadingly. ((You said you’d rather die than lose it!))

   I held a hand to my aching forehead. ((And now I’ll probably die if I don’t. As I have said, Ayattil, this is an incredibly difficult situation. Ardina has me by the tail. She has cut my attack, and has left my defence in tatters. I cannot tell Drehun, because any action he takes will alert them, and I will be brutally murdered. I cannot keep quiet, because I will lose my job when the entire city is ransacked. I can’t alert anybody, because they have everything bugged. Probably literally…))

   I illustrated my point by pulling aside the curtain of my room that looked down eight floors to the busy streets. As the fabric was moved aside, a small Earth bird could be seen perched on the slender windowsill. It immediately took off, leaving behind two tiny grey feathers.

   ((I could speak privately,)) I considered. ((But the consequent actions of my words will make my involvement obvious.))

   Ayattil shrugged and shifted awkwardly. ((So you’re going to quit, sir? I’m sure Neechun would love to take over the position when he’s not sick anymore.))

   It was intended to be a supportive comment, I assumed, but it still enraged me greatly. I shook my fists and snorted angrily in his direction. ((I will _not_ give up my position to that arrogant fool! I am and always have been his superior, and I’m not going to let him take over now!))

   From the otherwise eerie silence of my room came three tender knocks on my door that sent me jumping. I held a hand to my chest and started to breathe again, shaken by the abrupt disturbance.

   ((I’m not expecting guests.)) I warned Ayattil privately as we both stared at the door.

   He scratched at his head, unstartled. ((Maybe it’s room service, sir, or one of the cleaners.))

   ((No,)) I replied. ((I didn’t order room service, and the cleaners came this morning. It could be one of _them_.))

   ((Them, sir?)) He questioned.

   ((Yes, _them_. Go and answer it.)) I ordered.

   Clearly not getting the implied message, Ayattil casually strolled up to the door while I backed away and looked for something sharp to use as an emergency weapon. I located a pencil sharpener, and nothing more.

   Ayattil calmly opened up the door, and on the outside stood a Human with long, blonde hair in casual, if slightly ragged clothing. She smiled to him as if they were the best of friends, and in a confused state he burst, ((Ardina?))

   I panicked for just a moment, dropping the pencil sharpener as I was attempting to remove the blade from its plastic casing. ((Ardina?!)) I gasped, and I found myself conforming to my proud stance completely instinctively.

   “Hi.” She chirped, giving me a feminine wave of her fingers.

   ((Look, sir,)) Ayattil called, pointing subtly at our unwelcome guest, ((Ardina’s back!))

   ((I can plainly see, Ayattil!)) I yelled, fumbling my fingers on the empty desk behind me. I turned my focus to her as she swaggered into my room, promptly looking around as if everything there was now so different. I gave up looking for a weapon, and said, ((What did I tell you back in the cave, Ardina? I don’t want to see any of your lackeys inside my hotel!))

   “Lackeys,” She breathed with utter confidence. “I didn’t say anything about myself not coming here. And, besides, I have a room in the hotel.”

   ((As far as the hotel is concerned, you are gone.)) I huffed.

   I watched cautiously, suspiciously as she paraded my room, her eyes catching sight of all the little features and gadgets that lay strung on the floor, placed haphazardly in the midst of my debilitating depression. She wore tight-fitting jeans and a white short-sleeved shirt on her slender, young Human body, and she couldn’t help but show it all off as she strutted. Realising that I could do little, lest I incurred the wrath of any hidden enemies around us, I seethed and watched, only to grow ever more irritable with each of her delicate steps.

   “And I thought you were so tidy,” She sighed, kicking a foot against a small pile of Human clothes. “It’s not like you to let yourself go like this.”

   ((Ardina,)) I growled. ((Why are you in my room?!))

   She smiled wide and gave me a cutesy sideways glance. “You always used to let me.”

   I’d had enough of her attitude by that point, and with an annoyed shake of my head I stomped forward, approaching her with my tail blade twitching. She turned fully and posed with her arms folded over her chest, unmoved.

   I ceased my motion before her, and stared her straight in the eyes. ((Ayattil,)) I spoke, addressing him as he stood perplexed by the door. ((Leave us. Come back later.))

   He bowed his head and left, closing the door firmly behind him and leaving us both alone in a tense stalemate. I looked down to her, and she looked up at me, the confidence still not vanishing from her Human facial muscles.

   “You haven’t changed much,” She insinuated, flicking her hair over her shoulders. “Though, I never thought you would.”

   ((Answer me,)) I urged. ((Why are you in my hotel room? Have you decided that your spying has thus far been too subtle? Is this some new threat?))

   “No, actually. It’s not.”

   ((Then what is it?))

  “I thought I would just say hello. Isn’t that just such a Human thing to do?” She grinned, displaying pearly white teeth.

   ((Ardina,)) I groaned. ((Enemies do _not_ visit each other’s home for a cosy chat, and nor do they enter each other’s home without the permission of the resident. We had a deal, and we were never to meet again.))

   She smirked, and then moved to place her hands on her hips. “I was keeping up appearance, Nicalor. I had to lay down the law for those under my command.”

   ((It sounded quite truthful to me, Ardina,)) I countered. ((Now, give me a good reason why I shouldn’t have you arrested here and now.))

   As I spoke the words, I already knew of the reason myself, though she still felt the need to clarify. “We have so many eyes on you right now, Nicalor-Garroon-Charod, and plenty of ears. You’d never have the chance to leave the hotel, and nor would anyone acting even slightly out of character. Even the janitor is under our surveillance. And, before you try to argue that we are breaking our side of the deal, I will inform you that it is only I that has actually entered the building.”

   I twitched with the dread I felt. Not even private thought-speak to nearby staff would aid me, and I could only imagine that the entire range of my thought-speak was covered by her spies. Anybody that I came into contact with, nearby or not, would be stalked and perhaps even threatened.

   ((Okay, Ardina, you have my attention,)) I conceded reluctantly. ((What do you want?))

   Her Human form puckered its lips and slumped, as if she were considering her words cautiously before she spoke them. “I wanted to make you an offer.”

   I hesitated at first, but then my stall in thought erupted in raucous laughter. ((An offer?!)) I repeated loudly and with great mockery. ((Oh, Ardina, I knew that you and your pathetic crew of misfits would think twice. You really think I would ever want to make another deal with you? Listen, I know you’re scared, but you must know that no offer would ever tempt me into sacrificing my advantage over you.))

   She snorted. “What advantage would be so great that it causes you to sit in a corner all day crying? Apparently, that’s all you’ve been doing since our last meeting. That doesn’t sound like advantage to me.”

   My laughter quickly subsided, and I didn’t say a word in reply.

   “I thought so,” Ardina grumbled. “I’m not surrendering anything with this deal, Nicalor, because you are of no threat to us. Actually, I feel really rather bad about this whole situation.”

   I narrowed my gaze, suspicious. ((You do?))

   “Of course I do,” She sighed, loosening her body and dropping herself against the wall beside my desk to relax. “We did a lot together, didn’t we? What a shame it is for me to be the one to either kill you or end your career.”

   I was still desperately suspicious of her true intentions, but I played along for the moment. ((It would be. It was all a lie, though, wasn’t it? You never loved me.))

   She shrugged. “Well, not entirely. You see, that’s why I’m here. I want to make things easier for you, because, to be perfectly honest, I don’t want to see you hurt. Yes, you are a stuck-up, arrogant, chauvinistic brute, who constantly harasses and abuses his assistant-”

   I raised a finger to object, but she carried on, interrupting me.

   “Talks down to anybody he sees as inferior, sucks up to anybody he deems superior, consistently messes up even the simplest of tasks, and, let’s face it, is a total prat.”

   ((Well, maybe…))

   She continued, “But you aren’t that bad. I had fun.”

   I was so close to falling for it at that moment. I saw into her morph’s eyes, and for a second I thought it was the previous Ardina, who always seemed so gentle and caring. A little brisk, perhaps, but loveable overall.

   Then I remembered what she had become, and I re-folded my arms and held my ground. ((Well then? What’s the offer?))

   “I was going to suggest that you join us, Nicalor,” She explained. “Come stay with me in the base.”

   It took me wholly by surprise. I was gobsmacked, and very much insulted. ((Join you?!)) I sneered. ((Join you and your flea-bitten mob of simpletons? I think all that food got to your brain, Ardina.))

   She glared, and I saw seriousness in her, as well as the most elusive hint of distaste. “Well, it’s that, or you likely end up dead, and at the very least, unemployed.”

   Both were unsatisfactory ideas, and I couldn’t decipher which was worse. Suddenly, her offer didn’t appear quite so unappealing.

   But I was bound by duty ever since I had enrolled in the law enforcement services back on the home planet, and I was not the kind of person to surrender for the promise of ill-gotten riches. Additionally, I didn’t think that I could spend much more than a minute in her presence when she wasn’t in morph, or with the others that I would be forced to spend time with. I thought that Ayattil was bad enough.

   ((I’m sorry, Ardina,)) I said. ((My answer remains no. I will not surrender to you and your gang. Not for all the riches in the entire universe.))

   She shook her head, appearing frustrated and impatient. “I knew your pride would block your common sense. It always has done!”

   I hoisted my chin, and responded, ((I would choose pride over common sense any day.))

   “I thought so…” She sighed. Then, suddenly, I saw her face brighten, as if a light bulb had been turned on within her head (a Human expression, of course). “Well, Nicalor, I know one thing that you will have been missing.”

   ((Oh, really?)) I uttered sarcastically. ((And what is that?))

   She smiled deviously, and slowly removed herself from her relaxed position. “Do you remember that night at the burger bar? We left early to walk down the New York streets so that we could see all the flashing lights, and all those tall buildings, and all the giant Human stampedes.”

   ((I vaguely remember.))

   “We got home,” She continued. “And we spent the whole night together. Just you and me.”

   A noise came from behind her. It was a slurping, squelching sound, and I was taken aback when I looked over her shoulder to see a tail emerging from the base of her Human spine. I jumped back and yelped at her, ((Ardina, don’t demorph here!))

   She lifted her eyes to the ceiling and clicked her tongue against the roof of her mouth as a tut. “Don’t you remember, Nicalor, how we made love like a couple of needy adolescents? I bet you miss that, don’t you.”

   Now I was really backing away, suddenly realising the damage that she could potentially do to my room. After all, I would have to pay for it. ((Ardina, don’t do that here! You will break all of my floorboards!))

   “Oh shut up, Nicalor, and-” Her speech halted as her lips began to seal together, mouth disappearing and purple hair sprouting where it used to be. She continued in thought-speak. ((And stop whining. You’re going to give me a headache.))

   ((You’ll have more than just a headache if you crash through Mrs Davies’ ceiling,)) I warned truthfully. Then, more forcefully, ((Re-morph, Ardina! I have no intention of seeing your grotesque body!))

   She was no longer listening, and I could only watch in terror as her own form re-emerged from the pale Human body. Her tail sprouted first, and then her mouth disappeared. That was soon followed by the elongation of her spine and the addition of two extra limbs that developed hideously into her two front legs. Hair sprouted all over her body, and two stalk eyes popped simultaneously from her forehead.

   To my bafflement, she seemed at first to be morphing back to her own body. She was slender, beautiful, a work of art that only the finest painters could imagine but never quite manage to perfect, and she looked at me with lustful, loving eyes, just as she used to before.

   Then, last of all, came the extra padding, and the temporary beauty vanished faster than it had appeared. Her body bulged and sloshed and pushed outwards from every conceivable part, so much so that I feared for any object within a ten-foot radius of her. I thought it would never stop.

   I recoiled in horror when she finally did. The once beautiful creature now stood as a more of parade float caricature, and though her face seemed just as lustful and catching as before, it became redundant when eyes fell to the rest of her. Even though she stood up straight (how she did so proving to be a complete mystery that not even my own detective skills could unravel), her spherical stomach dragged heavily on the ground, and I felt a cold shiver run through me when I heard the floorboards beneath her groan with the stress that she provided.

   ((So, Nicalor,)) She began, having settled back into her own form. ((Did you miss me?))

   I didn’t believe that I needed to give her a reply. It was a ridiculous question, and she should have known it. ((Missed what? I certainly didn’t miss _that_!))

   She looked back at herself with a sole stalk eye and giggled lightly. ((Maybe I put on one or two pounds since the last time we shared a bed, but it’s much the same. Just with more… insulation.))

   ((It would be too much insulation for somebody living in the Arctic circle,)) I pointed out. ((Ardina, why do you think I would be interested in you when you make the average American look anorexic?))

   Ardina huffed, clearly hurt. ((So you loved me for my looks, huh?))

   ((Well, yes.)) I admitted.

   She wanted to yell, or to perhaps even hit me, but she shook her head, shrugged it off, and tried to continue. ((I’m still me on the inside, Nicalor. Believe me. And besides, I think I look fantastic and original. I can work with this girth!))

   ((Original, maybe,)) I granted. ((Fantastic? Absolutely not. Not only that, but were we to actually copulate, the minute we began I would be crushed to pancake proportions, and death by crushing by your monstrous form is not the way I wanted to end my life.))

   ((Oh, please,)) Ardina shushed me. ((I know what you want, what you used to enjoy.))

   She proceeded to move, and I winced again when the floorboards wailed and strained beneath, threatening to break in half and allow the huge beast to crash down through seven other floors. Ardina started to waddle over to me, and though I tried to back away, my tail was pressed against the wall. I was cornered as she approached, swaying her body in some misguided attempt at seduction. She was about to perform her signature move.

   I implored her to reconsider, not only for the sake of my floorboards but also for my own. However, there was no stopping her as she wobbled over so that she was only about a foot away from coming in contact with me. She turned, an action previously used to show off her perfect body, now simply used to make me wonder how I wasn’t already feeling incredibly sick, and her backside came into view like a pair of hot air balloons colliding in mid-air. She wiggled it, an action that would, long ago, be somewhat alluring. It was not much different now, apart from the fact that, long ago, her backside did not carry on wiggling long after her muscles had ceased, and nor did she break wind massively in the process.

   ((Get away from me!)) I cried, simultaneously trying to push her away and avoid making physical contact.

   ((It’s okay, Nicalor,)) She tried to hush. ((Just give in…))

   Then the inevitable happened. The floorboards beneath Ardina’s gargantuan frame gave another distressed creak, and the distinct sound of snapping vibrated around us. It then continued, several other boards beneath the flooring starting to give up under her immense weight.

   It fell through. Well, a little bit. Ardina dropped about a foot downwards as part of the flooring was crumpled and cracked. Her eyes bolted open in shock, and then she looked down to assess the situation.

   Meanwhile, I had wisely backed away, and I said, ((Do you see? Now, demorph before you cause the whole building to come down!))

   Ardina sighed, and it was as if she had only just realised her own excessive magnitude. Then, she grew angry. ((Fine, Nicalor. So it’s over then! I try to offer you a way out, and you won’t take it.))

   ((Of course not,)) I snapped, still backing away as a precaution. ((I have a duty, Ardina. I would never forgive myself for betraying everything that I’ve worked for. I would never sacrifice my honour, not even for you. And if you think for one second that I would sleep with you in that condition, then you are clearly delusional.))

   She motioned her head slowly, evaluating my decision. With shaking, struggling legs she pulled herself up from the hole in the floor, and somehow moved away from it and towards the door without causing another, stepping steadily on her four cursed legs. ((You realise what this means, don’t you, Nicalor?))

   My main eyes dropped to the floor sorrowfully. ((Indeed, I do.))

   ((I will have no mercy now,)) She warned as she passed by, her belly pushing me aside as I had very little room to manoeuvre around her. ((And it may very well be me who gives the order to kill you, whenever you make a wrong move.))

   ((I understand that.))

   She gifted me one final stare with her once-loving main eyes as we stood side-by-side, and for what could have been the last time, we gazed past the exterior and looked within each other.

   We held there for just a while, and although I did truly miss her, the _real_ her, I was now more than happy to let go. The Ardina I knew was dead, replaced by a monster of greed and undignified self-indulgence.

   ((Goodbye, Nicalor.))

   I nodded. ((Goodbye, Ardina.))

   She shifted her four cruelly over-worked legs and headed for the door. I wasn’t exactly sure what I sensed within her, whether it was sorrow that she felt, or whether she was indifferent. She had what she wanted, exactly what she had come to Earth for in the first place, and I was, quite simply, part of a large impersonal plan. Now that she was successful in her plot to gain essentially a lifetime’s worth of food, I was superfluous.

   I was distracted from my trance state of contemplation at that point, when I heard a load creaking from the door. Too late to consider what she was doing, Ardina had tried to exit the room in her own body, her sides far, far too wide to pass through.

   She groaned, performed a short rant, and then slumped and rested her hands on her belly, a stalk eye looking sheepishly over to me. ((A little help would be much appreciated.))

   Despite my newfound aversion to her as a person, I nevertheless disapproved of the idea that she would forever be stuck, wedged within the door frame, and was more than happy to aid her.

   ((Very well, though I do find this situation rather humorous.)) I said, barely containing my laughter.

   I took the unenviable position of pushing the squishy, flatulent monster from behind, and though the situation at first seemed impossible and equally unbearable, we actually began to make some progress towards our goal. Her gut was slowly but steadily squeezing through the narrow space, and it managed to bring her some well-earned pain, making it all the more entertaining. Once more, however, the inevitable happened. With one great push, the door frame around her was itself removed from the surrounding wall, joining her as she stumbled heavily into the narrow hallway.

   ((Oh, fantastic!)) I grumbled indignantly. ((Do you realise how much this will cost me?!))

   Ardina was rubbing shards of plaster from her hair, and she stumbled again, bouncing against the corridor wall. She barely even had space there, and I could see her eyeing up the pathway ahead of her like a difficult chore. Behind her, coated in the rest of the plaster and a plentiful helping of dust, was the shape of Ayattil, blinking at the both of us.

   ((What do you want, Ayattil?)) I demanded of him, resting myself against what was left of the door frame and panting substantially.

   ((I heard a lot of noise, sir,)) He replied before sneezing away a lungful of building material. ((I came to see what all the banging was.))

   ((Of course. I was shifting this _thing_ from my room.)) I explained, punching a fist against Ardina’s taut stomach.

   She barked at my use of language, and then turned a stalk eye to him. ((I was just leaving, Ayattil.))

   ((Oh,)) Ayattil replied, and I became heavily disturbed by the suspecting (and hopelessly perverse) look in his eyes. ((Have you been doing naughty things again, sir?))

   ((Most certainly not!)) I snapped instantaneously.

   There came a disturbing period of quiet, and I sensed private thought-speak between the pair of them. I grimaced and demanded a stop it. ((Ayattil, disregard anything that she says to you privately. Get inside my room, and let her be on her way.))

   Ardina butted in, and spoke in her sweetest tone. ((Actually, Ayattil, would you be so kind as to help me to the elevator? It’s obvious that Nicalor doesn’t want to…))

   ((And neither does Ayattil,)) I stated in his place, physically urging Ayattil to enter my room and privately telling him to take my orders seriously. Once he was safely inside, I gave Ardina a wave of my fingers. ((Have fun with the stairs!))

   I slammed the door behind me. I didn’t care that it instantly fell from its hinges, because Ayattil was now sat cosily in my room, and his unfocused, blank expression informed me that Ardina was not still speaking in secret to him.

   With a snap of my fingers, he regained concentration and looked to me. ((Sir?)) He pressed. ((Why did Ardina come to see you?))

   I could have explained, and part of me wanted to, but I knew that doing so would mean explaining it all night. ((For reasons that you don’t need to know about, Ayattil. All I know is that our position has not shifted. The threat remains the same.))

   He seemed to catch on and nodded slowly, but in doing so his hind leg found the shallow hole in the floor, and he stumbled to regain his balance. ((Sir, why did she demorph? I think she’s too big for this place.))

   ((She is,)) I responded. ((And I won’t explain to you why she did that, either.))

   Another pause. ((Sir?))

   ((Yes, Ayattil?))

   ((Why didn’t she just morph Human again to leave?))

   I froze as the obvious dawned on me, and I held my head as I glanced over my destroyed doorway. Then, I shrugged it off and laughed, finding the amusement in it as I pictured her bloated frame trying to tackle the elevator. ((Good point, Ayattil. Let’s not suggest that to her, though. Let her figure that out herself when her fat backside gets stuck in the elevator doors.))

   ((Okay, sir.)) He muttered emotionlessly. Clearly, his brain did not store the requirements to see the humour in the situation.

   ((Anyway,)) I began. ((As I say, our situation has changed little on the deal front. She will, however, show us no mercy. That is clear now.))

   He nodded tentatively. ((So are we going to continue wallowing in depression, sir?))

   ((No,)) I answered, and I felt a smile creeping over my face. I had not felt that sensation in a while, but as a plan began to finally hatch in my cranium I felt as if it was wholly deserved. ((We’re not going to sit around like a pair of lemons anymore, Ayattil. We are going to fix this mess. I’ve thought of something.))

   Ayattil brightened and stood straighter, stomping a hoof at attention. ((You have, sir?!))

   ((I have. Listen closely…))


	25. Chapter 25

**Chapter 25**

((Okay, Ayattil, is everything clear?))

   ((Everything is clear, sir!)) He replied staunchly.

   ((Are you absolutely sure?)) I requested, not entirely convinced.

   ((Absolutely, sir.))

   I still wasn’t absolutely sure, but one could never be fully certain when Ayattil was involved in proceedings. I massaged my head to calm whatever stress was knotting within and dragged my front-right hoof against the cold ground. We were stood outside of a clothes store, south of our hotel, watching as the crowds of Humans waved past at the peak of the Earth day. Parked beside the store window, unable to move because of the sheer mass of creatures before us, I was beginning to get frustrated and equally hungry.

   ((Okay then, let’s go.))

   I waited for the opportune moment and moved away from the shop window. Ayattil briskly followed, and we tucked our tailblades beneath us as we emerged into the sidewalk freeway. A couple of people yelled angrily as if we had moved into their direct path, while a couple others froze and watched, perhaps intimidated by our sudden and unexpected appearance. By now, both of us had gotten used to such reactions, and we kept going along our way.

   There was a reason that I was in my own form. Not for convenience, obviously.

   We were headed in the direction of our hotel again, but on our current path was a small bakery that created a whole variety of treats. Barging through the Human traffic, we approached our destination, stepping on only a few shoes. When the crowds opened up again, we slumped forward and took on more relaxed positions to enter the establishment.

   The store interior was dark, considerably more so than that of many other stores, but that was indeed deliberate, as the low lighting complimented perfectly the mahogany feel that filled the space. It served brilliantly to highlight all of the products on show, which were illuminated clearly by bulbs lining the shelves and tables. The room was a little compressed, but at the same time comfortable, and that was one of the major reasons why I frequented it. That, and the food.

   “Good morning, sir!” Came a familiar voice as we closed the door behind us. The Human male could be heard over the light whisperings of the few other customers dotted around the store and the usual car horns outside.

   I took the lead, pushing Ayattil back with a gentle flick of my hand when he moved towards the Human. Ahead, at the far end of the room, was a large counter decorated professionally with the usual cash register and leaflets, with added casings on either side that exhibited rows of appetising bread products. Behind all of that, stood in a vertically-striped red and white apron, was Mr Smith. He was the owner.

   He smiled invitingly as the pair of us strolled right up to the counter. “Good morning, sirs,” He repeated. “How may I help you today? Ah, I know!”

   Mr Smith ducked over to the left side of the counter, and ever-so-delicately removed a block of rough, dark fudge from atop its sparkling white plate.

   “This is my double choc chip Belgian chocolate fudge!” He announced proudly as he showcased it before us, swooping it slowly beneath our noses. “Very popular with Andalites this season, I should add.”

   ((Mr Smith,)) I said, attempting to politely intrude. ((You introduced me to that particular delicacy last week.))

   He gawked, and then narrowed his eyes suspecting. “You are… Ah! Yes! Nicalor!” He finally sussed. “Is that you? I recognise your voice.”

   I smiled. ((Yes, it is me.))

   “My apologies, Nicalor. I’ve only ever seen you in a Human body, you know,” He laughed. “You know, I think you look better in your own body.”

   ((Yes, yes, thank you,)) I mumbled impatiently. ((Now, Mr Smith, I have grown very fond of your apple pies.))

   His face shone brightly. “Ah, yes! My apple pie! Of course, that is one of our best selling products, my good friend!” He ducked again, this time to the right side of the counter. From there, he retrieved a golden, aromatic apple pie. I could already feel the imaginary Human tongue in the depths of my mind dripping with saliva.

   ((I’m not at all surprised. It’s absolutely wonderful,)) I complimented genuinely. ((I’ll take two of those, if you don’t mind.))

   Mr Smith grinned from ear to ear, and quickly began to package up two of the delicious desserts in white paper bags.  “I know you’ll love them.” He thought to add, placing those paper bags inside white card boxes.

   ((I’m sure will,)) I replied, handing the two boxes over to Ayattil as they came in my direction. ((How many American dollars will that be?))

   “Ten dollars, sir.”

   I thought that ten dollars was good value for apple pies of such high quality, and I gladly reached down into my utility belt. I unzipped the top, pulled open the flap, and dug my hand in to search between the contents within, finding a whole maze of objects in the way. Unable to see clearly inside, I turned to face the front of the store to get some more light in, and it helped me to move aside some of the trickier obstacles.

   Eventually, I pulled from the belt some American money. Ten dollars that were fair exchange for the delightful flavours to be found within Mr Smith’s breaded confectionaries. I proceeded to hand the money over to Mr Smith, who took it graciously and thanked me for the exchange.

   ((Thank you, Mr Smith.))

   “Oh, please, Nicalor. Call me Lenny.”

   ((Okay, Lenny. I will from now on,)) I said, and with a courteous bow, ((Thanks again. I’m sure I’ll be back again within the week for some more of your delicious pies.))

   “I look forward to it, my friend!” He called as Ayattil and I turned to head for the door.

   With our lunch in hand, we exited the establishment to the busy New York street. So eager to delve into what I had just purchased, I decided to have a quick teaser, maybe just a sniff. I passed one of the containers to Ayattil, and pulled the other open to gaze upon the beauty of what sat before me. My nose held over, I could take in the powerful scents. It made my front legs quiver, and, knowing that I was unable to eat it in my own form, I quickly closed the container before the sensations ravaged my usually sane mind.

   ((I like this plan, sir.)) Ayattil commented, doing the same with the container that he held. I snatched it back.

   ((It is certainly one of my better plans, yes,)) I agreed, pulling them both beneath my left arm. ((Now, the next step. Let’s get back to the hotel.))

   We did just that, wandering again through the dense mob of Humans, dodging past curious tourists and enraged rush-hour suits, occasionally being pulled aside to have our pictures taken by some who wished to be seen with “real Andalites”, as if they had only just discovered our existence. I had to refuse a small female youth who wished to ride on my back, something that hadn’t yet been requested until that moment.

   The rest of the journey was largely uneventful, and after Ayattil had ceased ogling the reception staff of our hotel yet again, we made the long journey up eight floors. Back in my hotel room, things were about to become a little more complicated.

   Stage one was complete. It may not have seemed like much, but it was perhaps one of the more crucial movements that we had to make. I dropped the two pies down on my desk, for they had served their main purpose, and they would serve their second later when I was feeling hungry.

   Ayattil held a kind of steely determination in his eyes, and though I was quick to realise that any confidence that he ever showed was most often misplaced, it pleased me to know that his role would not be overly taxing. In fact, it was simple.

   Though I find that simple is still rather challenging for him.

   ((Right, Ayattil,)) I addressed, clasping my hands together positively to hide any nerves that pervaded my exterior. ((Next step, and this is the one that I, personally, will definitely find to be the toughest to bear. First, we’ll go to your room.))

   I hated Ayattil’s room with every particle of all of my hearts, but, once again, it was a necessity for us to be in there, if only for a short period of time. We moved one of the pies to Ayattil’s room, faking a friendly visit. I dropped the container on one of his jars and inspected his room. Already, it had developed the same aura of hopelessness and blandness that was his trademark.

   There was a blind spot in his room, the far corner where he slept, where not even birds flying outside could see. Though I really wished not to, I followed him there to commence the very worst stage of my spectacular plan.

   ((Okay, Ayattil,)) I sighed. ((Go ahead. Just be quick about it.))

   ((Do you want me to face you, sir, or should I look the other way?))

   ((I don’t care,)) I grumbled. ((Just get it over with!))

   ((Okay, sir, here I go…))

   I couldn’t bear to look, even though my pride told me that I should. I turned away, crossed my arms in a petulant strop, and awaited for him to speak up again. There were some slight squelchy noises behind me. The sounds of stretching bone, shifting cartilage, to be exact. There was the sound of less lumbered breathing.

   ((Ready, sir.)) I heard him say.

   Without turning, I twisted a stalk eye in his direction. What I witnessed sickened me to my stomach, and deep shudders made their way like venom up my legs and tail. I found myself lost for words, and remained in my stationary, reluctant stance.

   ((Your body is so comfortable, sir!)) He exclaimed.

   I shook my head grievingly. ((I cannot believe that I have permitted you to morph my body, Ayattil. A lowly turnip such as you, taking a form as splendid as my own. It sickens right to the core, and tears at every piece of happiness in my mind. What’s left of it…))

   He smiled at me with my own face and swung his stalk eyes around, testing my more robust frame. ((Wow, sir! It’s as if everything has been put into perspective now!))

   ((What do you mean?))

   ((I can see things from angles that I never knew possible, sir,)) He squeaked with glee. ((So this is what it’s like to be tall…))

   ((Ayattil,)) I groaned. ((I’m only five inches taller than you.))

   ((And it makes such a difference, sir! I shall cherish this wonderful memory.))

   ((You certainly will not!)) I demanded. ((I don’t want this to be mentioned to anybody, do you understand? Not even to your snivelling, deformed offspring, when or if you ever have any.))

   His smiled dispersed, to be replaced by his typical bland expression. ((I don’t think I want to have offspring, sir.))

   ((Oh? And why not?))

   ((Well, sir, my mother always told me that children are creatures that bring great despair and incomparable evil. Harbingers of pain and suffering beyond even the most crazed and sadistic imagination, sir.))

   ((Your mother should know that better than anybody,)) I replied. Then I shook my head, and uttered, ((No more distractions. Let’s do this before I become physically ill.))

   I reached my hands behind my back and unlocked the clip that hung my utility belt around my waist, loosening it and eventually pulling it free. I held it up in the air and allowed Ayattil to take it and fasten it around himself. He required some help, and it felt so awkward and strange putting the belt around what was essentially myself.

   ((Could we go over the plan again, sir?)) Ayattil requested once the belt had been tightened.

   ((I suppose, to be on the safe side,)) I agreed. ((You are now disguised as me.))

   ((Yes, sir.))

   ((We are in your room, beside you bed, where you are supposed to be sleeping. They cannot see us from here, because I checked the room thoroughly for hidden _krymu_ cameras. In your disguise, you will journey to the store known as _Ben’s Bites,_ where they are today holding an annual cake sale, and purchase one of the items. Something with chocolate in it.))

   ((Dark chocolate, sir?))

   I nodded. ((Preferably. Meanwhile, I will be safely tucked away in the utility belt. When you are there, you must make your way to the back of the store. There should be a large purple-striped box, given to the store by the winner of this year’s _Let’s Bake A Cake_ competition. You must drop me into that box without being seen. I have been studying the local area for a while now, and every food-based event around the city, and I am certain that Ardina’s gang will strike there specifically for _that_ cake. You will then leave the store with a chocolate cake, and they will be unlikely to suspect any untoward activity. Come back to the hotel, and enter my room. Put the cake in the fridge.))

   Ayattil nodded, his attention fortunately still present. ((And then I make the call, sir?))

   ((Yes. You will use my personal computer to call Neechun. He’s recovered, so he will be back in the offices. What must you say to him?))

   He smiled proudly, clearly having remembered. ((I have located the criminals. Don’t bother lending your help, because I don’t need it.))

   ((Well, done,)) I congratulated, surprised. ((Ardina will then be passed on the information, if my detective skills are correct, and she will promptly send out her largest grunts to have me killed.))

   Ayattil scratched at his head. ((And what if they aren’t correct, sir?))

   ((Then I’m dead. However, I always trust my own skills, and I am not wrong with this one. I know it.))

   ((So,)) Ayattil began to summarise. ((The larger bad people from the base won’t be there when the cake arrives. They will be at the hotel, murdering me.))

   ((Precisely. It makes my part of the job much easier,)) I pointed out. ((Though, please try not to get murdered, because as soon as you have made the call, I want you to demorph and make your way out to the base. They should ignore you, because you are so ineffectual in every possible way. We can then double-team those that remain.))

   He looked distinctly puzzled, and even anxious. ((Sir, you’ve never done anything like this before. Will it work?))

   I paused to consider, but I didn’t allow any doubt to seep into the well of positivity that I had been building up. ((I’m sure it will work. They are dealing with a detective, so the last thing they will be expecting is for me to infiltrate their base while it is operation and take them head-on. I will be just like that Human we saw on the television the other day. James Bond, I think his name was.))

   ((What are you going to do about Ardina?)) He asked.

   I smiled. ((Don’t worry. I’ll deal with her. Now, I will morph, and we can get going.))

   Closing my four eyes, I pictured the form in my head, and instantly I felt the changes begin. The plant was a horrible, debilitating morph that I had sworn never to use again, but once more I found myself in a situation where it was the best choice on the metaphorical table. My arms began to shrink, and the nerves that branched through them dulled and faded. Within seconds, I was on the ground, unable to feel anything and immobile.

   ((Is everything okay, sir?)) Ayattil asked in concern.

   ((Everything is fine, Ayattil. When the morph is complete, put me inside the utility belt. Take everything else out of it except for the money that we need.))

   A short pause occurred while my entire field of senses simply switched off. I was left only with my mind. Then, ((I’ve emptied it, sir. Just waiting until you finish… Okay, I’ve put you in the belt, sir!))

   ((Good job. Now, take us to Ben’s Bites.))

   The establishment was not too far away, being a fifteen minute walk at most. I had examined the route the day before so that I could guide Ayattil whenever he forgot where to go (which was often). He grumbled about the busy streets, and I felt sympathy to a degree. Really, I was more concerned about him losing the utility belt or acting so out-of-character that he gave away the disguise. Our enemies would definitely be watching.

   ((I think I’m there, sir.))

   I awoke from my bored stupor when he made that announcement approximately eighteen minutes after leaving the hotel. ((Are you sure? What do you see?))

   ((Lots of people.)) He informed.

   ((It’s New York, Ayattil. There’s always going to be lots of people,)) I sighed. ((Can you see Ben’s Bites?))

   ((Yes, sir. And there are lots of people outside eating. There are a couple of tables with cakes on them.))

   I would have smiled if I could. ((That means that the event must have started, which is good. Remember, enter the building, and head to the back. The purple box should be there.))

   ((Okay, sir.))

   I hated the excessive pauses, especially with Ayattil being in full control of the situation. I waited for a while as he hummed incoherently, locating our required destination. Much to his credit (he was on good form, it seemed), he managed to find it. With me starting to lose hope, he perked up.

   ((I’m by the purple box, sir,)) He announced cheerfully. ((And it smells delicious!))

   ((Are you sure that it’s the right one?)) I asked.

   He hummed inquisitively. ((It’s at the back of the store, sir. It’s purple with white stripes. Or is it white with purple stripes…?))

   I groaned. ((Don’t worry about the details. Just store the memory of the location in your head and go to the lavatories. I want to remorph to give as much time as possible.))

   ((Okay, sir, I’m heading over there now.)) He replied dutifully.

   In no mood to wait, I began to morph as soon as he had announced that we were safely alone in the lavatories. At the last moment, Ayattil remembered to remove me from the utility belt, and following a couple minutes of blindness, I awoke from my senseless state leaning up against the bathroom counter.

   ((Ayattil,)) I grumbled. ((Could you not have dropped me within one of the stalls, just to avoid the likely situation of any Humans walking in here and seeing me? Ardina’s spies could be just on the other side of that door!))

   ((Sorry, sir. I thought a stall would be a bit too cramped for you.)) He explained.

   ((As long as nobody saw me…))

   Ayattil shook his head assuredly. ((Nobody saw you, sir.))

   ((Then we got lucky. Remember, no screw-ups today. Just this _one_ day. Please.))

   ((I’ll try, sir.))

   ((Now,)) I huffed. ((I will enter one of the stalls and morph back to plant. I will have just less than two hours, once I am in place, to reach the base. That is assuming that they plan to strike at the same time of day as they usually do: Just after midday. Did you see anybody suspicious?))

   Ayattil nodded. ((I saw one of the large men, sir. He didn’t see me.))

   ((Excellent! Everything is going according to plan. Place me in the box, and then get home, make the call, and join me back at the base entrance as soon as you can.))

   He stomped a hoof on the ground. ((Yes, sir!))

   Though I admired his determination, I was still so greatly put-off as I watched him perform his own habits in my prouder, more elegant body. As my final cringe faded, I pushed into one of the cramped lavatory stalls and began the morphing process yet again, making absolutely sure that I wouldn’t fall into the toilet bowl.

   ((Are you finished yet, sir?)) Ayattil asked a short while after my senses left.

   ((How do I know?)) I grumbled. ((You tell _me_!))

   ((… I think you’re done, sir. I’m putting you in my belt now.))

   ((Quickly now,)) I rushed him. ((Get me in that box, make a purchase, and get back to the hotel.))

   ((On my way, sir!))

   There wasn’t much to describe during the next few minutes as Ayattil got into position. The life of a plant, I had found, was very boring indeed, and all that I could do in those spare moments was pick out potential flaws in my rather gung-ho plan. There were a few I could spot, most if not all revolving around Ayattil’s potential foolery.

   ((I’m behind the box, sir,)) He proclaimed. ((It’s pretty big…))

   ((It will be. Make sure nobody is looking, and put me in. Also, hide me well, between one of the cake layers.)) I instructed as clearly as possible.

   ((Nobody’s looking, sir. I’m opening the box, and… ooh!))

   ((What?!)) I demanded.

   ((It’s a very big cake, sir!))

   I sighed and mumbled something incoherent. ((Of course, Ayattil, it’s the centrepiece. How many layers does the cake have?))

   ((Um, three, sir.)) He reported.

   ((Three. In that case, place me between the top two layers, without breaking them. Make sure I’m completely hidden.))

   A long pause occurred that filled me with no confidence. ((Done, sir.))

   I simply had to be sure that he didn’t mess anything up, and so I asked, ((Did anybody see you?))

   ((No, sir.))

   ((Good. Finally, Ayattil, place the _krymu_ device in the box, facing upwards.))

   It was another precaution. The device had been linked beforehand to my personal computer, which was now in Ayattil’s possession, so that he could keep track of what was happening around me. Specifically, he would know when the box was opened, and in what kind of environment, and the _kyrmu_ was so tiny that it was nearly impossible to see with the unsuspecting eye.

   ((I’ve done that, too, sir.))

   ((Well done, Ayattil,)) I said. ((Go buy something and head home. I will see you at the base.))

   ((I’ll try not to get murdered, sir.)) He promised, before heading off back to the hotel.


	26. Chapter 26

**Chapter 26**

   ((Ayattil?!)) I called for approximately the twenty-sixth time. Again, no answer came.

   I was beginning to have some serious second-thoughts about my rather aggressive plan, because my time in morph was going dangerously close to two hours, and I had still not heard from my faithful-if-dim assistant.

   ((Ayattil,)) I repeated. ((If you can hear me, please respond! I only have seven minutes left!))

   Nothing, which was hugely worrying. I would have to demorph very soon, because being trapped in the body of a plant would make me wish that I were dead. Demorphing, however, could mean that I would very quickly actually _be_ dead, were I to be noticed. Several other gruesome thoughts described themselves in my head, and I did my best to hold them off for as long as possible. I feared going mad.

   With luck, I could demorph and find myself alone in an empty room somewhere within the base. Another good location would be in the back of whatever vehicle they would be using to transport me.

   And of course, all of this depended on whether the criminals had taken the cake in the first place. That seemed likely, however, because even Ayattil had enough brain cells to inform me of a mission abort.

   Maybe I was being loaded into the Processor, and my body was being slowly fed into Ardina’s waiting hooves…

   I needed to get out of the box!

   ((…Sir! Wh…))

   ((Ayattil?!)) I gasped squeakily. ((Ayattil, I can barely hear you!))

   ((Th… getting closer, sir!))

   ((Yes, you’re getting closer, Ayattil!)) I shouted with unrestricted excitement. ((Report to me!))

   ((Oh, hello, sir!)) He replied ((I’m out by the base. It’s cold out here.))

   I grumbled. ((Never mind the weather, Ayattil, I have just mere minutes left in this morph. Do you know where my box is?!))

   ((I’m not sure, sir.))

   ((Well did you see anything on the _krymu_ device?!)) I blasted, already angered.

   ((Yes, sir. About thirteen minutes ago, the box was opened.))

   ((And…?))

   ((Two Andalites were stood outside of the box, sir. They were looking inside of it.)) He explained.

   I pondered that. ((Did you see what was past them? Any indication of where they were?))

   ((It was dark, sir. Maybe a cave.))

   That was enough of a signal for me, and without hesitation I began the grotesque demorphing process. I was more than willing to take the substantial risk.

   ((Anything else to report, Ayattil?)) I asked as an aside.

   ((I made the call to Neechun, sir. He sounded a little miffed.))

   I laughed to myself. ((Of course he would, the pompous fool.))

   My body was changing rapidly, and I could feel my sensory nerves creating a surface on my half-plant, half-Andalite skin, popping up and throwing me into a deep state of tingly-ness. It had not happened like this before, and I began to wonder why.

   It struck me soon enough. I remembered that I had instructed Ayattil to place me within the cake’s layers. From there, I would be emerging.

   From somewhere, Ayattil was still yapping on at me. I began to take notice as he asked, ((What do I do now, sir?))

   ((Wait out of sight for now. Are you in Human morph?))

   ((Yes, sir.))

   ((Well stay that way for now. When I give a signal, demorph, and follow my instructions as I give them to you.))

   ((Okay, sir!))

   The morphing process was taking longer than usual. My major senses were still yet to return, and I was unfortunate enough to notice that my body’s touch receptors were of the first things to return. With them, I felt my legs and arms sprout from my body, and perhaps my head. It was hard to tell.

   What wasn’t so hard to tell, however, was the fact that my lungs were returning. I needed to breath, and the need rapidly became desperate. My nostril dug into my head, and yet they brought no relief. I came to the worrying conclusion that my box was sealed by more than just a cardboard lid.

   Worry turned to panic, as one of the more claustrophobic scenarios I had dreamt up was now becoming reality. I had to kick and stretch, a last resort to push my way from any closed packaging.

   ((Come on…)) I hissed to my own disobedient body, urging for my tail to appear. It stubbornly waited till the very end of the process, but just as I felt my body succumbing to suffocation, it stretched outward from my spine, the blade sharp as ever. With no hesitation, I thrust it upward, sliding through layers of cake and then through a harder layer. Not too hard.

   I slit the casing, and within seconds I was breathing again. Panting, but attempting to keep it silent, knowing that I would be lucky to get away with the last minute or so of struggling.

   Writhing around for a while, I managed to gain some grip on a surface strewn with the ex-contents of a once-fine cake. Using my tail further, I gently tore a hole big enough in the upper surface to lift my upper body from it. A stalk eye was sent out first to explore my new surroundings.

   Lucky was the only word I could think of to describe myself. There was nobody around. Nobody but for piles and piles of other boxes, some of the boring brown variety, and others more colourful and decorated with pleasant patterning, forming walls that separated me from the outside world.

   Looking directly upwards, I saw mostly blackness, but shards of light falling upon jagged, messy edges. I decided that I was somewhere underground. A cave, which was definitely a good sign.

   ((Okay, Ayattil. I’m demorphed, and I haven’t been spotted. I’ll make my way to security. You stay put.))

   Covered in cake product, I removed myself very cautiously from my box. I noticed that the reason I couldn’t breathe was that it had actually been sealed in some transparent plastic packaging. Every single box around me, too. Clearly, the group had been anticipating my arrival via their takings. Little did they know that I would be arriving as a small domestic plant.

   But that wasn’t the only precaution that they were taking. I peered between two stack of boxes, gazing upon what at first appeared to be a storage depot, filled with boxes both empty and undisturbed, dimly lit by several unprotected bulbs high above. On the ground, I saw a whole choir of animal repellents. There were bug zappers, bear traps, electric fences and lines of grids. Basically, everything that the Yeerks forgot to use during the war.

   I felt immensely proud of myself, and of the plucky plant. How useful it had turned out to be!

   As far as I could tell, I was alone. However, I couldn’t afford to be slack in my efforts to infiltrate the base. Looking around, I saw no signs of security cameras, but I knew that there would be one around. With all these boxes around, I knew that I would have plenty of cover if needed. I daintily jumped clear of the walls of boxes, clomping down onto a dusty, dark alleyway. Now, I could see where most of the light was coming from: Behind my collection of boxes was a large truck, and further behind still was a bright light, indicative of an entrance. Apparently, I had just been unloaded. Yet, I saw no signs of life…

   Avoiding the various animal traps on the ground, I travelled though the grim landscape in the direction I thought best to head in.

   I was stunned by the sheer amount that was in that storage room. What I saw was one half of empty boxes that I presumed would be taken away at some time, and another half of new boxes, almost lined up in a queue with the boxes growing more dishevelled as I moved forward.

   ((No, I’ll take those.))

   I froze in place when that sudden bout of thought-speak entered my head from close-by. Hoof steps followed, and they were just a pile of boxes or two away. I wasn’t alone after all.

   No matter. I was clever enough to get myself out of the situation. I found the nearest gap among the boxes and craftily pulled myself through, landing awkwardly but safely hidden among the empties. The footsteps neared, but at that point I was completely out of sight, aside from a stalk eye that I slipped around a corner.

   There were two of them walking side-by-side, unarmed. Two of Ardina’s group doing their rounds in the depot, perhaps as basic security or two of those that had delivered the day’s goods. I didn’t need to mess with them, as long as I didn’t get caught, so I waited for them to move further away and left my safety position. From there I continued.

   There wasn’t much left to see. Just around the corner, I found where the ceiling met the ground, where the boxes stopped piling up. To my right, and following the wall, the boxes continued, but in the distance I could see a clear landmark. It looked like a door, as golden light was spilling through, and there was a large grey trolley waiting unmanned. I imagined that to be the best route to take, so long as I didn’t come face-to-face with security.

   I moved stealthily, silently forward, cuddled up to the wall as close as possible to avoid detection by any security measures potentially around. My steps were light, and my movement restricted.

   I reached the door unscathed. Just as I thought, it was the entranceway to the rest of the base, signalled by a long corridor that stretched deep into the heart of the cave, illuminated much more brightly than the depot I was stood in.

   The sign reading “Main Base” was also a good indicator. It pointed straight forward. However, it was not what I was after.

   Quietly, I snuck up the few steps to the door and found myself clear of the vast open area, emerging into a much narrower setting. The corridor itself was set apart from the depot by a tiny entrance point, no larger than my hotel bathroom. It was merely an empty space with a door on either side. Nevertheless, it was a good place to take a much deeper breath than those I had been taking.

   Then I heard a noise. Nothing more than a shuffle, a hoof close by being shifted on the flattened rock ground. My tail bolted up and forward, my instinctual stance instantly coming into play.

   It was just around the corner, on the left of the corridor I was about to emerge in. If I could be quiet enough, I would have the advantage of an ambush attack. So I pressed myself up against the corridor doorway, and poked my right stalk eye around the frame…

   He was right there, a male with his back turned and his attention focused on a small wall panel. He didn’t strike me as a fighter, but more of a handyman just going about his daily chores. Nevertheless, he had to be dealt with if I were to move further into the base.

   Not only that, but looking at his utility belt, he may have been holding a number of useful items.

   Not to be immodest, but I dealt with the situation splendidly. I readied my stance, charged into the corridor, and before he had to chance to even cry out in shock, I had clobbered him with the blunt of my tail. He thumped against the wall, and the combination of events sent him to the land of the unconscious. He would probably be there long enough for me to get far enough away from him. He didn’t see me long enough to recognise me anyway.

   It was a proud, if alien moment for myself, but I wanted to make sure that I didn’t become complacent. After all, his duty didn’t require him to be on watch. Security guards would always be utilising their three-sixty degree vision. They would be almost impossible to sneak up on.

   Eager not to raise any eyebrows, I dragged the unconscious body (with the aid of the spare trolley) further down the corridor branching leftwards and into a spare room, making sure that it was clear as I entered. It was little more than a storage space, and it gave me time to inspect the worker’s utility belt. Meanwhile, I put him safely away in in large wooden box.

   The utility belt was mostly full of operational tools meant for electrical maintenance. So clearly, he was the base’s electrician. Luckily, I did find a set of keys with each of them labelled.

   It was unusual to see a solely Andalite-run organisation such as this one using mostly Human technology. Obviously, without support of any genuine Andalite businesses, and the sparseness of attainable Andalite equipment on Earth, it was all they could use. It was incredibly useful to me, because a set of keys can be used by anybody. An Andalite door would be unlocked by purely individual traits, such as eye patterning or finger-printing. I believe even some Human security systems have that, but it certainly wasn’t available for the average criminal.

   The electrician started to moan, and I took that as my cue to leave. I slapped him around the head again to make sure that he would be out for a little while longer, and shuffled back out into the corridor.

   Then I stumbled back in. In the doorway that I had just emerged from, I caught sight of a particularly menacing tail. It could only have belonged to a rather bulky guard. For the foreseeable future, I was stuck in the storage room.

   And then another brilliant idea popped into my head. With haste I went back over to the electrician’s temporary home, and placed my hand to his temple. I began to acquire his DNA, at the same time wondering how I hadn’t thought of such a plan sooner.

   With the electricians DNA a part of me, I began the simple transformation. I grew shorter by a fraction, and my hooves subtly changed shape to become a little more worn. I became a little uglier.

   When morphed, I put the belt on and became a spitting image of the person I had knocked out. Confidently, I strolled back into the corridor, where the security guard had fully emerged around the corner.

   He approached, the large bulky monster eyeing me over with a small Human projectile in hand. ((Yhurru, aren’t you supposed to be working?)) He huffed. ((All I see is slacking.))

   ((I’m not slacking,)) Was my instinctual response. ((Now let me get on with my work.))

   The guard bought it, rolling his eyes and scraping a hoof irritably on the ground. ((Fine.))

   I took the opportunity to move onwards, cantering down the narrow corridors now in search of whatever passed as the security room. In the worker’s body, I could travel anywhere in the facility undetected, as long as the real one wasn’t discovered and I could remain in character. Remaining by myself was the best option.

   All that aside, however, my task was by no means easy. Locating the security room was more of a challenge than I originally anticipated. The entire area of the facility was lined with monotone, directionless corridors that seemed to go on for an eternity. Most rooms were empty, void of anything but walls and cobwebs. Clearly, all this space had been constructed with the future in mind, because they were yet to use any of it.

   Without the aid of landmarks or signs telling me where to go, I was completely lost in the rows of orange-lit rectangular corridors.

   ((Nicalor, sir?))

   I stopped as Ayattil’s voice popped into my head. It was still very faint, but audible. ((What?))

   ((What’s happening in there? It’s been a long time…))

   ((Nothing much is happening. I’m fine, if that’s what you’re worried about.)) I replied.

   ((Have you found the security room, sir?))

   I groaned, slouching against the wall as my four eyes looked in every direction. ((No, and it’s starting to grate on me now. So keep quiet and let me concentrate.))

   Time would start to run short, and I knew that I had to begin making progress soon. I increased my pace, almost charging through the desolate, deserted corridors, knowing that the longer I took doing this, the chances of a successful mission decreased. Ardina’s assassins would return soon, I was sure of that.

   And then luck decided to show its beautiful face on the horizon. It was about time. As I rounded a corner after over an hour searching, a soft whirring noise rose up, coupled with a bright white light shining from a room on the right-hand side. Some form of activity was definitely good progress.

   Getting back into character, I slowed to a steady walk and approached whatever room was being utilised. On the way, just a few steps from the doorway, I came to a four-way junction.

   Looking right, I saw the entrance to the depot in the distance. I grumbled, and tried to forget about it.

   I walked in through the new doorway, engulfed in much brighter light than I had been. The whirring sounds became prominent, and brought my attention to a large white machine that filled the corner of the room. It was a distinctly Andalite style of design, not rectangular as Human objects but masterfully rounded to make a shape pleasing to the eye. Several polymer pipes were protruding from the machines sides, only to disappear into the walls behind.

   Sticking out like a sore thumb in the otherwise totally white room was a female, stood to the side and taking down some notes on a personal computer. One of her stalk eyes lifted to see me, and then promptly looked away. I was not of interest to her.

   ((Just doing some checks,)) I announced. ((Don’t mind me.))

   I may as well have spoken to a wall. She didn’t raise an eyebrow. I took that as a cue to do a little investigative work, and went over to the mysterious machine.

   It was mostly bland, nothing more than a huge white box that shuddered and shook on its own accord. On the side of the machine was a control panel, and so I shifted myself over to view it more clearly. The most noticeable feature was a vertical lever, annotated with an increasing power metre, currently set at zero. Aside from that, it was mostly buttons meant to change various settings for the machine.

   This was indeed the machine that I first thought it was. Ardina had mentioned that she had stolen the plans for the Feed for Andalite Processor, and so I assumed that she had simply made it larger, more capable of handling copious amounts of food. The female in the room that I deemed to be a scientist was probably working to improve the machine.

   Well, there wasn’t much that I could do with it, other than know what the stolen plans had produced.

   Then I heard some squeaking, the sound of something being rolled down the corridor outside. Sure enough, a trolley rolled up outside of the room, holding atop it a collection of boxes. I predicted there to be about twelve, medium-sized. Behind it was another worker, one of the two that had passed me back in the depot. He applied the trolley’s brakes, and started to unload the boxes into the room. Meanwhile, the scientist walked over to inspect the boxes.

   ((Salted chips, Double choc cookies, vanilla ice cream… Where’s the mint ice cream?)) The scientist hummed.

   The male worker carried over a brown box and dropped it before her, retreating to move the rest. ((Right there.))

   ((Okay,)) The scientist whispered with a hint of distaste. ((And… Twinkies?))

   ((Just in case we ever run out.)) He replied.

   Realising that spying on them might look suspicious, I averted my gaze and stepped away from the machine nonchalantly, fiddling with the tools in my belt.

   I was going to leave, but before leaving the room, the male worker who had now finished moving boxes, said, ((Yhurru, I thought you’d left.))

   My intelligent mind and quick wit allowed me to approach the situation calmly. ((Who? Me?))

   ((Yes,)) The worker grumbled. ((You left about thirty Earth minutes ago, claiming you were assaulted by the loading rooms. You said that you quit.))

   I admit that I did pause for a short while. ((Well, you know me…)) I responded casually and with a jesting sweep of my right hand.

   ((No,)) The female said. ((We don’t.))

   The male really didn’t seem to care. ((We don’t have time for this. Just get the food into the machine before we get found slacking. Remember what happened to Frasnet last week?))

   The scientists nodded grimly. ((You don’t have to remind me.))

   They got on with their work, which suited me just fine. Despite perhaps going a little out of character, it wasn’t enough to raise their suspicions. I watched as they emptied the boxes of their food items and dropped it all into the top of the machine. It whirred harder, breaking up all of the matter into a coarse liquid, destined to travel down the pipes and to a certain set of hooves.

   Running into Ardina would be a mistake, and it was not my intention to locate the main base where I had been taken before. I left the white room and continued to search for security. It didn’t take long.

   It was three doors down from the processor’s room. The door wasn’t marked or signified in any way, but as I pushed it open, a series of television sets lined up by the far wall told me all that I needed to know. The room was dark and barely lit up by the single bulb dangling from the ceiling, but I could make out the clear silhouette of somebody standing before the sets.

   I felt a cold chill. With somebody sat there watching the entire facility, no doubt my presence had been noticed.

   But I heard heavy breathing. Well, it wasn’t heavy, but more… restricted. It was loud and obnoxious, and reminded me a lot of Ayattil. The guard was snoring.

   Even while stood upright, the security guard had fallen asleep, his head and stalk eyes drooped forward in his peaceful slumber. Nevertheless, I had to move him so that he was no longer an issue.

   My hand searched in the darkness for a light switch. When it found what it was looking for, and when the room was lit up more clearly, I made a few more observation to assess the situation. The guard had been in the room alone, and that allowed me to calmly close the door and move him. In the end, I sent him further into unconsciousness and simply flopped him onto a pile of boxes in the corner. There was nowhere to hide him, and I wasn’t going to risk taking him out of the room.

   With him out of the way, I was free to get tangled up in the security. With it all being of Human origins, it was all spectacularly easy to figure out.

   ((Okay, Ayattil,)) I called out. ((I’m in the security room. I should be opening the door shortly. Get into position and demorph.))

   ((Right, sir!)) He responded faintly.

   I hummed silently to myself as I infiltrated the security systems. All simple stuff, accessing the main security computer to delete some recordings, open a few doors here and there. It was achieved in less than five minutes, and so far I had not been distracted. Not even by Ayattil.

   Speaking of Ayattil, I had to let him in. I could continue the mission by myself, but even I needed backup. (Even if that backup was Ayattil. In fact, he would probably be more of a hindrance than a help.) I flashed up a new camera on one of the television screens, and it displayed in black and white the entrance that we were dragged into when we came previously. It was little more than a tree with an unusually large hole beneath. At that moment, it was covered by an impassable layer of thickets, bushed and even barbed wire. A Hork-Bajir would struggle to get through.

   But with the flick of a button on my dusty old control panel, the entire blockage split seamlessly down the centre, and slowly opened up. The thorns and wire disappeared into the surrounding tree trunks, and the base was open to the world. I caught a glimpse of Ayattil, back in his own body, jump down from the bank and gingerly enter.

   All I had to do now was guide him to my location with the help of the many security cameras around the building. Even Ayattil could be sneaky with me telling him where to go. Judging by the overall view of the facility, most of Ardina’s grunts were still absent, so he would be unlucky to encounter someone.

   As long as he could avoid Ardina’s gaze. She was in her usual spot, sat like an overtaxed water balloon upon her great nest in the main room of the base, surrounded by a trusted number of lackeys. She was motionless, mostly, occasionally shuffling as she barked out indistinguishable orders. I saw the pipes from the processor beside her. They weren’t attached, which surprised me.

   She had gotten fatter since I last saw her. That _didn’t_ surprise me.

   ((Turn left at the next t- No, not that one,)) I continued to instruct, watching as Ayattil fumbled and bumbled his way through the entranceway. ((There’s a guard further down there, so take the next one.))

   ((The next one, sir?)) He asked, shrugging in the centre of the walkway.

   I sighed. ((Yes! The _next_ one. Now hurry up, or I’ll-))

   _Cl_ - _click_!

   I knew that sound. It was prevalent in all of the thriller movies I had watched since arriving on Earth. It caused me to immediately stop everything that I was doing, and turn my wrongfully inattentive stalk eyes behind me.

   The door had been opened, unbeknownst to me. Opened just enough to allow the barrel of a pistol through the gap, and a suspicious eye above it.


	27. Chapter 27

**Chapter 27**

   I didn’t dare move from my stationary position. I couldn’t even bring the courage to raise my hands in surrender, as the pistol took its aim right for my unprotected forehead, the four eyes of its keeper watching me intently.

   ((Don’t move,)) The male instructed forcefully, his pistol not moving an inch. ((Unless you’re in a rush to die.))

   ((Okay!)) I squeaked, still motionless. ((I’m not moving! Just don’t shoot!))

   He pushed the door open a little further, more of his bulky body coming into view, as well as his sharpened tail blade. ((What are you doing in here?))

   ((Oh, me?)) I fumbled, one hoof slipping from its position but correcting instantly. ((Just doing my rounds!))

   ((Rounds?)) The security guard snarled. Then, he pushed the door further open, and turned a stalk eye towards the unconscious body of the fellow guard crashed onto a pile of boxes. ((I really don’t believe you.))

   ((He’s taking a nap,)) I attempted, sounding about as believable as Ayattil’s résumé. ((I’m filling in for him.))

   The gun remained pointed, and the guard shuffled further into the room, standing like a tree trunk over me with his tail poised. ((I want you to demorph. Right now.))

   ((But this is my real bo-))

   ((Demorph!)) He yelled, pistol vibrating in his otherwise steady clutch.

   It was over, really. I had been caught, and my cunning had not allowed me to escape. I was stranded inside a tiny room, with a great big juggernaut of a security guard blocking the only escape route. Even with his presumably tiny brain, he could see through my pitiful disguise. I was about to do it. I was about to demorph, whereupon I would be taken into custody and most likely crushed like a fragile egg under Ardina’s ginormous gut.

   Thinking about it, suicide was probably the more dignified option. I raised my tail slowly, unthreateningly, and then-

   ((Sir! Hello!))

   I ceased my attempt at self-annihilation, and twitched when I saw Ayattil, perky and alive, stood just outside of the doorway. He waved a hand at me cheerfully.

   I could barely believe my eyes, but acting quickly, I pretended as though I could not see him, and that I had received no private speech from him. I started to demorph, as per my captors order. However, I spoke to Ayattil, ((Don’t move a muscle, Ayattil. I am being held at gunpoint by one of the guards, but I don’t think he can see you from where he’s standing.))

   ((Oh?)) Ayattil blinked. Then he started to step forward, trying to get a glimpse of the guard himself.

   ((Stop, Ayattil!)) I growled, hoping to the stars that he wouldn’t be spotted. ((Stay there, you dunderhead! You can’t let him see you or we’ll both be killed!))

   He froze solid in place, mid-step, and looked unnecessarily baffled. He needed instruction, not only for his sake but for mine as well.

   My captor was growing impatient. ((Demorph!)) He urged aggressively, shaking the pistol in my direction just in case I had forgotten of its presence.

   ((I’m demorphing as fast as my body will allow,)) I retorted, following various other grumblings. ((Just give me a minute.))

   Ayattil was still behind the door, yet to be noticed by the guard whose focus was entirely on me. I suddenly realised that my only way out of the scenario was to actually trust him to be competent for once in his pathetic life. I gazed down slyly to his tailblade with a lazy stalk eye, and felt relieved to see that, awful as it was, it would be enough.

   Besides, he was having a good day so far. I hoped so much that that would continue.

   ((What should I do, sir?)) Ayattil whined, slowly dropping his raised front hoof back to the floor.

   ((You have to knock him down. Or at least distract him enough so that I can strike him myself. Either way, aim for his head.)) I instructed carefully.

   ((Okay, sir.))

   I so desperately wanted to close my eyes, not particularly keen on seeing Ayattil’s – and consequently my own – inevitable failure. But I had no choice, as such an action could mean giving away our actions. I simply acted ordinary, like any other Andalite would when demorphing at gun point.

   Then, with an expected graceless stumble, Ayattil charged forward into the room, taking the guard completely by surprise. His lengthy tail jerked, began to rise in anticipation of a battle. Unfortunately for him, the advantage of time was not on his side, and though Ayattil was sluggish, clumsy and generally awful, he still had no chance to adequately defend his self. Ayattil landed a blow on the side of his head.

   It turned out that I was the lucky one. As Ayattil’s form became visible to the guard, some subconscious movement caused his finger to pull on the weapon’s trigger as he turned. The bullet zoomed past my right ear with a thunderous bang, loudly destroying one of the television screens placed upon the wall. I shuddered in place, and witnessed as Ayattil’s blow floored the armed guard. He stood with a smug look on his face.

   ((Don’t be too proud, Ayattil,)) I snapped. ((I am deducting your pay for nearly killing me. An inch to the right and I would be dead.))

   He was unaltered, and swung his tail happily. ((Sir, I did really well, didn’t I? Look, he’s unconscious!))

   It was no lie. The guard had fallen atop his fellow comrade, both of them set atop the pile of cardboard boxes with barely a twitch of a hoof.

   ((You did well, my loyal assistant,)) I congratulated with a deep urge not to. ((Though, he fired a shot when you spooked him. My ears are still ringing. That means two things: One, your pay is further reduced; and two, the other guards in the facility no doubt heard it, and are on the way to viciously murder us as we speak.))

   ((That’s not good, sir.)) Ayattil commented rather bluntly.

   My eyes trailed upwards, taking into vision the remaining screens that hung behind us on the dusty, cobwebbed wall. I watched as inevitable movement was displayed, a number of the gang streaming down the corridors in our direction. ((Not really.))

   ((What should we do, sir?))

  ((Well, isn’t it obvious, Ayattil?)) I said, reaching down to grab the pistol, dropped at the same time that its owner was. ((We have to get moving. Find a spare room, and plan from there, because we can’t stay here.))

   Ayattil nodded, and placed a hand on the door to pull it open. ((Then what, sir?))

   I was afraid that he would ask such a question. ((I’m not too sure. I hoped that we wouldn’t get their attention at this stage of the infiltration. We’ll have to improvise. Get around the oncoming security, and together we’ll rendezvous back here with Ardina’s forces thrown completely off-track. Hopefully, we’ll find some more of these on the way.)) I replied, shaking my pistol in the air.

   I made my way to the door, taking the lead as I usually would. But before I could cautiously enter the temporarily empty corridor, Ayattil had the gall to tap me on the shoulder, halting my progress.

   ((What now?)) I demanded with great impatience, my stalk eyes diligently surveying the corridor.

   Ayattil twitched with nerves, slunk back and mentioned, ((You look… different, sir.))

   I raised an eyebrow. ((How?))

   ((I don’t know, just… different.))

   I paused briefly to consider, and then realised that his timely distraction earlier had occurred while I was mid-morph. I was still half-electrician. With that realisation, I started to finish the demorphing process.

   ((That’s because I haven’t finished demorphing,)) I huffed. ((I knew that perfectly well. Now, do everybody a favour and say nothing for the rest of this infiltration. Just take orders.))

   Ayattil said nothing. It was a good start.

   I completed my demorphing on the way to what I assumed to be a safer location. I lead Ayattil back down into the catacombs where there was little to be found other than dust and cobwebs, and that was where I intended to formulate a plan.

   We came to the most deserted area that I could recall, and perked our ears for any signs of life nearby. We heard nothing.

   ((Sir, I don’t want to break my silence…))

   ((You just did.)) I commented.

   ((But… why is this place so big. And so empty?)) He asked. I didn’t mind what turned out to be a normal, sensible question.

   I smiled. ((I imagine that they plan to expand, much like Ardina has. Their organisation is growing with every heist. For now, though, it only increases our chances of moving around undetected.))

   With that confidence I gazed in both directions, and, deeming us safe, pushed into the nearest door. The room where we would formulate our plan was empty, mostly. A few boxes, a table. And, of course, an Andalite.

   He found us with his stalk eyes, and turned with an expression of disgust and recollection.

   ((Brilliant,)) I sighed. ((You just happen to be in _this_ room.))

   The worker raised his tail, and began to creep forward. What he didn’t see initially, though, was my weapon, and he ceased his movement as soon as he saw it. While I was armed with long-distance weaponry, he was not.

   I laughed tauntingly, and swung the gun playfully in the air. ((This is interesting. Usually, this situation would be reversed!))

   The enemy glared, and dropped his tail as a sign of surrender. ((Damn you, Nicalor. How did you get a gun?))

   He caught me completely off-guard by announcing my name, and I immediately pressed him for an explanation as to how he knew it. ((How do you know me?)) I demanded. ((Because I certainly don’t know you.))

   ((Of course you wouldn’t recognise me,)) He sneered. ((I was always in my Human morph. I was spying on you.))

   ((Oh, right,)) I chuckled. ((I forgot that I was being spied on.))

   My spy narrowed his eyes, one of which was still locked on my weapon. ((So, Nicalor, what now? You have me, alone, in this room far from anybody else, and you have a Human gun. You’re going to kill me?))

   ((Well it certainly seems to be the best option,)) I mused. ((I can’t let you run off to announce my presence to your fellow delinquents.))

   His stance, to my surprise, eased. He became relaxed. ((Come now, Nicalor,)) He spoke. ((You really would kill somebody who has surrendered?))

   I grumbled in consideration. ((Does it matter?))

   He laughed very lightly. ((How would that story go down? Local detective shoots surrendering criminal?))

   That made me reconsider with great seriousness. ((I… You…))

   ((And we’re on camera,)) The criminal added, gesturing to a blatant security camera on the corner of the room. ((Evidence for your detective friends.))

   Ayattil moved forward into my main line of vision. ((What are you going to do, sir?))

   ((I should deal with this criminal,)) I spoke formally. ((But he is right. If I shoot him, then I will be no better than he is. A common wrongdoer. Unless he attacks me first, of course.))

   Ayattil nodded, taking in the information. Then, he said to the criminal, ((Are you going to attack us?))

   ((Of course not,)) He answered, opening his palms to us. ((Just place the weapon in the centre of the room, and we will go our separate ways. Nobody will know of this little meeting. I will leave the facility, and you will not be faced with the awkward situation that you are in now.))

   I was suspicious. ((Do you promise me that?)) I pressed.

   ((You have my word.))

   He seemed genuine, and he had quite clearly pointed out my tricky position. I relented, and stepped forward to place the gun on the ground between us. I stood back again to resume the stalemate, intending to turn around and leave the scene with dignity intact.

   He picked up the weapon, and aimed it at me. ((Freeze!))

   Ayattil and I raised our hands in instant surrender. I began to wonder what had just happened, and quickly found something to blame. ((Ayattil!)) I boomed. ((How did you not see that coming, you incompetent fool!))

   ((But, sir, I-))

   His rebuttal was interrupted by the stampeding of hooves behind us. From the doorway appeared the entire security team, armed and thoroughly, inalterably grumpy. Our initial captor smirked.

   ((You are no James Bond, Nicalor,)) He boasted. ((How could you even pretend to be so? You couldn’t infiltrate a can of beans with a can opener! So totally inept, and soon to be so totally dead.))

   ((It appears so.)) I huffed in light frustration.

   I certainly did not feel like James Bond. I didn’t even feel like a cheap spoof of that character. All I could feel was the impending doom creeping up on my itching brain. We were next led through the long, daunting corridors of the facility, completely surrounded and contained by the ever-bulky security who would joke about our humiliating, failed attempts at infiltration. Ayattil was more annoying than ever with his incessant whining and questioning, and I was repeatedly asking for my captors to slap him unconscious. However, they saw it as torture, and willingly allowed it to continue.

   ((Sir, are they going to kill us?)) He panicked, shaking visibly as we walked onwards.

   ((Yes, Ayattil!)) I shouted. ((Now stop asking!))

   ((But, sir, I don’t want to die!))

   ((It’s probably for the best.)) I grumbled.

   He continued to whine with great distress. ((Oh, sir, isn’t there some way out of this mess?))

   ((Well,)) I began casually. ((Not unless a completely unexpected and yet inexplicably convenient distraction arises, allowing us to break free of our captors and run for the hills.))

   That did little to deter his fears. Large words were never ones to bring Ayattil much comfort, but it was as simple as I could put it. Our situation was pretty dire.

   ((Sir,)) Ayattil spoke up again. ((Can I ask a question?))

   ((Go ahead, Ayattil. Just make it quick.))

   ((What was the plan, again?))

   I hummed, and explained. ((Whatever it was, this was not a part of it. Basically, I was foolish enough to think that I could successfully infiltrate and disable a criminal organisation.))

   ((What were you going to do?)) Ayattil grunted as we were forced around a tight corner in the hallway.

   ((Disable their security,)) I muttered. ((Close their doors, take out the guards, and send out a signal to the department to bring them here. In the end, I didn’t even pass step one.))

   ((You never know, sir,)) Ayattil responded, some hope re-emerging in his voice. ((Maybe Neechun will come in and save us!))

   I laughed abruptly. ((Not likely. He couldn’t find his own elbows, let alone a secret base.))

   We came to the main centre of the base, inevitably so. The room in which we had previously met the once-friendly Ardina, finally discovering one of the key figures of the criminal movement. Nothing had changed, and it felt far too familiar, the images still cruelly stuck in my head after the last time. Not even the creature that sat on her own great pedestal in the centre of the rocky palace had changed in any way.

   She was there, of course. We knew it long before we even saw her, as we could hear her consistent flatulence from a considerable distance. When she saw us, she smirked, a punishing smile across her eyes. I had to hold onto her gaze, to keep whatever remained of my dignity by facing my opponent with at least some level of courage. It was made harder with Ayattil almost bursting into hysterics beside me, causing a variety of disturbing noises.

   Marched into a curious spotlight placed directly before Ardina’s grotesque form, our guards backed off to leave us alone, but by no means less captured. There we stood, defiant (mostly) before our enemy.

   ((Nicalor,)) She began in her now inappropriately petite voice. ((You didn’t take my warnings seriously, did you?))

   I folded my arms reluctantly, keeping my stance straight. No longer did I have to worry about quivering back legs. ((You thought that I would?))

   ((Not really. You’re too stubborn, and too much of an idiot. Mostly the latter.)) She accused.

   I could have winced at the insinuation, but my pride would not allow it. ((Must you name-call, Ardina? You’re hardly in a position to do so…))

   Her smile vanished fully, replaced with a blank, but ponderous stare. ((You know, I don’t let people get away with crossing us twice. Rarely do we let them cross us once without dealing with them. You have been given the chance to back off, and yet you haven’t.))

   ((I never intended to,)) I replied forcefully. ((My job is to deal with people such as you.)) I added a distinct hiss to the statement to display my distaste.

   Ardina smirked, rubbing a hand over her expansive gut. ((And now, I must deal with _you_.))

   Ayattil spoke up, visibly shaking. ((Are you going to eat us, Ardina?))

   She blinked, taken aback by his understandably presumptuous question. ((Um, no.))

   I sighed, and turned an eye to my mistaken assistant. ((More likely, she will crush us to death.))

   ((Oh,)) Ayattil nodded, briefly appeased, but only to sink back into distress when he realised that the option was no more pleasant than the last.

   Ardina seemed offended. ((Crushing? Eating? Where are you getting these ideas from?))

   At that, both of us seemed unconvinced at her ignorance. I lifted my hands, palms up, indicating the great expanse of her body. ((Where do you think?))

   ((Ah, yes,)) Ardina giggled. ((The fat thing. I suppose that’s why.))

   ((Probably.)) I offered.

   She shook that particular conversation off, and got us back on track. ((No crushing or eating. I’m not a savage. I will kill you, of course, but our resident executioners are currently searching for you in the city. They’ll be on their way back right now.))

   ((Great,)) I commented privately to Ayattil. ((Even less chance of escape.))

   Ardina continued after a brief pause to break wind, ((My guards will take you to a cell. When our fellows return, you will be killed.))

   I bowed mockingly. ((Too lazy to kill us yourself? It’s no wonder you’ve become such a blimp.))

   ((Oh, shut up, Nicalor,)) She huffed impatiently. ((Now if you’ll excuse me, it’s time for my fourth lunch.))

   She clicked her finger. Instantly, two of her subordinates raced to her sides while she waited, each taking in hand a pipe. Ardina shifted her front hooves so that they weren’t hidden beneath her stomach, and allowed them to fix the pipes that clearly led back to the Processor that I had discovered earlier.

   I was momentarily distracted, but Ayattil was still cowering, pleading for his life to be spared. Hooked up to her feeding apparatus, however, Ardina was in little mood for mercy, and grumbled, ((Are you still here?))

   ((It appears so.)) I replied, unfurling my arms.

   ((Well leave! My guards will take you away and promptly torture you on the way to your cells. Here,)) She said, clicking her fingers. ((Try this for starters.))

   I noticed Ayattil fall momentarily silent, accompanied with a blunt slam. A guard had slammed him in the back of the head. He fell forward, but brought himself back up, mumbling pathetically.

   ((You won’t get away with this, Ardina,)) I cursed when her guards roughly began to drag us away. I swung my tail angrily in the air, intended as a threat to the great blob that sat ahead. ((When I am missing, the entire police department will be tracking me!))

   ((Yes,)) She chimed smugly. ((And that’s why your body will be dropped into the nearest ocean. Don’t worry, we’ve thought everything through!))

   I had seen enough of her, and not just in the literal sense. I turned all eyes away and proceeded to tussle with the guards dragging me away, only to receive a slam of my own. My eyes blurred for a short while, and when they regained their usual strength, we were out of the central room. I cursed at the guards tugging at my arms and tried to fling my tail forward, to find that it had been tied to my right hind leg. Walking was much more difficult in that kind of situation.

   Ayattil was clearly feeling woozy, and was putting up much less of a fight. Nevertheless, the guards were creating an unnecessary stir, shaking him around, punching and kicking his barely conscious form.

   ((Must you beat us?)) I demanded sternly. My answer came as a hoof to my side and little more than that. I grumbled something rude in return, and they were a little more accepting of that.

   They dragged us all the way back in the direction we originally came from, and for a moment I believed that we would be hauled into the depot for some ghastly reason. I certainly didn’t remember seeing the holding cells down that route, but I simply assumed that I had missed something on the way.

   Then I spotted something that I hadn’t expected. I saw a loading trolley, a few stray boxes decorating its surface. It was the same one that had delivered food to the processor room earlier, and its keeper had seemingly abandoned it for whatever reason. I thought quickly and decisively, took some time to read over the labels of each box. In the end, that didn’t matter, because only one of them had been opened. I quickly discovered why that trolley had been abandoned in such a rush.

   ((Ayattil,)) I spoke privately, not even sure if he was still alive at that point. ((Are you okay?))

   ((I think so, sir.)) Came his weak reply.

   ((Fit enough to run?))

   ((I think so, sir.))

   I took that as yes, or close enough. ((When I knock that open box over, we run. Follow my lead, and hopefully we can lose them.))

   One of his stalk eyes blinked open and located the box in question. He nodded lightly, indicating his willingness.

   ((Okay. Be ready.)) I warned. From that point, the only issue was my positioning. I needed to be close enough to the trolley to kick it and send the contents across the floor. It would mean stretching out, but I believed that I had the energy to do it quickly before a guard could slap me away. It was our best chance, and not one I was willing to miss.

   We came to the trolley. The guard to my left attempted to force me around it wide, and I let him at first. But when we came adjacent to it, I immediately, and without warning, barged into him. He tripped over the trolley before snarling angrily and getting up to attack me.

   He had no time. Without the guard now on my left, I was free to kick out with a free hoof. I even had the space to kick the box, making no mistake in spilling its contents. Indeed, they covered a good portion of the corridor, dispersing handily to greater increase our chances of escape.

   Cinnamon buns. Plenty to keep even the hardiest Andalite distracted. Every guard hesitated, looked to one another, and then the frenzy began. They lost all interest in us, and dived down to fill their arms with the delicious goodies.

   I was tempted, of course, but my stubborn brain refused to give in. ((Come, Ayattil! Follow me!))

   I looked to him, and instantly I saw the temptation in his eyes. He didn’t budge, half of him wanting to join the guards in their undignified indulgence.

   ((Sir…)) He blubbered.

   ((Forget them, Ayattil,)) I ordered. ((If you stay, they will kill you once all the buns are rescued.))

   ((But, sir, they’re so…))

   ((Scrumptious? Yes,)) I said. ((When this mission is over, Ayattil, I will buy us a whole pack of cinnamon buns. You don’t need these ones.))

   He looked up to me, a gleam in his eyes now so full of hope. ((You mean that, sir?))

   ((Yes. I may even let you have one,)) I proposed. ((Now stop wasting time and follow me!))

   We left the guards behind, knowing well enough that they would soon give chase. Our aim then was our previous location from which we were forcibly made to vacate: The security room. There, I could delve into the computer systems and release a signal to the police department, wishfully without our presence being uncovered like before. Having wandered pretty much every corridor of the facility, it was not at all difficult to finally find that particular room.

   What _was_ difficult, conversely, was running with our tails tied to our legs. As soon as we had hobbled clumsily into the security room and shut the door behind us, I requested the Ayattil use whatever motion he had left in his tail to slice through my rope. He turned, positioned his blade against my restraint, and with a flick my tail came loose. I swung it cheerfully, happy to have it free again.

   ((Can you do mine, sir?)) Ayattil requested.

   ((There’s no time, Ayattil,)) I grumbled. ((You stand guard and alert me if you see anybody approaching on the screens. If you’ve forgotten what a screen is, it’s those big flashy things there.)) I pointed to the wall of television sets, black and white and mostly static.

   Ayattil nodded dutifully. ((And what will you do, sir?))

   I removed myself to the side of the room where the main control panel sat beneath a computer screen. I hurriedly tapped at buttons, working my way into the feeble Human technology. ((I’ll send out the signal. Our department will be here shortly, no doubt. That is unless Larry drives them here.))

   ((What do we do when you’ve sent the signal?))

   A good question, and one that I had been cogitating myself. There seemed to be but one smart option, and with three eyes still working into the computer software, the other blinked over to the pile of boxes at the side of the room. Much to our fortune, one of the unconscious bodies was still present.

   ((Morph him,)) I instructed. ((Be quick about it. We’ll go undercover until reinforcement shows up.))

   Ayattil, though further weakened and debilitated, continued his job of watching over the security cameras while acquiring and morphing. Within minutes, he was a spitting image of the unconscious security guard. Likewise, I had remorphed the electrician, and just as the final few hairs were ever-so-slightly greying, I finally breached the security locks on the computer.

   ((I’m in!)) I congratulated myself. ((Right, now I’ll-))

   ((Sir!)) Ayattil interrupted.

   I turned a stalk eye angrily at his rude intrusion. ((What?))

   ((Do you remember when Ardina said something about her executioners?)) He asked.

   ((Yes,)) I responded grumpily. ((They were with the group of her strongest and biggest goons who were out trying to kill us.))

   ((I think so.))

   ((And you’re telling me that they’re back?))

   He paused, possibly fearing that I would lash out. ((Yes. They just came into Ardina’s chamber.))

   I didn’t lash out. I was already too busy speeding up my efforts on the computer. ((There’s not much we can do other than run as soon as we get this message out. We’ll run into the deeper parts of the catacombs. Inform me if they get too close.))

   He was not needed again. Ayattil remained silent as I added the last of the signal code into the computer. It flashed over a few screens, and informed me that a message had been sent. In simple terms, the message informed of our location and our urgent need for back-up. I also warned them of the smell, but that was in the finer details.

   ((We’re done.)) I told Ayattil bluntly, turning and heading for the door. We were headed for the deep catacombs, hopefully not to be seen until it was safe.

   And then I had a new thought cross my mind. I stopped myself before exiting, and focused my full attention onto the television screens that cast a view onto the whole facility. Here and there, images of Ardina’s troops would be seen. They were dispersing, spreading out to hunt us down. It came as a surprise that they hadn’t found us yet, but judging from the cameras, they were certainly close. We had less than a minute, if we were lucky.

  But what I noticed most was the central screen of the ensemble. Ardina’s rocky palace, where she sat like a beached whale atop a pile of straw and old soggy boxes, her grotesque body jiggling and wobbling, a ball of blubber like something the universe had never witnessed. A body that would put most of America to shame.

   I noticed the pipes still attached to her forelegs. Still she fed, gorging on the liquefied food served to her from her own precious creation. She wouldn’t stop then, and she probably never would. Not until her hearts gave up once the ever-increasing layers of fat suffocated them.

   What a horror she had become, and what a chance I had then to end it.

   I left the room, marching down the hallway with Ayattil curiously tagging along behind. He didn’t even ask what I was doing, knowing me well enough not to get in my way when I am most determined. Three doors down, I pushed my way into the now deserted, utterly white room where Ardina’s processor sat. It was alone in the corner, its loud whirring like a sad cry, much louder than before as the food contents inside were turned to mush and fed through the pipes. Pipes at the other end, where the untampered food entered, went through the wall and somewhere unknown. Most likely, a great vat of food somewhere else in the facility.

   My hand found the large lever on the side of the machine. The power lever, previously at zero, was now on the setting known as “2”, forcing food slowly towards Ardina. 2 out of 10, and then one last option: Full power.

   ((What are you doing, sir?)) Ayattil asked, finally finding the courage to speak up.

   I smiled, rather sinisterly judging from Ayattil’s reaction. ((Ardina’s hungry, Ayattil,))

   With a great heave, I pulled the lever all the way down, a loud, obnoxious beep filling the room. Full power had been activated.

   ((And it’s time for the main course.))


	28. Chapter 28

****

**Chapter 28**

   ((Stop wasting time, Ayattil,)) I growled as we cantered down the long narrow corridor. ((We should remain unseen, even in our morphed forms!))

   He ceased his senseless dawdling and brought his eyes away from the torn poster of a blueberry muffin that lay on the ground. ((Sorry, sir.))

   I gazed around again, having been on full alert for quite some time as we moved through the eerily silent corridors of the underground facility. It was made increasingly difficult by our morphed forms, my own being distinctly unfit and sluggish.

   Ayattil was okay. His morph was a large, bulky security guard. It felt completely the wrong way around.

   ((We must keep moving. Look busy, in other words. Our disguises will only work if we act in character.)) I informed.

   ((But I don’t know how to act in character, sir.)) He squeaked, finally tearing himself from the poster and stepping to my side.

   I grumbled, and started us moving forward.  ((Then don’t act at all. Leave any talking to me, okay? No doubt any word you utter will be about as helpful to our survival as eating asbestos.))

   ((Should I act like a security guard, sir?))

   ((No,)) I snapped. ((Nothing could be less convincing. An ant standing on a tree trunk and pretending to be an elephant would convince more people than you trying to look as if you had any semblance of usefulness. Just keep quiet, and try to look inconspicuous.))

   ((Yes, sir! Inconspurinous!))

   I shook my head. ((Why I ever hired you…))

   We had been wandering for thirty-seven Earth minutes, which came as a surprise. I was expecting our little adventure would come to an end much sooner, what with Ardina’s guards returning and filtering through the hallways, carrying with them a great desire to machete any intruders foolish enough to cross their path. Judging by how many we saw entering the facility on the security cameras, we should have bumped into most of them in the time we had been wandering. However, we had only seen two, and they simply rushed past, seemingly distracted.

   Yes, distracted. That was probably the best word for it. They barely cast a glance on us. Most of them.

   ((Okay, Ayattil, let’s go. I think there’s a storage closet just a few corners away that we can stop in for five minutes. No one would suspect an electrician and a security guard hiding together in storage.))

   ((Not at all, sir!)) He chirped.

   So we turned, fully intent on cheerfully trudging down the narrow corridor to a temporary safe zone. For all that thirty-eight minutes, not a soul had paid us any attention. Annoyingly, that was when the trend ceased, because a figure appeared at the end of the corridor. He was a rather ugly individual, stomping a right hoof impatiently on the ground and snorting when he spotted us. Being rather muscular and intimidating, it would be a near impossibility to pass by.

   We stood still in place, briefly judging the situation for the best solution.

   ((Remember, Ayattil: Inconspicuous.))

   ((Got it, sir.))

   Our yet unsuspecting foe sneered when we finally approached him. We moved quickly, trying to give the impression that we were on some important duty. Unfortunately for us, this particular guard was not as dim-witted as some others. He raised a hand as a gesture to stop as we came just a few metres from where he stood. ((What are you two doing here?)) He demanded.

   Thinking quickly, I responded calmly and bluntly, ((Searching for intruders.))

   His hand dropped, but his curious expression remained unchanged. I could see his tail blade twitch. ((You? Aren’t you the electrician?))

   I looked to myself and quickly recalled that little fact. ((Ah, yes. I thought I’d help.))

   He laughed mockingly. ((You, help? Please. Get back to your duties. We’ll handle this,)) He spoke, raising his posture and gesturing for Ayattil to join him. ((Come on, let’s leave this runt to his business.))

   This was exactly what I feared. Ayattil rocked awkwardly and remained silent, just as I had instructed. This apparently irked the real security guard, and he glared impatiently.

   ((He’s with me,)) I asserted. ((Protection. I have some urgent business to get to and I need him to protect me from anyone who might get in the way.))

   But my diversionary tactic didn’t work. Our enemy tried to force an answer from Ayattil, and I knew deep down that Ayattil was incapable of uttering even the simplest response. ((Is this true?)) The guard asked him. ((Are you protecting this runt?))

   Ayattil said nothing. It was damning, but perhaps not as damning as what he might have said if allowed to. Ultimately, we were doomed, and I gazed on as the real guard’s face slowly changed from curiosity to suspicion the longer Ayattil remained mute.

   ((No answer…)) He muttered. ((How curious…))

   I raised both hands and forced an awkward laugh. ((Don’t worry about him. He never learned to speak. Bad parenting,)) I started to nudge my way past the guard. ((In fact, they died. Terrible, isn’t it?))

   Something tingled the surface of my spine. I looked down to see the tip of the guard’s tail blade down there, threatening and forcing me to move backwards. I closed my eyes and sighed as I obeyed, retreating to stand before him again.

   ((You don’t work here, do you?)) The guard accused, swishing his tail back and forth, testing the muscles. ((I think you’d better come with me.))

   Ayattil then decided to finally speak up. ((Should we go, sir?))

   A dreadful mistake, and I didn’t expect anything less from my hapless assistant.

   ((Sir?)) The guard hummed. If the answer hadn’t already made it through his skull, it had done at the utterance of that word. No guard would ever address an electrician in such a way. ((I want both of you to demorph. Right this minute!))

   Then he raised his weapon, one that he had been holding by his side. Now our chances were truly slimming down. I noticed as I turned a stalk eye that Ayattil was obeying the guard’s orders, his facial features starting to make the little changes.

   ((No, Ayattil,)) I snapped privately, ((Don’t demorph. You’re more useful in that body.))

   He took that in, and reversed the process, much to the guard’s annoyance.

   ((I said demorph!)) He demanded, his anger losing its restraint.

   I announced a huff of disapproval. ((Impatience! I merely wish to demorph first! I can’t wait to get out of this pathetic body.))

   I was not lying. The electrician’s poorly-kept body was starting to grate on my nerves, and I craved the sanctuary of my own. Knowing that the confrontation would likely result in some form of tussle, I knew that my tail blade was far superior, anyway. Such a pity, then, that throughout my life it had been so underused. In fact, looking back, it had been properly used the same number of times that Ayattil had copulated. Zero, of course.

   Nevertheless, I always prided myself on being a good liar, and as I came close to finishing the demorphing process, I said, ((I warn you, my villainous friend, that my blade has done its fair share of damage over the years. Those who knew me wouldn’t dare cross my path for fear of losing the body parts they hold most precious.))

   ((Oh, really?)) The guard reacted, disappointingly unimpressed. ((You don’t look like much.))

   ((I haven’t finished demorphing yet, you simpleton!)) I countered, swinging my tail dangerously behind.

   Typically, Ayattil had to add his own opinion to the matter. ((You look pretty finished to me, sir.))

   ((Thanks, Ayattil.))

   The guard chuckled mockingly and swayed his own tail. Admittedly, it looked a little more adept at the chore we would both be taking part in. ((So,)) He cackled. ((You really want to do this? You could surrender now, and I could take you to Ardina if that’s preferable.))

   ((Ha!)) I responded with feigned confidence. ((Rather be dead than stuck in the same room with her!))

   ((Understandable. The smell _does_ become a little overwhelming,)) He conceded. Then, assuming an equal fight, he placed his weapon on the ground behind him. ((Very well, a traditional negotiation it is.))

   ((My favourite.)) I lied.

   For some bizarre reason, I expected more of a discussion before proceedings, and so I was taken by surprise when his tail whipped over his shoulder, hurtling straight for my chest. Clumsily, I blocked it, holding it back with considerable strain. Annoyingly, he didn’t appear to be trying at all.

   ((Good start,)) My foe teased. ((You already look exhausted.))

   I exhaled heavily and with a stutter. ((You shouldn’t underestimate me. I was trained by the greatest warriors of our generation.))

   On that note, I decided that it was time to attempt a strike of my own. I pulled away and slashed my tail around. Again, I received taunting laughter when it was easily deflected, causing me to stumble forward.

   Ayattil butted in as I struggled against the guard’s much more muscly tail, saying, ((Do you want me to help, sir?))

   ((No thank you, Ayattil.)) I grumbled.

   The guard, still in a state of amusement, waved a hand at him. ((But that wouldn’t be fair, would it?)) He mocked with one of the most irksome voices my ears had been succumbed to. ((Two against one? I’m struggling to cope with your superior here!))

   Then he thrust his tail forward, throwing mine to the ground and me with it. I was a tangle of legs, slipping on the smoothened flooring. There was then a clattering of hooves, and I noticed Ayattil’s morphed body encroach on the dual space, perhaps in my defence or an attempt to avoid my collapse.

   The guard ceased his laughter for a moment. I looked up, and witnessed as Ayattil’s futile barging-in resulted in a particularly painful scratch. His arm dropped in front of me, along with a copious amount of blood.

   ((Don’t get involved, Ayattil!)) I fumed as I pulled myself back up to my hooves and re-achieved stability. ((Look what you’ve done now!))

   He did, gawking down at the bloody stump where his arm used to be. ((Sir, he just cut off my arm.))

   ((I can see that, Ayattil. Now move aside and let me finish this.))

   Meanwhile, as we sorted out our positions again, the guard had resumed his laughter, and even harder at this point. ((I’m so terribly sorry!)) He coughed, placing a hand to his gleeful face. ((It seems that you’ve lost a limb. I didn’t mean any _arm_.))

   If the atmosphere wasn’t at a low, it certainly was now. Even Ayattil looked embarrassed.

   Strangely, the guard continued laughing, hunching over slightly as he explained, ((Get it? Arm? Harm? It’s Earth humour!))

   ((Yes, I know.)) I sighed.

   ((I’m really getting the hang of it, aren’t I?)) He chortled, now having to lean up against the wall as the humour took over.

   Us Andalites have never been known for our humour, and it was definitely strange to see one of our own in such a state over what was a pretty awful pun. But it made sense, in a way. Much in the same vein, we are not known for our foods, and yet Ardina sat just a few corridors away, probably the fattest, most overindulged creature in the known universe. This Andalite had obviously caught the Earth humour virus.

   And then I stopped pondering it, and realised the golden opportunity that I had. I swung my tail forward, connecting the blunt side of my blade with his head. Weak or not, it was enough to send him down to the floor. No longer did he laugh, rather breath silently in the depths of his unconsciousness.

   I rubbed my head and let my body relax. ((Where does Ardina find these imbeciles? I’m surprised she hasn’t hired _you_ , Ayattil.))

   ((Yes, sir…)) He said weakly.

   I turned to look at him as he swayed awkwardly from side to side, having lost too much blood to remain awake but too loyal to fall.

   ((For the love of the Human Gods, Ayattil, demorph.))

   ((Okay, sir,)) He stuttered. Instantly, he began, and his arm quickly started to regrow from the guard body’s stump. It was not pleasant to watch, so I decided to watch the empty corridors around us while I waited. They were empty.

   It wouldn’t be empty for long, however. We had to keep moving, relying on our sense of hearing to guide us around potential conflict. We were playing the waiting game, and so far we were winning.

   ((Sir? I’ve finished.))

   I looked at the returned form of Ayattil. Ugly as ever, though with both arms where they should have been. ((Good,)) I huffed. ((Then let’s keep moving.))

   Ayattil sighed, slumping forward. ((But I’m tired, sir. How long until reinforcements arrive?))

   ((It shouldn’t be long,)) I hypothesised. ((Let’s see. It’s been approximately forty-seven minutes, and it would take them forty-two to get here from the department building in a hurry. Not including the New York traffic, though. With that included, we could be here for months.))

   ((Can’t they get here sooner, sir?))

   I shrugged. ((They have superior Andalite technology on their side. They’ll find a way to get here sooner. My message was certainly clear enough for them to bypass a few laws here and there. I suspect Drehun will be so eager to get here that he wouldn’t mind breaking several flying laws. After all, he does have his own _Helt_ ship. Customised, I believe.))

   ((How, sir?))

   ((Oh, a few neon panels here and there. Chrome thrusters. Typical mid-life crisis,)) I paused, and then snorted away the irrelevant conversation. ((Come on, let’s move.))

   We could have remorphed, and perhaps we should have done. Wandering around in disguise was risky enough, but now, in our own bodies, we had no defence. And clearly, my ability to guard myself with my tail blade was non-existent, as evidenced by the last bout. Our reasoning could be summed up by saying that remorphing would have sapped our energy considerably, and we needed to move with good speed.

   Also, I remembered to pick up the unconscious guard’s weapon. Hopefully this one would prove useful.

   Turns out, it wasn’t required. We wandered for another nine minutes without any confrontation before falling across a familiar face.

   We saw a figure down the corridor, and at first we were too far away to make out his face. We were going to run, but he had seen us first, and raised his weapon. I shakily raised mine and babbled some random and probably contradictory instructions to Ayattil in preparation for our escape.

   ((Drop your weapon!)) Our perceived foe ordered, stepping slowly closer. ((I am a trained officer and will not hesitate to fire!))

   I did drop my weapon, but not for a pitiful surrender. I recognised the voice. ((Rismull?))

   It was his turn for indecisiveness as the clogs turned in his head. Then, he stepped forward further, and indeed my guess was correct. Rismull stomped before us and lowered his weapon. ((Nicalor? I thought you’d be hiding under a table. I certainly didn’t expect you to be wandering these tunnels.))

   I smiled, the relief of a companion’s aid overwhelming the humiliation of the blatant insult. I trotted over, Ayattil in tow. ((You’re here! Where is everybody else?))

   Rismull folded his arms and watched me with distinct self-importance. ((The rest of the department is spreading out into the base. We arrived through the storage rooms, as you instructed in your message.))

   ((The whole department?)) I asked with a positive thought coursing through my head.

   ((Yes,)) He replied. ((Now please follow me. We’ve cleared this area. I’ll take you to Drehun.))

   Rismull led us down several corridors, each one being increasingly more familiar, and we headed back to the depot where our forces had pushed from. After every corner was a familiar face, another member of our department on guard, stood motionless with weapon in hand or transporting a captured criminal back to our stronghold.

   We had won. Our forces were rapidly and surely taking control of the complex. Not even Ardina’s most able followers could overpower our well-trained and semi-well-disciplined department, and one-by-one they were being subdued and arrested by shredder-wielding officers.

   At the main corridor, leading from the depot to the complex’s main base, we crawled our way through lines of officers. The main base was not yet penetrated, but preparations were well under way.

   ((Nicalor.))

   I twitched at the grating sound of Neechun’s voice as it squeezed my brain. He was stood to the side, eyes narrowed in petulant disapproval. To his left was Rebecca, and she simply averted her gaze. She looked very uncomfortable.

   ((Neechun, my good friend,)) I called with feigned glee. ((It’s good to see you! Get my call?))

   ((I did.)) He replied gruffly, folding his arms tightly over his chest.

   I laughed. ((I think I won the bet, didn’t I? After all, it is I that has located the base of our enemy.))

   He was silent, but his posture spoke volumes. Inside, he was fuming; almost ready to lop my head off if it weren’t for the consequences that would befall him.

   ((That’s right,)) I taunted. ((Only speak when granted permission by a superior. You may speak.))

   ((I hate you, Nicalor,)) He seethed quietly. ((With all my being, I do.))

   I huffed. ((You already did. Nothing’s changed,)) I turned my head, looking from Nicalor to Rebecca and back. ((Though, there is still time.))

   Suddenly, there was a bang from before us. Our team was beginning its assault on the main base. As I moved my eyes to look forward, my focus landed on the greying figure of Drehun. He marched unimpeded through the dense crowd, his target no doubt being me.

   ((There you are,)) He exclaimed. ((What have you been up to, Nicalor?!))

   I blinked and took a nervous step back, shocked at his angered tone. ((I have been locating the enemy, sir.))

   ((And did I order you to do that?!)) He raged, fists clenched tightly at his sides.

   ((No, sir.))

   It was not what I expected at all. I expected him to be overjoyed, not overcome with rage. But bizarrely, instead of further burying me with his anger, he quickly changed his opinion on the matter. I disobeyed orders, yes, but I had led him to what he had been searching for the whole time. His hands and pose relaxed, and he said, ((Well done. I like a bit of independence. Just don’t do it again.))

   I nodded obediently. ((I won’t, Drehun, sir.))

   ((Anyway,)) Drehun averted. ((Your job here is done. We are taking control of the main base as we speak. The opposition is fierce, but the most able combatants have been contained.))

   ((I can see that the whole department has been brought here,)) I mentioned. ((Is it not a little bit overkill?))

   Drehun laughed heartily. ((More than just the department. We’ve brought a few soldiers from New York’s military base, as well. We could do very little to find out the size of the organisation from your message, so we’ve played it safe.))

   ((I thought I saw some unfamiliar faces…)) I uttered, looking around at our fellow officers.

   ((This is the largest criminal organisation, formed of our people, that has ever been present on Earth, and also the one that has caused by far the most damage. I made it my firm duty to rid the planet of them before they could further ruin our reputation, and I would risk everything to bring them down.))

   Another bang erupted from down the hall, followed almost instantaneously by the zapping of shredder fire and an enormous burst of flatulence that almost drowned out all other noises. Judging from those combined sounds, Ardina’s hall had been breached.

   But as Drehun mentioned, our part was done. From around us the soldiers marched, pouring into the hall with shredders at the ready. Weapon fire was initially rapid, but soon began to quiet. Understandably, Ardina would have a large number defending her, but I got the impression that the vast majority had already been captured.

   We remained back in the corridor, Drehun and his entourage of detectives and assistants, listening on for the thought-speech signs of victory. But all we got was gasps, and I had a sneaky suspicion as to why.

   Eventually, with the smoke clearing, our signal came. ((Clear, sir! I think…))

   Drehun grunted and narrowed his eyes. ((You think? Explain.))

   ((I think you should see this, sir.)) The unknown officer suggested.

   That was Drehun’s cue to enter the main base, and though he did so with caution, he was also urgent and curious to see what was causing the soldier’s confusion. The rest of us, Neechun and Rebecca included, wandered along behind, emerging with our superior into the increased light of the hall.

   Even Drehun looked stunned, an expression I hadn’t fully seen on him previously. I myself wasn’t entirely surprised at what had happened, considering that I had set it in motion, but the extent to which it had occurred amazed me. Around the base, our team was busy subduing the last of the criminals, rounding them up to be taken away. But their attention was greatly distracted by the object in the centre of the room.

   That’s where Ardina sat, looking a little larger than usual. For almost an hour, the processor had been pumping food to her on maximum flow, and it was most definitely noticeable. Her form barely recognisable, it stretched up and around with a diameter of what must have been at least thirty feet. Probably more. A huge, perfect sphere, only distinct as an Andalite by the subtle hints of hands and hooves at the sides of the body.

   It would be hard to tell whether she was still alive, if it weren’t for her moaning in everybody’s head. How she could have survived thus far was beyond believe, but as I looked to the pipes, still connected to two of her hooves, I could see that the food was still flowing. Her body was still expanding, growing wider and closer to rupturing with each second. Along with the visual show was a cacophony of unpleasant sounds: Squelching and gurgling as the food was continually crammed in, an unnatural sound of stretching as her skin grew more and more taut, and her usual trademark flatulence made even more frequent in her present situation.

   ((What is that?!)) Drehun asked the entire hall.

   I answered, considering myself to be most knowledgeable on the situation. ((That would be the leader of this particular base, sir.))

   He cringed and looked around to his men. ((Clear the area! This place could all come down when she explodes!))

   It wasn’t a bad idea. Ardina’s body was so swollen, so taut that bursting was indeed probable. The officers took heed and quickly began to clear, watching nervously as Ardina inflated further, her form nearly scraping the ceiling of the complex.

   But then a gentle background hum ceased, causing an awkward silence as everybody anticipated what would come next. Suddenly, the squelching noises left as well, and the whole room took a deep relieved breath as we realised that the food mixture had stopped flowing. The supply had run dry, now wholly contained within Ardina (who herself seemed to breath a huge sigh of relief).

   ((Damn it,)) I heard Drehun curse. ((I wish she would have blown. Now we have to _arrest_ her!))


	29. Chapter 29

**Chapter 29**

   ((The main room is as active as ever, only now it is filled with the law-abiding, well-disciplined souls of the department, slowly scraping away at the last crooks and crannies as the last sweep was done. A couple of hours have passed since the last weapon was fired, and the criminal gang is long gone, hauled away in transporters to the nearest cells that will fit them.

   ((My work is done, and how relieved I am that that is the case. After all the worry and stress, after fearing for my life, it is over. My enemies have been taken prisoner. Best of all, I am going to get a lot of free pizza. I am already planning my toppings. I think maybe peri-peri chicken for my first, and then maybe a vegetarian on the second day. I have a whole year to decide.

   ((But one lesson I have learnt from this experience is one that I thought I knew at the beginning of this little adventure:  Don’t let your obsessions get the better of you. Only now that I have seen its effect have I realised how important that lesson is. Thankfully, my mission thus far has been without its overindulgences. For the most part. Yet my greatest enemy, once my lover, has been undone by the very thing that she craved the most. Poetic, I suppose. Maybe even ironic, assuming I know what that word means on this backward planet…))

   I paused, having running out of anything useful to say into a battered old personal computer, a replacement for my own which I left back in the hotel. I wanted to savour the moment so bad that I would go through the tiresome ordeal of transferring the files later on.

   ((I might as well end this journal entry… Yes, I will. End journal entry. Mark Earth date… Oh, blast it! Ayattil, what is the Earth date today?))

   The lowly assistant, standing by my side as he always had done, scratched at his temple and hummed, ((I don’t remember, sir…))

   ((It feels like far too long since we started,)) I sighed. ((Never mind, I’ll put that information in later. I think it’s all the excitement.))

   He nodded, a smile breaching his face. ((Does this mean that we can go home, sir?))

   I rolled my eyes at his impatience, though deep down I understood it perfectly. ((Not quite yet. There is just one or two more things that I need to do here.))

   Ayattil blinked, obviously unaware of anything other than our total victory. I felt that the best way to explain would be to do those things, and so I strutted forward toward the one villain who still remained in the base, solely due to the fact that nobody could possibly move her.

   It was almost pitiable what had happened to Ardina. Once so slender and appealing, and then turned into a grotesquely fat, sloshing blob. Now, finally, she sat as a gargantuan sphere, filled with so much food that one wrong prod could cause her to burst like a water balloon met with a pin.

   It was fantastic ammo for a brilliant parting shot.

   For a while she had been communicating, throwing abuse at my fellows and groaning about indigestion. That was following the delirium that she went through during the great feed, enjoying the food pumped into her so much that she never realised what was happening. Now she knew perfectly well, and she took out her anger on everybody else. She hadn’t talked to me, but I intended to change that.

   I approached cautiously, as anybody would. Her skin creaked and groaned uncomfortably, threatening to break open at any moment. However, it was little more than a threat, as the department’s doctor had earlier pointed out. I could approach quite safely, and even announce my presence by poking a finger against her belly.

   ((Will you stop poking me?!)) Ardina spat. She could not see me, her head probably somewhere atop the great globe.

   ((You never used to oppose it,)) I said with amusement. ((In fact, you rather enjoyed it.))

   She fell silent as she figured it out. I could feel the hatred radiating through her. ((Nicalor… This was your doing, wasn’t it?!))

   ((Indeed it was. I had to disable you somehow.))

   Her anger rose, and with it her body squelched and moaned uneasily. The pressure built but was instantly released with yet another bout of flatulence. Thankfully, though I couldn’t tell which part of her I was talking to, aside from her belly, I was sure that I wasn’t behind her.

   ((I should have killed you when I had the chance,)) She snarled viciously. ((I just can’t believe… _You_ … _You’re_ the one who has pulled off this little raid?! You and that dribbling moron, Ayattil?!)

   Ayattil correctly responded, ((I don’t dribble that much, Ardina, ma’am!))

   I laughed and stood back in an attempt to locate her head or any other extremity that would give me some bearings. ((I wouldn’t call Ayattil a moron, Ardina. He is smart enough not to mess with Nicalor-Garroon-Charod!))

   She huffed irritably, ((Always so smug, aren’t you. You think so highly of yourself, but you’re little more than a snivelling cockroach that always gets its way! When I finally get free of whatever cell I’m held in, I’m going to squash you like the bug you are!))

   ((Cell? Ha!)) I mocked. ((No cell will hold you now. We won’t need one! Your gluttony has made sure that you won’t be moving for a long, long time, my dear Ardina. You’ll end up back on the home world, I’m sure, probably used as a warning to children about the dangers of Human food. You’ll be strapped down with ropes in a hangar somewhere. That is,)) I lowered my tone and raised my tailblade up against her vulnerable belly. ((Unless you pop before you get there. One small stumble, one stray pin on the ground, and boom!))

   ((You wouldn’t dare…)) She growled.

   I noticed her growing nervous, her body quivering noisily. Then I retreated my blade and huffed an audible laugh. ((Don’t worry. I won’t spoil your indulgence. I suppose maybe I’ll see you again, you fat, farting blob.))

   ((I’m sure we will…)) She hissed.

   I left her just as a specialist team approached to move her. The job would most likely require the base ceiling to be removed and her body lifted out via crane. It didn’t concern me, and I had a bigger task in mind. I guided Ayattil away from the centre of the base and back to where our department was placed. Drehun and the rest were stood against a back wall, totally relaxed now that their chores had been left to the cleaning crew.

   Neechun and Rebecca looked thoroughly annoyed, and that seemed perfectly reasonable. I was Drehun’s new favourite, and he made this clear when he smiled brightly and welcomed me over to stand beside him. Even Ayattil was allowed within touching distance of him, which was extremely rare.

   ((Passing on a few words, Nicalor?)) Drehun asked inquisitively. ((Did you know that Andalite?))

   ((Yes,)) I nodded. ((She came down to Earth on the same ship that I did. Her name is Ardina-Eskallon-Taryal, and she is… _was_ a scientist at the ARC, working on the Food for Andalite Processor. Funny, isn’t it, that it would eventually be her downfall?))

   Drehun laughed heartily at the situation, and with a stalk eye I could see Neechun fuming behind us. That made me even happier.

   I turned slightly to face him, holding my body up straight and tall. ((Isn’t it funny, Neechun?))

   His eyes narrowed further, and his fists clenched, but as Drehun looked past my shoulder at him, he was firmly held in his place. ((Yes, Nicalor. Hilarious.))

   Then I looked to Rebecca. Her arms were folded beside him, and she looked far more stressful than angry. ((And you, Rebecca? Can’t you see the hilarity?))

   ((I guess…)) She forced out. ((Hey, Neechun, I need to go to the bathroom, okay?))

   She turned and unfurled her arms to leave, but with her first step came the mid-section of Neechun’s tail, pushing her back into position. ((Not again, Rebecca. We’ll stay right here.))

   Drehun, still gleaming at the sight of victory before him, sighed and began a series of musings. ((Finally, Nicalor, we can rest. We can tell the Humans that their delicacies are no longer under threat from a dangerous criminal gang. They’ll regain their trust in us. I hope that’s the case.))

   ((They never had anything to fear,)) I suggested. ((We would get to this point eventually.))

   He nodded. ((Of course. And thanks to you, Nicalor. We can go back to normal duties now.))

   ((Sitting around and drinking coffee all day?)) I said. ((Waiting for anything to come through the reports?))

   ((Exactly,)) Drehun chuckled. ((And I can see a bright future for you, my young detective. You and your… that thing that follows you around.))

   Ayattil waved to him from behind me.

   Drehun continued, ((Yes, I’ll see that you two are recommended for promotion. You’ve done a wonderful job in bringing down this gang and their leader.))

   ((It was nothing, sir, honestly.)) I laughed, waving a hand dismissively.

   Drehun shifted his hooves so that he faced me directly. ((You must tell me, Nicalor, how you managed to do it.))

   It was terribly embarrassing, but also deeply rewarded, most of all the expressions appearing on Neechun’s face. ((It was simple really. Ardina had a set-up where the majority of her more capable guards would go out on specific missions. All I had to do was get rid of them, infiltrate the base, take out the leader and signal to the department. Of course, we had to take control of the security room to let you in, etcetera, etcetera, but that’s all very simple stuff as you know.))

   He smiled, taking full interest in the story so far. Then his eyes turned to Ardina, who was very slowly being rolled into a more manageable position in the centre of the room, noisy as ever. ((And how did _that_ happen?))

   ((The food processor, sir,)) I answered. ((We found it nearby the security room. She feeds from it through her hooves. Knowing that she was connected, I knew that turning the machine on full blast would immobilise her. She’d be too busy gorging herself to resist.))

   ((We’ll have to find something to do with her,)) Drehun muttered pensively. ((But please, tell me, how did you lead the guards away?))

   ((Easy!)) I sung. ((I got Ayattil to morph me. Do you remember, earlier today, that Ben’s Bites was robbed of its cakes?))

   ((Yes, I do.))

   ((Ayattil planted me, as a plant, within one of those cake boxes, where I was delivered here. Meanwhile, I got Ayattil to return home where he would proceed to call Neechun,)) I turned to my most envious foe, and asked, ((Do you remember that call?))

   Neechun grumbled, ((I do. You seemed very off character.))

   ((You were talking to Ayattil, in my body. And he told you that I had discovered the identity of Hoketh-Perrulii-Tugesh.))

   Neechun stroked his chin. ((Yes, he did say that.))

   ((And that message found its way through to Ardina,)) I concluded with certainty, drawing a curious look from my superior. ((She sent out her guards to my hotel room, leaving my path into the base much clearer. Fortunately, Ayattil managed to escape brutal murder, too.))

   ((But wait,)) Drehun interrupted, scratching lightly at his chin. ((How did the message get from Neechun to Ardina?))

   I smiled, and I could feel the full victory coming ever closer. ((That brings me onto my next point. I can reveal the identity of Hoketh-Perulii-Tugesh.))

   The entire department fell silent as I made the announcement, and instantly began to crowd around with great intrigue. Drehun looked as if his hearts were about to burst from his chest.

   ((You can?)) He stammered. ((You must tell me! I will stop at nothing to have him found!))

   ((You won’t have to search for long,)) I offered, maintaining my proud smile. ((Because he is right here in this room. Stood among us, actually.))

   Tail blades began to twitch, and suddenly everybody was exchanging glances. All but one person.

   Drehun gazed at me with his main eyes expectantly. ((Who is it, Nicalor?))

   I stood aside, swinging my arm around to clearly indicate the guilty person. It received a few mutters and even more unbelieving faces, but by this point I was certain of my conclusion. ((It’s Rebecca, sir. Rebecca is Hoketh in a Human morph.))

   Rebecca’s jaw dropped, and her head spun around to the others around her, clearly aghast. Her steps backward - most likely out of shock - were ceased as several tail blades formed a formidable wall behind her.

   Of all there, Drehun was the most stunned by my statement. ((Rebecca?! Have you gone mad, Nicalor?!))

   ((Not at all, sir,)) I countered. ((I’ve had my suspicions for a while now, and I’ve been steadily building up my case.))

   ((Nicalor, you dope,)) Neechun spat, suddenly becoming active beside me. ((How could it be Rebecca? She’s been with me for two years now. I would have noticed!))

   Drehun wasn’t going to let us fall into another petty argument. He stomped his foot and addressed me directly. ((Nicalor, I want your evidence. Now. I can’t believe for a single second that young Rebecca here is responsible for all this damage!))

   Despite the confrontation, my confidence was still running high. I crossed my arms behind my back and paced as I organised my evidences in my head. ((Well, Drehun, sir, my first suspicions arise when I consider the timing of Hoketh’s sudden disappearance and Rebecca’s entry into the department. Those two incidences happened at around the same time.))

   ((Coincidence.)) Neechun snorted distastefully.

   ((Maybe, on its own,)) I compromised. ((But I wonder, Neechun, if you searched your memory of the last two years, has Rebecca ever been in your company for more than two hours at a time?))

   He raised an eyebrow. ((Of course she has.))

   ((Without a bathroom break?))

   Neechun’s reply wasn’t so immediate this time, and he looked to the ground. ((That _is_ a common occurrence, I concede…))

   The young Rebecca was beginning to get more agitated, visibly shaking. ((So?! Doesn’t everybody go to the bathroom?!))

   ((She has a point, Nicalor.)) Said Drehun.

   ((Perhaps,)) I shrugged. ((But these are just two small minor points. My real evidence comes from her actions, both around me and around others. Back near the beginning of the investigation, when both I and Neechun were searching for evidence on the criminal gang’s activities, I received information from Rebecca herself. She told me that Neechun had investigated as establishment called Neon Firefly and found nothing. Neechun, did you ever go to Neon Firefly?))

   At this point, Neechun gaze was almost entirely on Rebecca. ((No. I didn’t.))

   ((It turns out, sir,)) I resumed. ((That I had been planning to infiltrate the establishment the whole time. Rebecca must have heard, and tried to divert me away from it, because Neon Firefly is where we came across the group’s plans to raid the president’s banquet.))

   I could sense the opinion of those around me changing, but I was not done yet.

   ((Not only that, but Rebecca has been seen rummaging through the files of her superiors. Report books have gone missing. I found vandalised and threatening materials in my room. Though, in fairness, that may have all been Neechun’s fault.

   ((However, I feel that my greatest evidence came during the president’s dinner fiasco. Before the event even took place, my suspicions began to rise when Neechun became suddenly ill. Ayattil had snuck rat poison into his coffee the day before, but he was in Human morph at the time.))

   ((You did what?!)) Neechun burst. I didn’t regret admitting it at all.

   ((We found it curious how any ill-effect sustained in his Human form could transfer to his own body, and we came to the conclusion that it probably shouldn’t. How strange, then, that Neechun should fall so suddenly ill before the gathering. I was then given his position on very short notice, and Rebecca was given a temporary position by my side. She gave me Neechun’s plans for the event. The bizarre thing was that the plans Neechun had apparently drawn up did not make sense when compared to the criminal gang’s plans that we discovered. There were holes. Holes big enough that the gang could pull off a successful heist. My conclusion was that Rebecca poisoned Neechun so that he would be sick during the event, and she took that opportunity to mess with his plans and hand them to me with little time to spot the errors. At the end of that night, I took a ride home with Rebecca, and I subtly tried to inform her of my suspicions. The next day, I was kidnapped by Ardina’s guards, taken back here and threatened. I was not to make any moves in the case, not to mention anything to anybody.

   ((When I made Ayattil contact Neechun, the idea was for Neechun to spring into action. He would take Rebecca and force her to help. Of course, he would tell her that I was onto something. She then proceeded to contact Ardina, who sent out her guards to take me down.))

   Drehun looked convinced, but proceeded to ask, ((Why would Hoketh disguise himself as this Human?))

   ((Easy,)) I huffed. ((Who would suspect a detective’s assistant, especially one of a different species and gender? Not only that, but within the department he would have easy access to our data. She could easily throw us off course or learn of plans. That is why the criminal gang seemed so elusive for so long.))

   Drehun nodded, and then he spun a stalk eye in Rebecca’s direction. ((Do you deny these accusations?))

   “Of course I do!” Rebecca spat, visibly searching for any little escape route. “Nicalor is crazy!”

   I smiled and twiddled casually with my fingers. ((Neechun, how long has it been since Rebecca left your side?))

   He considered. ((Nearly two Earth hours.))

   Just as I had suspected. Rebecca – or Hoketh – knew that as well, but realising that we knew as well sent her into further desperation.

   ((What will it be, Hoketh,)) I asked. ((Demorph or be stuck as Rebecca?))

   Rebecca froze in place, though she still ground her teeth in anger. She contemplated. _He_ contemplated. The clogs were clearly turning within the combined Human and Andalite mind.

   ((Curse you, Nicalor,)) Spoke a new voice in our heads. The voice of Hoketh-Perulii-Tugesh. ((I’d rather die in a cell than in this hideous body.))

   The department watched on as Hoketh slowly began to demorph, utterly amazed that, all along, one of them had been the guilty soul the entire time. Most shocked was Neechun, whose emotional roller coaster was proving a little too much. He looked dizzied and almost collapsed on the spot. For a moment I felt an inkling of sympathy. Then I remembered that it was Neechun and part of me laughed.

   Drehun was equally dumbfounded. ((I… Never would have guessed. Not in my wildest dreams! Officers!))

   At the order, several officers who had begun to gather round charged in past the line of baffled witnesses and restrained the half-demorphed Hoketh. His tail had not yet grown out, but they quickly brought him under full control to limit the inevitable resistance.

   ((Take him away,)) Drehun ordered. ((And make sure to keep a close eye. I want Hoketh fully contained and taken in for questioning. He isn’t going to get away this time!))

   The emerging stalk eyes of our captive rose up and both glared mercilessly at me. A revenge shot, but one that he would not follow through on. No doubt, he’d be hauled into a cell back on the home world for a long time. The stare was brief, cut short as the officers yanked him away through the crowds and off into the invisible distance.

   I clasped my hands together and drew a big sigh of relief. Maybe I looked confident and cocky on the outside, but it felt like a telling moment. Throwing out accusations was always risky, but it was so rewarding to get it all right in the end. After the entire ordeal, it was fantastic, wonderful to know that my job had been done to the usual standard. The look of utter glee on Drehun’s face solidified that.

   And Neechun was silent, until Drehun started to quiz him.

   ((Neechun?)) He squeaked, mind probably still a little boggled.

   My rival shook his head of whatever strode through it, and stood to attention. ((Drehun, sir?))

   Even now, Drehun seemed lost for words, and stuttered around for a bit before finally exclaiming, ((How did you not see this? That your own assistant, in your company for two whole years, was the enemy?!))

   Neechun, small as a mouse, replied, ((I… She…  He was convincing! I couldn’t tell!))

   In a bad mood, Drehun would have castrated him there and then, but in such high spirits he was appearing very generous. However, I couldn’t resist added more wood to the flame. I hummed, and threw in the question, ((Wasn’t Neechun supposed to be one of the greatest detectives in New York City?))

   ((I never claimed that!)) Neechun hissed back at me, his anger quick to take control again.

   ((You never will be!)) Drehun boomed, putting Neechun right back in his place. ((The enemy was right under your nose the whole time and you didn’t register! Not only that, but throughout this whole investigation you have done nothing but intrude upon Nicalor’s work, and everybody else’s! Neechun, I am demoting you. You can act as Tukkri’s assistant until I find a more suitable position, and I don’t want to hear any arguments!))

   I cocked my head. ((Drehun, sir, do you really think demotion is the right thing to do?))

   Neechun’s stalk eyes popped up, probably thankful that somebody would stick up for him. The mere fact that it was me doing so was unprecedented.

   ((Surely, he should be arrested and taken in for questioning. After all, he was technically assisting the enemy by handing the department files to Hoketh.))

   Drehun pondered. ((You’re right, Nicalor. Officers, take Neechun as well!))

   Maybe it was wrong of me. Perhaps. But seeing Nicalor dragged off as well was the cherry on top of the delicious, chocolatey cake. I didn’t even bother with a parting shot, because I didn’t want to cross the line into overkill.

   ((I think our job here is done, Ayattil,)) I said to him as he watched on beside me. Very little information had crossed the border to the ruins of his brain, but he knew just as well as I did that things had gone pretty smoothly. ((Are you in the mood for dinner? I was thinking maybe Chinese, or Italian. Probably Italian.))

   ((I’d love some pizza, sir!)) He chanted, a gleam in his dopey little eyes.

   ((Pizza it is. Come on, I’m sure Larry would be around to give us a ride.))

   I began to stroll away towards the exit, a spring in my step, but I felt Ayattil’s hand clasp around my arm. ((What is it, Ayattil?))

   ((Sir, don’t you want to watch them take Ardina away? Look! They’re going to take the entire ceiling off!))

   Indeed they were. Heavy machinery was being brought into the base, aiming to remove a major chunk of rock layer from above. No doubt a couple of sturdy cranes were being brought into place above ground. It would be entertaining to watch, of course, but I had seen enough.

   ((Not really. Now hurry along before Luigi’s closes.))

   And then he laughed. The usual disturbing cackle that grated me so.

   ((What’s so funny?))

   A pun, apparently. ((I think Ardina got her _just desserts_ , sir!))

   ((Shut up, Ayattil.))


End file.
